1. data:image/png;base64 - The Beauty and Joy of Computing
... pass,feature,floor,annual,changed,fresh,challenge,sun,girls,prior,moved,strategy,lines,character,viagra,estate,published,fish,active,round,reports,seeing ...
2. https://courses.cs.washington.edu/courses/cse332/1...
... I certainly wrote one [an article] on wayzgoose ...it appeared in the Phil. Soc. Trans. of 1890. ...I wrote about the word to N & Q. A little over a year ago I ...
The Story Continues . . . a serial enovel by Ferd Eggan 1 Welcome to Hotel Real Desert But he never fell into the error of arresting his intellectual development by any formal acceptance of creed or system, or of mistaking, for a house in which to live, an inn that is but suitable for the sojourn of a night in which there are no stars and the moon is in travail . . 1 The Hotel Hotel is next door to a perfect metaphor for the mind, and thus for psychoanalysis. In my father's house are many mansionsTo get there you have to leave somewhere else Outside of EuroDisney, on the road the farmers block to hold up the prices of Europroduce, is the Hotel Real Desert. Once a busy place recommended to savvy travelers ("I travel in women's undergarments, and I always feel I can let my hair down here--four stars" Michel Foucault.) offering ersatz Las Vegas vistas of bacteriostatic sand and palms over the casino, the Real Desert has in recent times had to take on the faded but patinated glamour of a residential hotel, on an inconvenient exit ramp on the freeway from Vienna to Paris. Signs read: Welcome to Hotel Real Desert! Free PsychoAnalytic Consultations! Pan-African Vegetarian Gourmandise! Last Resort Before Disney! The triumphant clucking of bouffanted small winners at the casino has all but silenced, or more accurately, is hushed by the uncomprehending sullen stares of adolescent louts sweating over video game joysticks, deafening themselves with third-rate rap in Marsailles French. 2 Le Casino Atroce Human adults learn to perceive this inherently fluid, relative domain in terms of fixed, solid objects existing within fixed structures of space and time. (a pretty Newtonian view, really) whereas the baby-child's rudimentary perceptual processes are more consistent with Einstein's relativistic discoveries.2 You sat in the casino bar, The Snivilling Sibbling (sic), one Wednesday night cooling your heels in the turbid oasis waters flowing under the barstools, as the albino bartender washed glasses and practiced flipping vodka bottles. An evil young girl pacified a colicky toddler with wine spritzers in her baby bottle. Your revulsion at the girl's ministrations to the child, at her "I Love Satan" t-shirt, her ketchup-congealed pommes frites de Liberte--or perhaps it was abreaction to the bass tones of the hip hop muzak and the screams emanating from the serial-murderer video games--overwhelmed you. You pulled the girl into a stall in the powder room and urged her to hold back on the alcohol, trying to explain that she didn't have to revenge herself on the baby. "What is she but a vessel to be filled, a flesh bubble around Lack?" the vixen asked. "And who am I, her sister or mother?" She continued in that untuned a capella vibrato that teenagers take for soulful singing these days "Momma, I tried, Momma, I couldn't stop the tide of tears, just like you I cried, The world had lied, had took away our pride, the slow, sad slide Of men that offer light girls a ride, a hookup but never a bride, Momma I'd of died. But you cared for me, shared bare necessity with me, dissed Felicity with me, preyed God above for me, .." "Stop, stop," you sobbed. "How can you say that? You're white, for Christ's sake!" With a certainty that it's better never to have been born than to be as hapless as the girl, you tied her off and injected her with a killing dose of fentanyl. As you left the bar, the little toddler was wobbling around the coffee table, the nipple of her bottle clenched in her teeth; almost no one turned from the video screens to see you on the way out. The Baby Thinks "Where'd Ana K. go?" "Is this another one of the learning experiences I am expected to undergo--to suffer? I guess the reason babies my age have millions of extra neurons is so we can learn. I suppose that as a neonate I had little choice in what happened to me and must have felt breast, warmth, wetness, fullness without clear ideas of internal vs. external origins. Do I need to repeat Lacan here cf. the symbolic stage w/Piaget's sensorimotor stage of "functional recognition;" e.g., recognition that something is "for drinking or "for wetness.." [She waddles over to the table and pulls a disposable diaper out of a Minnie Mouse tote bag. Lying on her back on the floor, she pulls off her used Pamper and replaces it with the fresh one.] "Oh, the joy of zinc ozide,!" she burbles "Although I've never seen a penis, I expect it's like carrying around a faucet. I've having a time finding the muscles to pee as it is. I'm operating the circular reflex: an outgoing impulse (e.g., leading to the contraction of a muscle) followed not mainly by the satisfaction of need, but rather by some incoming sensory impulse (e.g., in the eye, urethra, etc.)" [Pressing down the self-adhesive flaps, she sits up, bottle still in her mouth, and muses.] "Now, however, my babyhood seems to require concentrated efforts to construct myself, learning to be me seeing, hearing, talking and walking. I begin to take pleasure in operating the circular reflex 'to produce interesting spectacles.3' "Baby-sized mentations of accomplishment, frustration, satisfaction, deprivation attach themselves to the sensations and form the bases of my love, anger, etc. But the way they grow has to mean that what I will learn to call emotions are very dense mixtures of sensation and interpretation in narrative form: I feel sad because X happened. X happened because Y did Z to me or I did Z (to Y.) Someday I will know that Noam Chomsky says innate human grammar requires subject, verb, and usually object--that our human brains are wired to view and thus to talk about the world in this way--although not necessarily in this order. Here adult Freudians will be bound to object: 'Baby, you are conflating organic brain with functional mind.' I dismiss this as reifying a purely mental phenomenon; plus it's too confounding for my developmental stage. "Instead I will consider a feeling I have begun to feel now: I am sad. An explanation will arise very quickly. I feel sad because (I am sure by then I will be able to imagine some causal relationship between my body, my bottle, and the disappearance of Ana K). I'm reminded of previous times I have felt sad and I will connect them into a series by way of the synaptic corridors they pass through. The sad-ness itself will already be an explanation of a somatic sensation or mental phenomenon. Sensations are on my skin or the virtual skin, emotions are already-processed sensations or mental phenomena S/MP + (pleasure, satisfaction, warmth, i.e. security) = feeling OK. Wet diaper + disappeared person + insecurity = feeling bad [She stumbles, the bottle between her hands, held up to release the last drops.] "I have to say parenthetically that this new stuff in the bottle affects the feel of things in a big way. "Even now, my feeling OK is associated with events and people; gotta love them (or want them or hate or fear them). These associations will become progressively more elaborate as I accumulate more experience. Soon I can say 'I feel I am cold and contemptuous of others because I am afraid to experience their rejection of me,' or 'I love him because he makes me feel secure and confident and wanted.' The explanations will not particularly help in feeling better if one feels 'bad;' conversely, trying to feel 'good' will not seem to be enhanced by good explanations. I will live through years of therapists encouraging me to experience my psychic wounds, my feelings, with the idea that I can achieve a state of being in which pain can be experienced without debilitating consequences. "I will ask now, while I have extra synapses, isn't it the narrative itself that inscribes the scars on our minds, our hearts, my future razor-cut adolescent arms. I wonder if it just wouldn't be better to skip the pain altogether." [She slips, falls on her back, unconscious. Urine spreads in a pool toward the frayed electrical cord of a Mickey's Ghost Town slot machine.] 3 Rm. 1453 MonaLisa of the Desert. Gazing at the Monde de Disney parking lot, MonaLisa sits framed in her window, an ultralite cigarette in her hand, her arms supporting her gravity-afflicted breasts, once lunar melons, now barely able to plump up over the mass of her moist arms and the aluminum sill, cooling in the moonlight. Her face, the face on which the ends of the earth have come and gone, is not pensive, not secretly smiling, but cowed by the suffering she has felt and is all too sure to feel again. She has taken it on as weight; the excess of everything gradually pulled her pelvis out of tilt, her bowels out of line, her womb a little adrift. She has just returned, in fact, from the hospital where she lay under the knife for five hours while the doctors hewed away adhesions, occlusions and finally her ovaries and a pear-shaped mass of no longer definable fibrous tissue. Hers is the face of a patient, drugged out of pain and sorrow, drifting on Demerol. She felt something a few hours ago when she came to her full animal consciousness, her autonomic systems in full alarm at this latest outrage on her person. Mona believes she has nearly fulfilled her aspiration to drama-less calm. "I need to keep my head straight," Mona says to the moonlight, "no more nut-rolling on Novy or the kids." "I shall grow another breast in the middle of my chest what shall it be not like the other ones lying there those two fried eggs. in the center of my flesh I shall grow another breast rounder than a ready fist, slippery as a school of fish, sounder than stone. Call it She - Who - educates my chest. She Who. She is not my daughter, not my son I'm going to groom her with my tongue needle her senses with my pain feed her hunches with my brain, She Who defends me.4" "It's a good thing I already had my two girls," she reassures herself. The first glowed with the iridescent colors of a conch shell, of a pussy, opening all shiny pinks, golden hair and sunlit trust until Mona, sick with junkie pneumonia, had to give her up--a junkie ho would only victimize her child, they told her. Her baby's sun faded in the dark and clammy Pacific Northwest under Mona's sister's minging care. The second, now a toddler, had the better luck of being born in a prison hospital and fostered out to a former nun with money and horses and compassionate love. Mona is thrilled to have her here on a visit now, just three, unable to imagine inadequacies in parents, pleased with Mona, with herself and with the still-pink girl she has just learned is her older sister. This, then, is Mona, whose children come at great pain. Mona was driven to sobriety by the daughter once handed over to her half-sister, then taken back (at the teen daughter's insistence that Mona's sister was not a supportive--i.e. generous--parent). Poor Mona was then abandoned again when her daughter returned temporarily to her dank previous home where she became a gibbering speed freak, an auto thief, a fugitive, and generally white trash. She and her mother share one trait, an ability to recount the episodes when they were maimed and deprived of the halcyon life they believe is available to normal people. "While she's here, I have to get her head straight, too," thinks Mona, believing for a moment that she is in charge of a life, any life. 4 Rm. 1789 A Political Tract Lemmy Caution checks in. He immediately boots up his computer and hooks into the net. Routing through several nodes, he finds that a message is waiting, has been waiting for quite a while. One starless August night much like tonight, Lemmy stumbled out of the Burg Frieden in PrinzLauerBurg, then still E Berlin. Drunk, unable to move his tongue, desperately lonely, he fell into the rainy gutter. When he woke, a piece of paper was twisted in his mouth. Dried out, he read People ask, what is the nature of the revolution that we talk about. Who will it be made by, and for, and what are its goals and strategy? We are within the heartland of a world-wide monster, a country so rich from its world-wide plunder that even the crumbs doled out to the enslaved masses within its borders provide for material existence very much above the conditions of the masses of people of the world. . . All of the United Airlines Astrojets, all of the Holiday Inns, all of Hertz's automobiles, your television set, car and wardrobe already belong, to a large degree to the people of the rest of the world. 5 He's been committed ever since, a clandestine freedom fighter, autonomous, placing his devices alone or with a few other cadres, exchanging plans and ideological instruction only through safe message drops. During Vietnam, it was easier, as the Vietnamese were very astute in their description of their People's War and the centrality of the anti-colonial struggle against US imperialism. At first he exchanged tangible letters, paper signs of struggle. These new electronic messages are harder to actualize in practice, and the post-socialist world of global empire far harder to conceptualize in terms of improvement and barbarism. A while ago, this: The deaths of three friends ended our military conception of what we are doing. It took us weeks of careful talking to rediscover our roots, to remember that we had been turned on to the possibilities of revolution by denying the schools, the jobs the death relationships we were "educated" for. We went back to how we had begun living with groups of friends and fount that this revolution could leave intact the enslavement of women if women did not fight to end and change it, together . . .And marijuana and LSD and little money and awakening to the black revolution, the people of the world. 6 But tonight, for the first time in way too long, Lemmy is to meet his closest comrade. Oedipa Maas is the slinky trans revolutionary who first turned on Tania Hearst, later turning on to more productive anti-globalization struggles. Lemmy and Oedipa have not seen each other since Seattle. As he sets out the sling and the dildos, he sings, "the Prince of Stories would walk right by me.7" Perceiving the onset of hallucination from the soma, Lemmy voices an instant message into his netserver, hoping this will be sufficient political struggle for tonight, as unsure as he is about inter/intra-gender sexual relations. Laughing. Laughing. Laugh. Couldn't stop laughing. . . at my own everyday pomposity, the narrow arrogance of scholars, the impudence of the rational, the smug naivet of words in contrast to the raw rich ever-changing panoramas that flooded my brain.8 Lemmy shuts down the computer; the door chimes, Oedipa makes her appearance. 5 My Dreams "Sauvez ce qui pleure" Paul Eluard, La Capital de Douleur A long dream of torturemy father wanted to kill Eubie, our youngest brother. My middle brother Blake and I had to protect him. After many suspenseful but mystifying clashes, everything was over--dad was dead. Our mother came in and stabbed me repeatedly and then I was transferred to two torturersblood, piercings, exhaustion. Terror before pain, then no strong painMasturbated last night--ucs. Guilt? I can't let the murder of the kid happen--too much guilt if it does. . . Ethics from guilt. Conscious memories of tender care for Eubie. For the last century, the west has twisted in the meshes of a pre-lapsarian dream: if only I hadn't been psychically wounded in childhood I'd be all right, I'd have a healthy self. My dad's house had many mansions. When he died we had to empty the house and divide up his accumulations and all I got was this lousy Schadenfreude. Seven lean cows, all bowing down to me . . . No really, I dream myself flustered by urgency and loss . . .need to prevent disasters. Eubie's son wanted to ride his bike. I needed Eubie to drive me to Noe School to find a teacher who knew what I needed to know. delay, excruciating wait while the bike is put on the rack . . . I searched the tall room under the eaves, strewn with papers and junk, searching, searching for the paper with the phone number . . . calling information, getting a number, not clear whether it's the number for an operator or a direct line. . . the phone is different. . . my mother said 'nothing's changed" . . . I get hysterically angry: 'look at the numbers on the phone. Are they different or not?' 'Yes, they are,' Aunt MabelRuth admits things have changed. . . jabbering in Spanish from the roofers across the street . . . a gas-sputtering lawnmower, clattering against the sidewalk . . . I'm in my house. . . I know it's not my real house but it's my house invaded by lying hoodlums . . . who will be hurt next? . . . I think our human brains are an evolutionary accident. The difference between chimp and human brains is very significant in terms of size and--over time--has led to marked differences in cognition if not perception. The difference does not look like the results of any evolutionary pressure. The random gene changes that led to a much larger brain do not seem to offer survival advantage commensurate with the energy expenditure required to supply it. I conclude that our brain began as a genetic mishap, for no more purpose than that apportioned to any other animal, mineral or vegetable. I am kissing my brother Blake. . . now I love him . . . he reluctantly surrenders to his love for me. . . his body is beautiful, athletic, warm and welcoming . . . his mouth softly moving, thrilling, familiar . . . his baseball hands, his football legs . . I realize now that I wasn't jealous of him because Dad liked him best, but of my dad because Blake liked him more than me . . . Dad sees us kissing and me lying on top, getting ready to fuck . . .maybe it's Blake on top . . . he tells Mom . . . she tells him it's ok. . . "We shall see people engaged in attractive occupations, giving no thoughts to material wants, free from all pecuniary cares and anxieties. As women and children all work, there will be no idlers, all will earn more than they consume. Universal happiness and gaiety will reign. A unity of interests and views will arise, crime and violence disappear. There will be no individual dependence---no private servants, only maids, cooks, and so forth all working for all (when they please). Elegance and luxury will be had by all.9". 6 The Clouds Above the Real Desert Joseph in contemplation: "The Cloud of Unknowing is the cloud of electrons around the nucleus--here/not here, energy/matter-- either, depending on what's happening, the universe's rules of operation. A Joshua Tree grows even in this unreal desert, cells grow, photosynthesis, the works. The tree, as the rule of the physical universe would have it, reflects light. In the universe humans inhabit, reflecting light is a necessary result of the assemblage of matter on earth--necessary also to the survival of the tree and to its presence among other trees, rocks, animals." Pumping his harmonium, he sings: Song of the Joshua Tree that Josh is about fifteen feet tall tree tissue organized to move water from root to crown osmotic pressure, umm ..hmm, and transpiration through the leaves we are to presume that the tree knows nothing --it has no brain-- it's more primitive than "real" trees but it can repair itself, and it can react --slowly, I say, umm . hmm-- to phenomena, emergent or adverse. its cells are sensitive to the pressures (pleasures): quickening sap and warm breezes reflecting light greenly the Joshua Tree fallaciously, pathetically, likes afternoon light, likes being seen just so, just so . .umm..hmm by discriminating coyotes and quails. "I wish I knew enough to assert clearly that this Spinozan10, rather than Kantian, idea of human perception as a necessary and proportionate interaction of human body with tree, obviates any quibbling about whether or not matter is just our idea of things." [The] discernment of relatively invariant entities and processes and the creation of mental maps where the key coordinates map relatively stable things, . . may be the most practical way to be an animal on this planet--else why would we make the mistake of believing in solidity and fixity?11 "Else why do we? I want to assert that molecules, atoms, photons, electrical and chemical energy, make us see the Joshua Tree. The tree gives: it 'trees' to us. We see it: we can't help it, the rods and cones react to light, the reactions excite a few cells, then more and more. Brain studies seem to indicate that the excitations are not on/off--not digital, but analog--the neurotransmitters and electrical flow are emergent properties of the eye-brain-mind process that are modulable over an infinite range, not merely by quantifiable increments of cell firings and cell non-firings. And they are not yet coded, nor are they in language. Afterwards, apparently 500 milliseconds after, we are looking at the tree and utilizing previous neural pathways in relation to the tree. "Only then are we 'affected' by the tree, and only then do we cogitate an idea, which is coded, is in symbols, of 'tree.' No part of this is any more or less 'real' or objective. It must take active work to look at the tree: the reception of minimal sensory input is necessary not sufficient by itself to arouse attention, our eye-brain-minds select which datum is to be enriched through concentration. From there the processing must actively combine memories, previous categorizations and new data through neural connections. A particular tree becomes a tree in many contexts, as if the brain makes as many as possible available from which to draw. "And if this is true of a mere tree, a fortiori it is even more true of human interaction." 'Just as he looks now!' and I saw Lord Mellifont stand before us with his sketch-block. I took in as we met him that he appeared neither suspicious nor blank; he simply stood there, as he stood always everywhere, for the principal feature of the scene. Naturally he had no sketch to show us, but nothjng could have better rounded off our actual conception of him than the way he fell into position as we approached () We stayed while the exhibition went on, and the conscious profiles of the peaks might to our apprehension have been interested in his success. ([He gave Blanche the water-colour sketch] . . ) 'He'll have to rest after this,' Blanche said, dropping her eyes on her water-colour. 'Indeed he will!' I raised mine to the window: Lord Mellifont had vanished. "He's already reabsorbed.'12 7 Suite C-3.3 Dialogue on The Anthropic Principle13 Cyril Burst and Vyvyan Lord Throbbing are seated together on a reassuringly threadbare Louix XV, mauvely gazing at the vermillion lights over the Real Aqua Swimming Pool. Cyril: I say, Vyvyan, pass me a gold-tipped cigarette, there's a dear. You know, you butch thing, many cosmologists posit different levels of universes, hoping thereby to answer questions regarding the seeming uniqueness of our own. Dr Martin Rees, of Cambridge and the Astronomer Royal, says contemplating alternate universes could help scientists distinguish which features of our own universe are fundamental and necessary and which are accidents of cosmic history. A light, pet? Vyvyan: Oh, Cyril, when you talk like this I am aflame! Stroke my hyacinth hair and tell me ours is the cosmic accident. You may randomly kiss my slim-gilt lips. Cyril: Oh, don't! . . Dr Alan Guth of MIT introduced idea of inflation in 1980. His--the most artistic--universe is getting larger, and going faster. Guth says the universe is "the ultimate free lunch." Vyvyan: I love a free lunch, if it costs someone a great deal. Let's feast on nightingales' tongues and sip absinthe. I'll call down for more music and madder wine. Cyril: Oh, fickler than Willie Hughes! I long for constants like the speed of light. Only a narrow range of settings (for these constants) is suitable for the evolution of complexity or Life as We Know It. Vyvyan: Life as What? Say it again about the multiverse. Cyril: I will not. I try continually to avoid repetition. Vyvyan: What? Cyril: I try continually . . . Oh! Ashbery! Vyvyan: Auden! Auden! . . So my dear, despite these deafening drapes, is this a lucky universe, or what? Cyril: In 1974 Dr Brandon Carter, a theoretical physicist at MIT posited "the Anthropic Principle," asseverating that these coincidences were not just luck, but were rather necessary preconditions for us to be looking at the universe. After all, we are hardly likely to discover laws that are incompatible with our own existence. Vyvyan: Our mission, Cyril: contra the laws promulgated by fundamentalists, as in Iran or the United States. Cyril: How thrillingly political of you to say so, Vyvyan my unicornus. Freeman Dyson, another physicist, once said, "The universe in some sense must have known we were coming." Vyvyan: Yep! Cyril: Dr Steven Weinberg is positively Miltonic in his comments on the universe, which he sees bubbling progeny like yeast buds. According to string theory, Dr. Hogan of Washington says, the laws of physics that we mortals experience are low-energy, 4 dimensional shadows, of sorts, of a 10- or 11-dimensional universe. cosmological constant. Ah, here's a snack; I'm ravenously puckish.. Oh! I thought you ordered carpaccio, but this is turnip tartare with nasturtium! Vyvyan: My own, economise now! And you are looking a trifle cosmological yourself. Cyril: Well, if you say so, my precious little fatty. Now, according to astronomical observations, otherwise undetectable energy--"dark energy"-- accounts for about two-thirds of the mass-energy of the universe today, outweighing matter two to one. But according to modern quantum physics, empty space should be seething with energy that would outweigh matter in the universe by far, far more, by a factor of at least 1060. Vyvyan: And what to wear in dark energy? So the speeding-up of inflation lends more energy than was thought to exist? And the cosmological constant,, a formula to account for this discrepancy, must be within ranges compatible with us! Cyril: Just, just so. And, as we know, the logical consequence of this is that we "queers" in our indolence have seen through the canard of vulgar Marxism. We live the principle that production is not the basis of human life.. Instead it is enjoyment! Fourier! Vyvyan: Ergo, my dear Cyril, what all we humans do is enjoy the impingement of this probably-unique world on us and ours on it, just like the lilies of the field. How lovely to be wanted by the entire universe, just so! 8 Suite K-347 The Mirror of Production 14 Flicking her jet beads at a bat, feeling very horny, Karen, Countess Dinesen-Youssopoff (nee Blitzen) can barely keep herself still on her twilit balcony. She is waiting for what this hotel obligingly calls "un ouvrier de sant sexuelle." Her daily meal of a strawberry and a glass of champagne long over, she smokes another opium-laced cigarette as she strokes her ropy throat. Through a geneology almost impossible to trace, Karen is the grand daughter of Prince Felix Youssopoff, the Russian queen who killed Rasputin. He made a Morganatic marriage, fled to Denmark after the Revolution and spent years intriguing with White Russians. Karen managed to recover her grandfather's Baku oil refineries and grew richer through the sale of his Rembrandts and a suit against CBS Television that proved her grandfather actually did murder the Czarina's starets.15 She reads from her commonplace book, makes a notation in her crabbed half-Cyrillic hand. "The productive-man notion of Marx 'hallucinates man's predestination for the objective transformation of the world (or for the 'production' of oneself: today's generalized humanist theme--it is no longer a question of 'being' oneself but of 'producing' oneself, from conscious activity to the primitive 'productions' of desire16". Karen dials her message machine to leave this memorandum: "B quotes Marx for whom men 'begin to distinguish themselves from animals as soon as they begin to produce their means of subsistence' Remember that." She asks Merle, her Maltese, "Why must man's vocation always be to distinguish himself from animals? Is man's existence an end for which he must find the means?" Sliding back the curtain on the sidelight of the door a little, Karen B critiques the notion of production of subsistence: "it is the instrumentalization of nature." She summons up Marx: 'Labor is, in the first place, a process in which both man and nature participate, and in which man of his own accord starts, regulates and controls the material re-actions between himself and nature. He opposes himself to nature as one of her own forces, setting in motion arms and legs, head and hands, the natural forces of his body, in order to appropriate nature's productions in a form adapted to his own wants.'17" "How tedious," Karen sighs. "Why can't these men see that labor is not the basis of human existence? Even Marcuse, for all his slavering after erotic freedom, says labor is grounded 'in an essential excess of human existence beyond every possible situation in which it finds itself and the world. . . [it] is necessary and eternally 'earlier' than play: it is the starting point, foundation and principle of play insofar as play is precisely a breaking off from labor and a recuperation for labor.18' But that is so wrong!" Taking her own version of luxury in an Henri III (1551-1589) straight-back wooden chair, Karen tightens her black toque and murmurs, "Marx doesn't see that in his symbolic exchanges primitive man (sic) does not gauge himself in relation to Nature. He is not aware of Necessity, a Law that takes effect only with the objectification of Nature." "Primitive 'society' does not exist as an instance apart from symbolic exchange; and this exchange never results from an 'excess' of production. It is the opposite: to the extent that these terms apply here, 'subsistence' and 'economic exchange' are the residue of symbolic exchange, a remainder.' " Impatiently re-telling her jet beads, she thinks, "survival is not a principle. We have made it one." She remembers Africa and her other lover, Jean Baudrillard, saying "For the primitives, eating, drinking, and living are first of all acts that are exchanged: if they are not exchanged, they do not occur. It is symbolic exchange, where the relation (not the 'social') is tied, and this exchange excludes any surplus: anything that cannot be exchanged or symbolically shared would break the reciprocity and institute power. Better yet, this exchange excludes all 'production.'" "Good old Jean," she sighs, "stealing from Bataille like that." The door chimes. A gorgeous young Arab rings her bell. With highly stylized sincerity, long eyelashes down, he tells Karen he is at her service. "My name is Ahmed Oedipus Ben Maas," he says, "and for me, 'work' is something other than laborThe artisan lives his work as a relation of symbolic exchange, abolishing the definition of himself as 'laborer' and the object as 'product of his labor.' " "Above all," Karen adds, lighting two of her cigarettes in the red gash of her mouth, "artisanal work is, according to etymology, 'demiurge.'" 9 Rm. 1876 Ferd on the Brain I'm on assignment, re-building the organ at the "Petit Monde" experience at Euro Disney. Oddly, though the singing children are totally animatronic, dancing and piping their tunes by virtue of computer 1s and 0s, the organ is manual (and pedal). I spend my days scrambling through forests of big and little pipes, for it is a very big organ. One Sunday evening I'm relaxing around this musty French pool, reminiscing about a day in LA in 1992 when some rich queen threw a pool party for People With AIDS up in the hills, within spitting distance of the Hollywood Sign. Boys with purple blotches all over their backs and chests played in the sunny water, while a few long-timers sat in wheelchairs, wrapped in bright blankets, wheeled mushrooms in big straw hats. It was in that pool that I met Ferd. Ferd was not the host--he had no more money than it takes to buy a used Toyota pickup--but he was the big cheese because he was the director of the PWA group bubbling on the lawn with precious-- tentative--joy in the sunshine. We all loved Ferd then. He was healthy enough to work for our benefit 16 hours a day, he was edgy enough to get our group funded at the vanguard of sexual healing as both treatment and prevention strategy. Ferd was a little like our figurehead as we breasted the waves, our sun king as he ordered the world with and for us, and a little like a social director who, under his bonhomie, was transparently terrified of friendship. He slid into the water next to me and we bobbed up and down smiling and cruising, I trying to assure myself I was still cute and attractive, Ferd called upon to concentrate so long on one person that sexual desire snuck up on him unbidden--in fact, he would later say, unpermitted in his job as director and animator of our clump of radical patients and victims, since a sexual liaison would reduce his availability to "listen, handhold, inspire, cajole, hug, solace" the others he thought in his care. That afternoon he pulled himself out of the pool with a slight turgidity visible in the folds of his floppy yellow trunks and smiled as if he expected to be back to bob some more with me. He didn't come back soon, not until after I fended off a handsome guy with really bad AZT breath, who I knew wasn't likely to take up with me anyway. He was already twice a widow of wealthier, lonelier men who left him houses and money for cosmetic surgery. I had nothing to offer but sweaty organs. "We're walking next door to look at Aldous Huxley's house," Ferd said when he came back, smelling of sunblock, lime and vodka. "Want to come along?" I did. The Huxley property, explained our host, was really just a crater as a fire had destroyed the building where Aldous wrote and took his LSD, where Laura struggled on alone until 1979. The Hollywood Sign was so close that the OOD took up most of the view on one side. Ferd started in about his acid trips. He had met Leary at Millbrook once in 67, he had done light shows at the Fillmore with Janis, Country Joe, The Incredible String Band (one of his fey favorites), Sly and the Family Stone at the Electric Circus. "I wish there was still acid to be taken," he said, "now that I'm not scared about blurting out 'I'm gay' to some straight hippie companion." "That must have happened twenty years ago," I replied. "Surely you've come to terms with all of that by now. After all, here we are all together, having fun, living proof that God doesn't punish the wicked with anything more than painful, ugly death and stigmatized suffering." "Yes, surely I should feel cheered by your reminder of how good we have it," Ferd said. "But let's don't call each other Shirley. Actually I take anti-depressants now, so I don't bother with scared or unhappy any more. "I think our consciousness should be altered, early and often." he told me, his good eye engaging mine. "We need to experience being without relation to time--escape from a conception of a forward moving series of events the most sense-rich of which felt as the present and less rich assigned to a recallable but fading past. Further, the brain's capacity to take in and re-view sensory input led to the development of neural pathways that could access and perceive or experience the occurrence of review and cogitate on the process itself. Sensory input is reviewed through the same neural pathways (or analogous or related or proximate ones) that process raw sensory input. It is unclear whether the brain always knows the difference between processing the sensory input we usually think of as perception of reality and processing the processing which, as mirrors can reflect each other, can approach infinity as sense data become perceptions, become organized ideas, become abstract categories and then categories of categories. Given what little is understood about the brain, it is not possible to say whether these processes are or are not organized in hierarchies. The brain may assign more or less attention energy, ranking by importance or immediacy or proximity or some other order--or not. "The result of all this, I think, is that humans have a brain that processes sensory and internal mental phenomena at too many levels, too often, too much, with inadequate mechanism to turn the processing off. We have brains too good for our own good; we think and abstract feelings and memories too much. This ceaseless idling is what we have learned to call our feelings, however remote the neural processing may be from somatic reactions to events perceived as happening now. Like HAL2000, our brain (and by brain I keep trying to mean all the data processing mechanisms from senses to memory to thinking) thinks what it does is real. What psychological literature and philosophy have always confounded--the subject and object and later the divided subject--become less compelling as explanation and certainly as a concept to provide a comfortable relation to 'external reality.' But the brain is best seen as actively seeking, processing and thinking at all levels simultaneously: consciousness is a trick of our brains describing us to ourselves, stringing processes and events into a self, asserting to us that the self of today is the same one as any other day, selecting data and memories to substantiate itself." "Yeah, you're right," I said. I never thought he was sexy after that. 10 Reception Desk While MonaLisa recuperates, her girlfriend Novy might fill in at the front desk. Usually dressed for her main job as Conductor on Wild Ride de M. Toad, she would be irritable in a pantsuit that barely stretches across her chest and chafes her crotch. Novy might be musing about her lover or daydreaming about her brothers. She'd not be impressed by the small bald man across the counter, signing in as Mobe 68. "Will you be needing any special attentions, Mr. Mobe 68?" "No, just be sure my car is plugged in to the charger and send up 12 bottles of Vichy water. And put Ferd in the room next to mine." "Very good, Mr. Mobe 68. And here are the keys for you and Mr. Ferd." She might think to herself that these two were pop music has-beens from 2002; she'd put them in the smelly suite on the fourth floor. "Overlooking the pool, nice views." As they walk toward the elevator, the organ grinder might come up to them and ask, "Aren't you . . .?" "Yes, I'm. Mo. . "Ferd? Remember me from Being Alive PWA parties?" "Oh yes, I remember . um. . Bill, . Aldous Huxley! And of course you recognize my boss, Mo . . ." "Never mind, just meet me upstairs. Nice, . . .Bill?" All three would look at their shoes (one pair of Pradas, two pairs of canvas sneakers) as Mobe 68 walks away. "Well, that wasn't a bit awkward. So Bill, how funny to see you here. What are you doing?" Bill might be feeling a little nonplussed himself, and may already be regretting this encounter. In an attempt to make things easier he might answer, "I'm rebuilding an organ at EuroDisney, and I'm running pretty late. Can we have a drink later and catch up?" "Of course, let's call each other. I'm up in what they call the Vice-Presidential Suite. Mo' is a great guy and more a friend than a boss, really." "Cool. Call you tonight." He'd kiss Ferd and walk quickly to the Disney shuttle outside. Mobe 68 meanwhile would have gone up, sharing the elevator with an middle-aged Black man who looks very familiar. "Are you a musician?" "I was, for a long time. Chicago Art Ensemble. Joseph is my name." "Wow! Joseph Jamaal, I saw you play in Chicago a few years ago, Your chanting and clarinet were awesome! With Leroy Jenkins doing incredible things on the violin. I'm Mobe 68." "Thanks, young man. I've heard your music too. Here to do a recording gig?" "No, man, I have no plans at all. I just travel now." At the third floor, an emaciated woman could get on carrying a Maltese with rheumy eyes and a bad underbite, as Joseph walks off, saying. "Well, here's my floor. Nice to meet you, Mobe 68, but be cool--the past is emptiness; 'here and now.'19" The woman, Countess Yousopoff-Blitzen, might not be concerned that the elevator is going up. She would know that her WTO colleagues wait for her in the Snivilling Lounge. She'd look up, expecting a mirrored ceiling, smoothing her throat and lighting a cigarette. "Excuse me, I don't think you can smoke in here," Mobe 68 objects. "Silence," Karen would croak and jab the down button. "This must be your floor. Please get out." As Mobe 68 turns his key, he could be trying to concentrate on Christian compassion and the tasks ahead of him. 11 Foucault's Nephew Come rain or shine, my custom is to go for a stroll in Disney's Idiocy of Rural Life environment every afternoon about five. I hold discussions with myself on politics, love, taste or philosophy, and let my thoughts wander in complete abandon, leaving them free to follow the first wise or foolish idea that comes along, like those young rakes we see in the Repressed Sexuality Land who run after a giddy-looking little piece with a laughing face, sparkling eye and tip-tilted nose, only to leave him for another, accosting them all, but sticking to none. If it is too cold or wet I take shelter in the American TacoBilious Caf and amuse myself watching hustlers play Texas Hold-'em. One day after dinner there I was, watching a great deal but saying little and listening to as little as I could, when I was accosted by one of the weirdest characters in this Land of ours that has not been sparing of them. The notions of good and evil must be strangely muddled in his head, for the good qualities nature has given him he displays without ostentation, and the bad ones without shame. Marcel is devilishly good looking, a queer bird, and has made himself the boon companion of every rich party boy in all of EuroDisney. He comes by it honestly, as he is the "nephew" of the great Michel Foucault. He accosts me: "Hello, Mr. Philosopher. Are your thoughts consoling you in these troubling times?" I: Not much, but when I have nothing better to do I enjoy watching the players. HE: Oh, they're not here to be watched. Not at these prices! Thirty-five euros a quarter, whew! I: And how have you been keeping yourself? I heard you were hooked up with Dr. Dread who runs the Red Hanky Pavilion. No new vice squad complications there? HE: No, he's turned it into an 18+ dance floor, and it's writhing with e-trash heteroid clothes hangers. Now it's called American Idyll. I: Don't you welcome the acceptance of our kind? Imitation is sincere flattery? HE: If that's acceptance, fuck it. "If we are all part of God," as the saintly Mrs. Cresswell said, "then God must indeed be horrible.20" I can't see anything special in being queer anymore. "We're all over!" they keep screaming.. Yes, yes. We're over. We're pass and boring. Though some clueless ladies continue to sing. "queer planet." I: You however, continue pursuing "practices and pleasures?" You must have clients up the . . . HE: Up! Just to play for a brief 16-hour party. Ugh, the prep. (Marcel suddenly began to act out his words with the most extraordinary postures. ) Trimming, then shaving your balls. I fell in the bathtub the other day. I was standing on the edge, trying to see my ass to shave it, when I slipped and cracked a disc. Now my hands tingle all the time. Then there's the cleaning out. the showershot or worse, the bag. and the 10-day, 20-day runs. slammers the worst. I finally said to Dr. Dread that he was a sleazy old fairy buying muscles instead of love. He sent me to the EuroComfort Inn for 2 days and now I'm on the street again. They only let me stay at the Real Desert Hotel, and in a mildewed room they can't rent, cause my uncle once endorsed the place. I: It's no wonder you are so abandoned, Marcel For that matter, doesn't crystal just exaggerate our fundamental alone-ness in the world? HE: Mr. Philosopher, I may be tweaking, but I know my ontology. "It's understandable, but wrong, the notion that each of us is alone, imprisoned within the individual cranium, when in fact even the physical universe of matter depends on us to exist, and even more desperately the sperm and egg that make us and the genes and social conditions that shape each of us. The other is always before us, demanding that we be selves in response. It's fatuous (no, self-centered and delusional) to think we think alone. Our mythologies of lost or fractured selves gluttonize--slobber--over the illusions of sameness and difference, self and other."21 I: You know all of this is artifact of language, no? Althusser? HE: I've been interpellated more times than you can count. When I am interpellated then I am clocked, called out, made to answer to hey you, but the you I create (in response) has to answer back, has to interpellate the cop. I is always a response, not to the mirror, but to an other. All the world--Disney included, is hung up on the fears of alienation, disintegration that our dear fathers lived to feel. My own uncle! All of this is the tragedy of the last Century. WWI frightened Europe out of its class complacency and squelched important social movements. The Revolution of 1917 created a hope, and at least a pole of support for liberation of the colonies. The Great Depression frightened the world into a few Keynesian reforms, but then WWII sent all our men to war, let them kill in the company of other men, and then sent them home to individual suburban families. None of them knew how to be with women or children, so then came the baby boom. Feeding on schedule or feeding on demand, but overfeeding. And the Cold War and the Draft to Viet Nam. My own father and mother are still lost, tripping in the Algerian desert somewhere since the 60s. No wonder the 60s were aflame. Children left to crusade against racism, war, sexual oppression. Suddenly, Marcel shouts, Tim, come over here, man! I: Who is this angelic youth with white hair making toward us? HE: Timmy Tilden, nephew of Bill Tilden, tennis star of the 20s and 30s, who was imprisoned twice for sex with teenage boys, died in 1953. Poor man, his only girlfriend said he "felt things so deeply. . I never saw him with anybody who could have been his confidant. How must it be like that22?" I: Can we change our lives? HE: I hope so. She said "There must have been so many things deep within him that he could never talk about. I suppose he died of a broken heart." Anyway, Bill's younger brother hooked up with Tim's mom--she was a maid for Tracy Lord but the Tildens ran her out of Philadelphia with a film crew. A long story shortened: .her grandson, the Tilden's grand-nephew, was rescued from a homeless shelter in Hollywood and brought to France by Mr. Sithole.. . Tim's exceptional looking, but stay away. He's seventeen, falling into bad habits already : an albino black marketeer--small-time drugs, cheap diamond smuggling--he's so innocent he'll hurt you. I: And why do you have so much to say about this dangerous young man? HE: Because he's my young bud, aren't you Timmy? I take care of my red-eyed little polar bear. TIMMY: You know I hate that name! Can you get me a drink, please? HE: I'll get you all you need Tim. Come and party with a couple military studs? It's all set up, they just called on my cel. In my room tonight? Lots of favors!. On that note, I made my adieux, and strolled off to TomorrowLand. 12 Rm. 1954 Joseph and His Brother Joseph Jamaal is not completely enthused to be recognized, as he is a fugitive from US justice, accused (falsely) of complicity in Black Liberation Army killings of police in the 1970s. He is waking his employer, Siegfried Rheinfahrt, from his midmorning nap. Laying aside volumes of Lenin and Heidegger, he massages the old man's knees until he opens his ice-blue eyes. "Ja . . aah . . . In the jugness of the jug, sky and earth dwell. . ..23 "You are awake now, Herr Siegfried," Joseph says calmly. "Ahh, Joseph," he croaks. "I think I understand. Kant talks about things in the same way as Meister Eckhart and means by this term 'thing' something that is. But for Kant, that which is becomes the object of a representing that runs its course in the self-consciousness of the human ego. The thing-in-itself means for Kant: the object-in-itself. To Kant, the character of the 'in-itself' signifies that the object is an object in itself without reference to the human act of representing it, that is, without the opposing 'ob-' by which it is first of all put before this representing act. :'Thing -in-itself,' thought in a rigorously Kantian way, means an object that is no object for us, because it is supposed to stand, stay put, without a possible before; for the human representational act that encounters it.' It is very materialist, despite the awful neologisms." Joseph straightens Siegfried's sparse white hair and tells him, "The Buddha teaches that sense impressions can be understood as relationships of conscious being to being. The "categories" of Kant only interfere with this relationship. Heidegger is closer." "Ja, yes, I think so." He reads " 'This appropriating mirror-play of the simple onefold of earth and sky, divinities and mortals, we call the world. The world presences by worlding. . . ' " Joseph reads further, "'That means: the world's worlding cannot be explained by anything else nor can it be fathomed through anything else. This impossibility does not lie in the inability of our human thinking to explain and fathom n this way. Rather, the inexplicable and unfathomable character of the world's worlding lies in this, that causes and grounds remain unsuitable for the world's worlding. ' Herr Siegfried, Heidegger is saying what the Buddha says--'As soon as human cognition here calls for an explanation, it fails to transcend the world's nature, and falls short of it. The human will to explain just does not reach to the simpleness of the simple onefold of worlding'. This is pretty good dharma teaching." "Joseph my Black brother, what can an old Communist like me do with this dharma? Am I just disappointed at the end of all I believed in? Is there no revolution to be made, now?" "The wheel turns," Joseph says with compassion. He helps his patient to the bathroom, where Siegfried hopes to squeeze a few drops through his urethra. While Siegfried sits and reminisces about Trevi, Joseph replaces his books and prepares him a lunchtime fentanyl injection. "Would you like your yogurt enema before or after? I can read to you from the April Theses 24 if you like." "No, Joseph, sing for me, and play the harmonium. Sing the 'Red Thread Blues.'" The Red Thread Blues 25 The vitality of living labor Confronts the dead power of capitalist command I say autonomist theory contrasts the vitality of living labor With the dead power of capitalist command The working people historically assert their power to take the structures in their hands. Intrinsic to the capital-relation Is the class struggle of the working class Prior to and more dynamic than capitalist restructuring Is the class struggle that constitutes the working class Think of the demand for an eight-hour day; it kicked the bosses in the ass. Yes, people, productive labor Is now that which produces society itself Let's use the combination of our productive labor To sieze freedom however momentarily and redistribute wealth Autonomists say we can communicate our social inventiveness and make the world something else. The active subject of production Is the increasingly undifferentiated working class The wellspring of change in production Is the self-autonomizing working class Beyond mere resistance are moments of freedom; they're real but then they pass. Capital's restructurings "subsume" not only the workplace But society as a whole I tell you in its processes of globalization Reproduction of labor power occupies a crucial but unacknowledged role That's why welfare moms are threatening, and they had to end the dole Guerillas moved like fish in the water Threatening to cut off resources and lands Oh yeah, in Vietnam, Guatemala and elsewhere liberation fighters Challenged resource allocation in the jungles and the sands The fall of communism, sadly, demobilized support for progressive guerilla bands. Global capital then broke down traditional village structures Marched women and children off the farm to town Tragically, capital emiseration in favela and shanty Is what happens when age-old geography breaks down But international mass migrations result in newer combinations, where resistance can abound. Husbands dead, women and children are left with "free" choices To choose between child laborers or whores A prerequisite for capitalist modernization Is a landless desperate, anomic labor force War, disease and famine, threaten to cut off food production at the source. But struggle to create ourselves as subjects Disrupts and tears apart systems of capitalist rule Despite regimes of power, humans make themselves subjects Sabotaging, rectifying, evading, the intentions of global rule Sometimes distorted and mistaken, self-creation is quite evident among youth in school. In the north abandoned plants and ruined communities Where privilege is evanescing, no longer so secure In the south devastation and dollar-a-month factories But then moments of freedom where people's relationships are less obscure Creative combinations of people are what the global dominators most fear. The points where operations can be ruptured Affirm labor's fundamental otherness from capital Let's put our hands to the points to be ruptured And assert that we are sentient like any other plants and animal We'll show the Blairs and Cheneys that their hierarchies of power can be overturned, not just disrupted! "Siegfried, did you know it's taken me years to be able to sing blues?" Joseph remembers how impatient he was in 1965, how unsophisticated Otis Spann seemed, saying on the radio, "If you don't dig the blues, you've got a hole in your soul." How Joseph and his peers wanted to move ahead, express the complexity of new feelings, of the new situation they faced. You had to respect those bluesmen, but we knew they couldn't understand what needed to be done.26 "I didn't understand, really. I was so moved by James Baldwin--the sins of our fathers. We wanted the Art Ensemble's music to go further than Ornette or Coltrane, way beyond what we thought good ol' blues could do. I wish I knew then what I've had to learn so slowly." 13 In the NightKitchen Caprice Sithole sets down her paring knife in the bowl of okra. She whistles through the gap in her front teeth as she reads from the Herald Tribune: "This is the first communiqu from the ELF Liberation Front Today, in a worldwide coordinated action, Operation Heraclitean Fire, we have burned out all the HumVee vehicles-- "hummers"-- in the Disney "parks" in Japan, California, Florida, France. These monster guzzlers turn the hydrocarbon resources of the Developing --read, super-exploited-- World into fumes of asphyxiation that linger low to the earth. We struck a blow for little people of all ages. And don't forget, "hummer" used to mean something nice." Caprice worries about her husband. "I'm happy they can't pin this on him. He's been on the job day and night since he got back." She enjoys a humorous, danger-filled marriage with Ndabaningi Sithole III. His Reverend uncle was the founder of ZAPU (1961), then ZANU (1963 with Robert Mugabe), then tried for attempted assassination of Robert Mugabe in 199627. Caprice and Neddy had to beg and borrow 100,000 zimdollars to escape from Zimbabwe, leaving their professions and the revolutionary opposition for cooking28.and managing the Hotel Real Desert. Neddy has recently returned from one of his frequent "investment opportunities," driving a fleet of trucks through the United States paying thousands of pre teens to take paper napkins from McDonald's and other fast food venues. He ships them home and to countries in Central Asia with moderate profits. Interpol is already searching for The Napkin Ring. Caprice believes they must change their activities. "The bigger profits are in sanitary napkin dispensers. Just try to get Kotex or Tampax in Harare," she counsels her husband. Neddy is not convinced; he is at work modifying and lowering electric dryers for wipe-with-your-hands countries. Their children Xoliswa and Jonah, think he is so old-fashioned. The only Zimbabweans on their minds are Stella Chiweshe29 and Oliver Mtukudzi--and sometimes Methembe Ndlovu30 and the Highlanders football team. To make downloading of their music stars easier, they wish their country back in the Commonwealth and the IMF.31 14 Valet Parking Two black HumVees bearing the World Security Operations S.A. logo pull to the curb. Two jar-headed young men, right hands inside the lapels of their black Purple Label suits, each carrying a titanium computer case handcuffed to his wrist, step out of the vehicles and survey the perimeter. From the back seat, a man with deep-set eyes, black-browed under a silver military haircut, commands them to park the cars themselves and secure them. "We are meeting with the WTO crowd in fifteen minutes. Check for digital positioning and, of course, explosives-- and shred these papers." He strides, as erect as always, to meet the manager, who is obsequiously bowing to greet the new arrival. "You are Mr. Oliver South? Would you like to go to your rooms, or shall I take you directly to the bunker room? Any papers you wish to prepare?" "It's Colonel South. (USMC, Ret.) Please get me a bottle of Absolut and some Vichy water," South curtly replies. "You may take me to the Countess." "I will personally bring your drinks, and Achmed will take you across. Achmed!" Inspecting the Arab-looking beauty through a flat green lens, South presently says, "OK. You're clean. Lead on." At age 51, South retains the body tension of a US Marine of 30, but the Christian fascist ideology of his more physical early career has been tempered by a philosophical acquiescence to his and others' weaknesses. A co-founder of WSO, South knows the World Traders are near to discharging his firm over the flaming stink at Disney. "It's a very low-intensity operation," he says to himself, "and the fanatic amateurs can hurt children lining up for rides if we don't find them fast. More than reputations are at stake. I wish it was as clear-cut as Vietnam, or even Nicaragua. . .Africans all over this place too. Our own barbarians vs theirs now!" "Get the generalissimo a bottle, " the manager tells Novy. The jarheaded men return, both on cel phones. One is seen nodding and looking in the direction of Marcel, who is also on his cel--all checking watches. 15 Party Out of Bounds As Tim walks in between sheets of black plastic, Marcel is yelling "Attention!" at the two jarheaded men from the HumVees. "Strip you maggots," Marcel barks. Tim is not sure whether he should take his own clothes off. In doubt, he sits on one of the mattresses strewn about the slippery floor. "Put these on each other, pigs," Marcel continues to shout, throwing black latex jockstraps at the naked men. "Come here, Tim," he growls. "Put these blindfolds on them and this mask on your own face. And get into those leather chaps." As Tim covers their faces, Marcel handcuffs the two and pulls chains down from the rafters. "Hook these guys up. . . Take this belt and batter their backsides while I get some hits ready to slam them up." The musty room above the garages is a storehouse for all the junk and detritus left behind over the 75 years the hotel has accepted guests. But tonight, a smeary cubicle has been put up with a staple gun,; the party space confined to the penumbra of a tall white candle, the flickering light and mysterious aroma of beeswax disorienting the jarheads. Marcel adjusts two monitors to play continuous hardcore porn to a soundtrack of Bartok and Lygeti, and strews condoms, paper towels and Crisco cans all around the mattresses on the plastic-coated floor. In a baritone of arrogated authority, he says to the men stretched before him, "We will cultivate 'the self' by means of an ascesis, an 'art of life.'" He shoots into their veins what could not be called 'good drugs,' but ones that obliterate the subject, leaving only obsessive repetitions of the impulses to stimulate nerve endings. Coughing and then moaning, the twin pigs cry out, "'Self' is not a personal identity so much as it is a relation of reflexivity, a relation of the human subject to itself in its power and its freedom. " 32 Marcel shoves Tim forward. He urges Tim into domination postures, and snaps latex gloves on his white hands. Marble white and leather black, a masked version of the empathic, equivocal Bernini angel, arrow in hand, sending St. Teresa into ecstasy, Tim shimmers in the light playing on his lubricated youthful muscles, his masculine energy rising to the rhythms of Marcel's rough power Together, they drive the men, now sobbing and vocalizing their fearful rapture, to greasy black leather slings. At Marcel's instigation, Tim utters these hypnotic words: "You have no identity here. You are only vessels for pleasure. . . something which passes from one person to another. It is not secreted by identity." Marcel speaks oracular words as his hands move in profound violation of nature's fundament: "I don't think that this movement of sexual practices has anything to do with the disclosure or the uncovering of S/M tendencies deep within our unconscious, and so on. I think that S/M is much more than that; it's the real creation of new possibilities of pleasure, which people had no idea about previously. The idea that S/M is related to a deep violence, that S/M practice is a way of liberating this violence, this aggression, is stupid. . .I think it's a kind of creation, a creative enterprise, which has as one of its main features what I call the desexualization [i.e, the 'degenitalization'] of pleasure. The idea that bodily pleasure should always come from sexual pleasure, and the idea that sexual pleasure is the root of all our possible pleasure--I think that's something quite wrong." Tim hears Marcel saying, "This is our century's only 'brand new' contribution to the sexual armamentarium. The 19th C invented myriad species of perverse sexual desire, but virtually nothing new in the way of sexual pleasure had been created for millennia. . . We delve and ravage 'the self' by hand because 'the self is a new strategic possibility. . . not because it is the seat of our personality but because it is the point of entry of the personal into history.' We perform 'the crucial work of rupture, of social and psychological disintegration, that may be necessary to permit new forms of life to come into being. but there is no guarantee that they will come into being. . . '" Over and over through the shadows of night the jarheads, recumbent like Caravaggio's St. Paul on the roadway or St. Francis receiving stigmata, grunt their bodily assent to transcendence in pleasure Volunteers 2004: A New Year's Grasping for the Politics and Jouissance of Jefferson Airplane's Volunteers, released Nov(?) 1969: Grace Slick, Paul Kantner, Marty Balin, Jorma Kaukonen, Spencer Dryden, Jack Casady We Might Be Together A few of us were together. We had almost-completely lovely times with our young bodies together ejaculating enough to clear the major toxins (leaving what were, after all, only subsidiary poisons of sexual deviation and guilt felt by some who were out of phase with cosmic duality of sex vision), , although we went out/in on long and fulfilling trips together. We had gone to places so sublime that difference was irrelevant--to us at least. We also yearned to be together with the racial Other. We could have been together. Then, we would have thought we recognized each other together. The Intellectual Origins The thought was that repression of natural impulses was a reification of the restriction to bare necessities for labor under capitalist relations of production. At first we noticed that abundance (not necessarily personal abundance, although the post-WWII/Cold War takeoff of the US economy afforded better living for much higher proportions of the US population) was not satisfying to us, although it seemed to be sufficient for our parents who had suffered serious deprivation during the Depression and then horrifying war (our fathers ignorant men thrown together in foreign lands to face death with only each other's bodies for support--while longing for the comfort of love and habit sent by the women who became our mothers in letters to unknowable islands and bivouacs). Our dads came home, moved into nuclear family houses, farther from their parents, aunts, uncles, etc than ever before, tried to live with rectitude and diligence amid rising prices and elevated standards of liveable housekeeping, tried to be husbands and fathers to uncomprehending wives and children. No wonder so many became alcoholic and silent, no wonder so many women secretly suffocated in those single-family units. Children's first exposure was to Dr. Spock's kindly strictures to feed on schedule, an agonizing commitment for parents who heard their babies' cries as echoes of their own childish deprivations and wanted to provide better for their offspring. The moms and dads capitulated to a makeshift of indulgence and vaccination, hoping for clean, healthy children who read Dick and Jane as if they were true. As we children of the baby boom grew older we had more free time than any previous generation on earth, free time to undergo the tidal waves of adolescent hormones and to read Catcher in the Rye and even On the Road in study halls, although we also memorized Pledges of Allegiance, Declarations of Independence and believed them. Then televisions began to show us vibrant Black children singing their way to jail for "freedom," and revealed a whole other America that wasn't privileged and purposeless. We were electrified by the righteousness of their new Black way and the brutality of the old segregationist intransigience. We were educated by American Bandstand to the rigors of Cold War dating, and those of us who couldn't get dates understood that we were inadequate. Our salvation came from the post-colonial British, from the Beatles who were able to repackage Black American music to our ill-formed tastes and make us happy with dancing that did not require touching. The Beatles neat appearance belied their snotty, grotty sarcastic resistance to the parts of life we agreed were uncool. And the Rolling Stones were better than greasers, almost evil but British so they couldn't beat us up. So many of us escaped to college. We suddenly found friends who did not think we were inadequate, or at least we shared inadequacy and fumbled for relief from restrictions of our behavior. We read and we shared, Revolver and Bob Dylan, and we began to grow hair, to smoke pot and to trip. Trips were dangerous explorations of cosmic reality, and they were serious, only occasionally joyous, but so revelatory as to be precious signposts of the fulfillment we thought we lacked. In the swirling hallucinations we also felt the reality of our own bodies, sweating, breathing, ingesting, eliminating, fucking--thrilling. And yet the world was going wrong. A list of what prepared for 1969-1970 The Bible Lincoln's speeches Grapes of Wrath Leaves of Grass Great Expectations Another Country poems of Wordsworth, then Keats Songs of Innocence, Songs of Experience Walden The Way of Zen The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter Pilgrim's Progress Giovanni's Room Ten Days That Shook the World Irrational Man The Stranger Black Boy The Immoralist Siddhartha Naked Lunch Vietnamese dispatches explaining imperialism and People's War Battle of Algiers Bonnie and Clyde Midnight Cowboy Lonesome Cowboys Inauguration of the Pleasure Dome Howl The Wretched of the Earth Huckleberry Finn The Second Sex Treasure Island Winnie-the-Pooh The Tibetan Book of the Dead Eisenhower's farewell speech Kennedy's inaugural The Assassinations Ond-Dimensional Man I and Thou God In Search of Man The Power Elite Autobiography of Malcolm X Mao's "On Contradiction" and "Combat Liberalism" What Is To Be Done? Democracy in America Port Huron Statement The Symposium Chicago Seed, East Village Other, SF Oracle, Berkeley Barb Paradise Now The Cockettes We were opposed--violently. Someone fantasized Armed Love--even a poster about the hippie mother and baby, the freak father with a rifle. We should be together, if only we could, the longing for uniting, the revulsion at how untogether our world was, the push to overthrow, the inability to tolerate our pain, our own pain--given to us through the unprincipled and unprecedented wealth of this empire, We had never been denied before; we called for an end to the obvious sickeningly conspicuous waste, shrieking injustice of prejudice against the Blacks, who were beautiful and sexy and mild. Our confusion when this bad was not remedied was relieved through the Communist Manifesto, made immediate and then strategic by the Vietnamese and Che, but still uneducated and heedless regarding our close-to-home contradictions of women's oppression and sexualities. The Songs33 We Can Be Together We are all outlaws in the eyes of America In order to survive we steal cheat lie forge fred hide and deal We are obscene lawless hideous dangerous dirty violent and young But we should be together Come on all you people standing around Our life's too fine to let it die and We can be together All your private property is Target for your enemy Dangerous, obscene, hideous, dirty, violent and young? We are not quite proud of ourselves. A hymn to us, an anthem to tearing down the walls we felt between ourselves, while we were aware but daunted by those walls within ourselves. Could our trips together lead us out of the brutality of wealth, consumerism,? Could, should it be war? Good Shepherd And then a step back, recusitating of Christian imagery, good shepherd, though walking through the valley of the shadow of death (the shadow, not the death) what could we be hoping for from the son of god. handsome, generous, a cross to the other shore? One for to make my heart rejoice Can't you hear my lambs a-callin Oh good shepherd Feed my sheep Stay away from the bad people, and the guns. The risking of arrogance in preaching the risking of irony, the risk of meaning, really meaning, it. The Farm Soaring, twanging, milk and cows and honey, way out in the country. Oh so good, granola and soy, cold and damp in winter, sunny and fog-free in summer--oh, late summer golden hills, a little dope if you could, living on the farm, male and female striving Hey Fredrick Way out there, you have a choice--usually--to let it be high or higher. Your contradictory humanness, body of blood, brain basket, coursing organs, a voice trying to break through to you, to you in your personal ears, crackles of sublime interference intercourse and guitar notes too complicated their screaming simplicity, electronic fuzz, Loving eyes look down on you Sheets and a pillow How old will you have to be before you Stop believing That those eyes will look down on you That way forever nobody wants to boogie, only to sit awestruck by the single notes, the ones that carry through the six realms of beings to being it goes on to mere hallucination Turn My Life Down A man asks you to look into his eyes, his borrowed moments. can he give me moments, can I give him his, oh no, he is not for me, but by miraculous means he is here for me, turning me down, When I see you next time round look into my eyes Where we'd be never could decide Borrowed moments they cannot fill the moments of our lives And wishful thinking leaves me no place to hide but so wounded that his turning down is turning towards him, nothing to say becdause he is a man among men and women, not my kind (a man among women and men) no place to hide Wooden Ships And then the hawsers creak and the wind is so strong and capable of carrying us over to the other side, everybody smiles in the same language . Who won? Let the good win, even if they won't take me Wont they take me? There are a few of us, aren't there? We are not post-yet and the berries will keep us both alive on this simple wooden platform, on these very free and easy winds, leaving you to sail toward the sun (taking off at night so as not to burn) Do I have to take a sister, can't I take a brother? Power of leaving, watch all the past die, you don't need us. Does the fleet need me, can I go? What if I'm found out? The way it's supposed to be, very free,, no--no, no-no; no, no, no--go ride the music Very free And gone NO C'MON GO RIDE THE MUSIC C'MON RIDE IT CHILD Eskimo Blue Day moving it changes its name and its game, but doesn't mean shit to that magnificent tree spreading across the eyescreen, eel swimmer fantastic, love electric glimmer, and those pecking, noodling, fingers mumbling into me, can this pleasure be taken me taken do I have strength to dance when I am alone, surrounded by the assumptions, the natural thing, but irony makes a slim space for me, in redwood If you don't mind heat in your river and Fork tongue talking from me Swim like an eel fantastic snake Take my love when it's free Electric feel with me You call it loud But the human crowd Doesn't mean shit to a tree entering the stream, too much cold in one place breaks, it's here in the trees. Is it me? A Song for All Seasons that country twang so dangerous, so hideously hellish, ironic again, materialistic, not to be believed as oracular I guess your life just ain't really that complete You know your car with which I was impressed Well I hear that it's gonna be repossessed Well I thought you had it made But you ain't even paid For the things that you've bought Since the acid test disregard those reality aspects Meadowlands Back to the fantasy of soviet power, collectivist nostalgia: if only they could have crystallized the revolutionary moment, but if only they can aid the Vietnamese, we can defeat US imperialism. Volunteers Bass necessary for revolution, gotta revolution, VOA a thrift store on mission Hey I'm dancing down the streets Got a revolution Got to revolution Ain't it amazing all the people I meet Got a revolution Got to revolution One generation got old One generation got soul This generation got no destination to hold Pick up the cry Hey now it's time for you and me . . Weather Report "People ask, what is the nature of the revolution that we talk about. Who will it be made by, and for, and what are its goals and strategy? . . Thus the loss of China and Cuba and the loss now of Vietnam not only encourages other oppressed peoples (such as the blacks) by showing what the alternative is and that it can be won, but also costs the imperialists billions of dollars which they then have to take out of the oppression of these other peoples. . . The legitimacy of the State is called into question for the first time in at least 30 years, and the anti-authoritarianism which characterizes the youth rebellion turns into rejection of the State, a refusal to be socialized into American society. . . The crisis in imperialism has brought about a breakdown in b bourgeois social forms, culture and ideology. The family falls apart, kids leave home, women begin to break out of traditional "female" and "mother" roles. . ."34 16 Achmed's Backstory In 1948, as war clouds darkened the deserts, Abra Maslow was at Petra, "Rose-Red City of Biblical Edom35," with an archeological team, measuring the girth and length of the columns of sandstone carved into the living rock by the Natabeans. Abra was the daughter of the brilliant psychiatrist Abraham Maslow, who worshiped the motherless girl--some said he set her on a pyramid above all the rest of womanhood. Her education was a strange one, based in Maslow's reading of the life of John Stuart Mill. Abra read Heraclitus in Greek and Lucretius in Latin by age five, and besides her father's German and English, she also was versed in pre-Mohammedan Arabic. Not content with degrees in Pythagorean geometry and Khwarizmi algebra,36Abra was also a famous hostess and cook. Her salon and her parties at the Dakota during the war years attracted Ruth Benedict, Margaret Mead and Tallulah Bankhead, uncorking fine vintages and feasting on Abra's speciality, an international ratatouille of whole-roasted zucchini, Japanese eggplant and spicy Italian sausages alla putana37, later copied by Alice Waters for Chez Panisse. One fateful day in the blazing sun, Abra was stretching around one of the colossal stones with a tape measure seeking the Nabateans idols of the sun god Dushara, whose symbol was an uncut black stone. (Allat, the great mother goddess of Arabia, was his mother and consort.) All over Petra she had opened carved niches containing pillars or large separate monoliths representing Dushara. She was in front of the Treasury [Khazneh] when a troop of Bedouins came thundering up picturesquely on their sleek Arabian steeds. Their muskets firing, the Bedouins surrounded Abra and sent her native helpers scurrying into the dust. She, fearing for her life but resolute, rose and turned to face the crowd of swarthy men. The tallest--sensually dark and handsome-- dismounted and came in her direction, seizing her by the hand and wrapping his other arm around her waist. A scream was forced from her lips as they were pressed against the firm mouth and bulging chest of this man with magnetic dark eyes. In an instant, Abra was swept away, a captive of the Sheikh. Making from Petra for the Wadi Arabah, the Sheikh's band had a stiff climb down, unloading and loading the horses and pack mules where the trail between rock cliffs was too narrow to let them pass. There at Wadi Musa, where the rock finally opened, these wild knights of the desert paused and pitched their tents, while the erotic dancing girls undulated rhythmically. As they cooled their palates and ate their dates, the Sheikh's men knew they could not be followed, as they were the masters of their desert domain. An international incident ensued; the British Protectorate was forced to divert a key unit of men from Jerusalem to search for Abra, thereby leaving the King David Hotel unprotected. But that first night, Abra faced her captor alone on the moonlit desert. She was carried into his tent and bathed by three maidens who scented her hair with jasmine, then draped her in rich silks. She was thrown onto a divan covered in priceless rugs, right into the arms of the young Sheikh, now abluted and smelling of powerful, sweet musk--although there was also an intoxicating aroma of horse and sweat lingering at his thighs. Still determined not to collapse in fear, Abra sat up and said in archaic Arabic, "Honorable host, please treat this guest with the courtesies traditionally vouchsafed to strangers." His eyes widening, a smile brightening his sensual lips, the Sheik answered her in Oxbridge English, "You will be treated better than if you were a mere stranger. Remember how receptive to strangers they were at Sodom, which lies buried only a few leagues from here. Now I will have a kiss!" Abra, feeling it was more strategic not to resist too much, tried to turn away, but his exotic honeyed tongue darted between her lips before she was prepared. "Ohhh, please," she moaned. "Be gentle." The Sheikh emitted a low musical laugh and replied, "I am always gentle and always savage. In this case, however, since you are an agent of international petroleum prospectors, you do not deserve much gentleness in this our desert land." He pulled her roughly toward him and, grasping her wrists, extended her body across the soft rugs and lay atop her. "I am a scientist and a virtuous woman," Abra cried in Natabean, but her cries went unheeded as the moon and its caravan of stars crossed the blue desert. ". . . ." Less than a year later, the Sheikh proudly held up Achmed ben Maslow-Sheikh, his beautiful son, and named him his heir, commanding all the tribes of Bedouins to swear fealty and loyalty to him forever. As they swore their oaths, the baby's mother shot her violator, the father of her child, through the heart and was consequently set upon and butchered by the loyal Bedouins. Achmed, however, grew to manhood, (shortening his name to ben Maas), went to Oxford like his father, and --hurrying along this story-- became the chief accountant for Phillips Petroleum. He married the delicate daughter of a Greek tycoon and they had four sons and--the deglet noor of his eye--a daughter, Oedipa. Raised in historic Baghdad, the urban center of the most sophisticated Islamic country in the world, Oedipa outdistanced her girlfriends, and especially her brothers, in all games and in learning. Particularly fond of riding and polo, Oedipa was furious when at thirteen she was no longer permitted on the team. She grew rebellious, flirted with the Baathists but left them quickly, and was soon the leader of the transnational smarty set of oil-rich sons and daughters who outraged their parents with their sexual license and intellectual probing. Oedipa smouldered, knowing she must achieve self-actualization. At fifteen, after an incident at the Iraq Desert Country Day School where she was nearly violated by a US Army Baptist chaplain, Oedipa ran away to Jerusalem and became a dedicated revolutionary, had brief and fiery affairs with Edward Said and Leila Khaled, escaped to California, and joined the Wymmyn's Fyre Brygade, an anti-imperialist collective in Encino. It was from there she helped Tania to run from the bullets, and where she began her Transition, taking testosterone and pumping iron, surgically molding breasts into hard pecs. By age thirty, he was Achmed, an anti-imperialist like his grandfather, a Marxist Muslim, fighting global capitalism and sexual oppression around the world. Hated by fundamentalists, feared by global capitalists, Achmed worked in clandestinity, supporting himself as a sex worker, male or female, as the revolutionary situation demanded. Petra and Petroleum Petra sat at the crossroad of two major ancient routes, the King's Highway and the Incense Route. It was these routes which were fought over so violently between Solomon and the Edomites. The wealth gained in their control was fantastic, as witness the stories told of Solomon's Temple, etc. Its first written history is found in the Hebrew Bible; for the land about it was Mount Seir of old (now Esh Sera), home of the Horites, cave dwellers whose progenitor was Hori, the grandson of Seir (Gen.36:20). These Horites are first mentioned at the time of Abraham in connection with the subjugation of the land by Chedorlaomer. King Amaziah of Judah made war against the children of Seir and took Selah (Petra? see argument above), smiting ten thousand. "And other ten thousand left alive did the children of Judah carry away captive, and brought them unto the top of the rock, and cast them down from the top of the rock, that they all were broken in pieces" (2Chron. 25: 12). Could this "top of the rock" have been Umm el Biyara? The debate continue to rage. We know that Crusader King Baldwin I constructed at Petra a castle called Selah, the Bible name for Petra (2Ki.14:7). He was following the old idea of controlling and taking toll from the caravan routes, money being his prime objective in the Crusade. Though Crusaders constructed a fort there in the 12th century, they soon withdrew, leaving Petra to the local people. The city died out of men's memory, and the nomads used it as a hideout, living in the nearby caves, for a thousand years. 17 Poolside "A beautiful morning," says Mr. Sithole to Cyril and Vyvyan, stuffing a newspaper behind his back. He calls them over to introduce a young man in an International Male pool lounging outfit. "Mr Burst and Lord Throbbing, this is Mr. Tilden; he's learning bartending and hotel service. Tim, please help these gentlemen get comfortable at poolside." "Quelle convenance," flutes Cyril. "Handsome Timmy," fifes Vyvyan as the three head toward the pool. "Have a pleasant day, milords," says the Manager oilily, shoving Timmy after them. Cyril oboes, "Down at the far end, away from the Casino. It's quieter." Baring their leathery skin to the sun, Cyril and Vyvyan settle on chaises longues, inviting Tim Tilden to join them. He sits between them on a towel and pulls off his shirt, revealing a Hellenic marble chest upholstered in white wool. "How are you gentlemen enjoying the summer? What brings you to this godforsaken shack?" He picks thoughtlessly at a scab on his nipple. Vyvyan replies, "Oh, it's too cold down in Namibia where we live. And we're always traveling anyway--it's our work. And you? Aren't you American? "African American," says Tim. "I've lived here since I was twelve years old. See, Mrs. Sithole brought me here from Hollywood 'cause I was an orphan. My mom was in the movies and my great-great uncle was almost President; he won the popular vote in the highly-disputed Tilden-Hayes election of 1877. He was defeated in the House by radical reconstructionists, which was a good thing. I'm going to study film this year." "Oh, everyone will be so proud of you, young man,' Vyvyan tells him. Just then, a stricken policewoman rushes by carrying a scorched baby with a bottle clenched in its mouth. "Oh, the poor child!" gushes Cyril. "I must see what I can do." Pulling on his shirt, he dashes toward the front of the hotel. "Cyril has such a generous heart," Vyvyan sighs lovingly. "God knows he's kept me all these years. And I was an orphan too, from the Blitz!" "You were? I guess he can afford it." Vyvyan gaily retorts, "Oh, we live on nothing--eat like two old birds. Cyril got fantastically rich selling gentlemen's jimmys--AIDS, you know. But all the money--750 million pounds--went into the Burst-Throbbing Foundation for Wayward Boys and Girls. The BTF rescues sex-variant children all over the world. . . Well, mostly Africa and the Middle East." "Another Disney operation?" Tim sneeringly asks. "Oh no, dear, we're not Disney at all. We're the anti-Disney. . A Phalanx. . . Sunblock?" "Uh, thanks. I need it." As Vyvyan lubricates Tim's alabaster muscles, he exclaims, "What entrancing eyes! You have eyes like a Siberian Husky; underneath the red they are ice blue." "Yeah, I guess it's the albinism." Cyril bustles back to say "My stars, Vyv. That baby was nearly electrocuted in the Casino. They're searching for its mother now." "Oh Cyril, you're very flushed. Sit under the shade. Here, take a valium and calm down." "Um, can I have one too?" asks Tim as winningly as he can. "Maybe you two would like to relax upstairs with a massage? I'd better get out of the sun." "Speak up, dear boy--Cyril and I are both deaf as posts. . . Ohh, no thank you. We're meeting a nice musical artist here for lunch." 18 Mobe and the Old Boys: A Whiter Shade of Pale "Hello Uncle Vyvyan," said Mobe 68. "You look beautiful in the sun." "Oh, you dear boy! Sit here beside me. Ferdie, you sit there next to Cyril so he can feel you up. No sense fiddling with Mobie, who still thinks he's 'jam38'." " Hi, Cyril. How are you, love?" asked Mobe, kissing his uncles on both cheeks. "I'm so happy to be here and not in Ubud. We got out just before the summer Hindu surfers arrived." "What are you reading, Ferdie dear?" Cyril asked him. "Would you boys like a drink? Vyvyan, call Achmed over. Mobius, we have wonderful news! We just ran into your Aunt Karen!" "Ugh! Please don't tell her I'm here yet, Cyril. I can't take another session with the photo albums. Ferd, you better go to the desk and leave her a message." "That's right, love. And we need a few minutes tete a tete with Mobe. Be a dear and tell Achmed we'll have a Svack before lunch--the round bottle, tell him. And watercress sandwiches for four?" As Ferd walked away, Cyril bent nearer his nephew to say, "We have two exciting assignments for you! We've been so busy! Caprice, our old friend, is the cook here. Her spies have put us in communication with a Malian woman who wants to prevent her 11-year old niece from receiving FGM." "FGM? We've never intervened in FGM. We don't impose our values, Uncle Cyril." "But in this case we will, dear. The girl has a reputation for being too mannish, and her mother and father are dead set on female genital mutilation; it is going to be part of an initiation rite, accompanied by explicit teaching about the girl's role in her particular Kenyan society," Vyvyan shudders. "Apparently, the mother said, 'We are circumcised and insist on circumcising our daughters so that there is no mixing between male and female... An uncircumcised woman is put to shame by her husband, who calls her "you with the clitoris". People say she is like a man. Her organ would prick the man...' " Cyril adds, "The family is rich, they live in Nairobi, but they are said to be in despair over their daughter's 'perverted sex drive.' They had decided to forgo the ritual when the girl was eight, but now. . . This mutilation procedure will be performed by a qualified doctor in hospital under local or general anaesthetic--very humane, they claim.39" "What do you want me to do, then?" "We have the cleverest plan, dear. You will impersonate a surgeon, fake the procedure, and bring the girl and her mother here to Caprice to 'recuperate.' Then Caprice and her family will go to work convincing the mother the girl is better off being herself. Isn't that a scream!" "OK, if you want it done, then it's done. Why didn't you want Ferd to hear about it? He's cool. And he'll have to make the arrangements." "We don't know him as you do, Mobe dear. We trust your judgment. Here he is, and here's dear Achmed with the luncheon." "I left the message," Ferd reports. "Countess Karen is apparently meeting with WTO security people right now, but will be available later. What did I miss?" "I'll give you the details later, " says Mobe. "Now let's eat. We want to hear about assignment two." "A queer case, boys," Vyvyan archly says. "In Denmark, there's a seventeen-year-old boy who is being forced into a gay marriage. The child is gay, but he doesn't want to be married. His lover's parents, who are Americans from New Hampstead . . ." "New Hampshire . . ." "New Hampshire, then," . . Cyril sighs. Who knew it would come to this? I miss the old days when we musical types were merely sinful. Now the American gay people are so dreary. And liberal parents . . . Oh!" "The poor boy," says Vyvyan, gumming his watercress. "Read a little from your book, Ferdie. I loved Heraclitus at school. And no, I never met him!" Ferd reads, "It is not good for men to get what they want."B10 "To be self-controlled is the greatest excellence. And wisdom is speaking the truth and acting in knowledge in accordance with nature." B112 The world, the same for all, neither any god nor any man made, but it was always and is and will be, fire ever-living." B30 Marcus Aurelius' Meditations (VI,ii,17.2)quotes: "so Heraclitus, I think, says that even those who are asleep are workers and fellow-workers in the events of the world." "Just like us, Cyril, says Vyvyan lovingly. "After lunch let's take a nice nap. Read on, it's so stimulating, Ferd--even in English." Plato quotes Heraclitus saying . . . "every thing moves and nothing rests; you would not step twice into the same river." Cratylus 402A "We are and we are not. "The path up and the path down are one and the same, constant, ever changing. Disease makes health pleasant and good, hunger satiety, weariness rest. B114 "Combination--wholes and not-wholes, concurring differing, concordant discordant, from all things one and from one all things." B1040 19 Merle the Compassionate Bodhisattva Merle the Maltese lifts his leg to the Joshua Tree. "May this water bring health to all beings." In gratitude, the tree leaves rub pathetically. It is very old for a transplanted tree, struggling to maintain its life in a climate that is too cold and wet, then too hot and dry. It is patient in the morning sun. It tells Merle "The existence of reciprocal relationships of things implies that each tree--like me-- existing in nature makes some contribution to what the universe as a whole is, a contribution that cannot be reduced completely, perfectly and unconditionally, to the effects of any specific set or sets of other things--lie dogs-- with which I--as a tree-- am in reciprocal interconnection. And, vice versa, this also means evidently that no given thing can have a complete autonomy in its mode of being, since its basic characteristics must depend on its relationships with other things. The notion of a thing is thus seen to be an abstraction, in which it is conceptually separated from its infinite background and substructure. Actually, however, a thing does not and could not exist apart from the context from which it has thus been conceptually abstracted. And therefore the world is not made by putting together the various "things" in it, but rather, these things are only approximately what we find on analysis in certain contexts and under suitable conditions "41 Merle is not merely sentient, he is sapient: he has had many previous lives, beginning as a dung beetle in Gandhara, at the monastery where Jesus studied Theravada Buddhism. Most recently, a human healer with the Carnivale who, offered complete absorption into the infinite, was so filled with compassion that he returned to Earth as a dog. Merel's entirely legitimate, but unregistered offspring include Laika, the beautiful spacedog of Sputnik II, Petrasche (Dog of Flanders immortalized in the eponymous Disney film) and Mr. Peabody and his boy Sherman.42 Not so many years ago, after undergoing an ecstatic epiphany upon lapping up water at Lourdes, Merle was baptized by the saintly but controversial Cardinal Pirelli. As he progressed through the realms of karma, he has worked all his lives to ease suffering. He listens to the tree. Old elm that murmured in our chimney top The sweetest anthem autumn ever made And into mellow whispering calms would drop When showers fell on thy many coloured shade And when dark tempests mimic thunder made - While darkness came as it would strangle light With the black tempest of a winter night That rocked thee like a cradle in thy root - How did I love to hear the winds upbraid Thy strength without - while all within was mute. It seasoned comfort to our hearts' desire, We felt that kind protection like a friend And edged our chairs up closer to the fire, Enjoying comfort that was never penned. Old favourite tree, thou'st seen time's changes lower, Though change till now did never injure thee; For time beheld thee as her sacred dower And nature claimed thee her domestic tree. Storms came and shook thee many a weary hour, Yet stedfast to thy home thy roots have been; Summers of thirst parched round thy homely bower Till earth grew iron - still thy leaves were green. The children sought thee in thy summer shade And made their playhouse rings of stick and stone; The mavis sang and felt himself alone While in thy leaves his early nest was made, And I did feel his happiness mine own, Nought heeding that our friendship was betrayed, Friend not inanimate - though stocks and stones There are, and many formed of flesh and bones. Thou owned a language by which hearts are stirred Deeper than by a feeling clothed in word, And speakest now what's known of every tongue, Language of pity and the force of wrong. . . . - Such was thy ruin, music-making elm; The right of freedom was to injure thine: As thou wert served, so would they overwhelm In freedom's name the little that is mine.43 As he caninely muses about inter-being, he is startled by a policewoman running toward the pool and the front, carrying a baby in her arms. He says to himself, "I can tell that extinction nears for that child is near. I remember the teaching of the Enlightened One in the Kevatta (Kevaddha) Sutta:44 (The Passing Away & Re-appearance of Beings) 'With his mind thus concentrated, purified, and bright, unblemished, free from defects, pliant, malleable, steady, and attained to imperturbability, he directs and inclines it to knowledge of the passing away and re-appearance of beings. He sees -- by means of the divine eye, purified and surpassing the human -- beings passing away and re-appearing, and he discerns how they are inferior and superior, beautiful and ugly, fortunate and unfortunate in accordance with their kamma: 'These beings -- who were endowed with bad conduct of body, speech, and mind, who reviled the noble ones, held wrong views and undertook actions under the influence of wrong views -- with the break-up of the body, after death, have re-appeared in the plane of deprivation, the bad destination, the lower realms, in hell. But these beings -- who were endowed with good conduct of body, speech, and mind, who did not revile the noble ones, who held right views and undertook actions under the influence of right views -- with the break-up of the body, after death, have re-appeared in the good destinations, in the heavenly world.' Thus -- by means of the divine eye, purified and surpassing the human -- he sees beings passing away and re-appearing, and he discerns how they are inferior and superior, beautiful and ugly, fortunate and unfortunate in accordance with their kamma. Just as if there were a tall building in the central square [of a town], and a man with good eyesight standing on top of it were to see people entering a house, leaving it, walking along the street, and sitting in the central square. The thought would occur to him, 'These people are entering a house, leaving it, walking along the streets, and sitting in the central square.' In the same way -- with his mind thus concentrated, purified, and bright, unblemished, free from defects, pliant, malleable, steady, and attained to imperturbability -- the monk directs and inclines it to knowledge of the passing away and re-appearance of beings. He sees -- by means of the divine eye, purified and surpassing the human -- beings passing away and re-appearing, and he discerns how they are inferior and superior, beautiful and ugly, fortunate and unfortunate in accordance with their kamma... This, too, is called the miracle of instruction.'" Knowing he is needed, Mere follows the nurse. 20 Burn Irritated at the disappearance of her Maltese, Countess Yousoupoff-Blitzen is perhaps too caustic to Oliver South; she virtually slaps his face with a news clipping. "What is this? Are we allowing amateurs to burn our assets now? Find these anarchists and eliminate them. Read this:" Intersex Demonstration Blasts a Message PARIS, Sept. 13, 2003 Figaro-Pravda A small band of intersex activists rallied in front of the Disney School of Surgical Enhancement and Body Design on Friday, September 13, 2003 to protest a gender revision surgical procedure scheduled for an unidentified infant. The 'Total Urogenital Sinus Surgical Procedure' was to be observed by participants of a 'Feminizing Genitoplasty and Total Urogenital Mobilization' seminar presented by the hospital. with associated surgery by Dr. Dirck Diink of the Finno-Ugric University School of Medicine. Approximately two dozen people picketed the hospital in a peaceful effort to draw attention to what they perceive as nonconsensual genital mutilation. Several protestors were intersexed people whose surgery as children resulted in assignment to the wrong gender. Approximately twenty minutes before the procedure was to begin, a bomb went off in the empty surgical theater. The combined bombing and picketing efforts paid off. Not only did Dr. Diink cancel his appearance, but the hospital also invited talks by adult survivors of early childhood surgery intended to assign an infant to one gender or the other. Several of the protestors were intersexed people whose surgery as children resulted in assignment to the "wrong" gender. "This action by queer, transgender and intersex activists loudly demonstrates our collective outrage at what is occurring in hospitals around the country five times a day to non-consenting children We acted to show the lies in the twisting of "Sexual Orientation" and "Gender Identity and/or Expression," Medicalization of Anatomy, and the insistence of society to place people in the binary sex model, wherein a man is a man and expresses masculine characteristics, while a woman is a woman and expresses feminine characteristics, and their sexual dichotomy exists for procreation. This model goes to the core oppression of the entire LGBTIQ community, whether one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex, Queer, or Questioning." unsigned communique 21Tim and Ana K. Poolside talk about orphans has Timmy a little upset. "I shouldn't have bragged about my relatives," he thinks. "Nobody cares about who I am related to." Tim doesn't know how wrong he is. Cyril and Vyvyan care enough to have secretly financed Tim's emancipation from California Child and Family Services and brought him to Mrs. Sithole. Their B-T Foundation has liberated thousands of young gay, lesbian, transgender, intersex kids and created new lives for them. Timmy, a long way from the Hollywood Napkin Ring, has luckily forgotten much of his life on the Boulevards and the men who were kind to him only to get him in the back seat of a car. "The Sitholes are cool ," he is relieved to say almost every day. But now he's looking for his new friend, a nice but sleazy girl who's visiting her mom here. "She'll be in the Casino still. But that baby looked like . . ." Tim breaks into a run, beginning to realize something might be really wrong. He can't figure out what the baby would be doing running loose, getting hurt maybe. Skidding into the bar, he nearly collides with a Black-suited man. "Hey, you, kid! Stop right there. What are you doing here? "I work here, well sometimes. My uncle is the manager." "OK, then. " The Black suit changes his voice to a friendlier, much friendlier tone. "OK, then. Tell me what you know about a baby. Were you here a couple hours ago?" He already knows the kid was behind the bar in the late afternoon. "Yeah. If it was the same one, there was a baby here. A girl was with her, like blonde hair, a little high. Where is she? Did something happen to her?" "There's no girl here," says Black suit, his hand closing around Tim's elbow, "unless you mean those kids over at the video games." Tim pulls himself free and runs over to question two longhaired kids playing Survival of the Fittest. "Lou. . . Franky . . ou est la fille qui etait ici avec le bebe? Pense! Franky, que'est que ce que vu? "Ici? Rien. Ne vu pas rien! Laissez que nous juissons le video. Laissez nous en paix!" "Nothing, they were too zoned out to see anything," Tim tells the man in black. "I gotta find her." "We've got a lot more to worry about, kid.. By now that baby may be dead. It might be a kidnap thing. You look around for this girl if you think she knows something. And come report to me before you leave." Tim moves erratically around the casino, finding no trace except a used Pamper and a Minnie bag. He heads for the bathrooms, waits impatiently for a woman to come along to check the Dames. When no one goes in or out, he pushes the door open and walks in, bending to look in the stalls. There! A pair of jeans pulled down over fancy Pumas. It's her! "Oh, god," he sighs. "I just met up with her. She was all 'you're so white, cute, let's hook up.' . . Now she's all blue . . . and . . . dead. Police! Help!" 22 Emergency Ward: Burn Trauma: Panopticonvict From this point of view, Rusche and Kirchheimer { Punishment and Social Structures, 1939, ed.} relate the different systems of punishment with the systems of production within which they operate: thus, [. . .] the penitentiaryforced labour and the prison factory appear with the development of the mercantile economy. But the industrial system requires a free market in labour and, in the nineteenth century, the role of forced labour in the mechanisms of punishment diminishes accordingly and 'corrective' detention takes its place. [ ..] Every offense now carries within it, as a legitimate suspicion, but also as a right that may be claimed, the hyupothesis of insanity, in any case of anomaly.45 "Electrocution!" screams the EMT. "Oxygenate her, she has possible brain complications." In comes the harried ER doctor. "Where's next of kin? We have to deal with the burns now, let the brain alone." In comes the nurse. "Poor baby! At least she's not a suicide like that Korean.46" In comes a State official with an alligator purse. "We need to keep this baby under surveillance. She may be a crime victim. This child may be the victim of parental abuse, and we must interrogate her mother." "What makes you think this child even has a mother?" sneers the doctor. "I'm disgusted with your system that lets women drop babies like laundry." "Call the psychiatrist, 47 " says the alligator official. "Watch this baby!" Novy enters running, demanding to know, "What are you doing to our baby? I'm a mother.". Snuffling toward the bed comes Merle, his eye-hair standing up to clear his vision. Novy punches the only speed-dial number on her cel. "Mona, honey, it's me. I've got bad news. You need to come to Mickey's EuroDisney Emergency right now. It's the baby." She hangs up to screaming on the other end. The phone rings as Novy leans over the baby. "Try, little girl--try to live!" she gulps, not crying. Mere the Maltese runs barking around the room. " I will have to contravene natural processes of death here. This calls for the Atanatiya ritual,48a healing ceremony that primarily belongs to folk religion; it has become a ceremony purporting to fulfill, at the popular level, the socio-religious needs of the simple rural Buddhists. . I will have to utilize the primitive but colourful dances, gestures and prayers that a refined Buddhism might disdain. In this incarnation I am European- (and obedience-) trained; why, I can understand the Texaco Metropolitan Opera broadcasts without the obstacle of English translations, so my dharma would normally more resemble that of the ch'an." "In this crisis," he thinks, "with Mona Lisa and the baby, we can posit that the child has need for tovil--exorcism of evil influences. The Buddha is the chief of living beings, who include the yakkhas and other related non-human beings that figure in tovil. Although they have the power to make their victims ill in various ways -- such as by possession, gaze, etc. -- they have to leave them once propitiatory offerings of food, drink, etc., are made to them. Even the mere mention of the Buddha's virtues is enough to frighten them. Moreover, the chief of the yakkhas, Vessavana (Vesamuni), is one of the four regents of the universe (maharaja) and as such a devoted follower of the Buddha. The ordinary yakkhas that trouble human beings have to obey his commands. Thus, in all rituals connected with tovil, it is in the name of the Buddha and Vessavana that the yakkhas are commanded to obey the orders of the exorcist. And in the rich folklore that deals with tovil, there are many anecdotes that connect every ritual or character with some Buddha of the past or with some Buddhist deity." Into the room comes Timmy, staggering with the murdered Ana K. in his arms. Behind him is MonaLisa, her eyes pleading for surcease of sorrow. "Detenez ces femmes--criminelles, Magdalenes, putains-- la," dit le oficiel avec le sac de alligateur. And coming down the corridor are Oliver South and his black-suited men, briefcases at the ready. The Atanatiya Ritual Merle yips the growing crowd into silence. He knows that first one must recite the Metta, Dhajagga, and Ratana Suttas. He does so. "We will dispense with the armed guard and getting the patient to offer me a seat and go directly to the paritta, the offering of flowers and lamps to the dagaba, and the recitation by the bhikkhu (me) of a set of benedictory stanzas, called (Maha)-mangala-gatha.[24] " He summons a full assembly of the deities. Then, he barks out orders to the evil spirit to say his name. "I am the devil in the details," is heard coming from the blue lips of the baby. The compassionate Dog tenderly licks the burned face of the baby and tells the devil, firmly but respectfully, "the merits of offering incense, flowers, alms, etc. are all transferred to you; the mangala-gatha just referred to have been recited in order to appease you (pannaharatthaya: as a gift) and you should therefore leave the patient in deference to the Sangha (bhikkhusangha-garavena)." This is the dangerous point, as Merle knows well. If the spirit still refuses to leave, the deities must be informed of his obstinacy and the Atanatiya Paritta will be recited after declaring that as the spirit does not obey them, they are carrying out the order of the Buddha.49 Panting in concentration, Merle invokes the second-highest spirit of his universe, the reader. "Dear Reader, if the spirit will not leave, the baby will be left in a coma. Should the Author let her live, or leave her to vegetate?" Timmy turns toward the imagined viewers and implores us, utilizing a perhaps-inefficacious formula, "please, let her live. Say 'I believe.' Clap your hands!" A clock is heard ticking, and sands run through an hourglass, whispering suspense. The heart monitors ping ominously. Two mothers hold each other, shrieking their fear. Sunlight pours bluely through the regrettable Chagall windows. South mutters his expectation of a clean merciful death for the electrically ravaged child; she is negligible collateral, as he assumes she is already damned by the sins of her wanton mother. He is after frying bigger fish. Meanwhile, what is a devil to do? And suddenly, putti appear through the ceiling, holding a laptop, and the screen says, "You've got mail." A celestial hand reaches out to click the verdict: What, readers, will it be? 23 Digression on Shame "Mommy, I just love Shame." Brandon de Wilde in the George Stevens 1953 fillm with Alan Ladd, Jack Palance and Jean Arthur "I like the gods. I like them very much. I know exactly how they feel. Exactly." Jack Palance in the Jean-Luc Godard 1963 film Contempt, with Brigitte Bardot, Fritz Lang and Michel Piccoli George Eliot puts down her pen and sighs. Looking, as I think Virginia Woolf said (VW might have been calling the kettle beige), like "a sorrowful but brainy horse," she muses, The Nineteenth Century Novel is, aside from its aspects in verisimilitude--depiction of 'realistic' characters caught in the contradictions of ubanising capitalism--an essay in philosophical inquiry. Consider my Middlemarch, where consciousness itself was examined through the minds of Dorothea, Casaubon, Ladislaw, etc. Readers were aware, I trust, that the "stealthy convergence of human lots" arose from genetic predisposition, social conditions, and ideological (religious) conviction. I just wish I could write funny stuff too. She writes: Dear P___, I enjoyed reading your book, 50which provoked many thoughts for me. If I can now remember them, I will try to write some down. Our brains seem to work through chemical and electrical circuits that first register bodily impressions--whether presented from outside through the senses or internally from nerves monitoring the body or nerves monitoring the thought processes and memory. The mind develops as a consciousness that our brain/body is actively involved in the process of processing. The mind is somehow tricked into believing that it is continuous and identical to itself, despite the ocurrence of different sense impressions and different sentient responses at each moment of our lives. We seem to want to believe we are the same from day to day; hence, the creation of a "self" as a vessel of continuity, of identity. Of course this "self" is inflected by genetic and cultural factors: a 21st C US gay white male self is not just biological, but historical. This "self" comes to dominate our reception of input and processing of reactions--feelings and thoughts. There is some speculation that because women are subjected to much more biological change on a periodic basis, they have less investment in the rigid maintenance of a continuous self-identical "self." In any case, most of Western history explains things on the basis of continuities, individual or social, and the interruptions to continuity. Our "self" tries to hold things together in the midst of ongoing chaos by assuming continuities and asserting it can and must integrate different responses to similar and even wildly divergent processes that happen to the body and the mind. One of the ways it asserts this attempted integration is to believe the individual thoughts that pass through our minds (scientists concerned with thoughts and consciousness say a thought passes through in around 20 seconds, and that a new one occurs at least as often) are connected to each other, although they are not--in fact--connected by anything except the assertion of their connectedness. I take from this the conclusion that a desire to integrate different impressions, feelings, or impulses into a self is based on an illusory belief that it is even possible, and therefore that the attempt to integrate is always a failure. That failure results in a feeling of inadequacy that is the genetic consequence of the fact that our brains are too sophisticated for our own good. An individual human feels inadequacy (basic shame) not because he/she isn't as good as others, but because no human is capable of integrating what is not integrate-able. Nor is any human capable of reconciling autonomy vs doubt of her capabilities, love vs hate, like vs dislike, or any other thing we see as dichotomous, bifurcated, opposite--because binaries are also inadequate to contain the complex variability of situations and lead to rigid distinctions about what is inside and what is outside, what is good and what is bad, what is functional and what is dysfunctional. Human society functions through the confusion of our connections and disconnections with others and ourselves, pretending we are individual identities and creating power networks that pervade every distinction. Sexuality is one of the confusing connections/disconnections that is infused with power and powerlessness, and is--like all other processes--actually not composed of self and other, in and out, good and bad, creative and destructive, because these binaries are inadequate but just about as far as our brains can go with the delusions of continuity and self-identity. 20th-21st C gay men in the US inherit American culture and struggle with it, burdened like all other humans, with the delusion that it is possible to integrate impossibly divergent feelings, impressions, impulses, into a coherent "self." Since we can't, we feel shame. Others feel shame too, but our shame is inscribed with the dichotomies and hierarchies of masculine power in our own particular gay male way, as constructed by the social processes (gender, class, race, geographic accident) of the last several centuries. So, why not decide that shame is inevitable, that everyone feels it in her/his own body, and that therefore it is not useful to do anything with it except ilaugh at it and move on. We ignore the fact that we can't fly: we don't feel shame at not being able to overcome gravity. We do invent airplanes and banana peel jokes. We also invent philosophies, psychologies and religions that help transcend the blame and depression that are reactions to the inadequacy of the human brain. We even invent anti-depressants, most of which are pretty crude at this stage. Wild sex is one of the incommensurable feelings, bodily and social processes that sometimes breaks through the rigidities of "self" and allows us the relief of a dis-integration, of non-identity. It can't last, because our mind/body cannot continue without the assertion of identity. Ecstasy means (from Greek) outside the self. But nothing we have invented can overcome the basic problem that we can't integrate un-integrate-able differences; we want wild sex and we want domestic comfort. They can be made to coexist, but they can't be made into one stable thing. The recent history of gay sex, through sexual experimentation to the search for transcendence and blowing our minds to AIDS to post-AIDS ennui and depression is, I think, evidence of our biological and social limitations. Two 20th C gay white American men were talking together. One asked the other, "Do you smoke after intercourse?" The other replied, "I don't know, I've never looked." The Other is, of course, non-identical, different from me and different from itself. We all think poop smells, but each of us thinks our own poop actually smells pretty ok. We like its familiarity, and hope it is the same every time. We like sameness--men particularly like sameness, and they seek to be the same all the time. They also like other men because they are the same, familiar to the senses. It is possible for a man to imagine how another man feels pooping, sweating, running, eating, laughing, being hurt, being afraid. Since he seeks to integrate his contradictory impulses, he looks to other men for help and for models of how to do that. Woman must more clearly notice she is different every minute, and markedly different through the month. Man looks to woman to be different, and cannot imagine integrating her except by inserting himself into her--fearfully entering into something different, with different smells and textures, unsure he is safe. Unsure whether he is doing the right thing or inflicting harm, he tells himself this is the natural thing to do, although he would feel more secure if she was familiar like Daddy and not mysterious like Mommy. Male supremacy may be just homophobia--fear of same, not fear of homos--an misinterpretation of the safety of sameness into a demand for difference, an insistence on integration by inserting himself into Other, ruling her, it. If this were the case, our shame, the mind's conclusion that the biological incapacity of the mind to reconcile contradictory thoughts and feelings is to be interpreted as failure and inadequacy qua humanness, when in fact each human faces the same incapacity and deems her/himself a failure, may be inscribed in our "culture" as our desire for the Other to allow us an escape from the shame of being unable to do what humans by nature are not really able to do--to integrate. No blame. Perseverance furthers. The superior man (sic) thinks it's a cosmic joke. Yours truly, Mary Ann P.S. Don't worry about gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender/intersex/queer marriage. Worry about Gavin Newsom's record on housing and the homeless. GW Bush realizes that calling for a Constitutional amendment is only a dumbshow: it won't be passed by 37 1/2 states. And the NY Times is editorializing (3/8/04) that same-sex (sic) marriage is inevitable. P.P.S. Bluto, Goofy, Grouchy and Bozo were voiced by the same man, Pinto Colvig. What does that say for verisimilitude in the animated film, which is the only direct descendant of the late Novel as narrative. 24 Grand Ballroom: Mlle. DisneyWorld-Adjacent Tonight: Competition for the Crown As flames licked at every tree in the unexpected heat of late October, the Pageant of the World's Most Up-to-Date (DW-A) was staged on specially-artificed sheets of ice, with scintillating snowflakes falling intermittently to be-dew the faces of the beautiful contestants. Mlle. Corporate Flight Hails from Canton, Ohio, USA. (Much-edited) LA Times In the last three years, Stark County, OH, which includes Canton, has lost 3,500 factory jobs, more than 10 percent of the total. Two years ago in Massillon, just west ofCanton, the lone rubber glove factory in the nation shut, moving production to Malaysia and India and throwing her father out of work. Last year, Hess Management of Austin,Tex., shut the Danner Press printing plant, costing 325 workers their jobs, and 700 steelworkers at Republic Technologies on the east end of town lost their jobs when Republic filed for bankruptcy. Thomas Briatico, president of Hoover Floorcare, based in North Canton, said all of Hoover's major competitors but one were buying their vacuum cleaners from Asia and Mexico. That foreign competition, Mr. Briatico said, has forced theaverage retail price of cleaners to drop 10 percent in two years. "It's put us at a little bit of a competitive disadvantage," he said. "In China, they pay their workers 55 cents an hour, and the easiest decision for me would be to go outsource in China. The tough decision is to stay here. I'm personally concerned about jobs leaving this country." "The truth is unless we can do something with these plants, they won't be globally competitive," said Mr. Timken, who recently stepped down as chairman of the National Association of Manufacturers. Mr. Timken said his company had been hurt by the strong dollar, China's undervalued currency and the harm that imports were causing his customers. Foreign competition was so intense, he said, that the price of manufacturing goods in the United States has fallen 4 percent in the last 10 years as the price of other goods has increased 18 percent. That, he said, has forced Timken and other manufacturers to increase productivity and reduce jobs. Mlle. Gray Market A pretty SE Asian miss from Indonesia, her headscarf made of velvet, burned into see-through floral patterns. NYT September 26, 2003 (Partly) by MARK LANDLER Hang around any schoolyard in Germany or college campus in Indonesia and it becomes clear that the recording industry's problems with the illegal online distribution of music in the United States pale beside the rampant piracy that goes on overseas. The industry's biggest hurdle may be cultural. As is the case among many young people in the United States, swapping files and burning tracks on CD's are viewed in most countries as routine, not renegade, behavior. After all, the most popular file-sharing software, KaZaA, was dreamed up by a Swede and written by three young Estonians. "I adored Leslie Cheung, but if he made 5 million or 2 million a year doesn't matter to me, honestly speaking," said our contestant, referring to the late gay Taiwanese pop star whose songs are actively swapped over the Internet. Piracy, of course, affects more than a pop star's paycheck. Sales of recorded music have plunged more steeply in several European and Asian countries than in the United States because of a combination of file sharing, home CD burning and the mass production of knock-off disks. In Germany, Europe's largest and hardest-hit market, sales have fallen by a third in the last five years. They are projected to decline another 20 percent this year, compared with a 12 percent first-half decline in the United States. These examples leave out China, where piracy exists on an entirely different scale. Nine out of 10 recordings in China are pirated, according to the International Federation of the Phonographic Industry, an umbrella group for 46 national industry organizations. File sharing appears to be as cross- cultural as any other type of piracy. The amount of swapping in a country generally correlates to the number of people who have PC's with high-speed Internet connections. That case will be no easier to make in Berlin or Bombay than it is in Boston. Consider the crowded store hidden between the curry stands and photocopying shops at Trisakti University in Jakarta, Indonesia. A sign outside advertises "Recordings! Your Favorite Songs in Cassette & CD Finished in 3-7 days." Inside, Miss GM and other students peddle "special" CD's for 12,500 Indonesian rupiah each (about $1.50). A legitimate CD bought in Jakarta's business district would cost six times that. For a little extra, customers can name 15 to 19 songs, and the shop will burn them on to a CD. Hip-hop and rhythm and blues are the most popular requests, and if the shop does not already have the song, no problem. Tonight's pageant compeitor's boyfriend ,Ferbie, will personally download it from the Internet at his father's office. "The customer is king," he said. Mlle. Illegal Market Bella hija de la familia Londoo, de Bogot, Colombia NYT September 18, 2003 By JUAN FORERO (con unos cambios en redaccion) BOGOT, Colombia, Sept. 17 - The United Nations said today that American-financed aerial eradication of Colombia's vast coca fields is starting to pay big dividends and released estimates that show the size of the crop dropping by 32 percent in the first seven months of the year. Production of coca - the main ingredient in cocaine - is increasing slightly in Peru and Bolivia. But the sizable reduction in Colombia's crop means that for the first time overall coca production in the Andes is dropping at a rapid pace. The new estimates from the United Nations Drug Control Program show that coca fields in Colombia fell to 170,430 acres on July 31 from 251,940 acres last December. At this rate, the United Nations said, Colombia's coca crop will be reduced 50 percent by the end of the year. The American Congress is debating whether to provide another $700 million in aid to Colombia on top of $2.5 billion that Washington has spent since 2000 to eradicate coca and undercut the financing source for Colombia's insurgent groups. Human rights groups frequently criticize President lvaro Uribe, uncle of tonight's contestant, and some American congressmen have questioned the effectiveness of United States aid. The new data, though, are sure to encourage supporters of eradication. "Many people who thought this couldn't be done in the past are having to rethink their assumptions," John Walters, the White House drug policy chief, said by phone from Washington. Unlike his predecessors, Mr. Uribe in his 13 months in office has allowed American planners to use spray planes whenever and wherever they have seen fit. Mr. Londoo, in charge of Colombia's drug policy, also attributed the decline in coca production to a fall in cocaine consumption in the United States. According to the Department of Health and Human Services, occasional users dropped to three million in 2000 from six million in 1988, with a concomitant rise in retail prices. "The question is whether this will be sustainable," Srta. Londoo said, sniffing audibly. To be continued . . . 25 Grand Ballroom, cont'd. As Mlle. NP skates onto the stage, the Countess hisses to Ollie, "Just look at this. The little peasant that killed theCancun talks along with himself. You've got to prevent these things.. But all the agriculture ministers left after that suicide. We need to get at the roots of dissent. We can no longer count on AIDS alone to clear out the excess farm labor pool already. Read this! It's his daughter!" Mlle Native Produce Farming Is Korean's Life and He Ends It in Despair NYTimes, September 16, 2003 By JAMES BROOKE JANGSU, South Korea, Sept. 15 - Before Lee Kyung Hae left for Cancn on his final mission to defend South Korean farmers, he climbed a hill behind his old apple orchard here. In the quiet solitude of his former farm, he cleaned up around his wife's tomb. The big news out of Cancn this week was the breakdown in the World Trade Organization talks, as the developing nations walked out in frustration over farm subsidies. To most of the world, Mr. Lee's act may have seemed like a sideshow, the latest face of extreme antiglobalist protest,perhaps, just a final desperate measure by a disturbed man. . . Mlle. African Immigrant (1st or 2nd generation) Cyril and Vyvyan flash their passes backstage. They call over Mobe, who is to perform tonight. Handing him a black briefcase, Cyril whispers to him, "We're leaving tonight, dear. Things are getting too hot for us here. We have a flight to Kuala Lumpur. We'll stop over in Dubai; the Emir is lending us a palace for a couple nights. God knows he's gotten enough diamonds through us." "Ugh," says Vyvyan, "don't say through. So messy it was. But you get to safety as soon as you are finished here." The pair hug their nephew and hand a coded note to Caprice Sithole, who nods her understanding. The Sitholes are rooting for Mlle. AI, who came from Tanzania with her brothers and sisters. Her home village had been an experimental Fair Trade cooperative, just beginning to succeed in reversing the Green Revolution fertilizer problem, until her mother, the village head, and her aunt, the chief agronomist, died. Agence France-Presse June 30 2003 The AIDS epidemic is threatening farm output and, in turn, many people in Africa who are vulnerable to poverty and hunger, according to United Nations officials quoted in this article. "The majority of African countries worst-hit by HIV/AIDS are also those heavily reliant on agriculture," said one such official. This article indicates that about 30 million of the 42 million people with HIV/AIDS live in sub-Saharan Africa, over half of them in rural areas. Last year, 5 million more people were infected with the virus, most of them living in low-income, food-deficit countries. In most of southern Africa, up to 80% of the population depends on small-scale agriculture for food and livelihood. The Joint United Nations Program on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS) issued a report on HIV/AIDS in partnership with the UN Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO), which said AIDS had killed 7 million agricultural workers since 1985 in the 25 worst-hit African countries. The epidemic could kill 16 million more by 2020. " "Where farmers and their families fall sick, they cultivate less land and shift to less labour-intensive and less nutritious crops, agricultural productivity decreases and hunger and malnutrition are on the rise. Many children are losing their parents before learning how to farm, to prepare food and to fend for themselves..." Mlle. Developed-Nation Aristocracy of Labor Unemployment As Factory Jobs Disappear, Workers Have Few Options NYT September 13, 2003 By STEVEN GREENHOUSE 2.7 million manufacturing jobs lost nationwide in those three years, many of them because of imports. Some economists say that even with a boom all those jobs are not likely to return. Factory unemployment has snowballed into a huge social and political issue across the Midwest, after manufacturing in the region boomed in the 1990's. President Bush gave a speech about manufacturing losses on Labor Day in Ohio, and the Democratic presidential candidates are pressing the issue. A wide range of figures suggests that the economy is likely to surge, but economists predict unemployment will remain almost unchanged at nearly 6 percent through the US 2004 presidential election. Since existence creates consciousness, Mlle campaigns on the slogan, "The fabric of this society is falling apart." The Winner: Mlle. DisneyWorld Adjacent: Mlle. Prion In a fetching cowgirl evening dress, the winner weeps tears of joy and triumph, which spread among the luminary crowd. Mad Cow Disease (BSE) is thought to be caused by a mysterious organic formation called a Prion. Prions are infectious agents which (almost certainly) do not have a nucleic acid genome. It seems that a protein alone is the infectious agent. The infectious agent has been called a prion. A prion has been defined as "small proteinaceous infectious particles which resist inactivation by procedures that modify nucleic acids". The discovery that proteins alone can transmit an infectious disease has come as a considerable surprise to the scientific community. Prion diseases are often called spongiform encephalopathies because of the post mortem appearance of the brain with large vacuoles in the cortex and cerebellum. Probably most mammalian species develop these diseases. Humans are also susceptible to several prion diseases: from Alan J. Cann, Principles of Molecular Virology, 3rd ed. NY: Academic Press, A Harcourt Scjence and Technology Company 1992 26 Leaving the Hotel "The start of terror we can hardly bear51" The Hotel Real Desert is in an uproar. Mr. Sithole has just been told by Achmed that he has an emergency and must leave for the South today. Mr. Throbbing and Lord Vyvyan Burst are on the way to Dubai52. All the guests seems to be checking out at once, even the long-time resident, Herr Rheinfahrt. To make matters worse, the black suits are after Timmy and Marcel, and the suite of offices he rents to a casting company is being boxed up and vacated before his eyes. "Yes, we are relocating," says the harried casting director. "We supply the reality extras for big news shows, and we have to get to Haiti immediately. Glancing at a printout in his hand, he tells his assistant, "Forget about the Iraqi women in black! We need sixty drunken soldiers, drooling rum and shooting, two children to eviscerate, dogs to run and bark, and a couple hundred sans cullotes to run before the cameras in Gonaives at 5:30 tonight. CNN is already contracted for another twenty roadside bodies outside Port-au-Prince. Keep up, you fool! Not you, Mr. Sithole, I apologize but this is business. Our parent company, World Security Operations, insists." Turning away, he shouts into a phone, "No, the suicide bombing is off until Thursday. The woman won't go until her father gets the cash for his operation." Between Ourselves53 We were talking, about the space between our selves, and S___ asked you as we eased past a car in greasy flames on the Autobahn in the dark, "Is love the purpose of life?" He reads German lit. And you said, "There is no purpose. It's just an accident." You lied, didn't You? S___, blue, blue and golden, muscular youth, virus teeming through his body, young enough to be your son. He says he's never even fallen in love, and maybe he should, he could. And You said "Life goes on, within you and without you." The mystery exits and sharp, dangerous turns, a growing taste for transfiguration, obliteration of self. S___ loves Mahler, undoubtedly Strauss. Heldenleben: Oh, to be really strong, to be present. And You said we could just fuck calmly, in Sein and Zeit. 27 Escape to Languedoc Lemmy and Achmed escape, flying south to Montpellier, an aspiring tourist center of 250,000 souls busily aestheticizing their decayed industrial and viniculture infrastructure. Rendez-vousing with undisclosed colleagues at the Musee Fabre, they are spirited into the Jardin des Plantes, where they spend three weeks installed in an exhibit of tableaux vivants representing stages of regional history, changing costumes every day (homme de tautavel (sic), greques/romaines, alamanii, saracens, huguenots, etc. Lumiere e Son de Histoire de Languedoc54 * 450,000 ans. AC L'homme Tautavel a vcu ct de Languedoc dans Rousillon. Des traces de la prhistoire ont t trouves dans Languedoc 32,500-1500 ans AC les restes des btiments, des tombeaux et des objets faonns indiquent le dveloppement de la civilisation moderne Interruption of a Different Reality All cold Gog feel cold snow outside wind blow all dark in cave All afraid Gog afraid cave bear cave protect all Gog pray on belly pray paint hand red hand on cave wall again again again hand pretty hand powerful Gog feel Magog here Magog hand pretty Magog pretty Gog pretty Smell Magog good Magog smell good All pray Goddess All eat Goddess food Paint Goddess dark center cave dark Goddess dark pray All pray dark Fire light warm All no cave bear pray pray pray pray Gog body sing Gog sing body All sing body Goddess Goddess sing Gog All love Gog love Gog paint Gog transported to another consciousness through the ecstatic chanting, where the sound enables All to transcend their fear and experience their wonder at being. Gog lack words Gog let children tell better "As do All adults, Gog envisions our People-those few hundred people he is certain are People-in communion, through the Goddess, with all the other beings, inhabiting rocks that break in useful shapes, water that cleans and cools, animals that give themselves to the people out of respect and necessity. The children speak better as they socialize more securely. The children confront the changing world around them: "We All are relieved to lay aside our fight-or-flight reflexes and to commemorate our births from out of the dark centers of the women, to feel the complexity of our love and frustration with each other, to stretch our cognition to encompass the thoughts of every entity we know." Gog read newspaper left by Fred: Star of One Million Years BC Joins Local Artists in Cave Project Flintstone Times (The All News That's Fit to Print), March 22, 30,004 BC Gog and a few dexterous others draw and paint the animals that inhabit their psychic universe, here at Grotte d'Chauvet in the future France, 30,000 years ago-before Altamira, 15,000 years before Lascaux. They fashion tools and fashion pictorial representations with perspective, use of pigment for line, shading, juxtaposition of images in complicated interactions and with both sympathetic magic and delight in the world and their own skill. Raquel Welch, the future film star of a film on our distant past, will honor Gog and other All artists at a ceremony at Chauvet Cave. (Contrary to rumor, Miss Welch will not be joined by Joan Crawford, on location nearby filming Son of Trog. This film has awakened much controversy among local shamans, who denounce it as "blasphemous: . . Only the Goddess has sons. This Trog, character should be shown worshiping Joan Crawford." Brendan Fraser, "hunk" star of Encino Man, is also unavailable.) Our community, All, is the winner of the Great Cave Communities award for 30,002. Miss Welch will present the award. We are sophisticated modern humans, able to learn and teach, conscious of our talents, trained by the environment to emphasize the overcoming of interpersonal frictions and cooperate. Perhaps there is some genetic memory of the bonobos we are related to, those great apes whose species, unlike their closest relatives the arboreal chimps, are terrestrial enough to relax and enjoy food and sex, without the environmental pressure for male hierarchies of domination. (see sidebar on production of art) from: Production and Art, by Leo Stoneberg, Ph.D., Oxbone Univ. We, the All, speak and make tools beautifully. All do not merely "produce," as in productive labor; All are fully modern but have not had to distinguish the infrastructural "labor" of acquiring and cooking food from the superstructural "leisure" of talking after eating or "ritual" of singing. It would be mistaken to see the life of All through the (Marxist) Western lens of "the production of the material necessity of life," since All linvest our prodigious cognitive and emotive skills in everything we do, and have developed complex society in which connections to each other and to the rest of the world are felt very strongly-more strongly-felt through community than through individual sensoria. Living is not easy for All: glaciers and the dangers of the hunt narrow our world; but All's painters, singers and dancers express and symbolize our cognitions in complex somatic, verbal and plastic form. It is important to note that All artists are not "representing" reality; as Gog says, "All dance in trance. Send Gog to look and mark. Gog paint allow animal to emerge from rock live with All." Gog enjoy primary (limbic) consciousness, like eat, sleep, fuck, trance Gog experience secondary (cerebral) consciousness as difficult, like plan, don't like make anxious or regretful In her award presentation, Miss Welch states, "For All, the cerebral cortex is a (relatively) newly-evolved toolset without an owner's manual, and its habit of focusing attention on the processes of feeling and cognition has brought in train the dis-ease of narrating, stitching transitory sense impressions and feelings into coherent but sometimes worrisome speculations on causation. Gog, like the others, has a legitimate fear of cave bears and cave tigers. But All tend to over-interpret dark as fearful, mentally narrating the fear threaded with memories of past attacks and predictions of possible future pain that may obscure the core brain state of efficiently living in the present. This tendency in the darkness of life is brightened by a voluntary surrender to the shared ecstasy of safety and worship of fecundity, envisioned in the shape of woman-as-Goddess. Since evidence of the need for X and Y chromosomes is invisible to them, All experience sexual contact without deducing its role in reproduction or imposing the standard of reproduction on the sexual activity. All, like the bonobos, have sex with same and other-gender partners. All see that children are born from the bodies of women. Their groups might be as matrifocal as bonobos' as well." Gog and Magog responsible for children Gag, Kag, Zag , Ig, Lig, Tig, Mog, Pog, Wog, Magug, Matug, Mawug: the future of Allkind. 28 But Deep in Holiness To: The Story Continues . . . From: Trzz@aliens.net O4-11-29,004 BC Dear TSC, Your description of Gog and Magog was noted here. Some of the views (fictionalized, I assume, by the author) were inaccurate. Please see the following actual quotations from individuals in the Chauvet Cave: "My body moves to the singing and drumming, the bone flutes, the holy waters shared, the bodies all around me in the resonating chamber of the cave." M, 44 "I come to a mental/bodily state where I embrace all of us as one, where our people feel special and right, where I and each one of us is full of light and power." F, 32 "Jagged crackles of flashes around our heads, our insides chanting audibly right out through our skins" F, 19 "A mute non-explosion when an aperture dilates in the cave wall, admitting us to the other part of the world, the part where all is alive, all we see, hear, touch, taste, smell, lift, set down, pound or caress" M, 17 "Our dead live with us in here, happily" F, 51 "All we remember and all we forgot is here before us, the deer and other meat, the bear and tiger to whom we are meat, the plants and water and rock look at us with recognition, welcome us, dotted lines of light, of power shoot from everything into me, from me into everything" M, 28 "Power of light Power of sound Powers of beings revealing their being to our eyes and ears I am not afraid of this power and the beings are not afraid of me" (gender uncertain), 30 "I can be in the darkness with light sweating out of my body, droplets hiss white circles on the cave floor as I turn, as I turn under the giant rhinos the horses rumble in the stone" F, 30 "Then absolute stillness, fires brighten, the world disappears into light" M, 29 The above are thoughts notated by myself, Trzz, an ethnobiologist from the region of Altair 4 (Krell people). I have spent 10,000 revolutions of Earth around its star watching these homo sapiens sapiens, I, Trzz herself, am immaterial, which enables me/her to eavesdrop on spoken and unspoken language, taking on such forms as lichens on cave walls, cave bear assailants on the attack, earwax of old people exchanging formulas to ward off decrepitude-whatever form necessary to record the descriptions the humans generate as they experience their ritual life. I, Trzz, believe that the humans she/I observe seek two categories of holiness. One is the state or process of transcendence, knowing the ultimate, stepping out of self, through pain, ecstasy, whatever, into a feeling of unity, wholeness, of uniting with higher levels of being. These modes of transcendence are more or less known and knowable, and can be correlated with the levels of brain/mind consciousness The other category is the recognition and embrace of Immanence, beyond epistemology, not a category of knowing, but one derived from the logic of inner and outer, self and other. I, Trzz note, "I reject the possible correlation of these two categories with the sexual division of labor among humans and ultimately with gender stereotyping. By the time of the High Paleolithic or Neolithic cultures of these caves, societies had evolved far beyond the basic divisions of child rearing and other tasks. I have witnessed the fact that women provide adequately for themselves and their children, and share the surplus, through food gathering and hunting of small, nearby animals. Given the consequent fact (as I have observed here in 30,000 BC) that social structures rather than necessity selected for hunting, I conclude that men developed hunting as a supplement, as something helpful but not usually necessary, something to do to exercise their brains and to take a more active role. Cooperation, and language, had already been established through experience of gathering, sharing and maintaining food and the health of mother-child groupings. All of these activities could be performed with the brain of a Neanderthal, as Trzz has observed among the Neanderthal groups who lived nearby the sites of the more sapient cave users. To: Trzz From: David Lewis-Williams (dlw@witwatersrand.edu) 04-12-04 Dear Trzz, I have seen your comments on this matter. Consider the following propositions: 1.The opening to immanent holiness in existence could be related to the evolution of the cerebral cortex and therefore to an unknowable knowing performed by the complex bundling of neural pathways but unavailable to consciousness. 2. The wonder felt at the "thusness" of everything might have its holy origin in the processes the brain uses to monitor its own active consciousness without transmitting them to the conscious mind. To: All Recipients From: Arnold Schopenhauer (arnieS@pessimism.com) 04-11-1886 "Life is a business whose returns are far from covering the cost. Let us merely look at it; this world of constantly needy creatures who continue for a time merely by devouring one another, pass their existence in anxiety and want, and often endure terrible affliction, until they fall at last into the arms of death." "If the world were a paradise of luxury and ease, men would either die of boredom or kill themselves. . . If children were brought into the world by an act of pure reason alone, would the human race continue to exist? Would not a man rather have so much sympathy with the coming generation as to spare it the borden of existence?" from "On the Sufferings of the World," in Complete Essays of Schopenhauer. In the world outside this fiction, the Author remembers a sacred statement tattooed on the arm of Cory Roberts-Auli (d. 1994?) , in Sanskrit, probably of Hindu origin: "Oh, beautiful one, do not withhold from me that which makes you: blood, worms, germs, flesh, phlegm, foul-smelling excretions, urine, sperm, feces and bone and everything that makes you what you are and will eventually turn to dust." While reading the above, Umberto Eco calls Ferd Eggan. "Hello, Ferd Eggan? Umberto Eco here. Fine, fine. How are the balls? Let's repeat the dialogue of my characters in Foucault's Pendulum (1988). I will be Lia, you be Casaubon (and yes, I did name him after Middlemarch.) C(FE):"The one true answer?" L(UE)"Of course. That there's nothing to understand. Synarchy is God." C: "God?" L: "Yes. Mankind can't endure the thought that the world was born by chance, by mistake, just because four brainless atoms bumped into one another on a slippery highway. So a cosmic plot has to be found-God, angels, devils. Synarchy performs the same function on a lesser scale." C: "Then I should have told him that people put bombs on trains because they're looking for God?" L:" Why not?" . . . FE: But Umberto Eco, be careful. Foucault's Pendulum, (1988) will be castigated for calling on searchers for God to put bombs on trains. UE: Impossible! That's like saying the past creates the present, when everybody knows it's the other way around! And anyway, God?? Puh-leeze! 29 Return to Reality 2004 Achmed and Lenny are hurtled back to the Museum tableaux. 600-50 ans AC tablissement des colonies grecques 560 ans AC tablissement des rglements phniciens 50 ans AC Commencement du mtier romain 300 - 500 AC invasion par Alamans, vandales et Visigoths 476 Effondrement de l'empire romain 700 AD par les saracens 865 AD Formation de la Catalogne 900 -1300 AD Guerre intermittente ayant pour rsultat des changements de rgle. limination du Cathares At this point Lemmy refuses, out of historical solidarity, to impersonate bloody corpses of his favorite heretics. He spends his time drunk on excellent local wines, fantasizing a very fulfilling populist Catharism. Lemmy imagines, but Siegfried and Joseph are on the road to Cologne, once the center of heretical antinomianism: "How marvelous!" sighs Herr Rheinfahrt, transported by a medieval woodcut of the cultus of Swabian Ries. "These itinerant beghards (M) and beguines (F) were 'immoral55.' Imagine being accused of gorging on rich foods and guzzling fine wines in the houses of the rich. What a life, and very subversive, walking from town to town , spreading the word that the poor are not just future inheritors of the Kingdom of Heaven, but they can be in it right now! Tramping around, not worrying about how slow walking is compared to the bus or a car." "I'd like that," says Joseph. "And let's throw in a cult of daily bathing-as-rebaptism, to keep the lice at bay and everyone smelling better-all for greater imitation of the human/divine body of Christ. And, of course, purity of soul would put them all beyond petty medieval morality. Since the Kingdom of God can be lived in the present, there is no need for reproduction, either. Free love!" "Better yet, they indulge their urges in homosexual acts." Around a campfire in the Rhineland, your friends around you. Somebody has come into camp with a stringed instrument and is singing about Divine Love in Provencal. You put your arms around the one you love divinely. Your hands stray beneath the robe to the chest of your partner. You. I stroke your hair, your beard, your manly chest. Your scent is strong with today's sweat and the rosemary we walked through all afternoon. A kiss as your strong neck bends back to take my mouth, the sliding of your tongue and the savory taste of meat and rare pepper. Your eyes . . . Your eyes. I first wanted you because of your brook-blue eyes under black lashes, black brows, my Siberian husky man. You penetrate me with your gaze, my body shivers even here next to the fire, as your icicle eyes become your rampant sex in me . . . Siegfried sniffles as his eyes refocus on the Autobahn. "Oh, Joseph, to walk the mountains with the wandervogels again. We had such good times, until the whole thing turned Nazi." Joseph answers, in calm compassion, "Herr S., your memory is a treasure-time you can revisit. Enjoy it for what it is, without regret if you can." "Ja, mein schwartz Buddha, I love you, but sometimes that advice seems a little hard to take. I am also impressed by the ideology, the Christology of those crazy 'Free Spirits.' Back in 1400, barely escaped from the Black Death, in a severely depopulated Europe, they called themselves 'poor good youths' and 'good daughters.' They rejected the sacramental system without worrying about excommunication. They said 'I am a poor boy or girl' instead of 'I am a poor man or woman' to emphasize their humility (?) and spoke impersonally: 'it is said to you' instead of 'I say to you.' They all were 'followers (and imitators) of Christ and the Apostles,' which was a way of indicating they disdained Church hierarchies and followed their own collective mystical inspiration." Meanwhile, Lemmy and Oedipa are nearing the end of their sojourn in Montpellier. 1500 aprs une longue priode de guerre et famine que les Franais tablissent control de la region 1559 Les guerres catholiques protestantes ont fini par Edict de Nantes accordant la libert de culte 1666 Le canal du Midi a dmarr 1875 Le phylloxera dtruit toutes les vignes 1962 Rapatriement des colons algriens Languedoc "Speaking of heretical views, here's one," says Achmed. "Remember the Schopenhauer line about how anyone who cares about people would think to spare future generations of the pain of living. Let's start a movement for negative population growth among affluent Westerners. Let's pledge not to have children and instead to leave some room and some oxygen for others. " Lemmy replies, "I hear the latest trend is for wealthy gay men to have babies with surrogate mothers, and then hire nannies to take care of them. Why don't they just get a dog!" "Maybe the most useful would be mass suicide in the First World, for ecological betterment." 30 Weekee Watchee: Save Sirenia Luckily for Lemmy and Achmed, Ollie South pursues leads indicating that some mysterious activity is planned for Cologne, or maybe Aachen. Taking advantage of the red herrings, A & L, boldly don the almost ostentatiously plain, rigorously but gorgeously tailored, soutanes of Old Catholic priests, carrying volumes of Lefebvre in Latin, and peregrinate by train to Rome. Surely in the Holy City, they joke Thomistically, schismatics will not be subject to an attack that might embarrass a Pontiff who, in his dotage, leans increasingly toward Tridentianism and Mariolatry. Their luck runs sour when they are spotted by agents of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith at the bus terminal in the Piazza del Risorgimento. They run pell mell into a caf down the street from the Post Office on Via delle Grazie. Under the gaze of the Swiss Guards across the street, Lemmy and Achmed are hustled into the WC and put to the question. "We know who you are: you are atheist revolutionaries. You, Caution, are a Jew, and Achmed, you are not even a man. Why are you playing in Church doctrine," queries the sub-assistant inquisitor. "We throw ourselves on your mercy," Lemmy pleads. Just when their persecutors are about to call over a carabinero, Achmed makes a secret sign that causes the priestly crew to relent. He points to their crotches and mimes fellatio. After a period of speechless contemplation in the Spanish manner, a rodillas, L and A are absolved. Their robes are confiscated, exchanged for long-sleeved t-shirts of the Cardinal Ratzinger Fan Club ("Putting the Smackdown on Heresy since 1981") "Ever since the Holy Father started watching Gibson's Passion," an African priest named Thleeanouhee begins. . . "Every chance he gets," interrupts a young catechumen. "Ever since," repeats the father with asperity, straightening his genuinely orthodox robe, " non-canonical enthusiasm for Our Lord's suffering is chancy. Positions that were assumed, and enjoyed, intra muros-traditionally taken as compensation for irregularities that should be curtained away from stool pigeoning to the secular government-are no longer sufficient to prophylax against ex cathedra bans. "As far as the homosexual-ecclesiastical cabal is concerned, we encourage your efforts to overthrow any number of non-Christian (non-Catholic) governments; they're only temporal powers." "Keep in mind, Texas fundamentalism is not Catholic in our view," asserts one of the more chatty priests." "But we can't just let you walk around pretending to be piously in error." Sped under a Vatican escort to DaVinci, our heroes are dumped unceremoniously at curbside, but only after confessing that-if they were Catholic-they would accept Mary as an entirely human-although stupendously blessed-mediator, the holy quickening of her womb not to be taken as conferring any ultra-human status upon her. After a round of cellular calls, Lemmy and Achmed shake the dust of Rome, off on assignment in a private jet to Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University, the notorious flying school in northern Florida where the 9-11 terrorists learned to fly but not to land. From there they are driven to WeekeeWatchee, the tourist center with the famous Mermaids, now a front for Sirenia, a pagan cult bent on repopulating the Everglades with manatees. Achmed recusitates his female performance for the sake of revolutionary resistance to Sirenian crypto-fascism. He works three shows daily as an underwater dancer-diver, breathing through a tube, titted and assed as a mermaid. Through a secret channel, he is able to swim near the manatees at Blue Springs State; as many as 80 to 100 spend the winter in the warm waters. The river at the park has a fenced off area where manatees who have been nursed back from poor health are kept. They would be unable to survive if they were free, a view denied by the Sirenia group. Lemmy briefly works as a tour guide, handing out maps and brochures. Manatee Info for Kids Manatees have one type of teeth - molars. They are the type used for grinding and work well for the foods the manatees eat. The teeth in front wear down as the manatee gets older. But, new teeth form in the back of the jaw, moving forward to replace them. That tooth movement is called the "marching molars". Manatees are plant eaters. They feed on all sorts of sea plants. An average manatee may eat 100-150 pounds of food each day. They swallow sea squids or mollusks that may be attached to the seagrasses they eat. Also, sand is often mixed with the food they eat. The gritty sand wears down the teeth. Brain, eyes, ears, whiskers are some of the body parts that help the manatee sense the world. The manatee ear bones are large and their hearing is believed to be good. They make sounds under water to "talk" to each other. The sounds are like chirps, whistles, or squeaks. Most of the sounds they make are too low a frequency for humans to hear. Their eyes are small but manatees have fairly good vision. They can tell differences between sizes of objects and different colors and patterns. The manatee snout is covered with whiskers. They are sense organs, but their purpose is still not clear. It is believed that manatees are smart. To be continued . . . 31 Sirenia, cont'd. Their brain is very large and has a lot of gray matter. The gray matter is where thinking occurs. Manatees can learn tricks. Breathing: Although a manatee can stay under water for up to 20 minutes, it must come up to the surface to breathe air. When the manatee reaches the surface, you can hear the air blown out of the mouth with a big burst of air. Poof. Then you can hear the fresh air being sucked in. Manatees may live up to 60 years of age or more. The oldest manatee now living is about 50 years old. Manatees have no natural enemies. Sharks and alligators do not usually hunt them. Most premature deaths occur from cold weather and disease. Fast-moving boats usually kill several manatees every year. Fossils of manatees found in Florida's springs have been estimated to be about 45 million years old. Fossils found in other parts of the world may be as old as 60 million years. The modern manatees evolved from four-footed land mammals. Their closest living relative is the elephant. (For extra credit see footnote 1.) Sirenia is a cult with worldwide connections. Descended from certain coastal Israelite and Canaanite groups that considered Jonah the link between God and man, the Sirenians ultimate goal is to revert humans to aquatic mammals. Popiel Jonah Melville XXIII, their current AnteDiluvian (water-bearer of the prophetic seal), has initated a new phase of the Great Work in Manistique, Michigan, where an indoor EvergladeLand scientific center and tourist attraction is being built. In an upcoming episode, readers will gasp at the scope of their operations. Cleverly averting close physical examination, Achmed successfully begins to insinuate himself into the Sirenia inner circles. The mermaids are grateful that an obviously well-trained athlete listens to their aspirations and doubts with encouraging tenderness and penetration. They are also eager to help her progress in her transition to aqualife. After proving herself as a loyal novice with impressive lungs, she is sent to Manistique. Lemmy, under some suspicion after he was seen cruising on weekends around the glory hole booths at XTC Video, in Daytona Beach, is made part of a delegation to Kuala Lumpur to facilitate the smuggling of a dugong to a dentist's waiting room in Marin Co. While they are en route, we check in on Cyril and Vyvyan. Cy is supine on the floor of the Jebel Ali Free Zone mall, having fainted while arguing with Vyv all the way from Dubai Airport. "Cyril," screams Vyvyan, wake up! Oh, will someone please bring some water!" The mall security quickly bring a portable infibulator, oxygen and water, and Cyril swims slowly back to the light in this desert oasis. "Ohhh," he moans, as he recognizes Vyv. "My dear, I was in a dark grotto, like Capri, and everything smelled so astringently sea clean." Cy and Vyv had been arguing about Cyril's obsession that others think he smells bad. After an 11-hour flight from Paris, his rumpled mind confused the oliferous perspiration of bodies in the Airport and Jebel Ali with a morbid preoccupation with his own age-specific putrefaction. "Ever since Hard Day's Night Cyril has been washing, douching and perfuming like Lady Macbeth," dithers Vyvyan to the fetching but uncomprehending young guard who kneels with him at Cyril's side. "He's bonkers about being a clean old man." On the flight Cyril was seated next to a stellar American backpacker, very blue-eyed and ruddy. He inhaled the delicious acrid fragrances of the boy's armpits and crotch, with puissant bottom notes of of pee and arse, and fretted about the leaks of gas he himself was detonating on what he hoped was an unsuspecting planeload. Elaborately moving his tongue in his long drowse, he fell into the reverie mentioned earlier as his brain cells clicked on sweet scents of seawrack. Coming Soon: Protocols of the Order Sirenia, As transmitted through the Wandering Aramean from Petra to Joppa to Tarshish to Ninevah to All True Believers The Great Work of God to Restore the Divine Order The Book of Jonah Moby Dick 1 Manatees, Dugong, and Sea Cow This order of aquatic mammals contains two Recent families: Dugongidae for the genera Dugong (dugong, one species) and Hydrodamalis (Steller's sea cow, one species, extinct); and Trichechidae for the single genus Trichechus (manatees, three species). The dugong inhabits coastal regions in the tropical parts of the Old World, but some individuals go into the fresh water of estuaries and up rivers. Steller's sea cow occurred in the Bering Sea, being the only recent member of this order adapted to cold waters. Manatees live along the coast and in coastal rivers in the southeastern United States, Central America, the West Indies, northern South America, and western Africa. Sirenians are solitary, travel in pairs, or associate in groups of three to about six individuals. Generally slow and inoffensive, they spend all their life in the water. They are vegetarians and feed on various water plants. They are the only mammals that have evolved to exploit plant life in the sea margin (Anderson 1979). The ordinal name Sirenia is related to the supposed mermaidlike nursing of dugongs (thought to be the origin of the myths of the sirens) and manatees. The only reliable observations of nursing in manatees, however, have revealed that the young suckle while the mother is underwater in a horizontal position, belly downward. P. K. Anderson (1984a) reported that suckling in the dugong is somewhat similar but that the calf usually is in an inverted position. The Sirenia often are classified together with the Proboscidea and Hyracoidea in the mammalian superorder Paenungulata. The geological range of the order Sirenia is early Eocene to Recent. The earliest fossils are from Hungary and India. By the middle Eocene the order was present in southeastern North America, the West Indies, southern Europe, northern and eastern Africa, and south-central Asia, and three distinct families--the Dugongidae, Prorastomidae, and Protosirenidae--had evolved (Dawson and Krishtalka 1984; Domning, Morgan, and Ray 1982). These aquatic mammals were apparently more abundant from the Oligocene to the Pliocene than they are now. Their comparative scarcity at the present time probably results from climatic changes in the Pliocene and Pleistocene and, more recently, exploitation by humans for food, hides, and oil. The number of individual sirenians remaining in the world, perhaps 60,000, is far smaller than that of any other mammalian order. Copyright 1997 The Johns Hopkins University Press 32 The Baby Lives Under orders from Bikkhu Merle, the Devil in the Details rips through the Baby's chest and screeches away in brimstone and thunder to the Devil Realm. Imagine the picture:56 Timmy is shown facing the viewer, still holding the murdered Ana K. in his arms, imploring. MonaLisa57 leans over The Baby from the right of the bed, her hand on her daughter's little forehead, while Novy in the foreground stares aghast at Ana K's stiff body, almost falling out of the frame bottom right. Merle is in the foreground to the left, bathed in Caravaggiesque off-white light. The incredulous Doctor, Nurse and Alligator Purse, in a pictorial triangle middle ground left, stare dumbfounded, one at The Baby, one at Merle, and the third, the Doctor, gazes openmouthed directly into the eyes of the viewer/reader. South and his men have left for the North. Voice-over, the reader is asked again, "Should the Author let her live, or leave her to vegetate?" The putti appearing through the ceiling double-click on Mail. From: Readers of the World (row.univ.net) To: Author ferdeggan@earthlink.net Date: 5/10/04 5:48:17 PM Subject: Let Baby Live We, the readers of the world, despite ignoring repeated calls for comment, can now notify you that we have decided you should let The Baby live. Please inform us of any outcome, and we may deign to comment anew. "Now we'll see some action," hopes Novy. Merle gradually fades from the picture as the AP official moves toward him. The Doctor, alert now to his patient, exclaims, "Sacre bleu! The Baby, whom we will now call Little Nell, lives! But her body is nearly 75% destroyed by the electrical shock. I fear only her brain is functioning, and I cannot be certain all of that is intact." "Thank the Goddess of Compassion Quan Yin, she didn't have time to develop a pesky "self," comments Merle's fading bark. Novy grasps the laptop from the putti and begins an immediate search for a specialist. With MonaLisa at her side, she finally locates the most prominent specialist in body transplants. A graduate of Grenada Medical University, Dr. Sieglinde Rheinfahrt-Merdeka, has successfully performed five cutting-edge body transplants at the Hospital de Muchas Mercedes, Cd. de la Plata, Argentina, a charitable project of something called the Burst-Throbbing Foundation. 33 Terror in Cologne Lemmy imagines, but Siegfried and Joseph are on the road to Cologne, once the center of heretical antinomianism: "How marvelous!" sighs Herr Rheinfahrt, transported by a medieval woodcut of the cultus of Swabian Ries. "These itinerant beghards (M) and beguines (F) were 'immoral58.' Imagine being accused of gorging on rich foods and guzzling fine wines in the houses of the rich. What a life, and very subversive, walking from town to town , spreading the word that the poor are not just future inheritors of the Kingdom of Heaven, but they can be in it right now! Tramping around, not worrying about how slow walking is compared to the bus or a car." "I'd like that," says Joseph. "And let's throw in a cult of daily bathing-as-rebaptism, to keep the lice at bay and everyone smelling better-all for greater imitation of the human/divine body of Christ. And, of course, purity of soul would put them all beyond petty medieval morality. Since the Kingdom of God can be lived in the present, there is no need for reproduction, either. Free love!" "Better yet, they indulge their urges in homosexual acts." Around a campfire in the Rhineland, your friends around you. Somebody has come into camp with a stringed instrument and is singing about Divine Love in Provencal. You put your arms around the one you love divinely. Your hands stray beneath the robe to the chest of your partner. You. I stroke your hair, your beard, your manly chest. Your scent is strong with today's sweat and the rosemary we walked through all afternoon. A kiss as your strong neck bends back to take my mouth, the sliding of your tongue and the savory taste of meat and rare pepper. Your eyes . . . Your eyes. I first wanted you because of your brook-blue eyes under black lashes, black brows, my Siberian husky man. You penetrate me with your gaze, my body shivers even here next to the fire, as your icicle eyes become your rampant sex in me . . . Siegfried sniffles as his eyes refocus on the Autobahn. "Oh, Joseph, to walk the mountains with the wandervogels again. We had such good times, until the whole thing turned Nazi." Joseph answers, in calm compassion, "Herr S., your memory is a treasure-time you can revisit. Enjoy it for what it is, without regret if you can." "Ja, mein schwartz Buddha, I love you, but sometimes that advice seems a little hard to take. I am also impressed by the ideology, the Christology of those crazy 'Free Spirits.' Back in 1400, barely escaped from the Black Death, in a severely depopulated Europe, they called themselves 'poor good youths' and 'good daughters.' They rejected the sacramental system without worrying about excommunication. They said 'I am a poor boy or girl' instead of 'I am a poor man or woman' to emphasize their humility (?) and spoke impersonally: 'it is said to you' instead of 'I say to you.' They all were 'followers (and imitators) of Christ and the Apostles,' which was a way of indicating they disdained Church hierarchies and followed their own collective mystical inspiration." Missive from Merms 04/18/04 Mr. Egg (again): Your Latin is vulgar, to say the least. Like something you learned on your honeymoon in your hometown. By changing the subject from Sea Cows to vegetative infants, you missed diving beneath the surface of Sirenia's Secret Plan: "Manatee Manors" -- the Del Webb Everglade Retirement Community. We, the" Wikka Daughters of the Working Merms of Wicky Wachee Springs(ret)" corrupted your mailing list as a warning: Stay out of shallow waters before you are grounded. Our Merm-mothers aren't retired, they are permanently beached, thanks to "Sirenia" - a MAN- atee cult who took over the Springs in the name of ecology,( actually "Human Resources" ax- men responsible for draining the Springs and the Everglades)..."Sirenia" is a land-use subsidiary of Dell Webb Developments. And it gets worse. More vulgar than even your Latin could express. A landfill of human teeth is replacing 2/3 of Florida. The delegation to Kuala Lupur to facilitate the smuggling of a dugong to a dentist's waiting room in Sausalito is our symbolic clue: The "Great Work" in Manistique, Michigan is not just a "Marching Molars Study" sponsored by the Fluoride Foundation of Florida, to implement dental implant research --- it is a front for stem- cell research to genetically combine MANatee genes with those of "land sharks"-- to clone aquatic (cold blooded) humans who will control global stock-markets with their sonar snout-symphonies (Disguised as dreamy melodies of whale songs.) If "Sirenia Systems, Inc." succeeds, underwater investments controlled by sound-waves sent as signals by "Homeland Security Pool and Spa Services, Inc", installed in thousands of Florida's "active adult communities", will drown out everything else. Especially poor old people. The surplus seniors around the world. The drowning world. Meanwhile, planned communities burgeoning with groups of younger retirees will occupy Sirenia's upscale Florida residential enclaves, driving out future elders, who will be expected to work happily and harder at meeting raised expectations--- Old age is predicted to have more positive attributions-- such as maturity, competence, sophistication, confidence, self-reliance and power. Above all: HEALTH and WEALTH. Surfing the Wave of Retirement: Waving or Drowning? Growing old successfully will be the expected norm. Without vigorous investments using Social Security to "grow" the Market, by 2007, Americans will ALL have inadequate financial resources. Leisure and Medical Industries, Travel, Surgery and Adult Learning are a few of the Market potentials directly affected. The Song of Sirenia is a Sea of Senior Status. Try saying that in Latin, Dr. Egg. Now that you know Her Secrets. Gasp at the scope of their operations. WDWMWWS(ret) Wichita, KA 34 Terror in Cologne2 In the crypt under the cathedral at Aachen, under torture, Siegfried confesses: He knew it was the anti-depressants, the SSRIs, but he couldn't remember when he'd last enjoyed sex. He'd gotten off the plane in Havana, was met by Dionisio, and D had taken him to bed as soon as they got to 's casa particular. Dionisio, rubusto in his piel de canela, rubbed his penis against him, kissing deep as he could, and S masturbated himself to orgasm, feeling embarrassed at how long it took and how his descending balls were thrown around by the rapid and almost-painful flying grip. That was more than a year ago and he'd only jerked off a few times since. He was occasionally surprised by spacetime warps of desire. And what had love felt like? "Keep him awake all night," Ollie growls. "He's going to give up all of it!" As he thought about it now, he thought his sexual appetite had never lasted more than about fifteen minutes at a time. He'd had that fifteen minutes with a thousand men, but that had been about it-what satisfied him, as well as he could remember. The sex he first had was with himself. R___ G___ had taught him to jack off around age 13 and he'd refused to 69 with Ricky T___ and that other kid V___ because he didn't like the smell of V's crotch. Now, he confessed, the smell was his own. He had grown increasingly concerned about his own smell, worried about whether his gas leaks and pissy underwear offended others, as he was certain the tobacco odors of 2 packs per day did. "Try stripping him and leaving him in a cold shower for a while-that'll get him singing," says the man in black. He'd always had a boyish way that drew stronger protective types. He'd enjoyed that so much that he'd never learned to be anybody else. He'd always been drawn himself to the iron-willed drag queen Tanye and others who were boldly exotic. They were badges he would put on to make himself authentic/. Years of criticism and self-criticism had made him more adept at the presentation of a self as sympathetic friend to women, to Blacks and Latinos. He took seriously the generosity with which Others (especially Black women) granted him the right to exist. Race and position in a hierarchy of gender/sexuality had always been the most important markers in his sexual adventures. He was glad he'd had them but anxious when he asked-or was asked-whether he had any authentic self of his own. "We're not sure this old guy has any authentic self of his own," reported the junior black-suit to Ollie South. "He's telling us a great deal, but his guilt is hard to prove." "Never mind the proof, that's for sissies and appeals courts," South tells the interrogators. "Just keep him talking. Try the drugs." He knew by now the question had to be answered with a yes; after all, he did choose within the limitations of history and genetics. And he also knew the question and its answer taken together were a trap, sucking him into an illusory comparison of selves, reifying an idea that did him no good, and could only add to all the negative feelings of deficiency he confused himself with. He knew there is no authentic self, as there is no God, as ther is no deep reality, as Niels Bohr used to tell him.l But it was hard work to remember there is no authentic, and his political comrades and their revolutionary project had helped keep all that at only barking distance. He couldn't remember anymore what it was like to love anyone, let alone love the people. "His consciousness is clearly shattered under the yage," South was certain. "Now for the sodomizing humiliations." He wasn't sure he could remember how people talk to each other. He was always impatient with friends' recitations of their daily ins and outs-who did them wrong and how they recouped their self-regard, or not. He thought such talk was trivial and tried to not tell such tales, even to himself. It was difficult for a compulsive repeater who was used to saying over and over some phrase or song that caught in his mind. He understood now that nothing happened unless he wanted it to. The humblings must have been something he wanted, and the unhappinesses he'd thought stemmed from his deficiencies were feelings he'd obviouswly cultivated. And somehow, a few years ago, he began to take the pills and everything changed. He was no longer so sure he was an unhappy person; in fact, he felt pretty richtig most of the time and his brain was freer to think and play. If that happened because he swallowed an organic chemical it must mean his mind in its ceaseless processing must have been interpreting in a particular way, a way that he no longer had to experience. His unhappiness was an interpretation that was not necessary; he could just as well be patient and observant, mindful of how his narration of the extended recent time did not require that he feel his life was unhappy. He tried to say, "I'm doing ok, things are ok." He tried to say, "I notice that I feel down, that the world seems futile and tiring, especially in the morning." And "I notice that my mind is engaged and ticking more productively later in the day." And "I notice that I sleep a lot, and maybe that is compensation for reduced REM or deep sleep on account of sleeping pills." And ". . ." Siegfried gasps, wanting to please Ollie, "Is this honest enough?" South finds it takes very little to get S to talk, but his talk doesn't seem to identify any culprits. Ollie wants plots and conspiracies, and all he gets are the rambling self-accusations of an old man. With Joseph it is another matter. He, still considered a fugitive BLA outlaw, is subjected to all the usual tortures used on political prisoners in Leavenworth and Lexington, USA.59 35 RE: Terror in Kln June 1, 2004 Mr. Oliver South Chief of Cleansing Activations World Security Operations S.A. C/o Crypt, Aachen Cathedral Kln, Fourth German Reich Dear Mr. South: How are you? I am fine. I am a student in the seventh grade at the Parker Tyler School for the Young and Evil in Shaker Heights, Ohio, USA. My classmates and I have been reading in class about you and the old man named Mr. Siegfried Rheinfahrt. We are writing to ask you to stop torturing him and to to release Mr. Rheinfahrt and Mr. Joseph Jamal. They are good people, and you should not be abusing them. Mr. South I know you worked for the US Government in Iran and Nicaragua and now help our Brave Soldiers by questioning people in Kabul, Guantanamo and Baghdad. But you are not helping Our Cause by taking pictures of the prisoners have sex with each other. Sex should be between men and women who say "Okay, let's have sex' (with each other, I mean.) Our teacher, Father Michelin Pirelli, III, of The Absolutely Top Holiest Redeemer Reformed New Apostolic Charismatic Catholic Church, Old Latin Order, has always required that we say "Okay" before we have sex with him or go to the basement for chastisement. (By the way, it is done the right way-nuns whip the boys and priests whip the girls.) When they put The Question to us, I always answer "Yes" politely, so I get the cat o'nine tails, which feels a lot more fun than the cane. I think you should follow our example. And then let them go, because they have always said "Okay" to having sex, maybe even with each other. They might even have sex with you if you asked better. Yours truly, Temujin Genghis Khan Rabinowitz-DuBois and the whole 7th grade class at Parker Tyler School As Ollie South lets the letter drop musingly from his infected right hand, he rubs his eyes and reminds himself he hasn't washed his hands. Rinsing with water from the stoup, he wonders where this kid got information about WSA. He suspects the international zionist conspiracy, as evidenced by the next letter. Mr. O. South, White Capitalist Devil WSA Mr. South: We demand immediate cessation of sodomitical abuse perpetrated against Joseph Jamal and Siegfreed Rheinfahrt. These men are heroes of the worldwide anti-WTO libration movement and as such, even though they are innocent of all charges, will heroicly remain silent about their sabotage activities and of others they know carry them out. If you do not put these Heros on a plane immediately for Kuala Lumpur we will retaliate like you have never felt before. signed, The International Movement, totally legal supporters with ELF Copenhagen and Rio P.S. Watch out for your new Hummers in Kabul, you butt-fuck simulator! A message beeps in on South's Blackberry-powered Journada wireless, and South is confronted with a photo of himself naked, simulating receptive anal sex with Jamal atop the supine body of Rheinfahrt. In very large capitals, the accompanying text reads US Pull Out! Apologize to the Sodomized! Moral Is as Moral Does! "Let Jamal go," he barks to the assistant lapping his thighs. Release him drugged and well-dressed at the ramp to the Autobahn. No German will give him a ride. They'll think he's Turkish." "What about the old man?" Memory floods the synapses with a message once sung to him (by J or B or R ?): Yes, it's love I offer you and hope that you will keep. This love you see is true, from me;--but no-it is to weep, For you-pale white-cannot trust love from whom you've loved too long And yet deride with untaught pride-myh love is far too strong So what thing can I offer you? What gift is there to give? Not even dreams, or so it seems-for you refuse to live. So this I offer now to you is weak with right and wrong- Half dark, half light, half black, half white-a truly Bastard Song.60 "Rheinfahrt stays. I think he knows more than he's told us. Get the Softening Machine. I'm going to go Nova on his ass." Siegfried, as Ollie hopes, is gratified to be lubricated and piston-evacuated. In a puddle on the floor, he thankfully blurts out what he thinks his dreadful interrogator wants to know. "There is no actual conspiracy; there doesn't need to be a conspiracy. The Twelve Links of Interdependent Origination61 explain that all substance is composed of non-self substances, and therefore no deep reality behind substance is to be found. Bohr was in contact with the timeless readers of the Pali canon and he and his wife, during their three-way marathon writhing with Heisenberg, they agreed on the Copenhagen Interpretation: The world we see around us is real enough, but . . . everyday phenomena are themselves built not out of phenomena but out of an utterly different kind of being. Wernie Heisenberg told me, 'The hope that new experiments will lead us back to objective events in time and space is about as well founded as the hope of discovering the end of the world in the unexplored regions of the Antarctic.' And N. David Mermin adds, 'We now know that the moon is demonstrably not there when nobody looks.62' "In social systems," Siegfried groans out between thrusts of the Softening Machine, "Freddie Hayek tells me, '[t]his means that, though the use of spontaneous ordering forces enables us to induce the formation of an order of such a degree of complexity (namely comprising elements of such numbers, diversity and variety of conditions) as we could never master intellectually, or deliberately arrange, we will have less power over the details of such an order than we would of one which we produce by arrangement.'63" "You post-modernist Commies are all alike!" Ollie bellows. "What happened in E. Germany that turned you around like this?" "We thought Communism might be better if we stopped planning so much. Read Bakhtin on Rabelais if you really want to know. Skip Nietzsche-he was nuts." Another text message beeps in, this one from Oswald Spengler; "Give up on this you idiot! The West is dying and you ask why? NeoCon or a liberal, what are you anyway?" And Telegram for O. North From W. Reich 01/06/04 FORBID YOU USE MY MACHINE STOP STOP TORTURING MY OLD COMRADE STOP WILHELM Siegfried is left in the apse, as South and his WSA minions conclude that they are unable to conquer the old man's will. 36 Operation Good Shepherd When Timmy gets the call from his half-brother in Cleveland, he is in Oslo, having a cigarette outside the Munchmuseet in an empty park next to a freeway. He and Marcel are accompanying a Zimbabwean uncle, Mr. Sithole's cousin Plainfield, and Plainfield's lover, the pretender to the throne of Oman. After the royal wedding in Copenhagen, the High Sheik's entourage have come in their yacht, frolicking in Bergen where Kaiser Wilhelm used to park his boat, and then by private railroad car to Oslo. They all love the smiling, almost-endless summer nights glinting on blonde hair. Timmy is grateful for a few hours away from the hub-bub. The Peer Gynt Festival, the more-rational mystic's answer to Bayreuth, is his uncle's destination: thousands gather in an outdoor amphitheater to see the dance of the Mountain King and imagine themselves as hardy pre-Vikings. Timmy is more taken with the Munchmuseet and a self-portrait of Munch in a bathtub, photographed around 1892. However, his absorption in the eyes of Edvard is disrupted when he hears of the abduction. "The old German and Joseph Jamal? What happened? Are they ok?" "Herr Rheinfahrt was found at death's door under the apse at Aachen, but Joseph is still missing. We sent letters to the security company asking them to release him. He's a wanted fugitive, so we can't contact the police." "I've got to find him. He's the only one who can possibly tell me what happened to Ana K." "Yeah, the story of her previous life was just picked up by Oprah over here." "So where is Aachen? What am I gonna do?" "Get to Cologne, that's the closest city. There can't be that many blacks in Germany." Timmy is frantic. through the fog of majoun so generously provided by the Sheikh, who insists on being called Beaky ("It's short for something you'd never be able to pronounce, my dears.") Unclear about geography, he accepts his uncles' guidance and a suitcase full of opium and flies off to Cologne. Marcel stays behind; the Sheikh and his friends love to watch his fair Gallic skin get sunburned and peel. Meanwhile, Joseph is picked up by a vanful of Turks on their way to the Eau de Cologne factory with a load of bergamot oranges. "We thought you were one of us," shouts the driver over the roar of five lower gears. "What is the matter with you? You smell like a fried chicken. Is that blood?" After lengthy and difficult explanations in pidgin-German, Joseph is taken to a guestworkers' hostel in the suburbs and cleaned up. As our view goes to a medium shot, he slides his bruised limbs into a deep bath fragrant with Dawn and thyme. Little Otika, the Czech owner's beautiful daughter, offers him a deep-tissue massage, but, exhausted, he falls asleep only to be wakened two days later by Otika and Timmy Tilden. Trading two kilos of homemade Turkish Delight for Otika's silence and eight kilos for carfare, the two former Amerikans of Afrikan Descent are smuggled out of town in haste to the Danube boats in Vienna. The Sheikh's contacts, which are of course kept secret from the Turks, are waiting with a barge, equipped with a clandestine stateroom under the load, turnips on their way to a pickling factory in Yerevan. After a few days on a private island in the Black Sea, our friends are able to use new passports to fly to Dubai and join Cyril and Vyvyan. "Thank heavens you're safe," coos Vyvyan. "Cyril and I were so frightened." Thanks to the Sheiks," Cyril adds, "we are having a little reunion here-my nephew Mobe is here with his friend Ferd also. You must join us for a few weeks of thrilling caravan travel. I can't take No for an answer, as we all seem to be wanted by that dreadful mercenary, Ollie South. I've already sent a scathing letter to The Times about them!" "Oh, Cyril. You didn't say anything to me before you sent it. You know you can't spell, and they'll know where we are, you booby." "Lots you know! Mobe helped me and we posted it through St. Petersburg." "Anyway, thank you for helping us," Timmy says. "But can someone explain to me what is going on?" "All will be revealed tonight. Now eat your apricots and dates. Rest! Our little wooly lamb and our black sheep!" ". . ." As he falls asleep, Timmy wants to know: Are Cy and Vyv good gays or bad? How do they know the Sheikhs? What was going on in Oslo? What do Mobe and Ferd really do? Is Joseph a Buddhist or a terrorist? Is Ollie South a Christian or a mercenary? What about the murder of Ana K? The Baby? Herr Rheinfahrt? Why does everybody seem to know everybody else? 37 Dedicated to the Memory of Siegfried Rheinfahrt My memory is really bad. I appreciate your dedication. The thing I most can't remember is how a woman feels inside. I've felt nothing lower than my heart for years. 64 The author admits he made Siegfried Rheinfahrt up. Siegfried isn't even his real name. He was christened in St. Nicholas Church in Leipzig in 1908 as just ordinary John Jacob Jingelheimer Schmidt, but people would all shout at him. As a chorister the boy would have sung the works of the Church's most famous kappelmeister, JS Bach. He often referred to this music as the "architecture of life," meaning that Bach provided a structure for his understanding during the complex changes he was to face throughout a long and difficult. The first documentary evidence of his name change is in his membership card in Der Eigene, a physical strength group with intellectual ties to Goethe's seminal romantic novel Werther. His youthful enthusiasm for camping and nude swimming left him-although not his liaisons with English upper-class homosexuals, one of which is thinly disguised in Spender's The Temple-- as Deutschland grew darker. His thought, as recorded in his journals during his years at the University in Freiberg, was first inflamed by the cult around Stefan Georg, but far more illumined by Hesse's Journey to the East. Although his philosophical studies show his great love and aptitude for Heidegger, then professor, soon to be Rector, at Freiberg, R remembers an increasing discomfort with H's "swooning for a leader" who would throw himself and the people into the Dasein. He is said by a classmate to have urinated on the library's holograph of Also Sprach . . Disenchanted, unwilling to accept "the hysterical mystifications of right-wing graecophiles," Rheinfahrt left his studies and under the swaying of Christopher Caudwell, he joined the Communist Party in 1928. Comrades from that time equivocate, but refuse to agree to his description of himself as physically repellent; they note his honey-blond hair worn slightly too long and asking for the discipline of a good brushing, a well-developed physique and a mind quick to discern tactical opportunities in the contestations with the emerging Nazi movement. Viewers may catch a glimpse of him as he speaks to a crowd of Berliners evicted from their homes in Brecht's semi-documentary Kuhle Wampe. Unlike many of his peers, Siegfried was convinced by 1932 that the Nazis would take state power in order to save capitalism for the German bourgeoisie and its English investors. He disappeared, faking his death at the hands of Brown Shirts in a riot in Berlin, and embarked for Moscow for military and political training. Although independent corroboration is not to be had, a journal entry in 1936 makes evident that he was back in Germany, involved with a Lutheran minister whom we know only as Dietrich B___. His recollection is that "Dietrich and I worshiped with great fervor," although he smiles as if to ssay this is not to be taken seriously from a Comintern-trained atheist. It may reflect S's disquiet about his sexual proclivities: he writes a sad record of longing and vacillation in his two-year courtship of a certain Karen, a Danish psychoanalyst, and his almost immediate divorce from her after their marriage in 1938. Despite considerable effort expended by the author, no clarity as to the identity or subsequent fate of Karen can be offered here. The precipitous rejection may have been followed by more dangerous events, as Karen is said to be of Russian, perhaps Jewish, extraction. The name Siefried appears frequently after that time in the Soviet archives of clandestine operatives. Recently released and decoded, the papers indicate a leading role for Rheinfahrt in the armed resistance to the Nazis within Germany. Some scholars may denigrate the efforts and the role of the Communists in the resistance, but the prominence of Rheinfahrt is certainly the reason why he was to emerge as a major figure in the liberated Democratic Republic of Germany. What marks Rheinfahrt's activity in the Party and Government in (East) Germany is the frequent criticisms and self-criticism he underwent. Apparently R was not enthusiastic about the transfer of industrial assets to the Soviet Union, and he is probably the unnamed party leader who was sent twice for proletarian internationalist education to Moscow. He returned each time chastened but quickly involved in new controversies. During debates over development of Leipzig's huge chemical plants, R is known to have said, "We don't want to stink up our country for all future generations." He was finally sent to Lubeck on the Baltic coast, where he oversaw harbor and shipping operations. He married his cook after she sustained a cerebral infarction in 1974. Much of his writing of the time speaks fondly of Helga: My shriveling crabapple: I am fond of you. Your coffee and cigarettes smell dirty to me, And I regret that I am inadequate in love. It is not difficult to discern, hidden in this little poem, an expression of great regret that he felt himself inadequate in love. Found among the secret file of his papers is a photograph from 1973, taken on a beach, of a nude young man draped over a Trabant, a photo that he must have treasured, as he brought it with him into exile when he left Germany in 1980. He has lived in a series of residential hotels since that time, eking out his days with a faithful friend as he nears the age of 100. 39 By the shores of Gitche-Gumee65 By the shores of Gitche-Gumee By the shining, big-sea waters Stand the huts of Sy-ree-nee-yah, Freezing, rusting huts of labor. Sirenians here make marvels: They teach others to make anthrax, Send instructions internet-wards To prairie freaks and forest nutballs. Once the home of Hiawatha Now just Hiawatha High School Where the boys play steroid football And the girls get quickly pregnant, Once the home of Old Nokomis Now Nokomis Sunset Village Nursing Reverend Mud-ju-ko-vis Prophet of the coming Deluge. Mud-ju in his acid springtime Ate so many amanitas That he had a realization. Babbling brooks told him a secret: Humans were not truly worthy Rulers of the earth and skyways; They usurped the place of betters, Manatees and whales and dolphins. The Holy Bible showed the secret; God applied a test to Jonah, Sent him where he had no business Jonah tried to run away from God's inscrutable decision Got himself thrown to a seastorm. Wisdom came to Jonah only Deeply, deep inside Leviathan. In God's mightiest of creatures Jonah got Jehovah's message: Noah's flood was not effective Humans reproduced like rabbits Spreading eco-cataclysms From the ancient times to present Jonah's truth was quickly censored Masked by Moses and by Jesus. The mention of the Nile and Jordan, Baptism and wine from water Hint at secrets Mud-ju-ko-vis Learned to fathom in his trances And organic chemistry lectures At the Hiawatha High School. Amphetamines helped Prophet Mud-ju Win over big shoals of converts. Soon the Napkin Ring pre-teeners Cranked to headier trips through science Skateboard geniuses picked their pimples Over C A D design screens Searching data base collections, Of obscure heresies for wisdom. Easily they found connections: Pearl to pearl they threaded insights. Whales were first terrestrial mammals Who intelligently abandoned Dusty earth for buoyant water Freed from gravity they prospered Swimming paradise untrammeled Until humans came to hunt them Greedy for their vital essence Divine ambergris and oils. Now the oceans grew polluted Manatees were persecuted Whales were facing stark extinction. Righteousness demanded action. Mud-ju-ko-vis charged his minions: Go, disciples, simulate me Game-plans leading to the triumph Of marine mammals' command. Toiling night and day they plotted Graphs and maps of sea connections, Found deep troughs, a Northwest Passage, Researched aqua sound formation, Bubbled out communications, Listened for negotiation, Til at last, to their relief, God approved of their beliefs. Achmed-Oedipa for now-put down the illustrated pamphlet she was memorizing with little enthusiasm. "What drivel, set in what regular feet!" she exclaimed inwardly, never yielding the least outward sign of disbelief. She was well on her way to a ranking position within the undulating Sirenian orders, one where she would be privy to the deepest secret plans of the group. "I can't fish out the actual steps they are taking, besides building tourist traps with surplus submarines. What is the meaning of the turbans? I must get to the bottom of this." 40 Venison Bride becomes a prophet Born in December of 1948, Venison Bride grew up in the Cornish section of Manistique, spending most of his youth looking dreamily from the cliffs over Lake Superior, vaguely persuaded that something special was coming his way. "The Wells Fargo Wagon" always had a special poignancy for him, as did the underwear ads-no, any ads for men's clothing (few in True and Argosy but plentiful in Esquire.) He was precociously literary, having found Clifton Fadiman's Lifetime Reading Plan at age 11 in a revolving paperback display at the drugstore while awaiting his orthodontist appointment. He read all the Great Books dutifully, racing to find out how each ended, annoyed at the peculiarities of style that made Stendhal different from Balzac or Homer from Virgil. He learned from another volume in the same display that his sexual fantasies about the crew-cutted athletes in his school were not normal, and that they had a name; in fact, he was most devastated to learn that his urinary appendage had a name and a different function, and he cried in embarrassment upon learning "penis"was the accepted name for what he and his brothers were taught to call the "wetter." And "vagina" was too confounding altogether. Having no sisters, never having caught his mother without her girdle, he was not so sure where this vagina was located or what it did. Ignoring it all was by far the best course, he concluded. Venison was named by his mother, who thought her son had a "freakish, gamey look." His father, a sarcastic reformed drunk, predicted that "he'd have an odd taste, not like ordinary meat," and it was true: like all Scandinavians, his sweat was sharp and acrid, a combination of genetics and overindulgence in rutabagas and lutefisk. He exhibited only the qualities of meat from the town's frozen food locker, none of the grace or equanimity of the live animal, and had the look of one larded with strips of fat through his flesh and ready for roasting. He spent all his summer days in the woods, moving from mossy stumps to damp rocks. He liked the uprightness of the third-generation piney woods, following deer trails he would look up to the cathedrals of the forest with a longing to worship something, even the spare sunlight between the rain-laden clouds scudding over from the Lake. His reading had brought him to Alan Watts, and he imagined himself a Zen hermit, sketched with a sumi-e brush in fuzzy lines in a woody cleft between limestone walls. Far better to think of himself as a hermit in bosky seclusion than a rejected, overweight and soggy egghead. In his dreary high school, Ven felt himself isolated and befriended only his teachers, making a mentor and confessor out of a recent graduate of the heavily-Finnish Houghton Tech who taught physics and chemistry. Mr. Nuola wore his flaxen hair in a flattop and neglected to shave the fine hairs that grew at the top of his Mongolian cheekbones, rendering him more manly in Venison's eye and even less resistible in the eyes of the a-line skirted girls who gazed with confusing desire at the porcelain skin revealed in the hollow between his clavicles under starchy, not-quite-expertly ironed collars and too-narrow bow ties. Chemistry was Venison's meat. He loved making banana smells of esters and quickly moved on to more complicated organic molecules. It was a short run from there to the distillation of epinephrine from Drixan inhalers and a growing taste for perspiring, gasping conversations with his only friend, Ambrose Broussard, a very dark French Canadian, originally Indian, farmboy. Ambrose suffered from obsessive-compulsive tendencies, often walking backwards for miles to erase what had happened earlier on the same route. It was he who led Venison to the loft above the horse stalls for long heart-to-hearts and masturbation as summer rains raised the smells of damp hay and animal excretions. Ven and Amby wrote away for morning glory seeds and explored their higher consciousness with the aid of IFIF and the Native American Peyote Church, to which Ambrose had a legal claim to belong, trudging through deep snows out onto the ice crags to peer into the fluorescent blue water unfrozen underneath. It was while staring into the impossibly deep waters of Lake Superior that Venison received the first intimations of his special mission and of mankind's aquatic mammalian peers. He learned that humans were hairless because they were originally aquatic apes, able to evolve into standing bipeds with the aid of the buoyant waters of the ages when they first emerged from the arboreal ecosystems that had limited them to chimp socialities. In his speed-reading he also happened on early studies of neuro anatomy, and found himself zeroing in on the hypothalamus. (hpthlms)(KEY), an important supervisory center in the brain, rich in ganglia, nerve fibers, and synaptic connections. It is composed of several sections called nuclei, each of which controls a specific function. The hypothalamus regulates body temperature, blood pressure, heartbeat, metabolism of fats and carbohydrates, and sugar levels in the blood. Through direct attachment to the pituitary gland, the hypothalamus also meters secretions controlling water balance and milk production in the female. The role of the hypothalamus in awareness of pleasure and pain has been well established in the laboratory. It is thought to be involved in the expression of emotions, such as fear and rage, and in sexual behaviors. Despite its numerous vital functions, the hypothalamus in humans accounts for only 1/300 of total brain weight, and is about the size of an almond.66 How exciting to think that a part of the human brain was evolved from the fish, and how plausible, looking past the gnostoc into the cold waters of the Lake, that humans would be happier if they lived there without the elaboration of aggressive behaviors exhibited by the savage boys in gym class. How much better to be without these functions and to live as the sturgeon once did in these waters. HIAWATHA'S DEPARTURE By the shore of Gitche Gumee, By the shining Big-Sea-Water, . . . Level spread the lake before him; From its bosom leaped the sturgeon, Sparkling, flashing in the sunshine; On its margin the great forest Stood reflected in the water, Every tree-top had its shadow, Motionless beneath the water. O'er the water floating, flying, Something in the hazy distance, Something in the mists of morning, Loomed and lifted from the water, Now seemed floating, now seemed flying, Coming nearer, nearer, nearer. Was it Shingebis the diver? Or the pelican, the Shada? Or the heron, the Shuh-shuh-gah? Or the white goose, Waw-be-wawa, With the water dripping, flashing, From its glossy neck and feathers? It was neither goose nor diver, Neither pelican nor heron, O'er the water floating, flying, Through the shining mist of morning, But a birch canoe with paddles, Rising, sinking on the water, Dripping, flashing in the sunshine; And within it came a people From the distant land of Wabun, From the farthest realms of morning Came the Black-Robe chief, the Prophet, He the Priest of Prayer, the Pale-face, With his guides and his companions.67 In an upcoming chapter: new research suggests a link between the hypothalamus and sexuality! 41 The World's Best Shopping "We can outfit any expedition here. Dubai has the world's best shopping," said Cyril to Timmy and Joseph as they walked through the marble and gold portals of Jebel Ali Free Zone. "Complete with RPGs, as you will need them heading through the Sudan, " added Mobe 68. "You have a long, but history-enriched journey to make. " "Think of yourselves as Circassian royals, kidnapped from the steppes, being carried on camels to the harem of the King of Khush. If we could hire a few strapping Mameluks that would be the ticket!" exclaimed Vyvyan. "How nice of the Canadians to make a vehicle much more comfortable than the Bradley--safer too! And Timmy will be out of the sun." "David and Bathsheba!" "What's that one with Omar Khyyam?" "Cleopatra! We're doing Egypt, not Persia, silly old pig!" "Fayyum! Let's have encaustic portraits done! Big eyes! Like Keane!" "Where are we going?" asked Tim. "Nairobi, of course," Cyril answered. "Mobe has some work to do there, so he and Ferd have to fly. We will be on safari, following the path of Stanley and Livingston. Here we are, the offices of Empire Sattelite Uplinks and Security. You remember Bikki from Oslo, don't you?" Timmy thought he recognized the pretender to the throne of Onan, changed out of his gold lame shorts, now djellaba-ed and kaffiya-ed, who greeted Cyril and Vyvyan with a firm handclasp and bow. "You can get a nice date milkshake and we'll join you at the pearl-encrusted fountain over there in a little while, Timmy dear." Whispered Vyvyan, shooing Timmy toward Akbar and Jeff's Majoun and Date Oasis next door. "And Joseph, would you be so kind as to ask the Medecins Sans Frontiers people upstairs how much food we are taking to Darfur for them? How much water, how much dry tonnage, and how many security guards we will need? We can go to El Geneina if they wish, but that area is said to be stifling under Janjaweed. Thanks ever so . . ." Suddenly, they were thrown to the ground by the Sheikh's bodyguards, who started firing their automatics at two men in black Prada suits across the way. "Get down, get down! It's WSO!" Flipping forward in the air, the Prada men came on, raking the area overhead with uranium-jacketed bullets, shattering the glass fronts of the Empire SUS offices. Mall security guards and the Sheikh's men surrounded their master, as well as Cy, Vyv and Joseph, pulling back toward the elevator to the bunker underground. A grenade rolled Prada-wards and exploded, deafening everyone and spraying expensive black microfibers through the pierced and gilded ceramic arabesque gratings at the doors of Akbar and Jeff's. Tim was struck by a portion of one WSO assailant's head. When the bloody lump rolled to the floor, Tim recognized the remaining profile from the night of sex at the Hotel Real Desert. He wondered again how all these people were connected. "Well, dears," said Bikki, "I think we had better rethink the plans." Cyril was firm. "No, it's much safer in the desert than across the Straits and through Iran to Karachi. But Timmy and Joseph, we're so sorry, but you will have to miss the safari, I think. How about this: you go back to Paris and help our friends get their daughter to Buenos Aires? The Sheik agreed, adding, "I will send a couple of men-Neddy's brothers Chesterfield and Butterfield-along just in case. As for you, my old schoolmates, mightn't it be better to make your way through Yemen and then ferry across to Djibouti?' "Oh, I had such a good weekend in Djibouti . . . years ago, of course," sighed Vyvyan in reminiscence. "Remember dear, the French fort and the French letters?" 42 Observations of the Omniscient Narrator Ferd Eggan, the author, not the character in this novel, sits naked at the computer. He finds his writing blocked. " It's always something! My eyes hurt and they're blurry." He smokes many cigarettes. He wants to write a clear exhortation to his peers: voting for Kerry is only an unpleasant first step in a genuinely worthwhile project: he wants to argue that world-historical changes require that we accede to-nay, accelerate-the decline and fall of the United States as a global power. Pulling the last puff on a Marlboro Menthol Ultra Light before the filter burns, he thinks, "My idea is complex and it's hard to make this argument coherent." He stubs out the cigarette and clicks on the draft of No Matter Who Gets Elected. "I should cut away all the digressions here," he breathes out with the thin smoke. He doesn't have much time today, as his friend Mary (a model for MonaLisa of the Desert) is coming down from the central coast and Walt, another friend, may join them for dinner. "Walt's always making plans and canceling. I always cancel too, so shut up." He looks at the draft. "I liked that little recitative by Ilia in Idomeneo.68" ILIA Dell'Asia i danni ancora troppo risento, e pur d'un grand'eroe al nome, al caso, il cor parmi commosso, e negargli i sospir ah no, non posso. Ilia Dell'Asia the damages still too much risento, and also d'un grand'eroe to the name, to the case, the cor parmi affected, and negargli the sospir ah not, I cannot. Babelfish translation service on AltaVista. Ilia I still resent the destruction of Asia, But this great hero-my heart is so moved--I cannot deny his right to live. My translation "I may be too Midwestern, too philistine, to really enjoy the slowness of that opera. I think Mozart should have speeded it up more. Is it me or what? Back to the draft." After a trip to the toilet and worry about bladder problems, he sits down and lights another cigarette. Here he looks at the draft of his argument. America, Over69 Yeah, yeah, we should act to vote out the Bush/Cheney war-mongers, but let's act for something better and bigger. Iraq is not just a waste of lives over an oilfield. Iraq is a strategic battlefield where ordinary young Americans, hoping for education and escape from the suffocation of ordinary American lives, fight young Iraqis who hope for something very similar. Inexperienced, naive fighters are pitted against each other, one side to maintain the present corporate world order and the other to replace it. And it's not a fight just between Iraqis and Americans. Global market conflicts overwhelm any national power: look at Sudan, Russia, Indonesia.70 No matter who gets elected on Nov 2, neither Kerry nor Bush will ever dare to address the most important issue: what is America? Our homeland? No, it's a military and political shield operating to dominate the global market, a market that doesn't care what ordinary Americans want. Bush and Kerry both use the rhetoric of American security and American power, but neither will admit that it's not even about this country. America as a great nation is over. We were, maybe, maybe, weighing the ideals (and the failures) of Jefferson and Lincoln and all, a country that embodied greatness once. But we are not any more.71 Hey, What Happened? We, the people who used be so productive, were lulled out of our vitality by corporate grasping and by big demand for US goods and US dollars, until the stock market took its dreadful dive in 2000-2001. Prosperity was, of course, not spread equally among us: the average income declined but corporate income skyrocketed to the top. Most American working people have clung to belief in a future that afforded a home, college for the kids, insurance even for domesticated partners--until the US economy was converted from production of goods to production of money and financial equities. That future was a little like an LA garden, all exotic plants, tended and watered by people and resources brought from across the borders. Now not just our jobs, but even our money has gone overseas-to countries that actually produce things. All America can offer is flex-time service work that only immigrants can afford to take. Even the soldiers are taking pay cuts because of outsourcing. It Looks Bad So, instead of despair over the loss of good old America, let's take a compassionate look at the whole planet: living creatures nearly ruined, cherished moral and religious ideals perverted into family values, and competing, hostile forces that nations can not control. A stronger, more secure America is a nostalgic fantasy. And we cannot expect to negotiate our way out of continual wars either, because we blindly let corporations sell our birthright for a mess of oil and silicon chips--they use up all the bargaining chips. Neither Kerry nor Bush, neither good cop nor bad cop, can pacify, let alone rectify, this mess. What do we do now? Voting out Bush and Cheney could stimulate worldwide ideals of freedom, democracy and peace. We will be more secure if we dismantle America and open the whole garden. We can fight for a global order that's fits for this earth, based on the desires we share with all people everywhere. Things worth fighting for right now: No Borders! (no border defense) Free Health Care for Everyone! (nobody will need insurance companies) Free Child Care for Everyone! (any mother or father can work and every child can feel secure) Never mind that these are utopian ideas: the demands themselves move people to realize that if these basic human needs were met then competition for scarce resources would diminish. And they can be met, abundantly, from the incalculable wealth we produce together on this earth. * * * "I hope this says something," Ferd says to himself. "I grant that it does matter whether it's an avowed fundamentalist Christian militarist or a liberal who might be more malleable on issues, but Christ Almighty! What a poop Kerry is!" He's not confident that his argument addresses what he feels is an underlying problem; he wants to show that it's ok to love this place while fighting for a new global order that does away with American superpower. It's sad, isn't it? What we love is here, in this place. Where we are alive, we learn to love the scene, the settings in which we are conscious. Unnoticed, all the people and trees and sidewalks make a place, a country, which we consider central to the experiences we have. Their centrality might be illusory; after all, what we're really attached to is our consciousness, our aliveness. But mental processes become affect, our bodies and our brains do that in this place and we call our place America. We need to find some way to keep the love, but to give up the fatal connection to power, to glory. The republic of liberty, at least the hope and the struggle for liberty that marked the best of American days, is no longer to be. We mistook our best ideals for dominance. Maybe our canny self-reliant spirit, our ready smiles and readier cash, overwhelmed what possibilities of mutual aid and sympathy we possessed early on. We leave our author here, unsure that he has moved even himself. 43 Can Oedipa Be Trusted? When last seen, Oedipa was well on her way to a ranking position within the undulating Sirenian orders, one where she would be privy to the deepest secret plans of the group. "I can't fish out the actual steps they are taking, besides building tourist traps with surplus submarines. What is the meaning of the turbans? I must get to the bottom of this." Her cel sounds with the special security ring. "Hello, mein blau engel. Set for the following cypher: Liebst du um Schoenheit1." That will decode our conversation.," says the scrambled voice she knows as the rasp of Lemmy's urgency. Clara Schumann's lieder, "Liebst du um Schoenheit," Op. 12 No. 4,plays over the phone. Liebst du um Schnheit, (If you love for beauty, o nicht mich liebe! oh, do not love me! Liebe die Sonne, Love the sun, sie trgt ein gold'nes Haar! she has golden hair! Liebst du um Jugend, If you love for youth, o nicht mich liebe! oh, do not love me! Liebe den Frhling, Love the spring, der jung ist jedes Jahr! it is young every year! Liebst du um Schtze, If you love for treasure, o nicht mich liebe. oh, do not love me! Liebe die Meerfrau, Love the mermaid, sie hat viel Perlen klar. she has many clear pearls! Liebst du um Liebe, If you love for love, o ja, mich liebe! oh yes, do love me! Liebe mich immer, love me ever, dich lieb' ich immerdar. I'll love you evermore!)72 As the sad German music of mid-Victorian renunciation73 jangles in the earphone, Lemmy's message, routed through a special cryptographic program, is made plain. "You are in grave danger. Venison is accumulating millions of dollars and thousands of recruits with the aim of taking humans back to their aquatic beginnings." "I already know that." "What you don't know is that he has convinced his followers that a part of their brain, originally evolved in fishes, was passed in a distorted way to humans, causing aggressive behavior. They are removing the hypothalami of all the Sirenia converts, with the goal of making docile workers and re-aligning human sex to periods of estrus only. " "That's impossible!" "Impossible? Look at all the Sirenians. The heads of all the converts are wrapped in white turbans, which are conveniently mistaken for Sufi mystic gear, but in fact the turbans are stylized bandages covering the trepanning scars in their foreheads which were openend to remove the offending glands." In his aquatic bunker under Manistique Bay, Venison is listening to the intercepted conversation between Oedipa and Lemmy. He has been suspicious of her since she began to show signs of what he was convinced was a male mind. She was bold, logical--nothing like the females he wanted for Sirenia. The insights he had won from his explorations of consciousness made Venison very clear about enemies: he summoned Amby and the Pride of Sirenia bodyguards. "Get that girl-if she is a girl," Venison orders. I want you to test her hypothalamus to see if she is male or female.74 We have to kill him, her or it, regardless. She's an interloper who wants to interfere with my mission. The whales will rule the world again, or my name isn't Jonah!" 44 Kenya with Mobe and Ferd Mobe and Ferd first see Nairobi from a taxi, surrounded by Masai in brilliant red cloaks trying to march from a park in downtown Nairobi to the British High Commission to highlight their rejection of colonial-era agreements that stripped them of their land. M & F are forced to flee on foot, as heavily armed police officers fire tear gas at the demonstrators and chase them for blocks. The Masai carry their traditional wooden staffs, knives and rungus, wooden clubs they use for self-defense, and picket signs. Later, at the Nairobi Hilton, they follow the story on television. "As a government, we are committed to the rule of law and the protection of private property,'' declares Amos Kimunya, the minister for lands and housing. The NY Times Marc Lacey tells viewers, over pictures of tall young African men with thin spears, "In scenes reminiscent of Zimbabwe's land seizures, angry Masai tribesmen have begun marching onto sprawling ranches held by white settlers in Kenya's lush Rift Valley and claiming the tracts as their own." [Pictures of lush land, with mountains in the background are shown, then police officers in riot gear forcibly ousting the men,] ". . whom the government calls invaders, as well as their cattle. The number of Masai arrested in recent days exceeds 100. At least one person, an elderly Masai man, has died, shot during a confrontation with the police." BBC World News tells our heroes that Kenyan officials have no intention of following Mugabe's example in Zimbabwe. Uprooting the ranchers, government officials said, would be disastrous for the economy, which relies heavily on Western assistance and on tourism, a major source of hard currency. On top of that, acceding to the Masai might encourage similar demands by the scores of other ethnic groups in Kenya, many of which have historic grievances of their own, officials added. In a special program produced by FOX News Africa, the blustery correspondent interviews wealthy Kenyan farmers. "The young warriors move in and cut the fences and bring in their cattle,'' said one white rancher, describing the recent raids in northern Laikipia. "You get between 5,000 and 10,000 head of cattle on your land.'' He called for firmer action against the trespassers, some of whom are from the related Samburu tribe. "The police need to be harsher,'' he said. "There have been too many warnings. There need to be more arrests. We need quicker, more forceful action.'' But CNN correspondents praised the government: "The government has adopted a cautious approach to land reform. A new constitution that is being drafted proposes that the long leases granted to some wealthy ranchers, some of which exceed 950 years, be reduced to 99 years. "Happy Anniversary," Mobe tells Ferd. "It seems the land controversy started this month around the 100th anniversary of an agreement reached between British colonialists and some Masai elders. The deal pushed the Masai far from their traditional turf in the Rift Valley, where a railway was being built, into reservations on far less desirable land. "Yes," replies Ferd, booting up the computer plans of the hospital they target for the rescue operation, "Signed on Aug. 15, 1904, with the illiterate Masai using thumbprints, the document said the Masai leaders 'of our own free will, decided that it is for our best interests to remove our people, flocks, and herds into definite reservations away from the railway line, and away from any land that may be thrown open to European settlement.''' Mobe asks, "Exactly what did the Masai leaders received in exchange? As the years have passed and the Masai population has grown (and more and more of Africa becomes desertified), rangeland has become more scarce and the Masai's precious cattle have had far less land on which to graze. Masai leaders say the agreement ought to be invalidated because their predecessors were clearly taken advantage of by the white settlers. Radio Free Kenya presents a voice of protest: "We're now squatters on our own land,'' said Ratik Ole Kuyana, a Masai tour guide who narrowly escaped arrest at the protest in Nairobi on Tuesday. "I'd rather spend my days in prison than see settlers spend their days enjoying my motherland. I think Mugabe was right.'' The room service porter, who is actually a local operative helping them avert the female genital mutilation scheduled for two days hence, informs M & F that, in moving onto the private land, "the Masai have not seized houses or harmed ranchers. But they have destroyed the electrical fencing that rings the properties and driven their own herds onto the land to graze." He tells them the area that has been the center of the protests is known as Laikipia, which sits just north of the Equator near the towns of Nanyuki and Isiolo. It boasts spectacular views of snowcapped Mount Kenya and more endangered mammals than any other area in East Africa, including the black rhino, Grevy's zebra and reticulated giraffe. A National Geographic magazine on the coffee table tells them, "Aggravating the current conflict is a drought that has hit parts of Kenya hard, prompting President Mwai Kibaki to declare a state of emergency recently." After the news programmes, they watch a televised debate. "Oh, no," shouts Mobe, "It's my great-great aunt Karen! If she's here that means our mission must be known to them!" Karen, representing WTO tourist interests, indicates that Kenya's fragile tourist industry has been hurt in the past by fears of insecurity. The Laikipia area is a growing tourist area, with vast private game ranches. Karen tells the viewers, "The Masai have played an essential role in Kenya's terrorism-I mean tourism--strategy. Of Kenya's 50-odd ethnic groups, the Masai, with their red tunics and traditional ways, are the best known. They perform dances at lodges across the country, in which they chant in unison and leap vertically to seemingly impossible heights. Tourists also frequently visit Masai villages that highlight their age-old way of life, in which all land is considered communal and cows are the measure of wealth-very ethnic," Karen concludes. But the Masai, who are among the poorest Kenyans, complain "We see little profit from tourism and that many of the people who dress as Masai at lodges are actually from other tribes." "We're associated with wild animals,'' complains Roselinda Soipan, a Masai lawyer who appeared in court on Tuesday to defend some of the protesters rounded up in Nairobi. "If a tourist comes to Kenya and doesn't see a Masai, it's like they didn't see an elephant or a rhino. We're human beings, and we have a right to agitate for our rights.'' We'd better hurry with our plans," says Mobe. "Our little caper is taking place against a backdrop of major global climate, social and political changes." "Well, duh," agrees Ferd. 45 Dreamy Time A dream interrupted by the wake-up call at 3 am. Ana K.'s brother, now with a golden beard, young cool glasses, accompanied by a boisterous film crew. They took up all available space. I was with comfortable friends and attractive young men in a setting like Morocco-like Germe's Snake Charmer: 75 blue marble arabesques, sumptuous carpets, pointed arches. "What can I give you?" he kept asking. I was incommoded because the cutest young man was with him, but looking at me through long lashes over his muscled bicep, as if to say, "isn't this actually better?" "No," I said to the brother, "things have been dreary since you got here. I came with friends to study the language and culture and now your blond crew want to bring in girls. You can give me nothing. " To Do List for Nairobi 9/29 500 ft nylon rope nebulizer w/capacity to fill operating room with drug vapor MDA NOT MDMA (no nerve damage-better hallucinogen76) Large quantities Demerol, Valium Gurney with false bottom to "disappear" recumbent figure Surgical scrubs, masks, etc. Sound system Robotic quadrupeds Visas for M, F, body in casket Car arrivals timed for 7:49 am Medivac helicopter timed for 8:37 am Mix (excerpts):Hovhanhess' Mysterious Mountain77, Messiaen's Meditations Sur le Mystere de la Sainte Trinit78, Ligeti's Clocks and Clouds79, Berio's Coro80, Lauridsen's Lux Aeterna81(pop sublimity) Subject: Daily Dharma, August 30, 2004 from Bassui Tokusho Zenji82 In a dream you may stray and lose your way home. You ask someone to show you how to return or you pray to God or Buddhas to help you, but you still can't get home. Once you rouse yourself from your dream-state, however, you find that you are in your own bed and realize that the only way you could have gotten home was to awaken yourself. This [kind of spiritual awakening] is called "return to the origin" or "rebirth in paradise." It is the kind of inner realization that can be achieved with some training. . . . You would be making a serious error, however, were you to assume that this was true enlightenment in which there is no doubt about the nature of reality. You would be like a man who having found copper gives up the desire for gold. "Showtime!" The plan is begun, 04:15 hours. 46 After a couple of days in a Cologne emergency ward . . released to the streets without papers or money, Siegfried Rheinfahrt is now derelict, homeless in the part of the Bundestadt that he least understands. He makes his way to Frankfurt and the wardrobe-sized apartment of the one person he remembers from his few visits to the West during his ascendancy in the E. German Party. He rings hesitantly on a door in the red-light district. A business card taped below the peephole reads Fraulein Doktor Klara Kaligari, chiro-podiatrie, psychoanalyse mystische sprechen mit den toden, Marxist-Leninist-Mao-tse-Tung-Thought film-regie (geliebte groartigtochter von Karla B-S, berhmte liebeskind von Clara Schumann und Johannes Brahms.) 83 To the sound of fr Elise, a stooped old personage in a blonde wig totters to open the door. Peering through false eyelashes, she croaks, "Comrade Siegfried Rheinfahrt, you look like the leftovers of death warmed up in der microwave. I'm glad to see you so miserable. Come in and see me; I can lubricate and be ready in a minute. And now, really no teeth. You used to say. . . Ha! Ha-ha-ho!" Siegfried can only stagger to the greasy Biedermeyer sofa and collapse. "Can I please have ein glass von wasser?" "My, my, how you have fallen down, you euro-communist, you revisionist traitor. Putzi, give my old friend some tea," the old personage tells a young man with a video camera, sitting next to the smoking stove. "This is Rosa von Praunheim, my spiritual daughter," she tells Rheinfahrt. "Rosa, mein Putzi, meet Siegfried. This decrepit old man was once my comrade and my lover. " "Klara, we were never lovers," says Siegfried, reviving with sips of strong tea. "You knew always that I love mankind; I never could not love a man." "I am not a man!" shrieks Klara. "And anyway, Karen is not a real woman. All her executrix posing and literary pretension. " She turns to Rosa to say, "Mein sister Karen stole him and they became my adversaries." "Karen has great-grandchildren already, whom she hates and never sees," Siegfried tells her. She's busy relating publicly for the World Trade Organization now. She consults on security operations for the whole of Europe-busy shooting terrorists, I'm sure, when she's not stuppen that Kolonel South." "It's the collision of our Deutsh Stalinism and sex desire, I'm afraid," chimes in Rosa von P., pointing his camera at Rheinfahrt. "Please, Klara, can you help me? I know you use morphine, " Siegfried moans. "How I remember that day in 1953 when the workers struck in Berlin and the Party told them to stop, sighs Klara. If we now have a socialist regime, the Berlin workers reasoned, then we should no longer suffer under the weight of production quotas. When Benno Sarel recounts the revolts of the construction workers along Stalinallee and throughout Berlin, which on June 16 and 17, 1953, spread to the big factories, the workers' neighborhoods, and then the suburbs and countryside of East Germany, he emphasizes that the most important demand of the factory worker was to abolish the production quotas and destroy the structural order of command over labor in the factories. Socialism, after all, is not capitalism. 84 "We should have emphasized that socialism also means the end of bourgeois ideas of love!" "Help me, Klara," Siegfried begs. "I need morphine. Joseph is todt-dead I am so sure. I am so alone. I am abject." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Extra Credit Schumann/Brahms Assignment by Elaine Ernst Schneider May 2, 2001 http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0679745823/lessontutor http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0395891191/lessontutorSchumann (Master Musicians Series) Background: As a young man, Johannes Brahms was a close friend of Robert and Clara Schumann. They socialized publicly and Johannes was often in the Schumann home. When Robert Schumann died, Johannes continued his friendship with Clara. Clara Schumann, herself a renowned pianist, gave concerts that showcased her late husbands work to support herself and her children. It is not known whether Johannes had always loved Clara or if the affection sprang from the relationship that grew after Roberts death. History does tell us that Brahms professed his love for Clara though they never married. For more detailed biographies of each of these classical composers, refer to: Johannes Brahms, and Robert Schumann, by Betty Fry. Assignment Choices: 1. Write a dialogue that might have taken place between Clara and Johannes after Roberts death. Begin the conversation with Brahms confessing to Clara that he loves her. Use your imagination. Here are some questions to get you started thinking: - What might Brahms say to Clara to first open up the subject of his love for her? - Does Brahms propose marriage or is it he who never asks, rather than she who refuses? - What might have been Claras reasons for not marrying Johannes Brahms? Was she still in love with Robert? Did Clara fear that if she married Brahms that it would be too awkward to continue concertizing with Roberts pieces? Or was there some other reason she refused Brahms affection? 2. Write the lyrics for a song Brahms might have written for Clara. Keep in mind that words for songs during this time period usually rhymed. 3. If you play an instrument, create an original short piece that Brahms might have written for Clara. Consider the emotions of love and how they might be conveyed through the music. Would the tempo be slow and the tone sad because love is unrequited, or might the tempo be fast and furious to show the frustration of two souls that never connect? As you begin these assignments, remember to keep in mind what was and was not socially acceptable in Johannes and Claras day. Email your assignment to The Story Continues . . . 47 A Time for Action 04:30 hrs. Time for action in Nairobi. Ferd reaches for the remote just as Kenyan and other leading African runners are shown at the Olympic marathon. They almost always win, but this year's apparent winner, a low-ranked Brazilian, is knocked off the track by a defrocked Irish priest, impelled onto the course on a mission from God. The Kenyans are shown moving to protect each other as the tv clicks off. Voice over, through the radio in the car, on the television at the airport, in the ambulance waiting outside the hospital, we hear part of an historic speech, in honor of Kenyatta Month: "If we unite now, each and every one of us, and each tribe to another, we will cause the implementation in this country of that which the European calls democracy. True democracy has no colour distinction. It does not choose between black and white. We are here in this tremendous gathering under the K.A.U. flag to find which road leads us from darkness into democracy. In order to find it we Africans must first achieve the right to elect our own representatives. That is surely the first principle of democracy. We are the only race in Kenya which does not elect its own representatives in the Legislature and we are going to set about to rectify this situation. We feel we are dominated by a handful of others who refuse to be just. God said this is our land. Land in which we are to flourish as a people. We are not worried that other races are here with us in our country, but we insist that we are the leaders here, and what we want we insist we get. We want our cattle to get fat on our land so that our children grow up in prosperity; we do not want that fat removed to feed others. He who has ears should now hear that K.A.U. claims this land as its own gift from God and I wish those who arc black, white or brown at this meeting to know this. . . . . . Bribery and corruption is prevalent in this country, but I am not surprised. As long as a people are held down, corruption is sure to rise and the only answer to this is a policy of equality. If we work together as one, we must succeed. Jomo Kenyatta, speech at the Kenya African Union Meeting at Nyeri, July 26, 1952 Sirens scream, paramedics and nurses bustle from station to station, patients awaken from nights spent on hard chairs to request attention: early morning is always busy at a hospital. When the obviously non-African anesthesiologist and consulting surgeon enter the operating theatre, heads among those bobbing around the young patient turn briefly but see not much more than their surgical masks. The young patient is already prepped, draped with white sheeting, her knees up, feet in stirrups, sedated and monitored. Her parents, anxious for their daughter who has only just resigned herself to undergo this procedure, huddle in a corner, dressed in sterile scrubs. The older aunt of the girl holds her hand and whispers comfort in her ear, which is haloed by the white stretch cap over the hair braided close to her scalp. A Kenyan doctor nods for anesthesia, and a commanding woman dressed in white with a tall head wrap approaches the patient; initiating the ritual, she lifts a small, precise scalpel. She pauses, and quotes from her nation's most famous author. [The discourse she quotes is extended and well worth reading in Facing Mount Kenya. See the website of Female Genital Cutting Education and Networking Project where the chapter on clitoridectomy is printed in full, The Story Continues cites only short excerpts below.] INITIATION OF BOYS AND GIRLS THE CUSTOM of clitoridectomy of girls, which we are going to describe here, has been strongly attacked by a number of influential European agencies-missionary, sentimental pro-African, government, educational and medical authorities. We think it necessary to give a short historical background of the method employed by these bodies in attacking the custom of clitoridectomy of girls. [Here Jomo Kenyatta, political leader of Kenya's independence, describes the context in the integral Kikiyu culture of the custom of clitoridectomy of girls and other rituals surrounding it, as well as initiation ceremonies for boys. He makes it clear that these customs functioned to make young people part of community religious and social life and compares them to Jewish circumcision. He also makes plain the contemptuous-and contemptible-efforts of the Scottish Mission to destroy all "pagan" customs of the Kikyu people.] However, this urge for abolishing a people's social custom by force of law was not wholeheartedly accepted by the majority of the delegates in the Conference. General opinion was for education which would enable the people to choose what customs to keep and which ones they would like to get rid of. It should be pointed out here that there is a strong community of educated Gikuyu opinion in defence of this custom. In the matrimonial relation, the rite de passage [rite of passage] is the deciding factor. No proper Gikuyu would dream of marrying a girl who has not been circumcised, and vice versa. It is taboo for a Gikuyu man or woman to have sexual relations with someone who has not undergone this operation. If it happens, a man or woman must go through a ceremonial purification, korutwo thahu or gotahikio megiro-namely, ritual vomiting of the evil deeds. A few detribalised Gikuyu, while they are away from home for some years, have thought fit to denounce the custom and to marry uncircumcised girls, especially from coastal tribes, thinking that they could bring them back to their fathers' homes without offending the parents. But to their surprise they found that their fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters, following the tribal custom, are not prepared to welcome as a relative-in-law anyone who has not fulfilled the ritual qualifications for matrimony. Therefore a problem has faced these semi-detribalised Gikuyu when they wanted to return to their homeland. Their parents have demanded that if their sons wished to settle down and have the blessings of the family and the clan, they must divorce the wife married outside the rigid tribal custom and then marry a girl with the approved tribal qualifications. Failing this, they have been turned out and disinherited. [Some Aspects of the Ceremonies] . . . . Late in the afternoon an arch of banana trees and sugar-canes is built at the entrance of the homestead of the matuumo . . . .To start the race a ceremonial horn is blown. At this point the girls, who are not allowed to participate in the race, start out walking to the tree, escorted by a group of senior warriors and women singing ritual and heroic songs. When the girls are near the tree, the ceremonial horn is again sounded, this time indicating that it is time for the boys to start the race. The boys then start running in a great excitement, as though they were going to a battle. The truth is, it is really considered a sort of fight between the spirit of childhood and that of adulthood. . . . . ceremonial racing (. . .) determines the leader of that particular age-group. The one who reaches the tree first and throws his wooden spear over the tree is elected there and then as the leader and the spokesman of the age-group for life. It is believed that such a one is chosen by the will of the ancestral spirits in communication with Ngai, and is therefore highly respected. The mogumo ceremony occupies only a short time. As stated above, the boys climb the tree, break the top branches, while the girls collect leaves and twigs dropped on the ground. These are later tied into bunches and carried back to the homestead to keep the sacred fire burning the whole night and also to be used in other rituals, especially in making the initiates' beds. The songs rendered by the relatives and friends round the foot of the tree generally pertain to sexual knowledge. This is to give the initiates an opportunity of acquainting themselves with all necessary rules and regulations governing social relationship between men and women. At the completion of kunna mogumo (breaking of the sacred tree), the boys and girls are lined up according to the order of their adoption. Here a ceremony of taking the tribal oath (muuma wa anake) is conducted by the elders of the ceremonial council. The initiates promise by this oath that from this day onward they will in every respect deport themselves like adults and take an responsibilities in the welfare of the community, and that they will not lag behind whenever called upon to perform any service or duty in the protection and advancement of the tribe as a whole. Furthermore, they are made to promise never to reveal the tribal secrets, even to a member of the tribe who has not yet been initiated. . . . . The songs they sing on the homeward march are directed towards denouncing all things that are not fit and proper for any adult member of the community to do. Moreover, the phrases embodied in these songs are to encourage the initiates to become worthy and honourable members of the adult community into which they are to be graduated. . . . . At the end of the ceremony the boys and girls are free to go to their respective homes to rest until next morning. Care is taken to protect them from anything that might inflict wounds upon them, as the shedding of blood is regarded as an omen of ill luck. The initiates are guarded the whole night by senior warriors against outside interference. In every home a ceremonial doctor (mondo-mogo wa mambura) is assigned by the traditional council (njama ya kirera) to protect the initiates against any possible attacks from witchcraft and also against any temptation or enticement to indulge in sexual intercourse. . . . .[ After The Girl is Operated On] At the time of the surgical operation the girl hardly feels any pain for the simple reason that her limbs have been numbed, and the operation is over before she is conscious of it. It is only when she awakes after three or four hours of rest that she begins to realize that something has been done to her genital organ. The writer has learned this fact from several girls (relatives and close friends) who have gone through the initiation and who belong to the sane age-group with the writer. This signifies that the children have now been born again, not as the children of an individual, but of the whole tribe. The initiates address one another as "Wanyu-Wakine," which means "My tribal brother or sister." When the ceremony is completed all burst into ritual song. They bid farewell to one another and then leave the homestead under the escort of their relatives. On the arrival at their respective homes a sheep or rat is killed by the parents to welcome them home again and anoint them as new members of the community (koinokai na kohaka mwanake or moiretu maguta). At this ceremony the parents are provided with brass ear-rings, as a sign of seniority. This is done when the first-born is initiated. . . . . With such limited knowledge as they are able to acquire from their converts or from others, who invariably distort the reality of the irua in order to please them, these same missionaries pose as authorities on African customs. How often have we not heard such people saying: "We have lived in Africa for a number or years and we know the African mind well."? This, however, does not qualify them or entitle them to claim authority on sociological or anthropological questions. The African is in the best position properly to discuss and disclose the psychological background of tribal customs, such as irua, etc., and he should be given the opportunity to acquire the scientific training which will enable him to do so. This is a point which should be appreciated by well-meaning anthropologists who have bad experience in the difficulties of field-work in various parts of the world. Jomo Kenyatta85, from Facing Mount Kenya 86 48 Rabelaisian Body Matters and Flight to the Forest Primeval After manfully squeezing his nose to unseat a particularly intractable blackhead, pressing the flesh to the tearful point where he was forced to consider that the incipient rosacea there might be making the rhynodermis too thick, tougher that it had been when he was quite frequently used to squeeze in his lubricated, more comedogenic youth, Ambrose Broussard pulled down his underwear, kicked when the briefs-as they always did-caught on his moccasins, and sat down on the toilet. His buttocks seemed to hurtle past their usual resting point and collided, with little padding to diminish the impact as his flesh had gone the way of lipodystrophy, with the cold white rim of the toilet. A man alone can easily neglect to lift the seat, although Ambrose had recently replaced the unhygienic seat left behind by the previous tenant with a pristine pink one which he thought made a whimsical match with the pink tiles on the bathroom walls, yet he'd never been moved to harmonize the blue color of the floor tiles, perhaps because he'd painted above the tile wainscoting in a semi-gloss aubergine he thought was a further inspired choice. When he hit the rim, he was pleased that he was able to ejaculate "Holy Shit!" within microseconds of contact, congratulating himself on the miniscule time-lapse between pain signals and an apposite rejoinder. Having feared just this kind of undignified clapping of tender skin onto the chilly and narrow porcelain, he was wont to leave the seat down, until recently when it became redolently clear that tiny droplets of urine were deliquescing to burden the air with the fug of a public latrine. There was no completely agreeable solution except permanent vigilance. In any case, after replacing the seat and spreading his anal pore, his disappointment at the quantity and texture of the waste he pushed out was mollified only when a very organized plume of gas was emitted, followed by a much more gratifying, elongated extrusion of shit and a final firm fart that enabled the distended belly to regain some smoother roundness. The unhindered egress of his excreta permitted Ambrose a moment of reflection regarding the toilet as the biological altar where-not unlike the deep connection with Nature inherited from his Native American forebears--through autonomic muscular contractions and flexions of the organism, one performed the ritual of self-worship in which the very alimentary-eliminative tubular configuration of the human body was experienced most to resemble that of other animals--fundamentally. In fact, the coincidence of the English adverb connoting radical excavation of the underlying ground of animal life with the noun denoting the bottom part of the human body-not counting the lower extremities-entered his mind, spiced with a mild frisson of pride at the "primitive" adaptation that efficaciously coordinated involuntary peristaltic motion and voluntary bearing down and pushing to achieve evacuation. The sensation of clean unopposed extrusion, along with the bombast of flatulence and the highly parabolic presentation of urine through the manually guided penis, was pleasurable in the extreme, wreathed with smells that one could not deny were olfactory tokens of life, of healthy inward- and out-ness, although only one's own could be granted this status and exempted from the general disgust others' bodily excrescences could awaken in one if they originated from any of the rest of us. Ambrose had, like many warriors of the spirit, had occasion to taste this matter, but his palate rejected the ugly bitter flavor-so surprisingly, intolerably, different from its fetid and rich olorousness--and he concluded that, despite the alluring abjection it most theatrically might otherwise offer, coprophagia would never be his choice at the banquet table of infantile sexual fixations. Meditating on the high estimation Pascal placed on frequent and copious defecation, enjoying especially the more vernacular version of the triadic encomium to "good shoes, . . ?., and a warm place to shit" (what was that other priority he couldn't remember?), Ambrose turned his attention to more rigorous exigencies of the present situation. That is, he remembered he was entrusted by the Big Humpback Himself to bring in the suspicious Oedipa for testing. Hopping over the cold tiles, disregarding creeping neuropathic foot pain, attributable once again to what were blithely called medication side-effects, he therefore gave himself a shake, eschewed a wipe, preferring the prospect of a warm lavage, and turned on the shower, lighting a cigarette to enhance the waiting time while the hot water made its way from the distant heater to his bathroom. When all was right, he tossed his butt into the toilet and lathered and scrubbed. Ambrose Broussard knew about what were called "two-spirited" among the anthropological queers who wanted to authenticate their own proclivities and choices, and he felt a strong antipathy at the prospect of eliminating Oedipa. Moreover, his early support for his sworn blood-brother Venison's visionary schemes had diminished sharply in the last several months as the white-turbaned flocks of converts increased and Ven took on the vocal tones of incipient madness. Ambrose stalked out to his vehicle, a feul-cell equipped hybrid Hummer, roared to the edge of the compound, and swept Oedipa away with minutes to spare before the Fruit of the Sea armed security arrived. "What the fuck are you doing?" demanded Oedipa. "Let me out of here!" "The Killers are coming for you, and me too now that I'm running with you. We'll ditch this car at The Big Two-Hearted River. We'll go into the woods and walk to Seney, hop the train there." Chapter 49 Nick, Atala and Rene, Ambrose and ? "The Killers are coming for you, and me too now that I'm running with you, Ambrose told Oedipa. "We'll ditch this car at The Big Two-Hearted River. We'll go into the woods and walk to Seney, hop the train there." "That's ridiculous," Oedipa shot back. "What Killers? What for? And there is no train any more." "I mean we'll drive to Seney, through Blaney Park, and ditch the car at Seney. That's what I mean." "What are you talking about? I don't know you, and I'm not going with you anywhere. Take me back to Manistique." "Look, don't go all ignorant on me. I'm Ambrose. The Killers are Venison's Fruit of the Sea. They're after you." "Why would they be after me?" Oedipa asked. "Yeah, I wonder," Ambrose was getting impatient. "They might want to check out a Sirenia disciple who wasn't what she said she was?" When there was no answer to that, he asked, "Just who are you, anyway? You're really a guy, eh?" "No!" she retorted. "What's it to you, anyway?" "I'm sick of Venison and I'm saving your ass. That's what's it to me." They said nothing more until they stopped for food at the stoplight in Germfask. 49 The Killers The door of Henry's lunchroom opened and two men came in. They sat down at the counter. "What's yours?" George asked them. "I don't know," one of the men said. "What do you want to eat, Al?" "I don't know," said Al. "I don't know what I want to eat." Outside it was getting dark. The streetlight came on outside the window. The two men at the counter read the menu. From the other end of the counter Ambrose Broussard watched them. He had been waiting for Oedipa in the bathroom. "Fuck it, give us four fried egg sandwiches to go. We gotta go, Al." "Fuck it, ok, but I want fries." "Two fries, four fried egg sandwiches, right?" George asked. "Say, you're a pretty bright boy, eh? Yeah. And hurry up. We gotta get to Manistique fast." Al lit a cigarette. "Give me a cup of coffee now though, "he said. He turned toward Ambrose. "What's up, Chief?" he asked Ambrose. "Nothing," Ambrose picked up his mug and swallowed coffee, It was too hot but he swallowed anyway. He could feel it burning all the way down. "That's three-twenty-five," said George, wrapping the sandwiches in waxed paper. "Plus twenty five for the coffee, three-fifty." The man turned back to look at the paper bag of sandwiches. "You got quarters, Al?" Al paid and the men left. Oedipa came out from the bathroom, behind the counter opposite the door. She sat on the stool next to Ambrose. "Don't look now, don't turn around. Those guys are The Killers," Ambrose said. "We're lucky, they're Florida guys and don't know me. I bet they know what you look like, though." She took their coffee and sandwiches across to a booth. She motioned for Ambrose to sit on the same side of the booth, to make it more difficult for George the counterman to overhear. "OK, um, Ambrose," she said. Here's the deal. So, they're after me, I've gotta get to Sault Ste. Marie and across to Canada. I'll pay you to drive me there." "Nope, no, no Soo. I've got a powerboat in Deer Park. We'll go across the Lake to Batchawana Bay. And you'll pay, all right." "Whatever you want." She dropped her spoon into her coffee. "Can we leave now?" As they walked along the road to where the Hummer was hidden, Ambrose pursued his questions. "Start by getting real with me. No forked tongue with Indian!" Oedipa sighed, cleared her throat and began. "Get in, start the car. I'll be right there." As the engine turned over, the passenger door opened. Ambrose barely turned to see her. Then he heard a startling new voice. "This is real. The real is Achmed Oedipus bin Maas. I was sent here to stop Sirenia. In my laptop here is enough to send Venison-and you, if you're not straight with me-to hell." "Hey, no need for threats, ok." I'm here, right, saving your ass? I'm taking you to Canada, right?" "No, I'm saving your ass. Deer Park is out; they already know you'd go there. We're going to Newberry, and my associates will be waiting in Lake Superior Forest. Hit the road, Ambrose." The reader is here instructed to imagine these two as if they were principal characters in Ernest Hemingway's various stories about Nick Adams, principally in In Our Time and Men Without Women. Pretend "The Killers" is modified to the present episode about the pursuit. Pretend "Big Two-Hearted River" is an idyll in the escape of Ambrose and Achmed. Since the reader is undoubtedly going to be successfully imaginative, it will be unnecessary to detail their time in the woods. Also pretend that they are Atala and Rene in the eponymous novel by Chateaubriand that helped start the romantic revolution in literature. This pretense will lend the present narrative-and, by metonymic conjunction, the romantic novel in general--a same-sex erotic charge. Last, pretend that they embody but contradict the white/non-white homo thematic of Leslie Fiedler's Love and Death in the American Novel. 50 A Delightful and Needed Diversion (provided by bloggers) Wendell and Cass, two penguins at the New York Aquarium in Coney Island, Brooklyn, live in a soap opera world of seduction and intrigue. Among the 22 male and 10 female African black-footed penguins in the aquarium's exhibit, tales of love, lust and betrayal are the norm. These birds mate for life. But given the disproportionate male-female ratio at the aquarium, some of the females flirt profusely and dump their partners for single males with better nests. Wendell and Cass, however, take no part in these cunning schemes. They have been completely devoted to each other for the last eight years. In fact, neither one of them has ever been with anyone else, says their keeper, Stephanie Mitchell. But the partnership of Wendell and Cass adds drama in another way. They're both male. That is to say, they're gay penguins. This is not unusual. "There are a lot of animals that have same-sex relations, it's just that people don't know about it," Mitchell said. "I mean, Joe Schmoe on the street is not someone who's read all sorts of biology books." One particular book is helpful in this case. Bruce Bagemihl's Biological Exuberance,87 published in 1999, documents homosexual behavior in more than 450 animal species. The list includes grizzly bears, gorillas, flamingos, owls and even several species of salmon. "The world is, indeed, teeming with homosexual, bisexual and transgendered creatures of every stripe and feather," Bagemihl writes in the first page of his book. "From the Southeastern Blueberry Bee of the United States to more than 130 different bird species worldwide, the 'birds and the bees,' literally, are queer." In New York, it's the penguins. At the Central Park Zoo, Silo and Roy, two male Chinstrap penguins, have been in an exclusive relationship for four years. Last mating season, they even fostered an egg together. "They got all excited when we gave them the egg," said Rob Gramzay, senior keeper for polar birds at the zoo. He took the egg from a young, inexperienced couple that hatched an extra and gave it to Silo and Roy. "And they did a really great job of taking care of the chick and feeding it." Of the 53 penguins in the Central Park Zoo, Silo and Roy are not the only ones that are gay. In 1997, the park had four pairs of homosexual penguins. In an effort to increase breeding, zookeepers tried to separate them by force. They failed, said Gramzay.88 * * * Elsewhere, a female ape wraps her legs around another female, "rubbing her own clitoris against her partner's while emitting screams of enjoyment." The researcher explains: It's a form of greeting behavior. Or reconciliation. Possibly food-exchange behavior. It's certainly not sex. Not lesbian sex. Not hot lesbian sex. Six bighorn rams cluster, rubbing, nuzzling and mounting each other. "Aggressosexual behavior," the biologist explains. A way of establishing dominance. They've been keeping it from us: There are homosexual and bisexual animals, ranging from charismatic megafauna like mountain gorillas to cats, dogs and guinea pigs. There are transgendered animals, transvestite animals (who adopt the behavior of the other gender but don't have sex with their own), and animals who live in bisexual triads and quartets. Bruce Bagemihl spent 10 years scouring the biological literature for data on alternative sexuality in animals to write Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity, 768 pages about exactly what goes on at "South Park's" Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary. The first section discusses animal sexuality in its many forms and the ways biologists have tried to explain it away. The second section, "A Wondrous Bestiary," describes unconventional sexuality in nearly 200 mammals and birds -- orangutans, whales, warthogs, fruit bats, chaffinches.89 * * * It is a fundamental Darwinian principle that traits and behaviours cannot spread over evolutionary time if they reduce an individual's personal reproductive success. To be more precise, an imaginary species consisting only of individuals with an exclusive and life-long homosexual behaviour will be extinct in one generation. Parthenogenetic (virgin birth) species do exist in nature, they consist of 100% females, but a 100% homosexual species has never been found. Such a species cannot exist. Just as a sterile species cannot exist. What does exist in nature are species with up to 10 percent of homosexuals, according to Bagemihl. But even this is a puzzle. If those individuals do not reproduce, evolution theory predicts that the percentage in the population must decrease continuously down to a level that is produced by new mutations. But we observe more than that. So how should the excess be explained? One possibility is bisexuality, the combination of homosexual and heterosexual behaviour in the same individual. But this cannot be the answer either, because bisexual individuals will produce on average less progeny than full-time heterosexuals. So the existence is still unexplained. Bagemihl skilfully demolishes a variety of explanations for homosexuality proposed by biologists. This is one of the best, and interesting parts of his book. Probably few people have the encyclopaedic knowledge of homosexual behaviour in animals to be able to refute the variety of hypotheses to explain (away) homosexuality. In the end Bagemihl concludes, somewhat surprisingly, that homosexuality has no function, it just is. Homosexual behaviour has an intrinsic value.90 51 Can I Get A Witness (12 Nov Kenya Times) Witnesses say the girl's body levitated up toward the ceiling, 'Her knees were bent upwards, her legs still spread apart, her arms falling limp behind her, as the sterile drape slipped off and slithered to the floor,' reported a surgical nurse. "I didn't have the opportunity to make my ritual incision," commented Mrs. Adowe Kikuyu, a clan leader and indigenous medicine practitioner. "Suddenly, the ceiling parted and she went to heaven," her aunt said, sobbing. "It was a miracle-God called her to prevent my niece from going under the knife in that godless custom. I don't know what my sister and brother-in-law were thinking, to make the girl go through with such a thing in this day and age.' The doctor in charge was not available to speak with The Times." Cyril put down the Kenya Times and chortled a little in his glee. "Well, Vyv," he said, "we've done it. By now she'll be in the air heading to Paris and on her way to the Hotel Real Desert." "Caprice Sithole will make sure she's all right," added Vyvyan. "And it's time we got back there too. I hope the little baby is still alive, as we can be very helpful to her now, I think." What a happy reunion they all made back at the Hotel. Caprice prepared a magnificent meal of vegan blood-less black pudding, which their new guest found acceptable but odd, and all toasted to success. Cy and Vyv spent an hour before dinner conferring with MonaLisa and Novy, who appeared much assured by the conversation. Timmy, relieved to be home, shouted "God bless us, every one!" But not everyone was as blessed as Timmy might have wished. He learned that Herr Siegfried was still missing, presumably in Germany somewhere, and as for Joseph, well , Joseph had been unmasked as an impostor just after leaving Dubai. Apparently, an operative of World Security Operations had been transformed through complicated cosmetic surgery and planted to spy on them all,. Vyvyan said tartly, "He was discovered when he was found to have no recollection of the chord changes in 'Sophisticated Lady.' The bad news, however, is that the real Joseph has disappeared." "No, I'm afraid not," Neddy interjected. "Look at this news from Fox-Europe." There on the television was Joseph, manacled, his legs in shackles, being led off an airplane in Chicago, Illinois. The Attorney General was then shown announcing that a long-time fugitive, undoubtedly connected with international terrorism, had been caught and extradited back to face murder charges in the US. The AG thanked Mr. (formerly Colonel) Oliver South for his work in apprehending "this white-hating, cop-maiming monster." The BBC featured Kenya news as well. The winner of the Nobel Peace Prize was announced to be Wangari Maathai, a Kenyan activist who "founded an Africa-wide movement that empowered women, confronted corrupt officials and planted millions of trees in ravaged forestland. "Never mind that she thinks AIDS is a man-made plague to kill Africans," sneered Caprice. "Sadly, she's right for all the wrong reasons. "It's killing us, and the conspiracy is among the rich nations (too selfish) and the poor nations (too corrupt) to pay for medical care. And we have the Catholics and the Protestants, who can't agree on anything, united in condemning people for their sexuality. I spit on Mugabe, and Nujoma and all of those fools!" "Mama," her daughter Xoliswa cried. "It's because of the history of colonialism. Kenya and Zimbabwe have the same problem with whites robbing us of our land. And Christian values are what we need. All the Highlanders football stars are Christian now." "Ugh," Neddy grunted. "My uncle was a Reverend, but he would never have acted like Mugabe. And he would have negotiated better land deals. He's just whipping up poor farm laborers to riot because he won't fight the agribusiness giants that own all the land. Same as in Kenya." "Affairs in Zimbabwe are our task, Neddy, not the children's. They are practically French by now," said Caprice, bending her husband's elbow to bring the champagne glass to his lips again. In attempting to turn the gathering back toward festivity, she urged everyone, "Let's leave political strategies for another day. Look, we have little Timmy back, Cy and Vyv are well, our new niece was saved from cutting. And I hear there may even be hope for Little Baby Nell." "Heavens," invoked Vyvyan, "we have to appreciate our small victories and work to expand the power of the multitude. That remains our mission. I expect we'll soon hear from some friends with news of Lemmy and Achmed as well. I for one will breathe an effeminate sigh of relief when this go-round is over and we can move on to new adventures." 52 December 4 is the anniversary of the killing of Fred Hampton. Fred Hampton, chairman of the Illinois chapter of the Black Panther Party, was killed on 12/4/1969 at the age of 21. He was one of the targets of Cointelpro, the FBI's secret counter-intelligence program. Instead of the usual chapter of The Story Continues, readers are asked to consider the following two important items. 1. The following article (excerpted from a much longer article that can be read at the url cited at the end of this excerpt) outlines some recent Federal counter-intelligence operations. newswire: Press Clipping 25-Oct-04 23:51 Legal & Judicial |Surveillance/Harassment The new COINTELPRO author:Camille T. Taiara The feds are spying on and harassing political activists with a fury not seen since the 1960s. EARLY THIS MONTH the federal government launched the latest crude offensive in its so-called war on terror. Titled the October Plan, the program called for "aggressive even obvious surveillance" of a wide range of individuals (regardless of whether or not they're suspected of any criminal wrongdoing) until the Nov. 2 presidential election, according to an internal document leaked to the press. The plan a collaboration between the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Immigration and Customs Enforcement, and other agencies involves renewed scrutiny of mosques and interrogations of people whose national origin, religious faith, or political leanings might, in the eyes of the feds, indicate even the most far-flung relationship to "terrorism." Immigrants and others interviewed by the FBI have been "questioned about immigration status theirs and others' and about their political and religious views," the National Lawyers Guild's Stacey Tolchin said at an emergency press conference called by the San Francisco branch of the American Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee, the Bay Area Association of Muslim Lawyers, the NLG, and the American Civil Liberties Union of Northern California. For staffers at these organizations, responding to these kinds of crackdowns has become alarmingly routine. This is the fifth round of FBI "informal interviews" targeting immigrants based on their national origin, religion, and, increasingly, their political views. No one knows just how many have been deported as a result of the interviews or of the various dragnets conducted over the past three years. Local NLG attorney Nancy Hormachae reported that at least 13,000 people were forced into deportation hearings as the result of the notorious Special Registration program alone. And the fact that none of these campaigns has proffered a single al-Qaeda operative hasn't deterred the Bush administration a bit. So far, immigrant Muslims and those from the Middle East and Central Asia have suffered the brunt of the Bush administration's attacks on civil liberties. But as NLG immigration attorney Mark Van Der Hout told me, "Going after immigrants is just the first step towards going after U.S. citizens." Indeed, a look at the past three years shows that Attorney General John Ashcroft's offensive has widened to include a range of citizens whose only real crime is their opposition to the Bush administration's policies. The FBI comes calling President George W. Bush, Aschroft, and company have made it easier to spy on everyday citizens without probable cause of criminal activity, even allowing for the indefinite detention of Americans dubbed "enemy combatants," without charges or access to a lawyer. They've eviscerated laws meant to keep a wall between the CIA and the FBI and erected an extensive domestic-spying infrastructure, enlisting private citizens and relying on private industry to a degree never seen before. Today federal agencies are maintaining a grand total of 10 domestic watch lists. The Bush administration has shifted federal funding away from traditional law enforcement and toward domestic spying, explained John Crew, an attorney with the ACLU of Northern California specializing in police practices and surveillance issues. "A lot of this activity is, in fact, being carried out by local police working with the Joint Terrorism Task Force," he told me, explaining that those agents are considered "federalized." They report to the FBI. Local city officials even local police chiefs are often not aware of what these "special officers" are doing. As the Bush administration loosened professional standards for law enforcement, it simultaneously increased financial incentives for conducting surveillance, Crew continued. "To qualify for grants, [local law enforcement] must have organizations in their locale that are threats," he said. "They have to justify their own budget by amplifying the threat factor." [. . . . . elision of many examples of spying on activists] Civil liberties watchdog groups obviously worry about the chilling effect these kinds of surveillance and crackdowns have on our faltering First and Fourth Amendments. But they also insist that Ashcroft and company's approach isn't making us any safer. When law enforcement fails to distinguish between violent criminal activity and legitimate dissent and when it favors collecting as much information on as many people as possible rather than useful intelligence resulting from bona fide criminal investigations it's "choosing quantity over quality," Crew said. "You develop good leads by generating trust, not by disrespecting people's rights.... [And] if you're looking for a needle in a haystack, adding more hay doesn't help any." The bills that have recently passed through the House and Senate in response to the 9-11 Commission's findings, reorganizing intelligence gathering and expanding Big Brother's reach even further into our everyday lives, just promise more of the same. "It's during times of fear when civil liberties are most at risk," Crew said. Research assistance provided by A.C. Thompson. source url: http://www.sfbg.com/39/03/cover_anniversary_cointelpro.html 2. The Center for Constitutional Rights is organizing efforts to bring the US to trial for war crimes in the matter of the Abu Ghraib prisoners. Call on the German Federal Prosecutor to Investigate Rumsfeld and Other U.S. Officials for War Crimes at Abu Ghraib The Center for Constitutional Rights and four Iraqis who were tortured in U.S. custody have filed a complaint with the German Federal Prosecutor's Office against high ranking United States civilian and military commanders over the abuses at Abu Ghraib prison and elsewhere in Iraq. We are asking the German prosecutor to launch an investigation: since the U.S. government is unwilling to open an independent investigation into the responsibility of these officials for war crimes, and since the U.S. has refused to join the International Criminal Court, CCR and the Iraqi victims have brought this complaint in Germany as a court of last resort. Several of the defendants are stationed in Germany. Defendants include Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld, former CIA Director George Tenet, Lt. General Ricardo S. Sanchez, Major-General Walter Wojdakowski, Brig.-General Janis Karpinski, Lt.-Colonel Jerry L. Phillabaum, Colonel Thomas M. Pappas, Lt.-Colonel Stephen L. Jordan, Major-General Geoffrey Miller, and Undersecretary of Defense for Intelligence Stephen Cambone. German law allows German courts to prosecute for killing, torture, cruel and inhumane treatment, forcible transfers and sexual coercion such as occurred at Abu Ghraib. The world has seen the photographs and read the leaked "torture memos" - we are doing what is necessary when other systems of justice have failed and seeking to hold officials up the chain of command responsible for the shameful abuses that occurred. Please join our effort! The German Prosecutor has discretion to decide whether to initiate an investigation. It is critical that he hear from you so he knows that people around the world support this effort. Please go to their website http://www.ccr-ny.org/v2/whatsnew/action/actionAlert2.asp and sign on to a letter to support this action. Thank you for your attention. F Chap 53 Some Convergences Achmed grabbed Ambrose at the shoulder of his coat and pulled so that they were sitting very close together, each able to look over the other's shoulder to monitor any approach. "We're here, " he whispered. "No unnecessary moves or sounds, ok? Handguns only, although I don't think we'll need them." "So what do we do now?" Ambrose asked. "We've had no lights, no radio or cel contact, and silence for the last three hours. "Yeah, pretty peaceful, eh?" He pulled off his watch and told Ambrose, "Make sure everything is turned off, no electronics, no metal, no plastic, no nothing." Achmed made a pile of all their gear, and led them about 10 meters closer toward the lake. He started to take off his left boot and whispered to Ambrose, Take off all your clothes; strip down, nude, nothing., Just lie back with your arms open." Ambrose did what he was told, but "Damn," he thought; "danger is a turn-on, but I am not going to let this guy fuck me out here-on the run, get my ass froze off or shot off." "Don't think about it, just do it," he was told. "It's snowing, it's getting dark, and it's the only way we can get picked up by the infra red sensors." Not even a minute later tracer bullets flew over them, streaking toward the lake in the thickening snowfall. "Don't get up," as if Ambrose wouldn't think of getting up, but it did cross his mind to raise his head and steal a look at Achmed, just to check on what kind of toolkit the guy was operating with. Achmed yelled now over the gunfire. and there came the very welcome sound of a camo-white Kiowa OH-58D91, lobbing rockets into the treeline as it swooped down between the unseen pursuers and our heroes A & A. In a matter of seconds, somebody had bundled up the two naked men and strapped them into the helicopter. As they rose and headed out north over Lake Superior, a parting round of rocket fire threw a humvee into the air behind them, its occupants catapulted up flaming and then down hissing in the snow. On board the Kiowa, a female in what was obviously flight gear but exhibiting no identification, wrapped Achmed and Ambrose in thermal blankets and started iv drips to rehydrate them, pushing in a dose of ativan to calm frayed nerves, but instructing them to be conscious of long, slow breaths. Satisfied with their vital signs, she left them to drift a while; both were quiet for what seemed to be quite a long time, until the same female reappeared with a clipboard and a cel phone. "Printed here is a timetable I am instructed to share with you. It details certain activities by persons you are acquainted with or that you will otherwise find relevant. The phone is programmed to put you in touch with the persons who contracted for this operation. They are waiting to speak with you." Ambrose was surprised when she handed the phone to him. When he pushed the talk button and heard a voice say his name, Ambrose was surprised again. He was talking not to Venison, whom he had expected to hear gloating after re-capturing them. Instead the voice seemed British and cheerful. "Well, well, " it said, "good Indian. I expect you wonder what has happened, and who we are who are whisking you away." "Yes, I am, " answered Ambrose. "I gather you are on Achmed's team," he said, looking over at the man who had turned the tables on him, switch-hitting; first a damsel in distress Ambrose was saving from Sirenia, now a man with powerful connections who turned around and saved Ambrose. "Yes, you could say that, " said the voice on the phone. "Achmed is a highly-skilled and very valuable asset to our team. You could say he's the David Beckham of the gender expression team." "Ok, I guess. I don't know who that is, and I don't know who you are. What is going on here? Where are we going?" "My name is Vyvyan. I'm going to leave it to Achmed to answer most of those questions. For now, I'll just say congratulations on your resourcefulness. You are safe now, in good hands I promise you. And you are going, after a few stops, to Argentina. It's summer there now, so I expect you'll enjoy it. Now will you please give the phone to Achmed? Cheerio!" From a hotel room in Torquay, Vyvyan spoke to Achmed while Cyril read from the laptop screen about a product line in unmanned airborne vehicles. "Welcome to this year's Shephard's UV North America Conference and Exhibition. Last year we reviewed Transformation in Action. This year we examine an extension of this philosophy entitled Global Persistent Surveillance (GPS). This unique and new warfighting concept underpins the massive reorganisation and new initiatives impacting both the operational and intelligence community capabilities. The nature of the threat and the tempo of operations demand a radical departure from the way we have managed information flows, shared products and provided 'actionable information' to the warfighter. Due to the world-wide global set of threats and the new terrorist threat paradigm, GPS is a national imperative for both national and tactical intelligence, surveillance and reconnaissance (ISR) systems. UAVs represent an efficient and effective solution to provide a 'cursor' over a target under any conditions and at any location. This year we rightly focus on GPS for our conference because of the critical role UAVs will play in making GPS a successful strategy. Again welcome to Shephard's UV North America 2004.92 Chap 54 Our Man in KL Medium shot: a food stand on Jl. Petaling, Chinatown night market in Kuala Lumpur. Lighting is dim, from a naked low-wattage bulb overhead. A vendor dishes spicy noodles into bowls for customers lined up on the sidewalk. A family is sitting on the ground at a low table, passing dishes around. The men wear t-shirts above their sarongs, while the women, in blouses and skirts, all wear scarves on their heads, pinned just below their chins. The camera pans slowly and reveals a man in western clothing slurping noodles . . . "Hey, what's he doing there? Go back, get that white guy out of the shot. Oh, fuck it, cut! Cut!" A continuity person rushes up to say, "I'm sorry sir. Do you speak English? Yes, well, we've rented this stand for the next two days. You'll have to eat somewhere else." He reports back to the director, Oliver Stonehenge, noted for his films RFK, Battalion and Natural Born Maimers. Stone is in a down patch of his career and is in Malaysia shooting footage for a Singapore-financed cheapie about the bombings in Bali. For reasons of tourist confidence, he has not been allowed to blow up sidewalks in Bali itself and has instead set up shop in KL. The man who was moved out of the food stall takes his bowl and moves next door to another stand. He sits down and continues to eat. Although deemed undesirable by Stonehenge, he is important to readers of this story; he is Lemmy Caution, last seen in Chapter 31. Lemmy has walked around the city all evening after an excruciating meeting with Malay Exotics, SA, Inc. at the Petronas Twin Towers. He took off his white turban about an hour ago and is now carrying it in a Starbucks Merdeka Square-KL paper bag, hoping nobody from Sirenia has followed him. He needs to clear his head after three hours in which his ostensible colleagues from the cult competed with the import-export people (actually smugglers of exotic animals and animal products) for dominance, each with the aim to manipulate the other with the most subtle and insulting deviousness. Malaysia has a complex history of conflict where the Malaysian Chinese have suffered the xenophobic odium of native Malays and the Malays have resisted the acumen and the power of the Chinese in the economic and cultural spheres, particularly under the racist colonial policies of Great Britain, policies that still rankle although more than 70% of Malaysians can claim mixed European and Asian heritage. Lemmy, who is nominally a consultant for Sirenia, has chafed at the insistence that he adopt for the duration of the contract the Sirenian strictures on costume, diet and celibacy. At today's meeting Lemmy and two female Sirenians were attempting to finalize a deal in which they would purchase a live dugong, a purchase that is illegal under Malaysian law and international protocols on the preservation of endangered species. The animal, allegedly orphaned in the wild although undoubtedly from its only remaining habitats around Gunung Kinabulu Park in Sabah. was to be paid for in ringgits, the local currency. Trading in Malaysia has become legendary for the bewildering and profitable rapidity of calculations of ringgits and yuan, dollars and now euros. If the Sirenians and not Stonehenge were writing the script: Talking-head shot, widening to shot of an office sumptuously appointed with 15th C. Chinese paintings, silk rugs, a shining conference table made of rare bohdi tree wood. The speaker, in a slightly dated Gautier epauletted mao suit, with a semi-military fragrance, is shown to be talking to three persons in white tunics and white turbans, in a scene that owes too much to orientalizing pictures like Shanghai Express and The Letter. Mr. Ibrahim Hahathir of Malay Exotics, having abandoned his opening price of 7.6 million ringgits (3.80 ringgits = 1 US dollar) is now offering to deliver the "big fishie." Hahathir: "Dear mystical friends, we understand that some unscrupulous individuals can be persuaded to bring this magnificent beast to the dock at KL for a mere 4.5 million," he says smiling, offering exquisite oolong tea to his guests. The women shake their white turbans to say no, but Lemmy accepts. Lemmy: "How can we trust these unspeakable criminals to assure us the animal is healthy?" H: "Oh, our expert veterinary staff will of course be on available to you for a thorough examination. And for a nominal cost, we can even find shippers who will cross the Pacific and bring it directly to a port on the West Coast of the US. " He hands Lemmy a tiny cup carved of rhino horn, containing a barely lip-moistening droplet of the rarest tea in the world. Lemmy takes the cup but refuses the powdered opium Mr. Hahathir offers to scoop into his cup with a repellently long fingernail on his pinky. L: "Of course, a sound animal will require very special treatment en route." One of the Sirenians, who have been expecting this ploy regarding trans-oceanic shipment, hastens to say, Sirenian: "Oh no, honored child of the eastern sea dragons, we will undertake the shipping. It's safer for us." A palpable chill passes through the room at this maladroit refusal. Mr. Hahathir, turning to his teapot, sighs, H: "I cannot countenance the remotest possibility that you and your cargo might undergo risk from the notorious pirates because of our negligence. Despite the risks a foreigner might face, we were prepared to make certain the precious creature arrived . . . alive? Script notes by Quentin Quiet-noted treatment development reader for Mirromax Films What is most visible here is the severely narrowed operational scope of the Sirenians, who suffer from too much early viewing of films depicting Wily Oriental Gentlemen (viz, the origin in English colonialism of this term). Suffice it, for the plot, to say that the Sirenians greedily offer up to US$ 2 million, knowing that a conglomerate of dentists in Marin County will pay three to see the live dugong swimming in the tank of their office. Little do they know that the Pirate Queen, a beautiful and ruthless young Malay woman (bearing a suspiciously plagiaristic similarity to a Pirate Queen in a film cribbed from a book entitled Your LIFE Story by someone else) determined to protect her heritage, will interfere with their plans. This script could be a smash: Criticality meets Ironic Distance meets Denise Darcel in Flame of Calcutta. The real question is whether Lemmy Caution's secret mission will be successful, which will require at some point that his secret mission be disclosed to the reader. 55 Skeleton Key to The Story Continues An electronic serial novel, The Story Continues . . includes fiction, poetry, parody, pastiche, pornography (n.b.) philosophy, physics, psychoanalysis, plagiarism. The story has a queer leftist orientation: stylistically it's All My Children mysteriously meet Gargantua and Pantagruel. The Story begins in The Hotel Real Desert (cf. Zizek on The Matrix), just outside of EuroDisney, where many curious and colorful characters are staying. They are Cyril Burst and Vyvyan, Lord Throbbing (cf. Wilde, Firbank) two ageing British queens who run a foundation to rescue sex-variant children; Herr Siegfried Rheinfahrt (cf. Wagner, Weil, Brecht) a former anti-Nazi communist, bureaucrat in the GDR, now a cynical addict to opiates; Joseph Jamaal, an avant-garde jazz musician, now a political exile in Europe, accused of terrorism in the US, who is Rheinfahrt's valet; Caprice and Neddy Sithole (cf. Achebe's novels), the cook and major domo of the hotel, political refugees from Zimbabwe who operate an underground network of African resistance fighters throughout the "Dark" Continent, financed by the Napkin Ring; Oedipa/us Achmed bin Maas, a transgendered, shape-shifting Iraqi whose mission is to infiltrate and destroy oppressive cults and political formations; Lemmy Caution (cf. Godard), an American alcoholic and leftist in recovery, long-time comrade of Achmed; MonaLisa and Novy, a lesbian couple with two daughters, one of whom is murdered in the first scene of The Story; Countess Karen Blitzen Yousopoff, the stick-thin aristocrat who directs public relations for the World Trade Organization and functions as a liason to many paramilitary groups; Col. Oliver South, USMC ret., a born-again Christian whose still-vital connections with power have landed him a position as the world's top anti-terrorist mercenary, head of World Security Operations, Inc, ; Tim Tilden, the great-nephew of notorious and brilliant gay tennis star of the 1920's, Big Bill Tilden, a young albino African-American adopted by the Sitholes; The Baby (once mistakenly named Little Nell-cf. Dickens), daughter of MonaLisa, who is electrocuted and lies near death, thinking thoughts about consciousness and cognitive development, a la Piaget; There are currently 54 chapters of The Story Continues. . . An archive of the whole novel so far is at The Story Continues website Each week a new chapter of the serial is emailed. If you want to read it as it should be read, just reply to this email with "I want to read" in the subject heading. You will be added to the mailing list. Readers are also invited to contribute narratives, comments on the themes and issues, or anything they like that relates to The Story Continues . . . A link on the website is provided for that purpose. 56 As the World Turns Mrs. Ima Caution 1789 Rue Marat Quebec, Quebec, Canada Cher Maman Greetings from Phuket! Happy Holidays from this paradise in Thailand. I came here the day before yesterday (day before Xmas) for a little holiday. The beach is beautiful and all people are so friendly. I can't walk down the beach in my thong without somebody yelling a cheerful "Thai boy here!" There's a cute little elephant named NingNong that carries a little girl on its back. It must be young, as it is only a little taller than its owner/trainer. The little girl has ridden every day, and says Ning Nong is her best friend. Most of the tourists here are from Europe-lots of families but a good sprinkling of singles as well. Not tawdry like Kuta, either. I am glad to be out of KL (see Chap 54) for a week or two, as my assignment there is stalled while we wait for permission to export goods. I miss you, ma cherie, but I do not regret missing the snow up in Quebec. I'll write more soon. Ton fils, Lemmy FOX News 12/28/04 Elephant saves little girl in tsunami (shot of elephant and Thai man on beach) NingNong, an asian elephant that works on the beach at Phuket is credited by a little English girl with saving her life in the tsunami. The little girl, whose name is Edwina Drood, (shot of girl) says she and NingNong had seen each other every day for the previous three weeks, and she was spending her last day on the beach yesterday before departing for home. As the wall of water crashed toward the beach, many birds and animals reacted more quickly than humans. Ning Nong apparently searched the beach, found Edwina, and carried her on his back to higher ground. (Shot of Edwina saying) "He saved me! He really loves me!" Her family have agreed to send Ning Nong and his owner/trainer Mr. Chittalongcorn 25 euros a month for care and food. (shot of dogs running on beach) This is not the only story of animal heroism here in Phuket. A dog is said to have herded a little boy who was running toward the water back to his family in the nick of time, exhibiting the shepherd instinct in his breeding. Bitta Root, reporting for Fox News Phuket from: Brderbund Men's Shelter Frankfurt, Deutschland December 27, 2004 To: Herr Josef Jamaal Hotel Real Desert, Paris, Frankenland Dear Josef, Where are you? Are you well.? I have heard nothing from you. I am almost in prison here. I was made to suffer all the hells of detoxification from my morphine, and I miss you. I came to Frankfurt to see my old comrade, (see Chap 46) but she made me leave after two days. I had no money, no clothes, no nothing and I am desolate. I had a whole day when I thought or dreamed I lived in Kln in 1200, a member of the Brotherhood of the Free Spirit. All my dreams for the future are long gone; the fascists are rising again all over the world. The US has become the new 1000 year Reich and wants to annex Iraq, Iran, Korea, everything. Resistance is futile for an old man like me. I am so lonely. Can you please come and help me? LETTER RETURNED TO SENDER-NOT AT THIS ADDRESS -CONTACT US DEPT OF STATE FOR FURTHER INFORMATION US BOP inspected correspondence Chicago Metropolitan Correctional Center Chicago, IL, USA Addressee: Herr Siegfried Rheinfahrt Hotel Real Desert, Paris, France Inmate: Joseph Jamaal HiSec#579586 Date: December 27, 2004 Herr Rheinfahrt, I was apprehended by US Marshals and brought back to the US. (see Chap 51) I am in prison, facing charges of terrorism from 1971. You may remember that when I fled through Algeria, Eldridge Cleaver denounced me and said I never did anything to help the Black Liberation Army. But that does not satisfy the Justice Dept. There is a small committee of people supporting me, and the Populist Legal Agency is defending me. The political climate in this country has changed so much. The liberals are the most craven cowards. Can you please come and help me? LETTER RETURNED TO SENDER-NOT AT THIS ADDRESS Found in the pocket of Siegfried Rheinfahrt Brothers and Sisters, We, the last remnants of the Catharists here in Frankish lands (see Chap 29), face persecution from Bernard of Clairvaux. In particular, the women have been seized and burned as witches-all part of the male-supremacist purge of women's leadership in spreading the real, revolutionary93 news of the gospels. The dog, "saintly" Bernard, has denounced the theological position that God is immanent, insisting that God is totally transcendent and that humaan aspiration to unite with God can be fulfilled only after death. Margery Kempe and others have roundly defeated this argument, but the Church cannot face a congregation that understands The Knowledge of Good and Evil. We call on future generations to help us. In the future, we forsee a huge peasant rebellion, caused by widespread dispossession of land tilled by residents and sparked by a new reformation of religion. We also forsee an overthrow of the ancien regime and the establishment of the idea of rights inherent in each individual person. Sadly, we expect that one superpower will tie reformation theology and ficticious "rights" into a license to rule the world. Martyrdom is our only option n [Here the text is broken and nothing is legible except one phrase: CAVE AT THE POOL OF JUIQUEE JUACHAY] Intergalactic Net Correspondence From: Trzzz, Ethnobiologist on assignment (see Chaps 27-28), Planet 4 of Sol system, spiral galaxy 37584894395A-D49485839. Esteemed Colleague(s) on Altair 4 Observation has grown problematic here at Chauvet, as compassionate commitment to the humans arises. Over the last few centuries I watch their bewilderment at the rapid growth of cerebral cortex and its integration into two hemispheres. When the hemispheres were separate, the humans took the voices in their heads to be communication from gods. Now that the two hemispheres are bridged, they are so lonely, realizing that the only voices they hear are their own. Can I bear to watch them invent power hierarchies of gender, occupation, accumulated wealth, religion or other devilments without acting to help them? Must I? What about all our ethical strictures on action ethnobiology? We cannot just watch suffering. I have decided to invest in human minds, culminating around the 6th Century BCE, a set of realizations regarding being and otherness, which should usher in a golden age of tranquility and cooperation for the next 10,000 years. Trzzz 57 Catching Up on Old Friends dear Cousin Timmy Happy Winter Solstice I have not heard from you in a long time. I was promoted to eighth grade and I left Parker Tyler School for the Young and Evil because (I think) my gym teacher cardinal Pirelli , is afraid I will blab about how he dresses up like Saint Sebastian during archery I never liked being in the basement anyway with those grisly pinups of Mr. Yukio Mishima ( Pirelli says he used to be a japanese teacher here but I think he's lying) and Mr. Derek Jarman.!!!) So Tim what are up 2? CAN I COME VISIT YOU IN JUNE??? when school is out.-- My mom says I can go anywhere -- she is busy with her new ugh! Boyfriend (dirtball) Yr cuz, Temujin Genghis Khan Rabinowitz-DuBois94 8th grade, New Age Academy Inc.* New Age Academy is a secure facility for boys and girls with ADD. We are not responsible for any actions of students undergoing Ritalin or other pharaceutical treatment. ++++++++++++++++++++ Where are they now? Paris, France (AP) Mlle. Terpsichore Prion the fetching winner of the Mlle. Disney World Competition last year at EuroDisney95, was told yesterday that she would have to submit frozen samples of her brain and organ tissue immediately to the French National Bureau de Sant. It is suspected that she contracted Mad Cow Disease (bovine encephalopathy) while employed as a milkmaid at the Disney amusement park. "But they are mechanical, miniature cows!" expostulated Mlle. Prion when contacted by our reporter. "This is obviously political persecution for my totally legal support of the ELF Liberation Front." "ELF Lib," as it is called by its adherents, is alleged to have burned 45 Hummer vehicles last year in the parking lot of EuroDisney and to have secreted a communiqu claiming their action was "Operation Heraclitean Fire," for "little people of all ages," in a toadstool in Swiss Miss Land. Mlle. Prion is an adult person of small stature, some 2'13" in height who was on daily exhibition in the Swiss Miss environment. "The woman is obviously paranoid," said Lt. Col. Oliver South (USMC ret.), the head of World Security Operations, the private firm that brought Prion to the attention of authorities. She was bound in a rug and left in the lost and found at the Gare du Nord, say unidentified agents of the Suret. "We are grateful to Col. South," said the agents, "but we question his tactics." Found in Prion's small apartment were posters of famous "rap" musicians, including MC Solaar, Lil' Bit, Lil' Kim, as well as a letter addressed to the world music superstar Mobe 68. The letter, in part: Dear Wonderful Mobe 68, You dot'n now me, but I am your biggest fan. You should not worry about that fag (oops, sorry, my bad-I dot'n mean you).. Eminem. I mean you should make him your bitch and that would clean his clock for him. When are you going to sing in France I love you so much please send me your underware. XXXXOOOO Terpsichore Prion +++++++++++++++++++ Southeby's Auction Lot 239u837824 Reserve: 15,000 Euro A Holographic Letter from George Eliot 96 to Klara Kaligari97 15 December, 1857 Dear Laura, How delightful to have yours of October last. And how is Siegfried taking your new liason? During the meeting of the International Movement for Zion last night, I was reminded of you. Someone mentioned Husserl, who, I had forgotten, was himself a Jew but got himself baptized. I searched Ideen and wrote this in reaction: The I-Beam Husserl rightly points out that we are able to slide up and down the pole of the ego-beam at will, moving now toward the thing, now away from it to consider the act of knowing and its modalities. For example, noematically I can consider a certain cat who probably exists, but then I can turn back noetically to assess the degree of certitude that characterizes my consideration of that selfsame cat as existing (# 105). Now if we were to slide down to the point where all modalities are behind us on the noetic side of the pole, and if there we were to face the object, we would get the pure sense of the object in which its unity is given. My best to Rosa von Praunheim, that butch thing! MaryAnn +++++++++++++++++++++ message on the anwering machine of Ambrose Broussard98 "This is Ambrose. I am back in Manistique briefly. If this is a Sirenian, do not communicate with me any more. Others can leave a message but I am moving to London. My new email is abrou@merriengland.uk. ++++++++++++++++++++++ message to Ambrose "It's Cyril! Hurry, Ambrose dear, and bring all your leatherstockings and such. It is Panto season, and our young(ish) friend Ian MacKellin is playing Mrs. Twankey. We are taking you to meet him the day after you arrive. All despite being in black, mourning for poor Renata Tebaldi, truly the voice of an angel now! We'll meet your plane at Heathrow, dear. Have a safe flight." 58 If Time, Not Space; If Space, Not Time In Islington, on a rainy Sunday night in January, Cyril, Vyvyan and Ambrose emerge from the cinema, commenting on their disappointment with What the Bleep. 99 "That film100 is nothing, dear boys," says Cyril, "but an infomercial for a particular type of Buddhist thought, which has seized on quantum mechanics as an explanation for their theological concern with consciousness and the desire to shed "the ego" in order to be at home in the new construal of the universe." Willing to play the interlocutor (not unlike Alan Alda in science programs on US public television), Ambrose asks, "but don't you agree that matter is no longer to be thought of as solid and stable, and that energy is what makes the universe?" "Let's start more simply, " ripostes Cyril. "The film's expert-a chiropractor, so he undoubtedly has the scientific background to comment on this-tells us that functional MRIs show the same areas of the brain are active when looking at, say, an apple as when remembering an apple. He then says this indicates that the brain cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is only remembered. Therefore consciousness is constituting reality. That's just bad science!" Vyvyan sees his point: "First of all, the fMRI is not precise enough to show that the very same neurons are active in both cases. . And here's the car. Mind your umbrellas! "Second, if I may second your searchlight brilliance dear Vyv," adds Cyril, "the film assumes that consciousness and the brain are coterminous, congruent. That leaves out the whole rest of the body, including the eyes, the muscles that move the lenses in the eyes, the skin of the hand that might hold the apple-everything else." "Why yes, of course," muses Ambrose as the ancient Bentley coughs, sneezes and is finally underway. "That means that the assertion about consciousness constituting the world is not proven by that argument. But what about the Heisenberg101 quote-'atoms are not things'? We know from Bohr and others that the act of observation changes phenomena: observing a subatomic particle can determine either its location or its momentum, but not both. In fact, all we have are probabilities for where any given particle is prior to observation: it could be everywhere or nowhere. "Theories abound, darlings, to explain this uncertainty principle, but the purest is the Copenhagen consensus, right Cyril dear?" That there is no thing, no entity we can call matter, or energy, or reality. All we can do is ascertain probabilities, which do not definitively prove anything is anywhere. " Ambrose interjects, "For that matter, it doesn't disprove it either." Cyril is more measured. "In fairness, Bohr's formulation102 that there is no thing called reality is not the only way to see the universe. Einstein might still be right that God does not play games. David Bhm103 sees implicate order. Most scientists are agnostic on the question of whether there is a "real" universe out there independent of our observation of it." "The best that can be said is that observation (and we could stretch and call that consciousness, I guess) is implicated in every phenomenon we can observe and seemingly in every phenomenon we can theorize to explain. Think of superstring theories and the like!" "But this movie goes too far; it wants us to believe our consciousness creates reality, which is conventionally Buddhist, but it's bad Buddhist doctrine and bad science together. It's a mare's nest of post-Kantian goo that is far to keen on idealism." "Well, my Chingachgook, let us show you the good old Berkeleyan reality of an English dinner. We'll go to an Indian restaurant for a hot curry!" "Not to go on about it," replies Ambrose, "but I was confused by the discourse on addiction104 in the film. What did you think of that?" "Bah!" Vyvyan expostulates. We are told by that Elke Sommer look-alike with beautiful skin and blue eyeshadow105 that everything we like or dislike is an addiction, but if we take a hot bath, we are transformed and can throw away our anxiety medications." "They should rather have said," agrees Cyril, "that anti-depressants are a logical outcome of theories that brain chemicals and electrical connections among neurons are the seat of emotional reactions of delight and distress. Readjustment of those electro chemicals is a perfectly marvelous course to take, and even more so-a fortiori-- if consciousness is all somehow quantum-based addiction chemistry?" The Bentley pulls up on Finchley Road, in front of a popular Indian eatery, The Indologist. "Let's eat! My addicted cells (another falsehood that the cell is the basic unit of consciousness) want food and a nice drinky." 59 Queer Crimes and Gay Globalization "Look at this proposal," I said to Foucault's nephew (see Chap 11). "I'd like you to comment on my ideas for the class I am teaching at the Quan Yin Transgendered Bodhisattva Correspondence School and OnLine University, Inc, S.A." "OK," replied Marcel, but I warn you I have a perverse outlook on these topics." QUEER CRIME AND GAY GLOBALISM Much of the life of lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, transgender, genderqueer and intersex persons has been illegal, and this illegality has been a constituent factor in the development of new sub-cultures, economies and geographies. This course will examine some of the ways that non/anti-normative sexual desire has created new modes of being and responded to the Law that seeks to channel desire into acceptable activities. Prostitution, pornography, inter-generational sex, drug use, unsafe sex, sexual activity in public or private are "crimes" said to characterize "queer" life. We will attempt to look at the behaviors and beliefs of persons seeking sexual and emotional connections and their outcomes in modes of being that both create shared subjectivities and build institutions. These institutions have challenged the structures of economic and social life, with resulting transformation and incorporation into the globalization of the marketplace. Queer outlaws are followed by LGBT entrepreneurs. We will read from marxian and freudian commentators on queer desires and queer cultures, including contemporaries like Foucault, Butler, Bersani, Wittig, Beck Also, we examine the documentation of queer legality and criminality in such works as Times Square Red, Times Square Blue, Queer Diasporas, The Social Construction of a Gay Drug, Resentment, The Crystal Diary, and Macho Sluts. In addition, students will participate in original research on sexual subcultures in this city and in other parts of the world. Music, art, fashion, electronic communication and self-help (among other processes) will be considered as QLGBT strategies to create their lives and resist oppression.. Topics to be covered (partial list, needs expansion) Crime and sin Genderqueerness as crime Non-hetero marriage as crime AIDS as crime, public health as surveillance Crimes in countries, cultures outside the US Sexual tourism and gay travel business Disco and the record business Movies and tv Pharmaceutical drug therapies and patent laws Gay & lesbian jobs Disability and work under the table, Repentance strategies-AA, NA New social places, non-places on the Internet Protest movements and gay parades Techno vs. deep house Queer Punk Gender change, laws and violence Domestic violence Expulsion of queer youth Proportion of illegal stuff in economy War on Drugs impact Zoning laws "Look here, Mr. Philosopher," said Marcel. "I will give you a whole lecture on the phenomenon of Gay Crystal, about which I, as an advanced European in touch with the latest drug-resistant AIDS scare, know something from my frequent and promiscuous contacts with New Yorkers and Los Angelenos. Consider the following an outline of my talk: General use of crystal Use of crystal for sex Communication via sex lines and internet Use of crystal for clubs, etc Club scene Club fashion Advertising Health Issues "And then I will perform a disquisition on the Gay Circuit Party, touching on Employment: DJs, bartenders, dancers, waiters, actors, singers, etc. Products National centers, travel International Impact on locals Impact of locals on circuit "What do you make of that, Mr. Philosopher?" "As always, Marcel, I am impressed by your perspicuity," I had to reply. "And," added my addled friend, "I have a whole idea about the history of queer culture. How's this? Class Proposal Queer Cultures of the 60s and 70s In this multimedia course, we will examine the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender--Queer cultural efflorescence that is dated from the street riots of 1969 around the Stonewall Inn in New York. The origins of this cultural movement in Cold War economics and politics and the emergence of vibrant social movements of African-Americans, Latinos, Women and youth can be glimpsed through documentary film and the "underground" press of the times: Chicago Seed, Berkeley Barb, RAT, and East Village Other. In literary production, specifically gay male writing begins with Robert Duncan in his 1949 "Manifesto" and Ginsberg in "Howl;" both became icons to 60s gay poets. Most prominent New York poets were Frank O'Hara, James Merrill and James Schuyler. Lesbian writers like Elizabeth Bishop, Anne Sexton and Muriel Rukeyser were already well established, and were joined by feminist/bisexual Beats and emerging post-Stonewall writers like Robin Morgan and Audre Lord. In theater Gay/Lesbian/Transgender writers and performers were particularly visible. The high camp of the Theater of the Ridiculous and the anti-war hippie rock dramas of the pan-sexual Fugs will be looked at in early film and recordings of these performances, as well as films by Andy Warhol, whose decidedly "queer" Factory was the most significant cultural producer of the second half of the century. Far from the New York irony of Warhol were the poetry of Duncan, Jack Spicer, Judy Grahn and Pat Parker. The gender-smashing antics of the Cockettes in San Francisco exemplify the collectively-made, often anonymous projects that contributed to the development of the gathering as an art form--beyond the Happening lay the Be-In and drag ritual. Writer/performers and film artists necessary to understanding this aesthetic are Jack Smith, Kenneth Anger, and documentarians of demonstrations and "tribal" gatherings of groups like the Gay Liberation Front. Hundreds of new "queer" writers began their careers in the ten-year period 1969-79, a flowering made briefer by the demise of many in the AIDS epidemic beginning in 1980. "C'est admirable!" I told Marcel, anxious to depart before he began to act out the films of Warhol. I then wandered off to the Parc Luxembourg environment at EuroDisney to enjoy the animatronic birds. 1 Oscar Wilde, Picture of Dorian Gray 2 Jean Piaget, The Origins of Intelligence in the Child. Routledge and Kegan Paul. London (1956) (paraphrased) and David Bohm (q.v.) 3 Piaget 4 Judy Grahn, She Who (excerpt) in The Work of A Common Woman (Trumansburg, NY: Crossing Press) 1978. 5 Karin Ashley et. al for SDS, "You Don't Need a Weatherman to Know Which Way the Wind Blows" New Left Notes, June 18, 1969 6 Weather Underground Organization, "New Morning-Changing Weather," (1970) 7 Velvet Underground, "I'm Set Free." The Velvet Underground (1969) 8 Timothy Leary, Flashbacks: A personal and Cultural History of an Era New York: G.P. Putnam's Sons, 1990 9 Charles Fourier, Theory of Social Organization (New York: C. P. Somerby, 1876). 10 Benedict de Spinoza, Ethics, R.H.M. Elwes, trans., (Amherst: Prometheus Books) 1989. 11 David Bohm, The Essential David Bohm, edited by Lee Nichol (NY & London:Routledge) 2003 12 Henry James, "The Private Life" in The Figure in the Carpet and other stories (London: Penguin) 1986. 13 NYT, October 29, 2002, "A New View Of Our Universe: Only One of Many" By DENNIS OVERBYE (NYT) 14 Jean Baudrillard, The Mirror of Production, Telos Press, St. Louis, 1975 15 HRH Felix Youssoupoff, Lost Splendor, NY: Putnam, 1953. 16 Baudrillard 17 Karl Marx, Capital 18 (from "On the Concept of Labor," Telos 16 (Summer, 1973) 19 song taught to birds in Aldous Huxley's Island 20 Ronald Firbank, Vainglory 21 Ferd Eggan. Don't Block the Exits (NY: Doofus Self-Publishing) 2005 22 Peggy Wood, quoted in Frank DeFord, Big Bill Tilden: The Triumphs and the Tragedy (NY: Simon and Schuster) 1976. 23 Martin Heidegger "The Thing" a lecture from 1950 in Poetry, Launguage, Thought, (Harper & Row, New York) 1975 24 Lenin, of course. 25 Karl Marx, Friedrich Engels, Rosa Luxemburg, Georg Kikacs, Antonio Gramsci, C.L.R. James, Mario Tronti, Sergio Bologna, Mariarosa Dalla Costa, Antonio Negri, Selma James, trad. melody, elaboration of a 12-bar blues, ababb rhyme scheme. 26 In "Letter to Comrades" of October 15 (28), 1917, Lenin quotes an objection to immediate revolution: 'We have no majority among the people, and without this condition the uprising is hopeless . . .' Lenin retorts, "People who can say this are either distorters of the truth or pedants who want an advance guarantee that throughout the wole country the Bolshevik Party has received exactly one-half of the votes plus one, this they want at all events, without taking the least account of the real circumstances of the revolution. History has never given such a guarantee, and it is quite unable to give it in any revolution. To make such a demand is jeering at the audience, and is nothing but a cover to hide one's own flight from reality . . ." Quoted in Slavoj Zizek, ed., Revolution at the Gates (London:Verso) 2002. 27 Ndabaningi Sithole Remanded In Prison (PANA. 17 February, 1996) HARARE, Zimbabwe (PANA) - Trial of the leader of the Ndonga faction of Zimbabwe African Union ZANU (NDONGA), Reverend Ndabaningi Sithole, facing charges of plotting to assassinate President Robert Mugabe was on Saturday adjourned to April 23. The opposition leader, who is on 100,000 zimdollars (11, 000 USD) bail, is facing two charges under the Law and Order (Maintenance) Act for recruiting people to undergo military training and conspiracy to engage in sabotage. He is accused of personally picking the spot for the abortive attempt to kill President Mugabe as he passed in his motorcade on August 4 last year. 28 Peanut Butter Stew from Zimbabwe (Dovi) serves 4-6 2 medium onions, finely chopped 2 green peppers, chopped 2 tablespoons butter 1 chicken, cut into pieces 2 cloves garlic, finely sliced and crushed 3 to 4 fresh tomatoes 6 to 8 fresh okra, seeded and chopped 1 teaspoon salt & 12 teaspoon pepper 6 tablespoons smooth peanut butter 1 chili pepper or 12 teaspoon cayenne pepper 12 pound spinach or pumpkin leaves *In a large stew pot over medium heat, saut onions in butter until golden brown. Add garlic, salt and hot peppers. *Stir for 2 or 3 minutes then add green peppers, okra and chicken. Brown the chicken. *When all the chicken pieces are brown on every side, mash tomatoes with a fork and mix them into the stew, along with about 2 cups water. Reduce heat and simmer for 5 to 10 minutes. *Thin the peanut butter with a few spoons of hot broth and add half the resulting paste to the pot. Simmer until the meat is well-cooked. *In a separate pot, boil spinach or pumpkin leaves for several minutes until tender. Drain and toss with the remainder of the peanut paste. Serve stew and greens side by side. Recipe from The Africa News Cookbook, by the Africa News Service, Inc., 1985, p. 44 29 Listen to Healing Tree: The Best of Stella Chiweshe. "Stella Rambisai Chiweshe Nekati is a woman warrior who defied the traditional gender roles of her native Zimbabwe by learning to play the mbira, a thumb piano whose ritual connection to the ancestral spirits dates back to the 15th century. More than two decades of international recording and concert performances have earned Chiweshe the title "Queen of Mbira," a distinction which led to this "best of" compilation, her first CD on a stateside label. Split between lulling unplugged tracks (for dual mbiras, vocals, and percussion) and lively worldbeat pieces (with that curious Afro-pop mix of upbeat rhythm, buoyant melody, and trenchant lyrics), the disc proffers multi-leveled music for enthusiasts of both contemporary and folkloric song forms. Cyclical motifs combine earthy singing and translucent instrumental syncopation to create a hypnotic sound of power and ancientness." review by Sam Prestianni 30 Ndlovu is now a part-time AIDS educator, who joined Ethan Zohn, the million-dollar winner of Survivor: Africa, in a prevention program called Grassroots Soccer for boys in Harare. Never mind that Mugabe thinks gay persons should be executed: in Africa, gay sex is somehow irrelevant to AIDS. 31 IMF dumps Zim (Zimbabwe Independent, Dec 5, 2003) The International Monetary Fund (IMF) on Wednesday began measures to expel Zimbabwe as a member of the fund, another blow for beleaguered President Robert Mugabe already suspended from the Commonwealth. The IMF's decision-making executive board said Zimbabwe had "not actively cooperated" with the fund and had been in arrears on loan repayments since February 2001. Commonwealth on trial, by Dumisani Muleya (Zim, Independent, Dec. 5, 2003) ZIMBABWE will be directly in the firing line at the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting (Chogm) which opens in Abuja, Nigeria, today without President Robert Mugabe who has been barred from the summit. With political temperatures rising dramatically over Zimbabwe's suspension, the country's crisis is expected to dominate Chogm and test to the limit the 54-member organisation's mettle in dealing with issues of democracy and electoral conduct. 32 All quotations from David M. Halperin, Saint=Foucault: Towards a Gay Hagiography , Oxford University Press: 1995All 33 Critical-Political Comments "Regarding the Jefferson Airplane, it's important to remember the atmosphere of the times. It's important to remember 1968. In 1968, highway patrolmen opened fire on black students from South Carolina State University who were marching to protest segregation at a bowling alley. They killed 3, wounded 37. Riots began in Detroit and Newark. Robert Kennedy was assassinated. An increasingly unpopular war was raging which would eventually leave 54,000 American soldiers dead. Big Brother (the government's version) was looking over people's shoulders: a staffer on the National Security Council was responsible for monitoring every anti-Vietnam war speech in the Congressional Record. American officials were trying to put narcotic agents in the Army, even though amphetamines were widely distributed as stimulants to G.I.s. Martin Luther King, Jr. was not only wire-tapped, but harassed by the FBI with cryptic warnings and unveiled threats. When King was murdered, fires spread to within two blocks of the White House. 65,000 troops saw riot duty across the United States. Columbia University was taken over by students for six days - an action repeated across the nation during the next year. In Chicago, the 1968 Democratic presidential convention was on its way to town, but everyone was on strike - electrical workers, telephone installers, bus and taxi drivers. The convention itself would be ringed with electrified barbed wire; the security force had at its disposal flame-throwers and bazookas. Even though (because?) one in six demonstrators in Chicago may have been undercover cops, the police brutality that resulted was so extreme it changed people's political emphasis overnight. In California, Ronald Reagan would soon be warning of bloodbaths. More riots, the Weathermen bombings, the murder of students at Jackson State, the Chicago Seven conspiracy trial and much more were still to come. There was momentousness, paranoia, and danger on the national scene. Across America rednecks and warmongers were punching out people who grew their hair long. A feeling of shared oppression was widespread." A SF Chronicle of Music 34 Karin Ashley, Bill Ayers, Barnardine Dohrn, John Jacobs, Jeff Jones, Gerry Long, Howie Machtinger, Jim Mellen, Terry Robbins, Mark Rudd and Steve Tappis, "You Don't Need a Weatherman to Know Which Way the Wind Blows" New Left Notes, June 18, 1969 35 National Geographic, 1961. Edom: (red) the name Edom was given to Esau, the first-born son of Isaac and twin brother of Jacob, when he sold his birthright to the latter for a meal of lentil pottage. The country which the Lord subsequently gave to Esau was hence called the country of Edom and his descendants were called Edomites. Esau's bitter hatred to his brother Jacob for fraudulently obtaining his blessing appears to have been inherited by his latest posterity. The Edomites peremptorily refused to permit the Israelites to pass through their land. For a period of 400 years we hear no more of the Edomites. They were then attacked and defeated by Saul and some forty years later by David. In the reign of Jehoshaphat (BC 914) the Edomites attempted to invade Israel but failed. They joined Nebuchadnezzar when that king besieged Jerusalem. For their cruelty at this time they were fearfully denounced by the later prophets. After this they settled in southern Palestine and for more than four centuries continued to prosper. But during the warlike rule of the Maccabees they were again completely subdued and even forced to conform to Jewish laws and rites and submit to the government of Jewish prefects. The Edomites were now incorporated with the Jewish nation. They were idolaters. Their habits were singular. The Horites, their predecessors in Mount Seir, were as their name implies troglodytes or dwellers in caves; and the Edomites seem to have adopted their dwellings as well as their country. Everywhere we meet with caves and grottos hewn in the soft sandstone strata. ..... Hypertext Webster Gateway (Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary) 36 Some Mathematical Founders: Yi Xing (683-727) Alcuin of York (c. 735-804) Muhammad ibn Ibrahim al-Fazari (fl. c. 771) Leo the Mathematician (c. 790-post 869) Govindaswami (c. 800-850) Mahavira (Mahaviracharya) (c. 850) Abu `Abd Allah Mohammad ibn Jabir al-Battani (Albatenius) (c. 858) Abu Nasr Muhammad ibn Muhammad Tarkhan ibn Awzalagh al-Farabi (Alpharabius) (c. 870-c. 950 Dictionary of Scientific Biography. 15 volumes. Edited by Charles Coulston Gillispie. Scribner, New York, 1970-1978, with later additions. 37 Rumors that Maslow was sodomized by her father have never been proved. 38 "Jam, n. archaic gay term for heterosexual: jam vs. fruit" The Queen's Lexicon, 39 Female genital mutilation (FGM) is the term used to refer to the removal of part, or all, of the female genitalia. The most severe form is infibulation, also known as pharaonic circumcision. An estimated 15% of all mutilations in Africa are infibulations. The procedure consists of clitoridectomy (where all, or part of, the clitoris is removed), excision (removal of all, or part of, the labia minora), and cutting of the labia majora to create raw surfaces, which are then stitched or held together in order to form a cover over the vagina when they heal. A small hole is left to allow urine and menstrual blood to escape. In some less conventional forms of infibulation, less tissue is removed and a larger opening is left. Girls undergoing the procedure have varying degrees of knowledge about what will happen to them. Sometimes the event is associated with festivities and gifts. Girls are exhorted to be brave. Where the mutilation is part of an initiation rite, the festivities may be major events for the community. Usually only women are allowed to be present. Sometimes a trained midwife will be available to give a local anaesthetic. In some cultures, girls will be told to sit beforehand in cold water, to numb the area and reduce the likelihood of bleeding. More commonly, however, no steps are taken to reduce the pain. The girl is immobilized, held, usually by older women, with her legs open. When infibulation takes place, stitches may be used to hold the two sides of the labia majora together, and the legs may be bound together for up to 40 days. Antiseptic powder may be applied, or, more usually, pastes - containing herbs, milk, eggs, ashes or dung - which are believed to facilitate healing. The girl may be taken to a specially designated place to recover where, if the mutilation has been carried out as part of an initiation ceremony, traditional teaching is imparted. Amnesty International, 1998 40 Heraclitus, 5th C BCE, became a misanthrope, leaving the city, living in the mountains off herbs and plants; all citations from Jonathan Barnes, ed. & trans., Early Greek Philosophy, 2nd revised ed. London: Penguin, 2001. 41 David Bohm. The Qualitative Nature of Infinity (1971) 42 The AKC would not recognize these as purebred offspring of Merle, as they would affect the stability of Maltese as a breed. Merle himself, transmigratory soul unbound by genetics, has personally appeared at Westminster. It is also worth noting here, by the way, that the rumors of an incestuous and bestial relationship between Peabody and Sherman (who are, after all, nephews or cousins, and not direct-line relations) are not supported by any available evidence. Readers will be aware of Peabody's seminal role in the promulgation of the postmodern theory of history, wherein the past and present cultures of all times and places are ransacked for information and entertainment. Merle has made no published comment on these views; his is a more Schopenhauer-like compassionate pessimism regarding human affairs . 43 John Clare (1793 - 1864) "The Fallen Elm" 44 To Kevatta. Translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Sutta (Teaching, in Pali) is the same as the Sanskrit word Sutra; this and many other Suttas are part of the Pali Canon, sayings attributed to Gautama Buddha, written in gold on palm leaves around the 4th C BCE and kept in Sri Lanka-- what some view as the oldest preserved books, and all agree are some of the most beautiful books in the world. 45 Foucault, Michel, Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison, New York, 1995, Vintage Books, Random House. 46 "Mr. Lee committed suicide to save the farmers," said An Sung Hyun, 65, a neighbor. "He sacrificed himself for farmers like me." That sentiment is echoed in a new banner that greets drivers as they enter Jangsu. "The late Lee Kyung Hae, patriot and hero, we will follow your goal," it reads. "We strongly oppose W.T.O. globalization." To protect farmers, South Korea has tariffs of over 100 percent on 142 farm products - consumers here pay about four times American prices for rice - helping support six million farmers in a nation of 47 million people. But South Korea's real money is made selling cars, ships and cellphones around the world. To keep markets open for its economy, the world's 12th largest, South Korea has recently made concessions on food imports, in bilateral talks and in preliminary negotiations in the W.T.O. With each concession, life gets a little harder for the farmers. "It is not hard to guess why he chose to terminate his life," said La Jung Han, an official in Seoul at the the Korean Advanced Farmers Federation, a group Mr. Lee headed for many years. "Probably, the main motivation was despair." It was "a despair deeply imbedded in the conditions of the farmers, the agriculture industry and the rural communities." From his wife's grave, Mr. Lee's view would have included his modest one-story brick house and his experimental 40-acre farm. In the 1970's it was an effort by a college graduate from Seoul, much commented upon, to demonstrate how farmers could survive and compete despite declining prices for their products. "Even now the land is being abandoned," An Sung Hyun, said, pointing out paddies abandoned across the valley floor. "If we import more food, more land will be abandoned." "Parents who are farming, don't want their children to do farming," he said, speaking in a room filled with farmers. "There is no hope. They cannot get any benefits from farming." "Frankly speaking, I am really, really proud of him," his daughter Goh Wun said. "Because he sacrificed himself not for himself, but for the nation." NY Times, Sept. 16, 2003. 47 "And the practice of calling on psychiatric espertise, which is widespreadmeans that the sentence, even if it is always formulated in terms of legal punishment, implies, more or less obscurely, judgments of normality, attributions of causality, assessments of possible changes, anticipations as to the offender's future." Foucault, ibid. 48 A.G.S. Kariyawasam. Buddhist Ceremonies and Rituals of Sri Lanka The Wheel Publication 1995 49 Ibid 50 Patrick Moore, Beyond Shame: Reclaiming the Abandoned History of Radical Gay Sexuality (Boston: Beacon Press, 2004) 51 Ranier Marie Rilke, Duino Elegies 52 Dubai March 4, 2004 By GARY MILHOLLIN and KELLY MOTZ WASHINGTON America's relations with Pakistan and several other Asian countries have been rocked by the discovery of the vast smuggling network run by the Pakistani nuclear scientist Abdul Qadeer Khan. Unfortunately, one American ally at the heart of the scandal, Dubai in the United Arab Emirates, seems to be escaping punishment despite its role as the key transfer point in Dr. Khan's atomic bazaar. Why ship through Dubai? Because it may be the easiest place in the world to mask the real destination of cargo. Consider how the Malaysian government is making the case for the innocence of its manufacturing company. "No document was traced that proved" the company "delivered or exported the said components to Libya," according to the country's inspector general of police. The real destination, he said, "was outside the knowledge" of the producer. One can be certain that if the Khan ring's European suppliers are ever tracked down, they will offer a similar explanation. Dubai provides companies and governments a vital asset: automatic deniability. Its customs agency even brags that its policy on re-exporting "enables traders to transit their shipments through Dubai without any hassles." Next to Dubai's main port is the Jebel Ali free trade zone, a haven for freewheeling international companies. Our organization has documented 264 firms from Iran and 44 from rogue regimes like Syria and North Korea. 53 Poem found written on the bathroom wall in a rest stop near Bonn. 54 from Histoire de Langued'oc, prepared by a Languedoc separatist earthworks collective,, Les Cathares-Fourieristes DSLReclam 55 John Wasmod of Homburg's Tractatus contra hereticos, beckardos, lulhardos, et swestriones, 1396, quoted in Robert S. Lerner, The Heresy of the Free Spirit in the Later Middle Ages, U of Notre Dame Press, 1972. 56 [Verbal description] sins against nature in attempting to tell the ear what ought to be told to the eye. . .[Poetry proceeds] by mentioning the individual componehtsw of beauty, and these are separated from one another by time, so that time itself interposes a forgetting between them . .The poet is unable to construct that harmonic total effect which is formed . . . through conjoint presence . .one part procees out of t he other successively; the succeeding one does not arise without its predecessor dying. Quotations from L Da Vinci's Tratatto, taken from Leo Steinberg's Leonardo's Incessant Last Supper, 2001, NY: ZONE Books, p27 & n14. 57 Historia de Sancta Maria Magdalena, Iacobus de Voragine (A.D. 1230-1298) [...] Cum autem quadam die Maria Magdalena praedicaret, praedictus princeps dixit ei: "Putas posse defendere fidem, quam praedicas!" Cui illa: "Equidem illam defendere praesto sum, utpote quotidianis miraculis et praedicatione magistri mei Petri, qui Romae praesidet, roboratam." Cui princeps cum coniuge dixit: "Ecce dictis tuis per omnia obtemperare parati sumus, si a Deo, quem praedicas, nobis filium impetrabis. - "Propter hoc"' inquit Magdalena, "non remanebit." Tunc beata Maria pro ipsis Dominum exoravit, ut sibi filium concedere dignaretur. Cuius preces Dominus exaudivit et matrona illa concepit. Tunc vir eius coepit velle proficisci ad Petrum, ut probaret, si, ut Magdalena de Christo praedicaverat, sic veritas se haberet. Cui uxor dixit: "Quid est, domine! Putasne sine me proficisci! Absit. Te enim recedente recedam; te veniente veniam; te quiescente quiescam." Cui vir ait:'Non sic fiet, domina, etenim cum sis gravida et in mari sint infinita pericula, de facili periclitari posses. Domi igitur quiesces et possessionibus nostris curam impendes." Et contra illa instabat femineum nec mutans femina morem et cum lacrimis pedibus eius obvoluta, quod petebat, tandem obtinuit. Maria ergo humeris eorum signum crucis imposuit, ne eos antiquus hostis in aliquo itinere impediret. Navem igitur omnibus necessaris copiose onerantes, ceteia, quae habebant, in Mariae Magdalenae custodia relinquentes proficisci coeperunr. Iamque unius diei et noctis cursu consummato coepit nimium mare intumescere, ventus flare, ita ut omnes et maxime matrona gravida et debilis tam saeva inundatione fluctuum quassati gravissimis angustiis urgerentur, in tantum, quod in eam subito dolor partus irruit et inter angustias ventris et pressuras temporis filium parturiens exspiravit. Natus igitur puerulus palpitabat et mamillarum maternarum quaerens solacia lamentabiles dabat vagitus. Proh dolor! Et natus est infans vivus et matricida effectus. Mori eum convenit, cum non sit, qui vitae tribuat alimentum. Quid faciet peregrinus, et cum uxorem mortuam videat et puerum vagientem querulis vocibus matris mammam appetentem! Lamentabatur plurimum et dicebat: "Heu miser, quid facies! Filium habere desiderasti, et matrem cum filio perdidisti." Nautae acclamabant dicentes: "Proiciatur in mare hoc corpus, antequam insimul pereamus. Quamdiu enim nobiscum fuerit, haec quassatio non cessabit." Et cum corpus appredendissent, ut illud in mare iactarent: "Parcite" inquit peregrinus, "parcite, et si nec mihi nec matri parcere volueritis, misereamini saltem parvuli vagientis. Sinite modicum et sustinete, si forte mulier prae dolore in exstasi posita adhuc valeat respirare." Et ecce non procul a navi quidam collis apparuit. Quo viso utilius esse credidit corpus et puerulum illuc deferri, quam marinis beluis ad devorandum dari et vix a nautis prece et pretio extorsit, ut illic applicarent. Cumque illic prae duritia foveam non potuisset effodere, in secretiori parte collis, chlamyde supposita, corpus collocavit et puerulum mammis eius apponens cum lacrimis ait: "O Maria Magdalena, ad perditionis meae cumulum Massiliae applicuisti: Cur infelix admonitione tua hoc iter arripui! Petiistine Deum, ut mulier mea hac de causa conciperet et periret! Ecce enim concepit et pariendo mortem subiit. Conceptus est natus, ut pereat, cum non sit, qui enutriat. Ecce, quod prece tua obtinui, tibi enim omnia mea commendavi Deoque tuo commendo. Si potens es, memor sis animae matris, et prece tua misereatur, ne pereat natus." Tunc chlamyde sua corpus cum puero circumquaque operuit et postmodum navem conscendit. Cumque ad Petrum venisset, Petrus ei obvius fuit, qui viso signo crucis in umero suo, qui esset et unde veniret, sciscitatus est. Qui omnia sibi per ordinem narravit, cui Petrus: "Pax tibi fiat, bene venisti et utili consiiio credidisti. Nec moleste feras, si mulier tua dormit, si parvulus cum ea quiescit. Potens enim est Dominus, cui vult, dona dare, data auferre, ablata restituere, et maerorem tuum in gaudium commutare." Petrus autem ipsum in Hierosolymam duxit et omnia loca, in quibus Christus praedicavit et miracula fecit, locum etiam, in quo passus est et in quo caelos adscendit, eidem ostendit. Cumque de fide fuisset instructus diligenter a Petro, biennii spatio iam elapso navem adscendit repatriare curans. Cum igitur navigarent, Domino disponente iuxta collem, in quo corpus uxoris cum puero positum fuerat, pervenerunt. Qui prece et pretio eos ibi ad applicandum induxit. Puerulus autem ibidem a Maria Magdalena incolumis conservatus frequenter ad litus maris procedebat et ibidem, ut puerorum moris est, cum lapillis et glareis ludere solitus erat. Et, cum applicuisset, vidit puerulum more solito in litore maris cum lapillis ludentem, et quid esset, admirari non desinens, de scapha exsiliit. Quem videns parvulus, cum numquam tale quid vidisset, expavit et ad solita matris recurrens ubera occulte sub chlamyde latitabat. Peregrinus vero, ut manifestius videret, illuc accessit et puerulum pulcherrimum matris ubera sugentem invenit et accipiens puerum ait: "0 beata Maria Magdalena, quam felix essem, quam mihi cuncta prospera advenissent, si mulier respiraret et mecum repatriare valeret. Scio equidem, scio et procul dubio credo, quod tu, quae puerum dedisti et in hac rupe per biennium pavisti, poteris matrem suam prece tua pristinae restituere sanitati." Ad haec verba mulier respiravit et quasi a somno evigilans ait: "Magni meriti es, beata Maria Magdalena, et gloriosa, quae in partus mei pressuris obstetricis implevisti officium et in omnibus necessitatibus ancillae servitium explesti." Quo audito peregrinus admirans ait: "Vivisne uxor mea dilecta?" Cui illa: "Vivo equidem et nunc primo de peregrinatione, de qua et tu venisti, venio. Et sicut beatus Petrus te Hierosolymam duxit et omnia loca, in quibus Christus passus est, mortuus et sepultus, et alia plura loca ostendit, sic et ego una cum beata Maria Magdalena duce et comite vobiscum fui et conspecta memoriae commendavi." Et incipiens loca omnia, in quibus Christus passus est, et miracula, quae viderat, adeo plene explicuit, ut nec in aliquo deviaret. Tunc peregrinus recepta coniuge et puero navem laetus conscendit et paulo post Massiliae portibus applicuerunt et ingressi invenerunt beatam Mariam Magdalenam cum suis discipulis praedicantem. Et eius pedibus cum lacrimis provoluti omnia, quae iis acciderant, narraverunt et a beato Maximino sacrum baptisma susceperunt. Tunc in civitate Massiliae omnium idolorum templa destruentes Christi ecclesias construxerunt et beatum Lazarum in eiusdem civitatis episcopum unanimiter elegerunt. Tandem divino nutu ad Aquensem civitatem venerunt et populum illum ad fidem Christi per multa miracula adduxerunt. [...] 58 John Wasmod of Homburg's Tractatus contra hereticos, beckardos, lulhardos, et swestriones, 1396, quoted in Robert S. Lerner, The Heresy of the Free Spirit in the Later Middle Ages, U of Notre Dame Press, 1972. 59 >>Torture >>The United States Underground >>by Silvia Baraldini >> >>(Silvia remains under house arrest in Italy under terms of her >>repatriation as a US political prisoner) >>http://www.prisonactivist.org/pps+pows/silvia.html >> >>from Il Manifesto, May 11, 2004, p. 10 (translated) >> >> >> >>Faced with the catastrophic reality of the tortures inflicted on >>Iraqi citizens by U.S. and British occupation forces, the defense of >>the two governments has been centered on the identification of the >>"bad apples" responsible for what could otherwise be characterized >>as exceptional episodes -- episodes extraneous to the democratic >>systems of the two countries. Since The New Yorker published the >>first images, we have been inundated by interviews with inhabitants >>of the rural towns from which the soldiers accused of the torture >>originate. Full of condmenation and dismay, these interviews >>attempt to reassure us of the deep democratic sentiment that >>animates Americans. >> >>Curiously, not a single interview has appeared with that part of the >>U.S. population that would be able to testify to the torture, abuses >>of power, sexual violence and conditioning that it has personally >>suffered. I am speaking of the prisoners, both political and >>social, who have served their sentences in the special sections of >>Marion, Illinois; Florence, Colorado; Pelican Bay, California; >>Lexington, Kentucky; and Alderson, West Virginia; to name some of >>the most miserable known. If a journalist had tracked down Rafael >>Cancel Miranda, he would be able to testify that in the >>not-so-distant years of the 1970s, in the undergrounds of Marion, >>prisoners were handcuffed to walls and left for hours. Frank "Big >>Black" Smith would be able to recount how all of the prisoners of >>Attica, at the end of their rebellion, were stripped nude and forced >>to submit while members of the National Guard beat them with clubs >>and rifles, and how he, himself, an ex-football player, was forced >>to remain on his feet for interminable hours with a football held >>beneath his chin, surrounded by soldiers ready to beat him if he >>dropped it. Samuel Brown would be able to tell us about his severe >>neck injury that was purposely left untreated as a strategy for >>softening him before he was interrogated by the FBI. And Sekou >>Odinga could tell us how, after he was arrested, his chest was used >>as an ashtray by members of the task force that interrogated him. >>Alejandrina Torres would be able to tell us about himself -- a >>Puerto Rican political prisoner later pardoned by President Clinton, >>who was violated in federal prison in Phoenix, Arizona, not with a >>broomstick but with the gloved fists of a so-called nurse. Or Susan >>Rosenberg, who spent two months in the winter of 1988 without sleep >>in a cell of the special unit of Lexington Prison where the lights >>were turned on every twenty minutes, where the curtainless shower is >>observed by one of the 21 surveillance cameras of that unit, who >>experienced the humiliation of having to ask a male prison guard for >>a tampon every time she needed one. The women prisoners in Georgia >>state prison and in Dublin federal prison would be able to testify >>how in prison one can be sexually abused by the same individuals who >>are supposed to protect you. In Pelican Bay and Florence, >>journalists would find the prisons upon which Guantanamo was >>modelled. >> >> >>The reality that is inexorably emerging from Iraqi prisons should >>not surprise us. For years, Amnesty International, Human Rights >>Watch, and the American Civil Liberties Union have all denounced the >>analagous conditions that exist in special prisons in the United >>States. >> 60 Richard Bruce Nugent, Gay Rebel of the Harlem Renaissance. Thomas H. Wirth, ed. Duke U Press, 2002. 61 Ven. Khenchen Thrangu, Rinpoche, transcribed by Gaby Hollman, translated from Tibetan by Ken Holmes, Namo Buddha Seminar, Glasgow, Scotland, 1993. 62 Bohr, Heisenberg and Mermin citations from Nick Herbert, Quantum Reality Beyond the New Physics: An Excursion into Metaphysics and the Meaning of Reality, NY: Anchor Press, 1987. 63 Freidrich A. Hayek, Law, Legislation and Liberty, vol. 1, London: Routledge, 1982. 64 All quotations from S. Rheinfahrt, My Struggles Against Fascism and Eurocommunism, as told to Joseph Jamal,. Abner Cransky, trans. Berlin: Falsus Verlag, 1994. 65 Henry Wadsworth Longfellow took this name for Lake Superior from Henry Schoolcraft, amateur ethnologist and fabulator of Menominee and Chippewa tales. 66 . 1. A subcortical group of nuclei in the forebrain which serves a. the limbic system, b. the autonomic nervous system (see FIGHT-OR-FLIGHT), and c. the endocrine system. 2. A thumbnail-sized neuro structure which organizes basic nonverbal responses, such as aggression, anger , sexuality, and fear . Evolution I. The hypothalamus has deep evolutionary roots in the chemical sense of smell Evolution II. As the forebrain's main chemical-control area, the hypothalamus regulates piscine adrenal medullae, chemical-releasing glands which, in living fish, consist of two lines of cells near the kidneys. The adrenal medullae pump adrenaline into the bloodstream, from where it effects every cell in the fish's body. ( N.B. : In humans, adrenaline speeds up body movements, strengthens muscle contractions, and energizes the activity of spinal-cord paleocircuits.) RESEARCH REPORTS: 1. Pathways involved in oral and genital functions "converge in that part of the hypothalamus in which electrical stimulation results in angry and defensive behaviour" (MacLean 1973:44). 2. In higher vertebrates, the olfactory system and the hypophysis [i.e., the pituitary gland (which is linked to the hypothalamus)] "are derived from a single patch of embryonic [neuro]ectoderm" (Stoddart 1990:13 Copyright 1998 - 2001 (David B. Givens/Center for Nonverbal Studies) 67 H. W. Longfellow, The Song of Hiawatha 68 Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Idomeneo, re di Creta. 1781. libretto by Giambattista Varesco, Los Angeles Opera, September 9, 2004. Placido Domingo, Idomeneo. Adriana Damato, Ilia. Kent Nagano, Conductor. (orig. Flanders Opera, Belgium, dir. By David McVicar) 69 Version 2, 9/11/04 (former version titled No Matter Who Wins, 9/06/04) 70 Memo to other leftists like me: read Multitude. It's irritating in its generalities and sometimes too affectless, but it helps. It helped me realize that I can't rely on old concepts like US imperialism to understand what's going on. The blame for attacks on US targets is not just on the US. The changes in the global world order are not just a super-imperialism of one super-power, but a global contestation for power between the trans-national empire of capital and what Negri and Hardt call the multitude. It makes sense out of things that can otherwise be addressed only through righteous but ignorant indignation. 71 This country, like Rome under the lesser Caesars, may send out soldiers for 400 years or so, but it will decline into a third-rate power. In its decline it will look like the England of the 20st Century, holding on to coalitions of the willing, fighting border wars continually, striking out with money and technology at competitors and friends, bewildered that others don't like us, and disappointed at our seeming failure to keep hope alive. Our overweening pride, inflated by the dollars everyone in the world clamored for, has made our vision too dim to notice that we, also like Imperial Romans or Brits, are no longer the vital, ingenious frontierspeople we liked to imagine ourselves. 72 "Liebst du um Schnheit," Clara Weick Schumann (1891-1896) setting of If you love for beauty, by Friedrich Rckert (1788-1866) 73 -Robert Schumann came to live and study with Clara Wieck's father in 1830, and asked permission to marry Clara in 1837; Wieck objected, and did all he could to prevent the wedding before Clara's 21st birthday when she would be legally able without his consent; Robert and Clara filed a lawsuit, and won, but out of spite went ahead and married the day before her birthday, September 12, 1840. -They first lived in Leipzig where they both taught in the Conservatory there; they moved to Dresden in 1844, to Dsseldorf in 1850. -Their children were: Marie (1841-1929), Elise (1843-1928), Julie (1845-72), Emil (1846-47), Ludwig (1848-99), Ferdinand (1849-91), Eugenie (1851-1938), Felix (1854-79). -Johannes Brahms (1833-1897) met the Schumanns in 1853, and remained a dear friend of both while they lived. -Robert's mental health was poor, and following a suicide attempt in 1854, he was committed to the asylum at Endenich; he is said to have suffered from manic depression and psychosis. 743 Reference to scientific articles on examination of the hypothalamus, conducted by Simon LeVay, Ph.D. , who claims this organ is markedly smaller in gay males and females than in heterosexual males. LeVay supports the thesis expressed in The Man Who Would Be Queen, that there are no "true" transgenders. The author, J. Michael Bailey, a faculty member at Northwestern University in Chicago, bases his assertion on Prof. Ray Blanchard's theory of autogynephilia, a term described as love of oneself as a woman. It suggests that there are only two types of male-to-female transsexuals: homosexual transsexuals and autogynephiles. [The views of Blanchard, Bailey and LeVay have been taken up by the Christian fundamentalist right to further their eradication of transgender persons and of homosexual behaviors. Ed.] 75 Jean-Leon Germe (1824-1904) oil on canvas, Sterling and Francine Clark Art Institute, Williamstown, MA, USA. 76 Lacie & Zarkov's Comparison of MDA to MDMA: "The differences from MDM(A) are striking: MDA is more hallucinogenic with noticeable closed eye imagery, is a much greater aesthetic enhancer, especially of people and of music; is more euphoric; more "drug-like", a heavier and more obviously body-involved trip. Tactile sensation is more powerful, erotic and noticeable on MDA. Physical effects are more up-front: gastric upset, pupil dilation, water retention, limbic arousal. On the whole, we find MDA a more enjoyable and interesting trip; longer lasting and more sexual/sensual. Our favorite characteristic is that one retains an interesting psychedelic ideation on MDA, rather then the feeling-oriented, but rather idealess thinking of MDM(A). 77 Alan Hovhaness (rec. 4/28/1958), Fritz Reiner, Chicago Symphony Orchestra, RCA Victor. 78 Olivier Messsiaen (rec. 1969?), Olivier Messiaen, organ, aux grandes orgues Cavaill-Coll de l'eglise de la Sainte Trinit Paris, Erato Recordings. 79 Gyrgy Ligeti (rec. April 7-9, 2001) for 12 female voices and orchestra, Asko/Schnberg Ensemble, Reinbert de Leeup, conductor, Teldec Classics. 80 Luciano Berio (rec. 10/79), Klner Runfunkchor, Klner Rundfunk Sinfonie Orchester, Luciano Berio, conductor, DGG. 81 Morten Lauridsen (rec. 1998), Los Angeles Master Chorale, Salamunovich, Director), Rubeda Canis Musica. 82 Mud and Water: The Collected Teachings of Zen Master Bassui, translated by Arthur Bravermann. (2000, Wisdom Publications). 83 Robert and Clara's children were: Marie (1841-1929), Elise (1843-1928), Julie (1845-72), Emil (1846-47), Ludwig (1848-99), Ferdinand (1849-91), Eugenie (1851-1938), Felix (1854-79). -Johannes Brahms (1833-1897) met the Schumanns in 1853, and remained a dear friend of both while they lived. -Robert's mental health was poor, and following a suicide attempt in 1854, he was committed to the asylum at Endenich; he is said to have suffered from manic depression and psychosis. -After Robert's death, Clara moved to Berlin in 1857, where she performed, taught, and edited Robert's works and letters; she was known as a champion and interpreter of the music of Schumann and Brahms, and was a direct influence on their music. Her last home was in Frankfurt. -Brahms never married. Brahms' love for Clara was made somewhat public when he dedicated several songs to her. Clara Schumann died in 1889. Brahms attended her graveside funeral. It was a cold and damp day and Brahms caught a "chill." He died just a few months later. Was it from the chill? Or was it from a lonely heart? You decide. 84 Benno Sarel, La class ouvriere d'Allemagne orientale (1945-1958) (Paris:Editionsw ouvrieres, 1958. quoted in Michael Hardt and Antonio Negri, Multitude: War and Democracy in the Age of Empire New York: Penguin Press, 2004. 85 Jomo Kenyatta was born at Ng'enda in the Gatundu Division of Kiambu in the year 1889. As a boy, Kenyatta assisted his grandfather, who was a medicine man. Kenyatta took interest in Agikuyu culture and customs. He received his preliminary education at the Scottish Mission Center at Thogoto. He also received elementary technical education there. He was later baptized a Christian with the name of John Peter, which he changed to Johnstone. He changed his name to Jomo in 1938. He lived among Masai relatives in Narok during World War I. Here he worked as a clerk to an Asian trader. After the war, he served as a storekeeper to a European firm. At this time, he began wearing his beaded belt Kinyatta. In 1928, he published his newspaper, Muigwithania that dealt with Kikuyu culture and new farming methods. KCA sent him to England in 1929 to influence British opinion on tribal land. After touring some parts of Europe, including Russia in 1930, he returned to Kenya to fight the case on female circumcision with the Scottish Mission. He supported the independent schools. In 1931, he again went to England to present a written petition to parliament. He met Mahatma Gandhi of India in November 1932. After giving evidence before the Morris Carter Commission, he proceeded to Moscow to learn Economics but was forced to return to Britain by 1933. During the gold rush, land in Kakamega reserve was being distributed to settlers. This made Kenyatta angry and spoke about Britain's injustice. For which reason he was dubbed a communist by the British. He taught Gikuyu at the University College, London and also wrote a book on the Kikuyu language in 1937. Under Professor Malinowski, he studied Anthropology at the famous London School of Economics (LSE). In 1938, his book, Facing Mount Kenya saw the light of day. It was about Kikuyu customs. During the World War II , Kenyatta served on a farm in the United Kingdom, while owning his own farm there. He married Edna Clarke, mother of his son, Peter Magana in 1942. Along with other African leaders, including Nkrumah of Ghana, he took part in the 5th Pan-African Congress of 1945 in Manchester. On October 20, 1952, Sir Evelyn, Baring, newly appointed Governor of Kenya of two weeks, declared a state of emergency in the country. Jomo Kenyatta and other prominent leaders were arrested. His trial at Kapenguria on April 8, 1953, for managing Mau Mau, was a mockery of justice. (Contemporary opinion linked him with the Mau Mau but later research claims otherwise. From Wikipedia.org 8 Aug, 2004. ) He was sentenced to 7 years in imprison (sic) with hard labor and to indefinite restrictions thereafter. On August 21, 1961, nine years after his arrest, he was freed from all restrictions. On June 1, 1963, Mzee Kenyatta became the first Prime Minister of self-governing Kenya. At midnight on December 12, 1963, at Uhuru Stadium, amid world leaders and multitudes of people, the Kenya flag was unfurled. A new nation was born. A year later on December 12, 1964, Kenya became a Republic within the Commonwealth, with Kenyatta, as the President. Mzee Kenyatta is acclaimed from all quarters of the world as a true son of Africa, a renowned leader of vision, initiative, guidance and an international public figure of the highest caliber. Kenya under the "Baba Wa Taifa" (Father of the Nation) had enjoyed political stability, economic progress as well as agricultural, industrial and educational advances. From 1974 onwards, Mzee declared free primary education up to primary grade 4. At this stage he asked white settlers not to leave Kenya and supported reconciliation. He retained the role of prime minister after independence was declared on December 12, 1963. In 1964 he became president of the country. Kenyatta's policy was conciliatory and he kept many colonial civil servants in their old jobs. He had to ask for British troops' help against Somali revolts in the northeast and an army mutiny in Nairobi (January 1964). Some British troops remained in the country. On November 10, 1964, KADU's representatives joined the ranks of KANU, forming a single party. Kenyatta instituted relatively peaceful land reform, oversaw Kenya's joining the United Nations, and concluded trade agreements with Milton Obote's Ugandaand Julius Nyerere's Tanzania. He pursued a non-aligned foreign policy. Stability attracted foreign investment and he was an influential figure everywhere in Africa. However, his authoritarian policies drew criticism and caused dissent. (wikipedia.org) Jomo Kenyatta died on 22nd August 1978 at 3.30 A.M. in Mombasa at the age of 89 years. He was succeeded by Daniel Arap Moi. 86 " Facing Mount Kenya is a central document of the highest distinction in anthropological literature, an invaluable key to the structure of African society and the nature of the African mind Facing Mount Kenya is not only a formal study of life and death, work and play, sex and the family in one of the greatest tribes of contemporary Africa, but a work of considerable literary merit. The very sight and sound of Kikuyu tribal life presented here are at once comprehensive and intimate, and as precise as they are compassionate. Jomo Kenyatta, the grandson of a Kikuyu medicine man, was among the foremost leaders of African nationalism and one of the great men at the modern world. In the 1930's he studied at the London School of Economics and took his degree in anthropology under Bronislaw Malinowski, one result of which is this now famous account of his own Kikuyu tribe." Female Genital Cutting Education and Networking Project www.fgmnetwork.org It is important to note that Malinowski was one of the inventors of functionalist anthropology, a man, a european. His view of the actions of non-european peoples was, by force of his status as a guest in the places he studied, a laissez-faire one. It is reasonable to assume that he taught Kenyatta and other students to "understand" the function of clitoridectomy in Kikiyu culture but discouraged censorious views of such practices (e.g. those of Scottish missionaries in Kenya) on the grounds of non-intervention. Much debate has ensued over the years regarding clitoridectomy and female genital cutting. As in this excerpt from Kenyatta, the debate frequently pits live African women against tradition and yet by "defending a culture" leaves a relatively recent historical artifact in place without critique. 87 Bruce Bagemihl , Biological Exuberance. Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity. St. Martin's Press, New York, 1999, 88 Blog by Cristina Cardoze at www.rockhawk.com 89 review by Susan McCarthy at salon.com 90 review by Gert Korthof, 21 Sep 2003 (updated 24 Apr 2004) at www.wasdarwingwrong.com 91 OH-58D KIOWA WARRIORRECONNAISSANCE/ATTACK HELICOPTER, USA The Armed OH-58D Kiowa Warrior, in service with the US Army, is supplied by Bell Helicopter Textron of Fort Worth, Texas. Around 375 Kiowas are in service and the single engine, double-bladed armed reconnaissance helicopter has been deployed in support of United States armed forces around the world including Haiti, Somalia and the Gulf of Arabia (Desert Storm and Desert Shield). In 2002, Kiowas were deployed as part of NATO's SFOR forces in Bosnia and, in 2003, 120 Kiowas were deployed in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. The primary mission of the helicopter is in the scout attack role. The helicopter can be optionally equipped to carry out transport and utility roles using equipment kits installed externally on existing hard points. A cargo carrying hook is rated to carry loads up to 2,000lb. Emergency casualty evacuation can be carried out transporting two casualties on litters (stretchers), plus over 320kg of supplies to an operating radius of more than 185km. The Kiowa can be used for insertion of up to six troops for critical point security missions. WEAPONS The OH-58D is equipped with two universal quick change weapons pylons. Each pylon can be armed with two Hellfire missiles, seven Hydra 70 rockets, two air-to-air Stinger missiles or one .50 calibre fixed forward machine gun. Mission processors control the suite of mission subsystems via a Military Standard 1553B bus. An onboard computer provides laser ranging and target location within 10m. COUNTERMEASURES The countermeasures suite includes an AN/ALQ-144 infrared jammer, radar warning receivers against pulsed and continuous wave radars and a laser warning detector. FIRE CONTROL AND OBSERVATION The distinctive Mast Mounted Sight (MMS) from Boeing, situated above the rotor blades, enables the Kiowa Warrior to operate by day and night and to engage the enemy at the maximum range of the weapon systems and with the minimum exposure of the helicopter. The mast mounted sight contains a suite of sensors which includes: a high resolution television camera for long range target detection; a thermal imaging sensor for navigation, target acquisition and designation; a laser rangefinder/designator for target location and guidance of the Hellfire missiles and designation for Copperhead artillery rounds; and a boresight assembly which provides in-flight sensor alignment. The laser rangefinder/designator is also employed for handoff to an AH-1 Cobra helicopter for TOW missile engagements. DRS Technologies is currently responsible for the contract for the sensor suite. NAVIGATION AND COMMUNICATIONS The US Army OH-58D is equipped with an attitude heading reference system (AHRS) from Litton and an integrated global positioning system and inertial navigation system, GPS/INS. A data-loading module allows the pre-mission storing of navigation waypoint data and radio frequencies. The mission equipment includes an Improved Data Modem for Digital Battlefield Communications, (IDMDBC). The communications system is based on the Have-Quick UHF and SINCGARS FM anti-jam radio. ENGINE The OH-58D Helicopter is equipped with a Model 250 485kW turbine engine from Rolls-Royce. The transmission has a transient power level of 475kW. The engine and transmission system have been upgraded to provide high performance levels in high temperature and extreme climates. (information supplied by www.army-technology.com/projects/kiowa "the website for the defense industry" 92 website: www.shephard.co.uk 93 The anachronistic use of the word revolutionary is permissible here as these Brethren and Sistren of the Free Spirit are anarchists avant la lettre. 94 see Chap 35 95 see Chap 25 96 cf. Chap 23 97 see Chap 36 98 see Chap 48 99 100 directed by William Arntz, Betsy Chasse, Mark Vicente, 2004. 101 Heisenberg's discussions moved rather freely and quickly from talk about experimental inaccuracies to epistemological or ontological issues and back again. However, ontological questions seemed to be of somewhat less interest to him. For example, there is a passage (Heisenberg, 1927, p. 197), where he discusses the idea that, behind our observational data, there might still exist a hidden reality in which quantum systems have definite values for position and momentum, unaffected by the uncertainty relations. He emphatically dismisses this conception as an unfruitful and meaningless speculation, because, as he says, the aim of physics is only to describe observable data. Similarly in the Chicago Lectures (Heisenberg 1930, p. 11) he warns against the fact that the human language permits the utterance of statements which have no empirical content at all, but nevertheless produce a picture in our imagination. He notes, "One should be especially careful in using the words 'reality', 'actually', etc., since these words very often lead to statements of the type just mentioned." So, Heisenberg also endorsed an interpretation of his relations as rejecting a reality in which particles have simultaneous definite values for position and momentum. http://www.aip.org/history/heisenberg/p08c.htm 102 Bohr denied that classical concepts could be used to attribute properties to a physical world in-itself behind the phenomena, i.e. properties different from those being observed. In contrast, classical physics rests on an idealization, he said, in the sense that it assumes that the physical world has these properties in-itself, i.e. as inherent properties, independent of their actual observation. http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/qm-copenhagen/ 103 Bohm suggests that the whole universe can be thought of as a kind of giant, flowing hologram, or holomovement, in which a total order is contained, in some implicit sense, in each region of space and time. The explicate order is a projection from higher dimensional levels of reality, and the apparent stability and solidity of the objects and entities composing it are generated and sustained by a ceaseless process of enfoldment and unfoldment, for subatomic particles are constantly dissolving into the implicate order and then recrystallizing. The quantum potential postulated in the causal interpretation corresponds to the implicate order. But Bohm suggests that the quantum potential is itself organized and guided by a superquantum potential, representing a second implicate order, or superimplicate order. Indeed he proposes that there may be an infinite series, and perhaps hierarchies, of implicate (or "generative") orders, some of which form relatively closed loops and some of which do not. Higher implicate orders organize the lower ones, which in turn influence the higher. Bohm believes that life and consciousness are enfolded deep in the generative order and are therefore present in varying degrees of unfoldment in all matter, including supposedly "inanimate" matter such as electrons or plasmas. He suggests that there is a "protointelligence" in matter, so that new evolutionary developments do not emerge in a random fashion but creatively as relatively integrated wholes from implicate levels of reality. The mystical connotations of Bohm's ideas are underlined by his remark that the implicate domain "could equally well be called Idealism, Spirit, Consciousness. The separation of the two -- matter and spirit -- is an abstraction. The ground is always one." http://www.spaceandmotion.com/Physics-David-Bohm-Holographic-Universe.htm 104 Addiction is another completely unscientific concept. usually applied in order to enforce socially approved behaviors; "addicts" and "homosexuals" are, for example, the "carriers" of AIDS. See "Epidemics of the Will," in Eve Kosovsky Sedgwick's Tendencies (Duke:1993) 105 An entity named Ramtha is channeled by JZ Knight in What the Bleep: "One of the great enigmas that scientists have studied in the last decade is Ramtha, a mystic, philosopher, master teacher and hierophant. His partnership with American woman JZ Knight, his channel, still baffles scholars." [Ed: It certainly baffles me-- see ramtha.com ] Politicking with Words: On Ideology and Dictionary Meaning To Polonius' query, What do you read, my lord?, my answer would have been Words, words and their final meanings if I had played Hamlet in the latter half of the 18th century, with Samuel Johnson's Dictionary in my hand. I would have taken in good earnest the definitions of those entries that people usually quote for gratuitous pleasure but dismiss as crotchety. In the mid-19th century, however, I should have replied, Words, words and their provisional meanings, with reference to the opposite and, at times, equally crotchety definitions of the same entries, reading Noah Webster's An American Dictionary of the English Language (1828) on the stage. On the second occasion I would have grown somewhat circumspect about dictionary meaning not simply because Johnson and Webster diverge so widely, but because meaning per se is determined by relative historical and ideological conditions. It is a commonplace that dictionary is the mark of authority and the standard. That the standard is collectively agreed upon through convention and practice is another truism. But collectivity can be a problematic concept since it does not cover all in society as far as fixing the linguistic standard is concerned. Given that society is heavily stratified into classes and ranks, all those living in it do not have a uniform level of literacy and the same degree of access to the process of linguistic standardization. As this process is controlled by the culturally and politically dominant group or class, the ideology of dictionary adapts itself to the dominant ideology at all points of time. Since wide acceptability is the goal of ideology, it makes its cultural and political agenda invisible and makes itself look natural and objective. The giant publishing houses in England and America turning out hundreds of dictionaries of various sizes and kinds always regard objectivity and fidelity to actual usage as ideals and marketability as the end. In practice, indiscreet lapses from objectivity do occur nonetheless, and the market suffers occasional setbacks. A few years ago, an edition of Longman's English dictionary had included in its definition of Bangkok , a city with a lot of prostitutes. Provoked by this, Chulalongkorn University in Bangkok and the leading bookstores there decided to boycott the dictionary. Another event that clearly illustrates how ideological conditions determine meanings of words in a dictionary occurred when the twentieth edition of the Duden dictionary came out. This was the first all-German dictionary to be published after the unification of the two Germanys. In those days, the definition of capitalism , among many others, read in conflicting ways in the Duden dictionaries in East and West Germany, which was natural considering their opposed political and ideological dispositions. In English translation they are as follows: a social formation based upon exploitation of the labourers through private property and production means [East German Duden Dictionary] Then Webster goes on to hint at the notoriety of the Tories by tracing the word Tory back to an Irish word meaning robber or bandit. As for Johnson, he believed it to be a cant term, derived...from an Irish word signifying a savage. Here Johnson confers on the Tories the distinction of being the true representatives of English politics and religion, although one should not forget that the Whigs, too, believed in the constitution of the state equally well and used the same rhetoric for their own publicity. But Webster's role in this context was only to tarnish the image of the Tories and brighten that of the Whigs. Johnson dismissively defines Whig as the name of a faction and spitefully remarks that the term derives from whigamore denoting people from south-west counties of Scotland, whose poverty drove them to rise against the court and Scottish royal authority etc. Webster, on the contrary, stubbornly maintains that the origin of the word is unknown and shows the Whigs in a favourable light by presenting them as the advocates of popular rights during the English Civil War and as the friends and supporters of the war and principles of revolution during the revolution in the United States. In 18th century England, Tories and Whigs were engaged in a battle of rhetoric, each group claiming monopoly of the custodianship of constitutional democracy and national tradition. In America, similarly, the Federalist party and the Republican Democratic party were contesting with each other for the exclusive title of friends to the constitution of the United States in the 19th century. Thus polarization in politics had led to proliferation of partisan political meanings. Claims and denials as well as vilification of the opponents and self-glorification characterized political discourse both in England and America at different times. Johnson and Webster took up political positions that turned out to be antagonistic irrespective of the gap in space and time. For each one of them the dictionary was a site of political struggle clearly signifying ideological underpinnings. Ideology surely informs meaning. If meaning appears neutral, as it does in the modern dictionaries, it is only so following the dictates of objectivity, an ideology in itself, and the politics of invisibility. economic and social order whose driving force is the individual earning profit [West German Duden Dictionary] After the unification, the West German definition predictably featured in the new dictionary, displacing the East German counterpart. Also, many words and usages exiled from East Germany now found a place as free citizens in the world of linguistic glasnost, which this dictionary represented. A few of them are Republikflucht leaving the country illegally, meinungs freiheit freedom of opinion, Wettreise journey around the world, Freizeit leisure time, and Stasi secret police. Indeed, the changing socio-political and historical conditions determine origin, currency, and extinctions of words as well as their meanings. Conversely, the words and meanings determine these conditions. To return to Johnson and Webster, we may cite pension, Tory , and Whig as illustrative samples of a good many politically charged entries. In Johnson's Dictionary, pension is defined thus: In England it is generally given to a state hireling for treason to his country. In Webster's American Dictionary , it reads: An annual allowance of a sum of money to a person by government in consideration of the past services, civil or military. Men often receive pensions for eminent services on retiring from office. But in particular, officers, soldiers and sea men receive pension when they are disabled for further services. Johnson's terse and narrow definition reveals his Tory opposition to the Whigs, who normally were the government. In his time they were seen as arms of a growing and ever more intrusive governmental institution, to quote Robert De Maria, Jr.'s The Politics of Johnson's Dictionary, [ PMLA , Vol. 104, No. 1 (Jan. 1989) p. 65]. But Webster's elaborate and labored definition is an argument for pension. In the 1780s there had been a nation-wide protest against grant of pension by the Congress to officers who had served in the Continental Army during the American War of Independence. The Convention of the protesters at Middletown, Connecticut, demanded repeal of pension. Webster rose to its defense and contended that the social unrest had been caused by a misrepresentation of the word. People did not distinguish between pension granted as a provision for old officers and pension granted for the purpose of bribery for favor and support. He maintained that pension was half pay for ex-officers. Tory is defined in Johnson's Dictionary as One who adheres to the ancient constitution of the state, and the apostolical hierarchy of the Church of England. It contrasts sharply with Webster's definition: The name given to an adherent to the ancient constitution of England and to the apostolical hierarchy. The tories form a party which are [sic] charged with supporting more arbitrary principles in government than the Whigs, their opponents. In America during the revolution, those who opposed the war, and favored the claims of Great Britain were called tories. Horse Words in a Motor Age The replacement of animal power by motors has vastly changed social life in many ways; yet language is conservative, and horse words have survived the loss of horses very well, remaining in the general vocabulary to be widely used without horsey associations even among people who have nothing to do with horses. Many of these words are used figuratively, and others have simply transferred their meanings to modern objects and conditions, especially those having to do with rail and motor transport. Our most basic expressions for transportation are traceable to horse imagery. We drive motor vehicles as we once drove horses; indeed, until 1900, the very question Can you drive? meant Do you know how to drive horses? We ride in vehicles as we ride horses -- even the word road is rooted in ride. Street is from the Latin via strata , a paved road, a phrase whose own history mirrors the relation of ride and road: via road is cognate not only with our way , but with a whole set of Latinate words suggesting movement: vehement, convey , and even vehicle itself; just as way is related to wag and wagon . We can scarcely talk about motor vehicles without using words that originally applied to horse-drawn ones. Vehicle itself is Latin vehiculum a carriage; and even the early automobilist heard his machine called a horseless carriage , just as the early railroader heard his called an Iron Horse , which of course drew carriages of its own. (Apt names, actually: a chuffing steam train starting or stopping really does sound like an excited horse; and the earliest railway carriages, like the earliest motorcars, looked very much like their horse-drawn counterparts, having been built by the same craftsmen.) Train recalls the image of a pack-train , a string of the packhorses who carried much of Europe's freight before good roads; and the very strength of machinery has long been measured in horsepower , significantly shortened simply to horses . Car , the plainest of our motor-vehicle words, has a complicated history. Originally Celtic for wagon , it was borrowed into Latin and thence Norman French as carre , yielding not only the verb carry and its abstract carriage , but also cargo, charge, chariot. (Cart and coach are not related to it, the first being Anglo-Saxon and the second named for the Hungarian city of Kocs , an early manufactory.) Early modern English used car poetically for the chariots of the sun and planets, as in Milton's image of a maritime sunset in Comus: And the gilded car of day / His glowing axle doth allay / In the steep Atlantic stream. In Victorian America, car was quickly applied to railway carriages, whence boxcars and passenger-cars , and also to tramways, first to horsecars and then to electric-cars , otherwise known as trolley cars , or streetcars , or simply cars (whence carfare ). Until the early 1900s, to ride the cars meant to take a tram, and the man in the cars was used as sobriquet for an average person, like the man in the street . When automobiles were introduced, someone coined motorcar . When this in turn shortened to car , the word assumed its modern sense, which soon overtook all the others. Most other vehicle words transferred their meanings from horse to motor with less fuss. Rig once applied to wagons; so did truck and its British counterpart lorry . Farming implements like plow and hayrake have kept their old horse-drawn names, and so have most utility vehicles, like fire engine, Black Maria, paddy wagon, ambulance , and delivery van --the last clipped from caravan living wagon, which survives in full in England to mean a camping trailer. Bus is clipped from omnibus , which means for everybody in Latin: it was a slang term for the horse-drawn public transport of the early 1800s. The cab of taxicab is from cabriolet , a light passenger cart; and hack is hackney coach , a coach for hire, hackney or hack being a hired horse and by extension anything shoddy and overused, whence hack-word and hackneyed phrases. Liberal generous yielded livery stables , which hired out horses as to-day's livery services hire out taxis and limousines. In describing mechanical contrivances, the Germans continue to use their word Wagen to mean car, as in Volkswagen ; and American English has the compound station wagon , originally a horse vehicle for fetching people at train stations. The British call station wagons estate cars , but they refer to freight cars on a train as goods wagons (borrowed into French as plain wagon , also used in wagons-lits , the sleeping cars on old trains like the Orient Express). Carriage and coach are also rail terms now; but the British still use dual carriageway for the kind of road Americans call a divided highway , and coach remains in use both as a euphemism for a longdistance bus and somewhat bizarrely as the name for the cheap seats on an airplane. French gives us porte-cochre , originally a porch under which one entered a coach. We modernize this in the loan-translation carport . With horses, wagons carry freight and have four wheels; carts may carry anything but have two wheels. A passenger vehicle is a carriage ; if it has four wheels and is light and cheap it is also a buggy , and if heavy and enclosed, a coach. (Sleds are wagons with runners, and sleighs are carriages with runners, though the British use sledge for both.) Two points stand out about these words. First, many are still used in their own right, but in trivialized senses: little red wagons for kids, go-carts and golf carts and shopping carts (all more than two-wheeled, though, called shopping trolleys in Britain), Olympic bobsleds and sleds for coasting down hills, dune buggies for zooming around beaches, and even baby carriages and baby buggies . Second, the suggestion of towing has vanished in the modern uses of these words, except in the train senses, for we call anything towed behind a motor vehicle a trailer . We even have horse trailers for transporting horses -- putting the car before the horse, so to speak, though I have never heard anyone mention the irony in this. Most of the old names for vehicles' constituent parts persist in our newer machines too: wheels and tires and axles and brakes and springs , of course; but also the collective name for all this stuff, the under-carriage now applied to cars and trains and even airplanes! (The undercarriage was also called the gear , whence landing gear .) Steering wheels and steering itself were originally boat words, and hubs and spokes persist in metaphors and bicycles more than in cars (except for hubcaps ). But cartwheel was kept as a nickname for a silver dollar, and it also charmingly describes a playful whirling jump. Many names also survive from the body of a carriage. Many carriages had folding tops , exactly like convertibles. The oldest enclosed coaches originally had two passenger seats facing each other, an arrangement preserved in the compartments of European trains; but later coaches often had only one enclosed seat, as if the coach had been cut -- or in French, coup . Coachwork still means bodywork; and at least in America the luggage compartment at the rear is still called a trunk (it once really was a trunk, as you can see in pictures of old coaches and even old motorcars). The horn is the literal and figurative descendant of the post horn , the spiral horn that was carried by a mail coach to announce its arrival in a village and whose image is still the post office symbol in much of Europe. The strangest survival is dashboard : on an open carriage this is a small vertical shield by the driver's feet, and like the fenders over the wheels, it keeps mud from being dashed up as the horses go. When we say that luxurious little stores serve the carriage trade , we commemorate the coachmen who waited in the cold while the very rich shopped, for only the very rich could afford to come in carriages of their own. If the public wished to travel, they could take stagecoaches, which employed an extra man besides the driver called a guard , who was armed to protect the vehicle from bandits. In England the office survives figuratively on trains, where the guard corresponds to the American conductor or trainman . In America we retain the notion more colorfully when we say someone is riding shotgun on a project, acting as a troubleshooter. Coach in the artistic or sports sense is an abstraction of the vehicle sense; for as the OED explains, an instructor was thought to convey his students toward mastery. Team , now also a sports word, is rooted in tow , and originally referred to the set of horses used to draw a vehicle. A four-horse team is called a four-in-hand , and this has given its name to a necktie knot (the narrow kind, not the wide Windsor knot). A man who drives team is a teamster , a word preserved in the name of the American truckers' union. Following a trend we hop on the bandwagon , the gaudiest wagon in a circus parade. Giving up alcohol, we are simply on the wagon , the water wagon that sprinkled down dusty dirt roads in summertime. You can't do business from an empty wagon -- an empty peddler's wagon--and if you heed the advice of the other Ralph Emerson, you will hitch your wagon to a star . Fixing someone's wagon is teaching them a lesson, and pipe up about grievances: the squeaky wheel gets the grease , because a wagon's hubs rotate directly on the axletrees and squeak if they are not greased constantly. Taking something away, we cart it off; and scandals fester until the tumbrels roll, the executioner's carts of the French Revolution. The ordinary French cart, the charette , bedevils architects, who charette when they finish drafting in a great hurry at the very last minute. An office doing this is said to be on charette -- literally on the cart, as if everyone were stuffed in and frantically working away till the very moment they clattered up to the client's door! Leaning into the collar is working hard: imagine a horse straining against the collar to pull a heavy load. The leather eye-patches sewn to the sides of the halter ( blinders in America and blinkers in England) keep a horse from shying by narrowing vision to the road directly ahead, the sense implied when we say that someone does something with blinders on or has a blinkered viewpoint. In tandem is often used to mean simultaneously or even side-by-side, but a tandem hitch is actually one or two horses ranged one in front of the other, in a single line, with tandem originally going back to a Latin pun. On the other hand, a troika -- three political powers working together -- harks back to a Russian hitch of three horses abreast. We coax balking people like reluctant draft animals with carrot and stick , get them back into harness after a holiday, yoke them to co-workers like oxen, drive them hard as part of a team . Companies even keep stables of lawyers or designers or whatnot. Marrying, we get hitched , like harnessed horses; and we even try to harness wind and sun and people's enthusiasm. We whip up enthusiasm too, as a horseman whips up his team to get them going. And horsewhipping once settled many public arguments, since whips were commonly carried on errands so they would not be stolen from the parked buggies. An old catalogue from the Wadsworth Atheneum Gallery in Hartford even read: Umbrellas, Parasols, Canes and Whips to be left at the head of the stairs. Of course, the buggy whip is rare enough today to be a byword for anything hopelessly outmoded -- the buggy-whip industry being singled out with a particular chuckle -- and horse-and-buggy days has become the byword for a whole lost era. The city streets are being decimated,' by illegal dumpers, DiClaudio told the judge. [From The Philadelphia Daily News, page 10, n.d. Submitted by .] The goods on garlic:...Garlic shots are a vicious measure of garlic-flavoured liquor. [From The Globe and Mail, . Submitted by .] Chunnel Vision The desultory dialogue recorded below is a verbatim rendering of the sort of conversation one might overhear on Eurostar as it chunders towards London. As well as their duty-free plus, the two English speakers have a selection of French vocabulary to declare. Many of these words and phrases are here, even as we speak, but largely confined to literary/academic circles. With the advent of the Channel Tunnel, however, we may expect a Gallic idiom to enter common usage as the century itself chunders towards the year 2000... Scene - A Eurostar coach. ARTHUR sits next to TIMOTHY, who looks rough. ARTHUR: Not quite the rendezvous with Destiny the brochure claims, perhaps, but still--where once there was a watery impasse, now there's Anglo-French rapport and a Eurotunnel. And very fin de sicle it is, too. The train pulls out of La Gare du Nord. ARTHUR: (sighing) I'm always sad to leave. No matter how prodigious your joie de vivre, partir c'est mourir un peu, don't you think? TIMOTHY: (blinking) Pardon? ARTHUR: a ne fait rien. One too many nuits blanches, eh? The spirit is always willing, but for the flesh -- especially under the eyes -- they can be something of a bte noire...I bet you'll miss the grub, though. TIMOTHY: Only the bread. Those baguettes are real bargain-stretchers -- and you can use them as btons on the Mtro, too. ARTHUR: But what about cordon bleu? Didn't you dine out while you were over? TIMOTHY: Burger King on the Champs Elyses, mostly. ARTHUR: I'm talking about haute cuisine, not les bas fonds! I think you're missing something. I had myself some amazing blowouts...I particularly remember some pt de foie gras I sampled. It made all the pt de foie gras I'd tasted previously seem mere pastiche. It was a tour de force. Shame the wine -- a parvenu Chardonnay -- proved to be a weak link. TIMOTHY: I'm strictly a snacker at the best of times -- I prefer vignettes to full-coursers. I did try a crpe suzette once, but it tasted like paper. I'd rather spend money on a film than -- ARTHUR: Ah, a film buff. Tell me: when is a director simply a director and when an auteur? TIMOTHY: Hey, I'm just a filmgoer. Call me pass, but if a movie has a decent plot and credible characters I go home happy. ARTHUR: But after Godard's riposte to the raconteur, no rapprochement is possible between -- TIMOTHY: To be honest, a lot of the films recommended by the critics make me feel more like a voyeur than a spectator -- ARTHUR: Of course -- a contemporary film narrative (if it can properly be called a narrative) puts voyeurism under surveillance. TIMOTHY: I see... They're never short of a nude or two, that's for sure, but for my money there are too many longueurs. But I'd sooner a film than an art gallery any day. You never know what might turn up as an objet d'art, do you? ...Or maybe you do. ARTHUR: If you mean that succs de scandale where the artist showcased a border-control barrier with a Cupid's arrow and Naomi Campbell 4 The Elephant Man scrawled on it -- TIMOTHY: No, it's just that I find all those objets trouvs so recherchs. The attitude behind them -- a me fait chien. ARTHUR: Are you au fait with Jeff Koons? TIMOTHY: Koons? The name rings a bell... Yes, I'm nearly sure somebody answering to that name tried to flog me a vacuum cleaner once. I remember because the price he was asking was so outr. ARTHUR: Funny you should say that because there are those who consider him a traveling salesman manqu. But for others he's vital link with a tradition of impertinence dating back to dada in general and Duchamp's urinal in particular. Like yourself, I have reservations about objets trouvs: I don't think they become aesthetic simply because they cease to be functional. For me, Koons is the latest manifestation of je m'en foutisme. In short, so much blague. Duchamp's urinal was a pis aller after which there should have been silence, broken only by the occasional gurgle from the cistern. TIMOTHY: I'm partial to water-colors myself and a bit dubious about anything since the Impressionists, who might justifiably have prophesied, Aprs nous, le dluge... ARTHUR: I share your wariness, to a point. Too many modern artists have a penchant for leaning over backwards to tease critics, but forget all about I'homme moyen sensuel who, more often than not, likes his pictures in comics. TIMOTHY: Bien sr. Where are the punchlines in painting? ARTHUR: Well, Picasso's work combines austere geometry with ebullient jocularity: even his most tormented images can seem like jeux d'esprit. Contours are broken and illogical simultaneous viewpoints gleefully entertained. But see the way he negotiates the crvasses and avalanches of the image's fragmentation -- quel clat! His was a brush with lawlessness on its side; a brush as sure-footed as a chamois-- TIMOTHY: But a bit of a bounder in his private life, by all accounts. Revenons nos moutons, however -- ARTHUR: Revenons nos moutons, if it's punchlines you're after, look no further than that quiff on Picasso's La Femme dans le jardin or the sculptures in -- TIMOTHY: Maybe au fond I'm just a philistine, but I can never quite convince myself that artists obsessed with the naked human form aren't pornographers, by any other nom de plume. I know loose morals are de rigeur for la vie de Bohme, but -- ARTHUR: Pornography may be risqu, but it takes no chances, aesthetically speaking. It's a question of style -- He raises a hand to quell TIMOTHY'S protests. ARTHUR: I know -- but what is style? Bon ton? Flair? Panache? Aplomb? Verve? Chic? lan? The trouble with all those terms is they associate style with lgance and ignore its jolie-laide dimension. Any discussion of what constitutes style must encompass tributaries as diverse as the lavatory humor found in Gargantua & Pantagruel and the exquisite diction presiding over Belinda's toilette in The Rape of the Lock . propos of this diversity of styles, it might be remarked that diversifiers have often been discriminated against by critics, who would have would-be Renaissance-men specialize; they throw a cordon sanitaire around respective artistic endeavors with a rapidity and thoroughness that is most unhealthy. Any genre-hopping is strongly discouraged. And if these pogo-stickers are acknowledged at all, it's their fate to be fted in one medium and disparaged in others, although they may (like Wyndham Lewis, say) have been accomplished in more than one. In this way, first-rate peripatetic artists are consigned to the pantheon's banlieux rather than its 7th arrondissement. TIMOTHY: I wouldn't know about that, but I think the work should speak for itself. Any critiques are de trop. ARTHUR: Certainly the work should speak for itself, a va sans dire. Despite the plethora of synonyms for it, style continues to elude definitions with finesse. It's maybe three-fifths savoir-faire douched with two-fifths je ne sais quoi--if that's the mot juste. I'd say, le style, c'est l'homme, but look at Eric Cantona -- TIMOTHY: What, you mean the Manchester United ace given to contretemps with footballing authorities and fits of Gallic pique? ARTHUR: I was thinking more of the Rimbaud scholar whose arabesques cause defenses to wobble like blancmanges. How can we reconcile the boorish drop-kick aimed at the Crystal Palace fan in the stands with Eric's suave skills on the pitch? He's been banned till October so the rest of the season will be a real saison en enfer for him -- he'll have plenty of time to write a dissertation on everybody's favorite pote maudit. For me, Rimbaud never graduated from being an enfant terrible to become a major poet; he only compounded the clich inaugurated by Villon, that is, combining absinthe-fueled dissipation on slender means with a vacillating devotion to his art. He wound up trading it in for gunrunning and died of a gangrenous tumor, but chacun son got, as one amputee said to another. ARTHUR's monologues are taking effect; TIMOTHY feels quite drained. TIMOTHY: I think I'll nip out to the buffet-car-- ARTHUR: I'd approach the French onion soup with a soupon of distrust, if I were you. TIMOTHY: Thanks for the warning. It was nice listening to you...Adieu. ARTHUR: Pas du tout -- we must do it again sometime. But next time TIMOTHY resolves to fly. OK, so on a good day Chunnel is faster than flying on a bad day, but the monologues on Air Libert are shorter. No Boys Named Sue, But... The most popular name in my (all-female) class at school was Ann/Anne. There were four or five of them. Also two Susans and one Suzanne. To even think of using any of the variations for a boy would have raised both a laugh and an eyebrow. Which is the whole point of the song A Boy Named Sue. Yet some centuries before there was a boy named Anne : the full-bearded face of Anne de Montmorency 1493-1567, soldier, courtier, Constable of France, gazes from his portrait with supreme aristocratic confidence. Head of a powerful clan, winner of wars, adviser to kings, father of five (legitimate) sons, he was also, reproves the Encyclopaedia Britannica , irascible and a ruthless authoritarian. It deplores his scorched earth policy and ruthless crushing of a peasants rebellion. Just the ungentle times in which he lived? Or something to do with his name? Did he, like the mythical Boy Named Sue, continually have to prove himself? His godmother was Anne, Duchesse of Brittany and Queen of France (twice). Anne, from the Hebrew Hannah God-favored and reputedly the name of the Blessed Virgin's Mother, has always been popular with European royalty. The derivative Nancy , although used for girls at least since the time of Queen Anne (d. 1714), is not found for catamite until (says Partridge) about 1810. It therefore seems unlikely to be in any way connected with the excessively macho Constable. We had no female Michaels nor even a Michal , although they were not unknown. John Barrymore's long-suffering wife was Michael Strange. Miss Michael Learned delighted TV viewers in The Waltons . Did she have to battle with her agent in the early stages of her career? Also high in the female popularity stakes in 1940s' England were Shirley and Alison : Shirley Temple reigned supreme and Charlotte Bronte's heroine gave intellectual respectability. Originally a Yorkshire place and surname, it had mainly masculine associations for centuries. Alison , the Gaelic form of Alice , actually means son of Alice. The only other Gaelic name widely acceptable to the middle classes that I remember was Deirdre. Fiona lay in the future, together with Karen, Sinead , and a host of others, all unequivocally female. In the school were two red-headed sisters, Carol and Noel (not Carol e or Noel le ). Were they the daughters of a clergyman who surely admired neither Carole the Cad one-time King of Romania, nor Nol Coward; but perhaps yearned for sons? There was a Vivien who could be comforted by sharing her confusing name with a major star, Vivien Leigh. Some boys carried the fanciful variant Vyvian . The Leslies were more fortunate, for their sex was distinguished by the spelling. This was before Humphrey Bogart muddied the waters by calling his daughter Lesley after Lesley Howard. It has been suggested to me that this name has lost a great deal of its popularity for girls due to its diminutive, Les , too easily confused with lez (for lesbian ), which seems a pity. It has a pleasing sound once used by the poet Burns with his Bonnie Lesley , and its French form is immortalized by the delightful Leslie Caron. Howard's character Ashley in Gone With The Wind is now unisex. In 1989 it was recorded as the second most common girl's name in the US. Indeed, in the less tradition-bound atmosphere of the New World, dual-purpose Kellys, Caseys, Beverleys, Madisons , and Dales abound. It seems that just as English spelling in general became more formalized with the spread of literacy, so the gendering of names also became more defined. For example, I have an 18th-century ancestress shown in contemporary records as both Christian and Christina -- never, until an inaccurate 1920s' copy of the family tree, as Christine . The use of surnames as given names is worthy of note. The patronymics of powerful tribes such as Howard, Clarence, Cecil, Percy, Douglas, Bruce, Tudor , and Stuart are all seen as masculine. Yet Cecil was initially a girl's name. One of the poet Edmund Spenser's (d.1599) most poignant elegies commemorates Douglas Howard Georges , the wife of Arthur Georges. Similarly, the mystic, Lady Julian of Norwich (1342-post 1416) took her masculine name from the Chapel of St. Julian where she had her Hermitage. (Surely not from the apostate emperor?) It is true that from the earliest times she was also known as Juliana , and all variants of this great Roman clan name have always been popular, from a former Queen of the Netherlands to the delicious Julienne soup, named after a female cook. The apparently straightforward transference of clan names can, however, lead to confusion. The Irish practice of bestowing a maternal grandparent's surname upon a first-born son, gives us Joyce Carey (the male writer). Joyce Carey (the actress) more likely got her name from an adaptation of joyeuse . Much the same thing occurs with Lucy (often Latinized to Lucius ), another surname, but when used for girls more likely to be from the popular saint, or for its meaning, light. This ambiguity could have extended to Rose , coming either from the flower or from the Teutonic for horse. Yet the only male Rose I can discover is the nickname of the unlovely villain, Rose Noble , in Dornford Yates's 1930s' thriller Blind Corner . Perhaps there is a Boy Called Rose somewhere in the States? There was after all, that male Carmen Cavallero, conductor of the Hollywood Bowl Orchestra, whose unusual name never failed to intrigue British television interviewers. His successor as a transatlantic purveyor of popular classical music was Andr Previn, whose French first name is also occasionally used for girls, without a qualifying extra e . Still in America, Sydney is (according to Collins Dictionary of Babies' Names ) predominately female, though an American authority queries this. Whether it originates with the French Sidonie or the British Viscount Sydney who gave his name to the Australian capital, is problematical. Certainly Nancy Mitford's mother was so called, and in the 18th century Sid was even a generic term for girl. From the days of the heroic Sir Philip (d. 1586) Sydney (d. 1586), this has been a popular name, transcending class barriers: Dickens' Sidney Carton; the comic actor, Sid James; Sid of the huge government advertising campaign when privatizing British Gas. Privileged families are not a European prerogative: American Cabot, Lodge , and Winthrop appear to have been largely used for boys, but Lee is generously even-handed: J. Cobb; Harvey Oswald; Remick; and Radziwill. Transported by the Gulf Stream, it has even landed on my eldest grandson. Whether this widely popular use has anything to do with any close association with the General Robert E., the distinguished Virginian family, or even the foundress of the Shakers, is perhaps unlikely; it is just a very nice name. Most names seem to drift from male to female (perhaps reflecting a deeper trend). Not so Evelyn . In the form Aveline , it was introduced by the Normans. Female until the 17th century, it became a surname and was then widely, but not exclusively used for boys, generally of the upper or professional classes: Evelyn Baring the banker; Evelyn Henderson, brother of a 1930s' British ambassador, and, most famously, Evelyn Waugh. His first wife, together with the mystic Evelyn Underhill, kept up the female usage. A slightly differing pronunciation sometimes distinguishes the gender. At about the same time that Aveline/Evelyn crossed the Channel, it became acceptable to christen children Mary . Previously thought too holy for mortal use, once established, there was no stopping it: Marie; Mairi; Mair; Ria; Marise; Moira; Marietta; Marion (or Marian ). Nor, in Europe, was it confined to girls: Carl Maria von Weber; Eric Maria Remarque; Howard Marion Crawford. And, in America, (See Here Private) Marion Hargrove. Once across the Atlantic, however, doubts set in. The French Constable Anne Montmorency bestrode French history without apparent difficulty, but it was feared that no Marion could ride tall in the saddle however rugged his appearance. So the studio chiefs repackaged their discovery, Marion Wayne, as John. Could he, by the remotest chance, have been the inspiration for A Boy named Sue? Proper Words in Proper Places Latin is a language as dead as dead can be. It killed the ancient Romans -- and now it's killing me. I daresay there is truth in the rhyme we chanted at school with such feeling. In our language, dead words are continuously discarded. There is considerable replacement, mostly of high technology words and changes of meaning. As new processes are discovered, there must be a vocabulary to match. Some of these dead words are delightful. Here are a selection of measurements used when England was totally agricultural: broad and narrow oxgang the amount of land that could be cultivated by an ox, between eight and ten acres fardel (farthingdeal) 1/4 acre landyard Somerset measure for a rod math the amount of crop mowed nook corner of a square, small triangular field quarentena a furlong A furlong was an eighth of a mile and a rod four and a half yards in pre-metric times when I started school. The ancient field names are bizarre: assart land converted into arable bawn Irish dialect for fortified or cattle enclosure booly Irish: temporary enclosure where itinerant herdsmen keep their animals cockshoot/cockshut clearing through a wood pightel small enclosed plot pingle Midlands: paddock spong Midlands: narrow strip of land wong a portion of unenclosed land Even nowadays one comes across dialect words whose meaning is obscure. On coming to live in Gloucestershire, I was puzzled by tump, daps , and shrammed (hillock, gym shoes, and cold) just as, no doubt, many visiting the north are confused by skinch and clarty. Clarty is such a suitable word to describe sticky with mud. Skinch is used in childhood games to call a truce, usually with crossed fingers. There was a huge vocabulary, now dead, concerning ancient roads. Borstal was a hill path, chare an alley, chimin a legal term for a road (
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By the watchful exercise of these virtues, purity of heart and mind become habitual, and the character is built up in chastity, virtue, and temperance. 5. THE ...
The Project Gutenberg eBook of Searchlights on Health: The Science of Eugenics This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook. Title: Searchlights on Health: The Science of Eugenics Author: B. G. Jefferis J. L. Nichols Release date: September 12, 2004 [eBook #13444] Most recently updated: December 18, 2020 Language: English *** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEARCHLIGHTS ON HEALTH: THE SCIENCE OF EUGENICS *** Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Alicia Williams, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. SEARCHLIGHTS ON HEALTH THE SCIENCE OF EUGENICS * * * * * A Guide to Purity and Physical Manhood Advice to Maiden, Wife and Mother Love, Courtship, and Marriage * * * * * By PROF. B.G. JEFFERIS, M.D., PH. D. and J.L. NICOLS, A.M. _With Excerpts from Well-Known Authorities_ REV. LEONARD DAWSON DR. M.J. SAVAGE REV. H.R. HAWEIS DR. PANCOAST DR. STALL DR. J.F. SCOTT DR. GEORGE NAPHEYS DR. STOCKHAM DR. T.D. NICHOLLS DR. R.L. DUGDALE DR. JOHN COWAN DR. M.L. HOLBROOK * * * * * Published by J.L. NICHOLS & COMPANY Naperville, Illinois, U.S.A. 1920 AGENTS WANTED "Vice has no friend like the prejudice which claims to be virtue."--_Lord Lytton._ "When the judgment's weak, the prejudice is strong."--_Kate O'Hare._ "It is the first right of every child to be well born." * * * * * COPYRIGHTED 1919, BY J.L. NICHOLS & CO. OVER 1,000,000 COPIES SOLD * * * * * TABLE OF CONTENTS. [Transcriber's Note: This Table of Contents does not appear in the original book. It has been added to this document for ease of navigation.] Knowledge is Safety, page 3 The Beginning of Life, page 5 Health a Duty, page 7 Value of Reputation, page 9 Influence of Associates, page 11 Self-Control, page 12 Habit, page 17 A Good Name, page 18 The Mother's Influence, page 21 Home Power, page 23 To Young Women, page 26 Influence of Female Character, page 30 Personal Purity, page 31 How To Write All Kinds of Letters, page 34 How To Write a Love Letter, page 37 Forms of Social Letters, page 39 Letter Writing, page 43 Forms of Love Letters, page 44 Hints and Helps on Good Behavior at All Times and at All Places, page 49 A Complete Etiquette in a Few Practical Rules, page 52 Etiquette of Calls, page 56 Etiquette in Your Speech, page 57 Etiquette of Dress and Habits, page 58 Etiquette on the Street, page 59 Etiquette Between Sexes, page 60 Practical Rules on Table Manners, page 63 Social Duties, page 65 Politeness, page 70 Influence of Good Character, page 73 Family Government, page 76 Conversation, page 79 The Toilet or The Care of the Person, page 84 A Young Man's Personal Appearance, page 86 Dress, page 88 Beauty, page 91 Sensible Helps to Beauty, page 95 How to Keep the Bloom and Grace of Youth, page 97 Form and Deformity, page 98 How to Determine a Perfect Human Figure, page 99 The History, Mystery, Benefits and Injuries of the Corset, page 101 Tight-Lacing, page 104 The Care of the Hair, page 107 How to Cure Pimples or Other Facial Eruptions, page 111 Black-Heads and Flesh Worms, page 112 Love, page 114 The Power and Peculiarities of Love, page 118 Amativeness or Connubial Love, page 122 Love and Common Sense, page 123 What Women Love in Men, page 126 What Men Love in Women, page 129 History of Marriage, page 132 Marriage, page 134 The Advantages of Wedlock, page 135 The Disadvantages of Celibacy, page 138 Old Maids, page 140 When and Whom to Marry, page 144 Choose Intellectually--Love Afterward, page 148 Love-Spats, page 154 A Broken Heart, page 159 Former Customs and Peculiarities Among Men, page 162 Sensible Hints in Choosing a Partner, page 165 Safe Hints, page 170 Marriage Securities, page 174 Women Who Make the Best Wives, page 178 Adaptation, Conjugal Affection, and Fatal Errors, page 181 First Love, Desertion and Divorce, page 185 Flirting and Its Dangers, page 190 A Word to Maidens, page 192 Popping the Question, page 194 The Wedding, page 200 Advice to Newly Married Couples, page 201 Sexual Proprieties and Improprieties, page 206 How to Perpetuate the Honey-Moon, page 209 How to Be a Good Wife, page 210 How to Be a Good Husband, page 211 Cause of Family Troubles, page 217 Jealousy--Its Cause and Cure, page 219 The Improvement of Offspring, page 222 Too Many Children, page 229 Small Families and the Improvement of the Race, page 232 The Generative Organs, page 234 The Female Sexual Organs, page 235 The Mysteries of the Formation of Life, page 238 Conception--Its Limitations, page 240 Prenatal Influences, page 244 Vaginal Cleanliness, page 246 Impotence and Sterility, page 248 Producing Boys or Girls at Will, page 252 Abortion or Miscarriage, page 253 The Murder of Innocents, page 256 The Unwelcome Child, page 258 Health and Disease, page 263 Preparation for Maternity, page 266 Impregnation, page 269 Signs and Symptoms of Pregnancy, page 270 Diseases of Pregnancy, page 274 Morning Sickness, page 282 Relation of Husband and Wife During Pregnancy, page 283 A Private Word to the Expectant Mother, page 284 Shall Pregnant Women Work?, page 285 Words for Young Mothers, page 286 How to Have Beautiful Children, page 288 Education of the Child in the Womb, page 292 How to Calculate the Time of Expected Labor, page 295 The Signs and Symptoms of Labor, page 297 Special Safeguards in Confinement, page 299 Where Did the Baby Come From?, page 303 Child Bearing Without Pain, page 304 Solemn Lessons for Parents, page 312 Ten Health Rules for Babies Cut Death Rate in Two, page 314 The Care of New-Born Infants, page 315 Nursing, page 317 Infantile Convulsions, page 319 Feeding Infants, page 319 Pains and Ills in Nursing, page 321 Home Lessons in Nursing Sick Children, page 325 A Table for Feeding a Baby on Modified Milk, page 329 Nursing [Intervals Table], page 329 Schedule for Feeding Healthy Infants During First Year [Table], page 329 How to Keep a Baby Well, page 330 How to Preserve the Health and Life of Your Infant During Hot Weather, page 332 Infant Teething, page 336 Home Treatments for the Diseases of Infants and Children, page 338 Diseases of Women, page 348 Falling of the Womb, page 350 Menstruation, page 351 Celebrated Prescriptions for All Diseases and How to Use Them, page 354 How to Cure Apoplexy, Bad Breath and Quinsy, page 365 Sensible Rules for the Nurse, page 366 Longevity, page 367 How to Apply and Use Hot Water in All Diseases, page 368 Practical Rules for Bathing, page 371 All the Different Kinds of Baths and How to Prepare Them, page 372 Digestibility of Food, page 374 How to Cook for the Sick, page 375 Save the Girls, page 380 Save the Boys, page 390 The Inhumanities of Parents, page 396 Chastity and Purity of Chracter, page 400 Exciting the Passions in Children, page 404 Puberty, Virility, and Hygenic Laws, page 406 Our Secret Sins, page 409 Physical and Moral Degeneracy, page 414 Immorality, Disease, and Death, page 416 Poisonous Literature and Bad Pictures, page 421 Startling Sins, page 423 The Prostitution of Men, page 427 The Road to Shame, page 430 The Curse of Manhood, page 433 A Private Talk to Young Men, page 437 Remedies for the Social Evil, page 440 The Selfish Slaves of Doses of Disease and Death, page 441 Object Lessons of the Effects of Alcohol and Smoking, page 445 The Destructive Effects of Cigarette Smoking, page 449 The Dangerous Vices, page 451 Nocturnal Emissions, page 457 Lost Manhood Restored, page 459 Manhood Wrecked and Rescued, page 461 The Curse and Consequence of Secret Diseases, page 464 Animal Magnetism, page 470 How to Read Character, page 473 Twilight Sleep, page 479 Painless Childbirth, page 479 The Diseases of Women, page 480 Remedies for Diseases of Women, page 483 Alphabetical Index, page 486 * * * * * HE STUMBLETH NOT, BECAUSE HE SEETH THE LIGHT. [Illustration: "Search Me. Oh Thou Great Creator."] * * * * * KNOWLEDGE IS SAFETY. 1. The old maxim, that "Knowledge is power," is a true one, but there is still a greater truth: "KNOWLEDGE IS SAFETY." Safety amid physical ills that beset mankind, and safety amid the moral pitfalls that surround so many young people, is the great crying demand of the age. 2. CRITICISM.--This work, though plain and to some extent startling, is chaste, practical and to the point, and will be a boon and a blessing to thousands who consult its pages. The world is full of ignorance, and the ignorant will always criticise, because they live to suffer ills, for they know no better. New light is fast falling upon the dark corners, and the eyes of many are being opened. 3. RESEARCHES OF SCIENCE.--The researches of science in the past few years have thrown light on many facts relating to the physiology of man and woman, and the diseases to which they are subject, and consequently many reformations have taken place in the treatment and prevention of diseases peculiar to the sexes. 4. LOCK AND KEY.--Any information bearing upon the diseases of mankind should not be kept under lock and key. The physician is frequently called upon to speak in plain language to his patients upon some private and startling disease contracted on account of ignorance. The better plan, however, is to so educate and enlighten old and young upon the important subjects of health, so that the necessity to call a physician may occur less frequently. 5. PROGRESSION.--A large, respectable, though diminishing class in every community, maintain that nothing that relates exclusively to either sex should become the subject of popular medical instruction. But such an opinion is radically wrong; ignorance is no more the mother of purity than it is of religion. Enlightenment can never work injustice to him who investigates. 6. AN EXAMPLE.--The men and women who study and practice medicine are not the worse, but the better for such knowledge; so it would be to the community in general if all would be properly instructed on the laws of health which relate to the sexes. 7. CRIME AND DEGRADATION.--Had every person a sound understanding on the relation of the sexes, one of the most fertile sources of crime and degradation would be removed. Physicians know too well what sad consequences are constantly occurring from a lack of proper knowledge on these important subjects. 8. A CONSISTENT CONSIDERATION.--Let the reader of this work study its pages carefully and be able to give safe counsel and advice to others, and remember that purity of purpose and purity of character are the brightest jewels in the crown of immortality. [Illustration: BEGINNING RIGHT.] * * * * * THE BEGINNING OF LIFE. 1. THE BEGINNING.--There is a charm in opening manhood which has commended itself to the imagination in every age. The undefined hopes and promises of the future--the dawning strength of intellect--the vigorous flow of passion--the very exchange of home ties and protected joys for free and manly pleasures, give to this period an interest and excitement unfelt, perhaps, at any other. 2. THE GROWTH OF INDEPENDENCE.--Hitherto life has been to boys, as to girls, a dependent existence--a sucker from the parent growth--a home discipline of authority and guidance and communicated impulse. But henceforth it is a transplanted growth of its own--a new and free power of activity in which the mainspring is no longer authority or law from without, but principle or opinion within. The shoot which has been nourished under the shelter of the parent stem, and bent according to its inclination, is transferred to the open world, where of its own impulse and character it must take root, and grow into strength, or sink into weakness and vice. 3. HOME TIES.--The thought of home must excite a pang even in the first moments of freedom. Its glad shelter--its kindly guidance--its very restraints, how dear and tender must they seem in parting! How brightly must they shine in the retrospect as the youth turns from them to the hardened and unfamiliar face of the world! With what a sweet sadly-cheering pathos they must linger in the memory! And then what chance and hazard is there in his newly-gotten freedom! What instincts of warning in its very novelty and dim inexperience! What possibilities of failure as well as of success in the unknown future as it stretches before him! 4. VICE OR VIRTUE.--Certainly there is a grave importance as well as a pleasant charm in the beginning of life. There is awe as well as excitement in it when rightly viewed. The possibilities that lie in it of noble or ignoble work--of happy self-sacrifice or ruinous self-indulgence--the capacities in the right use of which it may rise to heights of beautiful virtue, in the abuse of which it may sink to the depths of debasing vice--make the crisis one of fear as well as of hope, of sadness as well as of joy. 5. SUCCESS OR FAILURE.--It is wistful as well as pleasing to think of the young passing year by year into the world, and engaging with its duties, its interests, and temptations. Of the throng that struggle at the gates of entrance, how many may reach their anticipated goal? Carry the mind forward a few years, and some have climbed the hills of difficulty and gained the eminence on which they wished to stand--some, although they may not have done this, have kept their truth unhurt, their integrity unspoiled; but others have turned back, or have perished by the way, or fallen in weakness of will, no more to rise again; victims or their own sin. 6. WARNING.--As we place ourselves with the young at the opening gates of life, and think of the end from the beginning, it is a deep concern more than anything else that fills us. Words of earnest argument and warning counsel rather than of congratulation rise to our lips. 7. MISTAKES ARE OFTEN FATAL.--Begin well and the habit of doing well will become quite as easy as the habit of doing badly. "Well begun is half ended," says the proverb: "and a good beginning is half the battle." Many promising young men have irretrievably injured themselves by a first false step at the commencement of life; while others of much less promising talents, have succeeded simply by beginning well, and going onward. The good, practical beginning is to a certain extent, a pledge, a promise, and an assurance of the ultimate prosperous issue. There is many a poor creature, now crawling through life, miserable himself and the cause of sorrow to others, who might have lifted up his head and prospered, if, instead of merely satisfying himself with resolutions of well-doing, he had actually gone to work and made a good, practical beginning. 8. BEGIN AT THE RIGHT PLACE.--Too many are, however, impatient of results. They are not satisfied to begin where their fathers did, but where they left off. They think to enjoy the fruits of industry without working for them. They cannot wait for the results of labor and application, but forestall them by too early indulgence. * * * * * HEALTH A DUTY. Perhaps nothing will so much hasten the time when body and mind will both be adequately cared for, as a diffusion of the belief that the preservation of health is a duty. Few seem conscious that there is such a thing as physical morality. Men's habitual words and acts imply that they are at liberty to treat their bodies as they please. Disorder entailed by disobedience to nature's dictates they regard as grievances, not as the effects of a conduct more or less flagitious. Though the evil consequences inflicted on their descendents and on future generations are often as great as those caused by crime, they do not think themselves in any degree criminal. It is true that in the case of drunkenness the viciousness of a bodily transgression is recognized; but none appear to infer that if this bodily transgression is vicious, so too is every bodily transgression. The fact is, all breaches of the law of health are physical sins. When this is generally seen, then, and perhaps not till then, will the physical training of the young receive all the attention it deserves. Purity of life and thought should be taught in the home. It is the only safeguard of the young. Let parents wake up on this important subject. [Illustration: GLADSTONE.] * * * * * VALUE OF REPUTATION. 1. WHO SHALL ESTIMATE THE COST.--Who shall estimate the cost of a priceless reputation--that impress which gives this human dross its currency--without which we stand despised, debased, depreciated? Who shall repair it injured? Who can redeem it lost? Oh, well and truly does the great philosopher of poetry esteem the world's wealth as "trash" in the comparison. Without it gold has no value; birth, no distinction; station, no dignity; beauty, no charm; age, no reverence; without it every treasure impoverishes, every grace deforms, every dignity degrades, and all the arts, the decorations and accomplishments of life stand, like the beacon-blaze upon a rock, warning the world that its approach is dangerous; that its contact is death. 2. THE WRETCH WITHOUT IT.--The wretch without it is under eternal quarantine; no friend to greet; no home to harbor him, the voyage of his life becomes a joyless peril, and in the midst of all ambition can achieve, or avarice amass, or rapacity plunder, he tosses on the surge, a buoyant pestilence. But let me not degrade into selfishness of individual safety or individual exposure this individual principle; it testifies a higher, a more ennobling origin. 3. ITS DIVINITY.--Oh, Divine, oh, delightful legacy of a spotless reputation: Rich is the inheritance it leaves; pious the example it testifies; pure, precious and imperishable, the hope which it inspires; can there be conceived a more atrocious injury than to filch from its possessor this inestimable benefit to rob society of its charm, and solitude of its solace; not only to out-law life, but attain death, converting the very grave, the refuge of the sufferer, into the gate of infamy and of shame. 4. LOST CHARACTER.--We can conceive few crimes beyond it. He who plunders my property takes from me that which can be repaired by time; but what period can repair a ruined reputation? He who maims my person effects that which medicine may remedy; but what herb has sovereignty over the wounds of slander? He who ridicules my poverty or reproaches my profession, upbraids me with that which industry may retrieve, and integrity may purify; but what riches shall redeem the bankrupt fame? What power shall blanch the sullied show of character? There can be no injury more deadly. There can be no crime more cruel. It is without remedy. It is without antidote. It is without evasion. [Illustration: GATHERING WILD FLOWERS.] * * * * * INFLUENCE OF ASSOCIATES. If you always live with those who are lame, you will learn to limp.--FROM THE LATIN. If men wish to be held in esteem, they must associate with those who are estimable.--LA BRUYERE. 1. BY WHAT MEN ARE KNOWN.--An author is known by his writings, a mother by her daughter, a fool by his words, and all men by their companions. 2. FORMATION OF A GOOD CHARACTER.--Intercourse with persons of decided virtue and excellence is of great importance in the formation of a good character. The force of example is powerful; we are creatures of imitation, and, by a necessary influence, our tempers and habits are very much formed on the model of those with whom we familiarly associate. Better be alone than in bad company. Evil communications corrupt good manners. Ill qualities are catching as well as diseases; and the mind is at least as much, if not a great deal more, liable to infection, than the body. Go with mean people, and you think life is mean. 3. GOOD EXAMPLE.--How natural is it for a child to look up to those around him for an example of imitation, and how readily does he copy all that he sees done, good or bad. The importance of a good example on which the young may exercise this powerful and active element of their nature, is a matter of the utmost moment. 4. A TRUE MAXIM.--It is a trite, but true maxim, that "a man is known by the company he keeps." He naturally assimilates by the force of imitation, to the habits and manners of those by whom he is surrounded. We know persons who walk much with the lame, who have learned to walk with a hitch or limp like their lame friends. Vice stalks in the streets unabashed, and children copy it. 5. LIVE WITH THE CULPABLE.--Live with the culpable, and you will be very likely to die with the criminal. Bad company is like a nail driven into a post, which after the first or second blow, may be drawn out with little difficulty; but being once driven in up to the head, the pinchers cannot take hold to draw it out, which can only be done by the destruction of the wood. You may be ever so pure, you cannot associate with bad companions without falling into bad odor. 6. SOCIETY OF THE VULGAR.--Do you love the society of the vulgar? Then you are already debased in your sentiments. Do you seek to be with the profane? In your heart you are like them. Are jesters and buffoons your choice friends? He who loves to laugh at folly is himself a fool. Do you love and seek the society of the wise and good? Is this your habit? Had you rather take the lowest seat among these than the highest seat among others? Then you have already learned to be good. You may not make very much progress, but even a good beginning is not to be despised. 7. SINKS OF POLLUTION.--Strive for mental excellence, and strict integrity, and you never will be found in the sinks of pollution, and on the benches of retailers and gamblers. Once habituate yourself to a virtuous course, once secure a love of good society, and no punishment would be greater than by accident to be obliged for half a day to associate with the low and vulgar. Try to frequent the company of your betters. 8. PROCURE NO FRIEND IN HASTE.--Nor, if once secured, in haste abandon them. Be slow in choosing an associate, and slower to change him; slight no man for poverty, nor esteem any one for his wealth. Good friends should not be easily forgotten, nor used as suits of apparel, which, when we have worn them threadbare, we cast them off, and call for new. When once you profess yourself a friend, endeaver to be always such. He can never have any true friends that will be often changing them. 9. HAVE THE COURAGE TO CUT THE MOST AGREEABLE ACQUAINTANCE.--Do this when you are convinced that he lacks principle; a friend should bear with a friend's infirmities, but not with his vices. He that does a base thing in zeal for his friend, burns the golden thread that ties their hearts together. * * * * * SELF-CONTROL. "Honor and profit do not always lie in the same sack."--GEORGE HERBERT. "The government of one's self is the only true freedom for the individual."--FREDERICK PERTHES. "It is length of patience, and endurance, and forbearance that so much of what is called good in mankind and womankind is shown."--ARTHUR HELPS. 1. ESSENCE OF CHARACTER.--Self-control is only courage under another form. It may also be regarded as the primary essence of character. It is in virtue of this quality that Shakespeare defines man as a being "looking before and after." It forms the chief distinction between man and the mere animal; and, indeed, there can be no true manhood without it. [Illustration: RESULT OF BAD COMPANY.] 2. ROOT OF ALL THE VIRTUES.--Self-control is at the root of all the virtues. Let a man give the reins to his impulses and passions, and from that moment he yields up his moral freedom. He is carried along the current of life, and becomes the slave of his strongest desire for the time being. 3. RESIST INSTINCTIVE IMPULSE.--To be morally free--to be more than an animal--man must be able to resist instinctive impulse, and this can only be done by exercise of self-control. Thus it is this power which constitutes the real distinction between a physical and a moral life, and that forms the primary basis of individual character. 4. A STRONG MAN RULETH HIS OWN SPIRIT.--In the Bible praise is given, not to a strong man who "taketh a city," but to the stronger man who "ruleth his own spirit." This stronger man is he who, by discipline, exercises a constant control over his thoughts, his speech, and his acts. Nine-tenths of the vicious desires that degrade society, and which, when indulged, swell into the crimes that disgrace it, would shrink into insignificance before the advance of valiant self-discipline, self-respect, and self-control. By the watchful exercise of these virtues, purity of heart and mind become habitual, and the character is built up in chastity, virtue, and temperance. 5. THE BEST SUPPORT.--The best support of character will always be found in habit, which, according as the will is directed rightly or wrongly, as the case may be, will prove either a benignant ruler, or a cruel despot. We may be its willing subject on the one hand, or its servile slave on the other. It may help us on the road to good, or it may hurry us on the road to ruin. 6. THE IDEAL MAN.--"In the supremacy of self-control," says Herbert Spencer, "consists one of the perfections of the ideal man. Not to be impulsive, not to be spurred hither and thither by each desire that in turn comes upper-most, but to be self-restrained, self-balanced, governed by the joint decision of the feelings in council assembled, before whom every action shall have been fully debated, and calmly determined--that it is which education, moral education at least, strives to produce." 7. THE BEST REGULATED HOME.--The best regulated home is always that in which the discipline is the most perfect, and yet where it is the least felt. Moral discipline acts with the force of a law of nature. Those subject to it yield themselves to it unconsciously; and though it shapes and forms the whole character, until the life becomes crystallized in habit, the influence thus exercised is for the most part unseen and almost unfelt. 8. PRACTICE SELF-DENIAL.--If a man would get through life honorably and peaceably, he must necessarily learn to practice self-denial in small things as well as in great. Men have to bear as well as to forbear. The temper has to be held in subjection to the judgment; and the little demons of ill-humor, petulance, and sarcasm, kept resolutely at a distance. If once they find an entrance to the mind, they are apt to return, and to establish for themselves a permanent occupation there. 9. POWER OF WORDS.--It is necessary to one's personal happiness, to exercise control over one's words as well as acts: for there are words that strike even harder than blows; and men may "speak daggers," though they use none. The stinging repartee that rises to the lips, and which, if uttered, might cover an adversary with confusion, how difficult it is to resist saying it! "Heaven, keep us," says Miss Bremer, in her 'Home', "from the destroying power of words! There are words that sever hearts more than sharp swords do; there are words the point of which sting the heart through the course of a whole life." 10. CHARACTER EXHIBITS ITSELF.--Character exhibits itself in self-control of speech as much as in anything else. The wise and forbearant man will restrain his desire to say a smart or severe thing at the expense of another's feeling; while the fool blurts out what he thinks, and will sacrifice his friend rather than his joke. "The mouth of a wise man," said Solomon, "is in his heart; the heart of a fool is in his mouth." 11. BURNS.--No one knew the value of self-control better than the poet Burns, and no one could teach it more eloquently to others, but when it came to practice, Burns was as weak as the weakest. He could not deny himself the pleasure of uttering a harsh and clever sarcasm at another's expense. One of his biographers observed of him, that it was no extravagant arithmetic to say that for every ten jokes he made himself a hundred enemies. But this was not all. Poor Burns exercised no control over his appetites, but freely gave them the rein: "Thus thoughtless follies laid him low, And stained his name." 12. SOW POLLUTION.--Nor had he the self-denial to resist giving publicity to compositions originally intended for the delight of the tap-room, but which continued secretly to sow pollution broadcast in the minds of youth. Indeed, notwithstanding the many exquisite poems of this writer, it is not saying too much that his immoral writings have done far more harm than his purer writings have done good; and it would be better that all his writings should be destroyed and forgotten, provided his indecent songs could be destroyed with them. 13. MORAL PRINCIPLE.--Many of our young men lack moral principle. They cannot look upon a beautiful girl with a pure heart and pure thoughts. They have not manifested or practiced that self-control which develops true manhood and brings into subordination evil thoughts, evil passions, and evil practices. Men who have no self-control will find life a failure, both in a social and in a business sense. The world despises an insignificant person who lacks backbone and character. Stand upon your manhood and womanhood; honor your convictions, and dare to do right. 14. STRONG DRINK.--There is the habit of strong drink. It is only the lack of self-control that brings men into the depths of degradation; on account of the cup, the habit of taking drink occasionally in its milder forms--of playing with a small appetite that only needs sufficient playing with to make you a demon or a dolt. You think you are safe; I know you are not safe, if you drink at all; and when you get offended with the good friends that warn you of your danger, you are a fool. I know that the grave swallows daily, by scores, drunkards, every one of whom thought he was safe while he was forming his appetite. But this is old talk. A young man in this age who forms the habit of drinking, or puts himself in danger of forming the habit, is usually so weak that he does not realize the consequences. [Illustration: LOST SELF-CONTROL.] * * * * * HABIT. It is almost as difficult to make a man unlearn his Errors as his Knowledge.--COLTON. There are habits contracted by bad example, or bad management, before we have judgment to discern their approaches, or because the eye of Reason is laid asleep, or has not compass of view sufficient to look around on every quarter.--TUCKER. 1. HABIT.--Our real strength in life depends upon habits formed in early life. The young man who sows his wild oats and indulges in the social cup, is fastening chains upon himself that never can be broken. The innocent youth by solitary practice of self-abuse will fasten upon himself a habit which will wreck his physical constitution and bring suffering and misery and ruin. Young man and young woman, beware of bad habits formed in early life. 2. A BUNDLE OF HABITS.--Man, it has been said, is a bundle of habits; and habit is second nature. Metastasio entertained so strong an opinion as to the power of repetition in act and thought, that he said, "All is habit in mankind, even virtue itself." Evil habits must be conquered, or they will conquer us and destroy our peace and happiness. 3. VICIOUS HABITS.--Vicious habits, when opposed, offer the most vigorous resistence on the first attack. At each successive encounter this resistence grows fainter and fainter, until finally it ceases altogether and the victory is achieved. Habit is man's best friend and worst enemy; it can exalt him to the highest pinnacle of virtue, honor and happiness, or sink him to the lowest depths of vice, shame and misery. 4. HONESTY, OR KNAVERY.--We may form habits of honesty, or knavery; truth, or falsehood; of industry, or idleness; frugality, or extravagance; of patience, or impatience; self-denial, or self-indulgence; of kindness, cruelty, politeness, rudeness, prudence, perseverance, circumspection. In short, there, is not a virtue, nor a vice; not an act of body, nor of mind, to which we may not be chained down by this despotic power. 5. BEGIN WELL.--It is a great point for young men to begin well; for it is the beginning of life that that system of conduct is adopted which soon assumes the force of habit. Begin well, and the habit of doing well will become quite easy, as easy as the habit of doing badly. Pitch upon that course of life which is the most excellent, and habit will render it the most delightful. * * * * * A GOOD NAME. 1. THE LONGING FOR A GOOD NAME.--The longing for a good name is one of those laws of nature that were passed for the soul and written down within to urge toward a life of action, and away from small or wicked action. So large is this passion that it is set forth in poetic thought, as having a temple grand as that of Jupiter or Minerva, and up whose marble steps all noble minds struggle--the temple of Fame. 2. CIVILIZATION.--Civilization is the ocean of which the millions of individuals are the rivers and torrents. These rivers and torrents swell with those rains of money and home and fame and happiness, and then fall and run almost dry, but the ocean of civilization has gathered up all these waters, and holds them in sparkling beauty for all subsequent use. Civilization is a fertile delta made by the drifting souls of men. 3. FAME.--The word "fame" never signifies simply notoriety. The meaning of the direct term may be seen from its negation or opposite, for only the meanest of men are called infamous. They are utterly without fame, utterly nameless; but if fame implied only notoriety, then infamous would possess no marked significance. Fame is an undertaker that pays but little attention to the living, but who bedizens the dead, furnishes out their funerals and follows them to the grave. 4. LIFE-MOTIVE.--So in studying that life-motive which is called a "good name," we must ask the large human race to tell us the high merit of this spiritual longing. We must read the words of the sage, who said long centuries ago that "a good name was rather chosen than great riches." Other sages have said as much. Solon said that "He that will sell his good name will sell the State." Socrates said, "Fame is the perfume of heroic deeds." Our Shakespeare said, "He lives in fame who died in virtue's cause." 5. INFLUENCES OF OUR AGE.--Our age is deeply influenced by the motives called property and home and pleasure, but it is a question whether the generation in action today and the generation on the threshold of this intense life are conscious fully of the worth of an honorable name. 6. BEAUTY OF CHARACTER.--We do not know whether with us all a good name is less sweet than it was with our fathers, but this is painfully evident that our times do not sufficiently behold the beauty of character--their sense does not detect quickly enough or love deeply enough this aroma of heroic deeds. 7. SELLING OUT THEIR REPUTATION.--It is amazing what multitudes there are who are willing to sell out their reputation, and amazing at what a low price they will make the painful exchange. Some king remarked that he would not tell a lie for any reward less than an empire. It is not uncommon in our world for a man to sell out all his honor and hopes for a score or a half score of dollars. 8. PRISONS OVERFLOWING.--Our prisons are all full to overflowing of those who took no thought of honor. They have not waited for an empire to be offered them before they would violate the sacred rights of man, but many of them have even murdered for a cause that would not have justified even an exchange of words. 9. INTEGRITY THE PRIDE OF THE GOVERNMENT.--If integrity were made the pride of the government, the love of it would soon spring up among the people. If all fraudulent men should go straight to jail, pitilessly, and if all the most rigid characters were sought out for all political and commercial offices, there would soon come a popular honesty just as there has come a love of reading or of art. It is with character as with any new article--the difficulty lies in its first introduction. 10. A NEW VIRTUE.--May a new virtue come into favor, all our high rewards, those from the ballot-box, those from employers, the rewards of society, the rewards of the press, should be offered only to the worthy. A few years of rewarding the worthy would result in a wonderful zeal in the young to build up, not physical property, but mental and spiritual worth. 11. BLESSING THE FAMILY GROUP.--No young man or young woman can by industry and care reach an eminence in study or art or character, without blessing the entire family group. We have all seen that the father and mother feel that all life's care and labor were at last perfectly rewarded in the success of their child. But had the child been reckless or indolent, all this domestic joy--the joy of a large group--would have been blighted forever. 12. AN HONORED CHILD.--There have been triumphs at old Rome, where victors marched along with many a chariot, many an elephant, and many spoils of the East; and in all times money has been lavished in the efforts of States to tell their pleasure in the name of some general; but more numerous and wide-spread and beyond expression, by chariot or cannon or drum, have been those triumphal hours, when some son or daughter has returned to the parental hearth beautiful in the wreaths of some confessed excellence, bearing a good name. 13. RICH CRIMINALS.--We looked at the utter wretchedness of the men who threw away reputation, and would rather be rich criminals in exile than be loved friends and persons at home. 14. AN EMPTY, OR AN EVIL NAME.--Young and old cannot afford to bear the burden of an empty or an evil name. A good name is a motive of life. It is a reason for that great encampment we call an existence. While you are building the home of to-morrow, build up also that kind of soul that can sleep sweetly on home's pillow, and can feel that God is not near as an avenger of wrong, but as the Father not only of the verdure and the seasons, but of you. [Illustration: AN EGYPTIAN DANCER.] * * * * * THE MOTHER'S INFLUENCE. Mother, O mother, my heart calls for you, Many a Summer the grass has grown green, Blossomed and faded, our faces between; Yet with strong yearning and passionate pain, Long I to-night for your presence again. --_Elizabeth Akers Allen._ A mother is a mother still, The holiest thing alive. --_Coleridge._ There is none, In all this cold and hollow world, no fount Of deep, strong, deathless love, save that within A mother's heart. --_Mrs. Hemans._ And all my mother came into mine eyes, And gave me up to tears. --_Shakespeare._ 1. HER INFLUENCE.--It is true to nature, although it be expressed in a figurative form, that a mother is both the morning and the evening star of life. The light of her eye is always the first to rise, and often the last to set upon man's day of trial. She wields a power more decisive far than syllogisms in argument or courts of last appeal in authority. 2. HER LOVE.--Mother! ecstatic sound so twined round our hearts that they must cease to throb ere we forget it; 'tis our first love; 'tis part of religion. Nature has set the mother upon such a pinnacle that our infant eyes and arms are first uplifted to it; we cling to it in manhood; we almost worship it in old age. 3. HER TENDERNESS.--Alas! how little do we appreciate a mother's tenderness while living. How heedless are we in youth of all her anxieties and kindness! But when she is dead and gone, when the cares and coldness of the world come withering to our hearts, when we experience for ourselves how hard it is to find true sympathy, how few to love us, how few will befriend us in misfortune, then it is that we think of the mother we have lost. 4. HER CONTROLLING POWER.--The mother can take man's whole nature under her control. She becomes what she has been called "The Divinity of Infancy." Her smile is its sunshine, her word its mildest law, until sin and the world have steeled the heart. [Illustration: A PRAYERFUL AND DEVOTED MOTHER.] 5. THE LAST TIE.--The young man who has forsaken the advice and influence of his mother has broken the last cable and severed the last tie that binds him to an honorable and upright life. He has forsaken his best friend, and every hope for his future welfare may be abandoned, for he is lost forever, if he is faithless to mother, he will have but little respect for wife and children. 6. HOME TIES.--The young man or young woman who love their home and love their mother can be safely trusted under almost any and all circumstances, and their life will not be a blank, for they seek what is good. Their hearts will be ennobled, and God will bless them. [Illustration: HOME AMUSEMENTS.] * * * * * HOME POWER. "The mill-streams that turn the clappers of the world arise in solitary places."--HELPS. "Lord! with what care hast Thou begirt us round! Parents first season us. Then schoolmasters Deliver us to laws. They send us bound To rules of reason."--GEORGE HERBERT. 1. SCHOOL OF CHARACTER.--Home is the first and most important school of character. It is there that every human being receives his best moral training, or his worst, for it is there that he imbibes those principles of conduct which endure through manhood, and cease only with life. 2. HOME MAKES THE MAN.--It is a common saying, "Manners make the man;" and there is a second, that "Mind makes the man;" but truer than either is a third, that "Home makes the man." For the home-training includes not only manners and mind, but character. It is mainly in the home that the heart is opened, the habits are formed, the intellect is awakened, and character moulded for good or for evil. 3. GOVERN SOCIETY.--From that source, be it pure or impure, issue the principles and maxims that govern society. Law itself is but the reflex of homes. The tiniest bits of opinion sown in the minds of children in private life afterwards issue forth to the world, and become its public opinion; for nations are gathered out of nurseries, and they who hold the leading-strings of children may even exercise a greater power than those who wield the reins of government. 4. THE CHILD IS FATHER OF THE MAN.--The child's character is the nucleus of the man's; all after-education is but superposition; the form of the crystal remains the same. Thus the saying of the poet holds true in a large degree, "The child is father of the man;" or as Milton puts it, "The childhood shows the man, as morning shows the day." Those impulses to conduct which last the longest and are rooted the deepest, always have their origin near our birth. It is then that the germs of virtues or vices, of feelings or sentiments, are first implanted which determine the character of life. 5. NURSERIES.--Thus homes, which are nurseries of children who grow up into men and women, will be good or bad according to the power that governs them. Where the spirit of love and duty pervades the home, where head and heart bear rule wisely there, where the daily life is honest and virtuous, where the government is sensible, kind, and loving, then may we expect from such a home an issue of healthy, useful, and happy beings, capable as they gain the requisite strength, of following the footsteps of their parents, of walking uprightly, governing themselves wisely, and contributing to the welfare of those about them. 6. IGNORANCE, COARSENESS, AND SELFISHNESS.--On the other hand, if surrounded by ignorance, coarseness, and selfishness, they will unconsciously assume the same character, and grow up to adult years rude, uncultivated, and all the more dangerous to society if placed amidst the manifold temptations of what is called civilized life. "Give your child to be educated by a slave," said an ancient Greek "and, instead of one slave, you will then have two." 7. MATERNAL LOVE.--Maternal love is the visible providence of our race. Its influence is constant and universal. It begins with the education of the human being at the outstart of life, and is prolonged by virtue of the powerful influence which every good mother exercises over her children through life. When launched into the world, each to take part in its labors, anxieties, and trials, they still turn to their mother for consolation, if not for counsel, in their time of trouble and difficulty. The pure and good thoughts she has implanted in their minds when children continue to grow up into good acts long after she is dead; and when there is nothing but a memory of her left, her children rise up and call her blessed. 8. WOMAN, ABOVE ALL OTHER EDUCATORS, educates humanly. Man is the brain, but woman is the heart of humanity; he its judgment, she its feeling; he its strength, she its grace, ornament and solace. Even the understanding of the best woman seems to work mainly through her affections. And thus, though man may direct the intellect, woman cultivates the feelings, which mainly determine the character. While he fills the memory, she occupies the heart. She makes us love what he can make us only believe, and it is chiefly through her that we are enabled to arrive at virtue. 9. THE POOREST DWELLING, presided over by a virtuous, thrifty, cheerful, and cleanly woman may thus be the abode of comfort, virtue and happiness; it may be the scene of every enobling relation in family life; it may be endeared to man by many delightful associations; furnishing a sanctuary for the heart, a refuge from the storms of life, a sweet resting-place after labor, a consolation in misfortune, a pride in prosperity and a joy at all times. 10. THE GOOD HOME IS THUS THE BEST OF SCHOOLS, not only in youth but in age. There young and old best learn cheerfulness, patience, self-control, and the spirit of service and of duty. The home is the true school of courtesy, of which woman is always the best practical instructor. "Without woman," says the Provencal proverb, "men were but ill-licked cubs." Philanthropy radiates from the home as from a center. "To love the little platoon we belong to in society," said Burke, "is the germ of all public affections." The wisest and best have not been ashamed to own it to be their greatest joy and happiness to sit "behind the heads of children" in the inviolable circle of home. [Illustration] [Illustration: DAY DREAMING.] * * * * * TO YOUNG WOMEN. 1. TO BE A WOMAN, in the truest and highest sense of the word is to be the best thing beneath the skies. To be a woman is something more than to live eighteen or twenty years; something more than to grow to the physical stature of women; something more than to wear flounces, exhibit dry goods, sport jewelry, catch the gaze of lewd-eyed men; something more than to be a belle, a wife, or a mother. Put all these qualifications together and they do but little toward making a true woman. 2. BEAUTY AND STYLE are not the surest passports to womanhood--some of the noblest specimens of womanhood that the world has ever seen have presented the plainest and most unprepossessing appearance. A woman's worth is to be estimated by the real goodness of her heart, the greatness of her soul, and the purity and sweetness of her character; and a woman with a kindly disposition and well-balanced temper is both lovely and attractive, be her face ever so plain, and her figure ever so homely; she makes the best of wives and the truest of mothers. 3. BEAUTY IS A DANGEROUS GIFT.--It is even so. Like wealth, it has ruined its thousands. Thousands of the most beautiful women are destitute of common sense and common humanity. No gift from heaven is so general and so widely abused by woman as the gift of beauty. In about nine cases in ten it makes her silly, senseless, thoughtless, giddy, vain, proud, frivolous, selfish, low and mean. I think I have seen more girls spoiled by beauty than by any other one thing, "She is beautiful, and she knows it," is as much as to say that she is spoiled. A beautiful girl is very likely to believe she was made to be looked at; and so she sets herself up for a show at every window, in every door, on every corner of the street, in every company at which opportunity offers for an exhibition of herself. 4. BEWARE OF BEAUTIFUL WOMEN.--These facts have long since taught sensible men to beware of beautiful women--to sound them carefully before they give them their confidence. Beauty is shallow--only skin deep; fleeting--only for a few years' reign; dangerous--tempting to vanity and lightness of mind; deceitful--dazzling of ten to bewilder; weak--reigning only to ruin; gross--leading often to sensual pleasure. And yet we say it need not be so. Beauty is lovely and ought to be innocently possessed. It has charms which ought to be used for good purposes. It is a delightful gift, which ought to be received with gratitude and worn with grace and meekness. It should always minister to inward beauty. Every woman of beautiful form and features should cultivate a beautiful mind and heart. 5. RIVAL THE BOYS.--We want the girls to rival the boys in all that is good, and refined, and ennobling. We want them to rival the boys, as they well can, in learning, in understanding, in virtues; in all noble qualities of mind and heart, but not in any of those things that have caused them, justly or unjustly, to be described as savages. We want the girls to be gentle--not weak, but gentle, and kind and affectionate. We want to be sure, that wherever a girl is, there should be a sweet, subduing and harmonizing influence of purity, and truth, and love, pervading and hallowing, from center to circumference, the entire circle in which she moves. If the boys are savages, we want her to be their civilizer. We want her to tame them, to subdue their ferocity, to soften their manners, and to teach them all needful lessons of order, sobriety, and meekness, and patience and goodness. 6. KINDNESS.--Kindness is the ornament of man--it is the chief glory of woman--it is, indeed, woman's true prerogative--her sceptre and her crown. It is the sword with which she conquers, and the charm with which she captivates. 7. ADMIRED AND BELOVED.--Young lady, would you be admired and beloved? Would you be an ornament to your sex, and a blessing to your race? Cultivate this heavenly virtue. Wealth may surround you with its blandishments, and beauty, and learning, or talents, may give you admirers, but love and kindness alone can captivate the heart. Whether you live in a cottage or a palace, these graces can surround you with perpetual sunshine, making you, and all around you, happy. 8. INWARD GRACE.--Seek ye then, fair daughters, the possession of that inward grace, whose essence shall permeate and vitalize the affections, adorn the countenance make mellifluous the voice, and impart a hallowed beauty even to your motions. Not merely that you may be loved, would I urge this, but that you may, in truth, be lovely--that loveliness which fades not with time, nor is marred or alienated by disease, but which neither chance nor change can in any way despoil. 9. SILKEN ENTICEMENTS OF THE STRANGER.--We urge you, gentle maiden, to beware of the silken enticements of the stranger, until your love is confirmed by protracted acquaintance. Shun the idler, though his coffers overflow with pelf. Avoid the irreverent--the scoffer of hallowed things; and him who "looks upon the wine while it is red;" him too, "who hath a high look and a proud heart," and who "privily slandereth his neighbor." Do not heed the specious prattle about "first love," and so place, irrevocably, the seal upon your future destiny, before you have sounded, in silence and secrecy, the deep fountains of your own heart. Wait, rather, until your own character and that of him who would woo you, is more fully developed. Surely, if this "first love" cannot endure a short probation, fortified by "the pleasures of hope," how can it be expected to survive years of intimacy, scenes of trial, distracting cares, wasting sickness, and all the homely routine of practical life? Yet it is these that constitute life, and the love that cannot abide them is false and must die. [Illustration: ROMAN LADIES.] * * * * * INFLUENCE OF FEMALE CHARACTER. 1. MORAL EFFECT.--It is in its moral effect on the mind and the heart of man, that the influence of woman is most powerful and important. In the diversity of tastes, habits, inclinations, and pursuits of the two sexes, is found a most beneficent provision for controlling the force and extravagance of human passion. The objects which most strongly seize and stimulate the mind of man, rarely act at the same time and with equal power on the mind of woman. She is naturally better, purer, and more chaste in thought and language. 2. FEMALE CHARACTER.--But the influence of female character on the virtue of men, is not seen merely in restraining and softening the violence of human passion. To her is mainly committed the task of pouring into the opening mind of infancy its first impressions of duty, and of stamping on its susceptible heart the first image of its God. Who will not confess the influence of a mother in forming the heart of a child? What man is there who can not trace the origin of many of the best maxims of his life to the lips of her who gave him birth? How wide, how lasting, how sacred is that part of a woman's influence. 3. VIRTUE OF A COMMUNITY.--There is yet another mode by which woman may exert a powerful influence on the virtue of a community. It rests with her in a pre-eminent degree, to give tone and elevation to the moral character of the age, by deciding the degree of virtue that shall be necessary to afford a passport to her society. If all the favor of woman were given only to the good, if it were known that the charms and attractions of beauty and wisdom, and wit, were reserved only for the pure; if, in one word, something of a similar rigor were exerted to exclude the profligate and abandoned of society, as is shown to those, who have fallen from virtue,--how much would be done to re-enforce the motives to moral purity among us, and impress on the minds of all a reverence for the sanctity and obligations of virtue. 4. THE INFLUENCE OF WOMAN ON THE MORAL SENTIMENTS.--The influence of woman on the moral sentiments of society is intimately connected with her influence on its religious character; for religion and a pure and elevated morality must ever stand in the relation to each other of effect and cause. The heart of a woman is formed for the abode of sacred truth; and for the reasons alike honorable to her character and to that of society. From the nature of humanity this must be so, or the race would soon degenerate and moral contagion eat out the heart of society. The purity of home is the safeguard to American manhood. [Illustration] * * * * * PERSONAL PURITY. "Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control, These three alone lead life to sovereign power."--Tennyson 1. WORDS OF THE GREAT TEACHER.--Mark the words of the Great Teacher: "If thy right hand or foot cause thee to fall, cut it off and cast it from thee. If thy right eye cause thee to fall, pluck it out. It is better for thee to enter into life maimed and halt, than having two eyes to be cast into hell-fire, where the worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched." 2. A MELANCHOLY FACT.--It is a melancholy fact in human experience, that the noblest gifts which men possess are constantly prostituted to other purposes than those for which they are designed. The most valuable and useful organs of the body are those which are capable of the greatest dishonor, abuse, and corruption. What a snare the wonderful organism of the eye may become, when used to read corrupt books, or to look upon licentious pictures, or vulgar theater scenes, or when used to meet the fascinating gaze of the harlot! What an instrument for depraving the whole man may be found in the matchless powers of the brain, the hand, the mouth, or the tongue! What potent instruments may these become in accomplishing the ruin of the whole being, for time and eternity! 3. Abstinence.--Some can testify with thankfulness that they never knew the sins of gambling, drunkenness, fornication, or adultery. In all these cases abstinence has been, and continues to be, liberty. Restraint is the noblest freedom. No man can affirm that self-denial ever injured him; on the contrary, self-restraint has been liberty, strength and blessing. Solemnly ask young men to remember this when temptation and passion strive as a floodtide to move them from the anchorage and peace of self-restraint. Beware of the deceitful stream of temporary gratification, whose eddying current drifts towards license, shame, disease and death. Remember how quickly moral power declines, how rapidly the edge of the fatal maelstrom is reached, how near the vortex, how terrible the penalty, how fearful the sentence of everlasting punishment! 4. FRANK DISCUSSION.--The time has arrived for a full and frank discussion of those things which affect the personal purity. Thousands are suffering to-day from various weaknesses, the causes of which they have never learned. Manly vigor is not increasing with that rapidity which a Christian age demands. Means of dissipation are on the increase. It is high time, therefore, that every lover of the race should call a halt, and inquire into the condition of things. Excessive modesty on this subject is not virtue. Timidity in presenting unpleasant but important truths has permitted untold damage in every age. 5. MAN IS A CARELESS BEING.--He is very much inclined to sinful things. He more often does that which is wrong than that which is right, because it is easier, and, for the moment, perhaps, more satisfying to the flesh. The Creator is often blamed for man's weaknesses and inconsistencies. This is wrong. God did not intend that we should be mere machines, but free moral agents. We are privileged to choose between good and evil. Hence, if we perseveringly choose the latter, and make a miserable failure of life, we should blame only ourselves. 6. THE PULPIT.--Would that every pulpit in the land might join hands with the medical profession and cry out with no uncertain sound against the mighty evils herein stigmatized! It would work a revolution for which coming society could never cease to be grateful. 7. STRIVE TO ATTAIN A HIGHER LIFE.--Strive to attain unto a higher and better life. Beware of all excesses, of whatever nature, and guard your personal purity with sacred determination. Let every aspiration be upward, and be strong in every good, resolution. Seek the light, for in light there is life, while in darkness there is decay and death. [Illustration: THE FIRST LOVE LETTER.] [Illustration] * * * * * HOW TO WRITE ALL KINDS OF LETTERS. 1. From the President in his cabinet to the laborer in the street; from the lady in her parlor to the servant in her kitchen; from the millionaire to the beggar; from the emigrant to the settler; from every country and under every combination of circumstances, letter writing in all its forms and varieties is most important to the advancement, welfare and happiness of the human family. 2. EDUCATION.--The art of conveying thought through the medium of written language is so valuable and so necessary, a thorough knowledge of the practice must be desirable to every one. For merely to write a good letter requires the exercise of much of the education and talent of any writer. 3. A GOOD LETTER.--A good letter must be correct in every mechanical detail, finished in style, interesting in substance, and intelligible in construction. Few there are who do not need write them; yet a letter perfect in detail is rarer than any other specimen of composition. 4. PENMANSHIP.--It is folly to suppose that the faculty for writing a good hand is confined to any particular persons. There is no one who can write at all, but what can write well, if only the necessary pains are practiced. Practice makes perfect. Secure a few copy books and write an hour each day. You will soon write a good hand. 5. WRITE PLAINLY.--Every word of even the most trifling document should be written in such clear characters that it would be impossible to mistake it for another word, or the writer may find himself in the position of the Eastern merchant who, writing to the Indies for five thousand mangoes, received by the next vessel five hundred monkies, with a promise of more in the next cargo. 6. HASTE.--Hurry is no excuse for bad writing, because any one of sense knows that everything hurried is liable to be ruined. Dispatch may be acquired, but hurry will ruin everything. If, however, you must write slowly to write well, then be careful not to hurry at all, for the few moments you will gain by rapid writing will never compensate you for the disgrace of sending an ill-written letter. 7. NEATNESS.--Neatness is also of great importance. A fair white sheet with handsomely written words will be more welcome to any reader than a blotted, bedaubed page covered with erasures and dirt, even if the matter in each be of equal value and interest. Erasures, blots, interlineations always spoil the beauty of any letter. 8. BAD SPELLING.--When those who from faulty education, or forgetfulness are doubtful about the correct spelling of any word, it is best to keep a dictionary at hand, and refer to it upon such occasions. It is far better to spend a few moments in seeking for a doubtful word, than to dispatch an ill-spelled letter, and the search will probably impress the spelling upon the mind for a future occasion. 9. CARELESSNESS.--Incorrect spelling will expose the most important or interesting letter to the severest sarcasm and ridicule. However perfect in all other respects, no epistle that is badly spelled will be regarded as the work of an educated gentleman or lady. Carelessness will never be considered, and to be ignorant of spelling is to expose an imperfect education at once. 10. AN EXCELLENT PRACTICE.--After writing a letter, read it over carefully, correct all the errors and re-write it. If you desire to become a good letter writer, improve your penmanship, improve your language and grammar, re-writing once or twice every letter that you have occasion to write, whether on social or business subjects. 11. PUNCTUATION.--A good rule for punctuation is to punctuate where the sense requires it, after writing a letter and reading it over carefully you will see where the punctuation marks are required, you can readily determine where the sense requires it, so that your letter will convey the desired meaning. [Illustration] 12. CORRESPONDENCE.--There is no better school or better source for self-improvement than a pleasant correspondence between friends. It is not at all difficult to secure a good list of correspondents if desired. The young people who take advantage of such opportunities for self-improvement will be much more popular in the community and in society. Letter writing cultivates the habit of study; it cultivates the mind, the heart, and stimulates self-improvement in general. 13. FOLDING.--Another bad practice with those unaccustomed to corresponding is to fold the sheet of writing in such a fantastic manner as to cause the receiver much annoyance in opening it. To the sender it may appear a very ingenious performance, but to the receiver it is only a source of vexation and annoyance, and may prevent the communication receiving the attention it would otherwise merit. 14. SIMPLE STYLE.--The style of letter writing should be simple and unaffected, not raised on stilts and indulging in pedantic displays which are mostly regarded as cloaks of ignorance. Repeated literary quotations, involved sentences, long-sounding words and scraps of Latin, French and other languages are, generally speaking, out of place, and should not be indulged in. 15. THE RESULT.--A well written letter has opened the way to prosperity for many a one, has led to many a happy marriage and constant friendship, and has secured many a good service in time of need; for it is in some measure a photograph of the writer, and may inspire love or hatred, regard or aversion in the reader, just as the glimpse of a portrait often determine us, in our estimate, of the worth of the person represented. Therefore, one of the roads to fortune runs through the ink bottle, and if we want to attain a certain end in love, friendship or business, we must trace out the route correctly with the pen in our hand. [Illustration] * * * * * HOW TO WRITE A LOVE LETTER. 1. LOVE.--There is no greater or more profound reality than love. Why that reality should be obscured by mere sentimentalism, with all its train of absurdities is incomprehensible. There is no nobler possession than the love of another. There is no higher gift from one human being to another than love. The gift and the possession are true sanctifiers of life, and should be worn as precious jewels, without affectation and without bashfulness. For this reason there is nothing to be ashamed of in a love letter, provided it be sincere. 2. FORFEITS.--No man need consider that he forfeits dignity if he speaks with his whole heart: no woman need fear she forfeits her womanly attributes if she responds as her heart bids her respond. "Perfect love casteth out fear" is as true now as when the maxim was first given to the world. 3. TELLING THEIR LOVE.--The generality of the sex is, love to be loved; how are they to know the fact that they are loved unless they are told? To write a sensible love letter requires more talent than to solve, with your pen, a profound problem in philosophy. Lovers must not then expect much from each other's epistles. 4. CONFIDENTIAL.--Ladies and gentlemen who correspond with each other should never be guilty of exposing any of the contents of any letters written expressing confidence, attachment or love. The man who confides in a lady and honors her with his confidence should be treated with perfect security and respect, and those who delight in showing their confidential letters to others are unworthy, heartless and unsafe companions. 5. RETURN OF LETTERS.--If letters were written under circumstances which no longer exist and all confidential relations are at an end, then all letters should be promptly returned. 6. HOW TO BEGIN A LOVE LETTER.--How to begin a love letter has been no doubt the problem of lovers and suitors of all ages and nations. Fancy the youth of Young America with lifted pen, thinking how he shall address his beloved. Much depends upon this letter. What shall he say, and how shall he say it, is the great question. Perseverance, however, will solve the problem and determine results. 7. FORMS OF BEGINNING A LOVE LETTER.--Never say, "My Dearest Nellie," "My Adored Nellie," or "My Darling Nellie," until Nellie has first called you "My Dear," or has given you to understand that such familiar terms are permissible. As a rule a gentleman will never err if he says "Dear Miss Nellie," and if the letters are cordially reciprocated the "Miss" may in time be omitted, or other familiar terms used instead. In addressing a widow "Dear Madam," or, "My Dear Madam," will be a proper form until sufficient intimacy will justify the use of other terms. 8. RESPECT.--A lady must always be treated with respectful delicacy, and a gentleman should never use the term "Dear" or "My Dear" under any circumstances unless he knows it is perfectly acceptable or a long and friendly acquaintance justifies it. 9. HOW TO FINISH A LETTER.--A letter will be suggested by the remarks on how to begin one. "Yours respectfully," "Yours truly," "Yours sincerely," "Yours affectionately," "Yours ever affectionately," "Yours most affectionately," "Ever yours," "Ever your own," or "Yours," are all appropriate, each depending upon the beginning of the letter. It is difficult to see any phrase which could be added to them which would carry more meaning than they contain. People can sign themselves "adorers" and such like, but they do so at the peril of good taste. It is not good that men or women "worship" each other--if they succeed in preserving reciprocal love and esteem they will have cause for great contentment. 10. PERMISSION.--No young man should ever write to a young lady any letter, formal or informal, unless he has first sought her permission to do so. 11. SPECIAL FORMS.--We give various forms or models of love letters to be _studied, not copied._ We have given no replies to the forms given, as every letter written will naturally suggest an answer. A careful study will be a great help to many who have not enjoyed the advantages of a literary education. [Illustration] * * * * * FORMS OF SOCIAL LETTERS. _1.--From a Young Lady to a Clergyman Asking a Recommendation._ Nantwich, May 18th, 1915 Reverend and Dear Sir: Having seen an advertisment for a school mistress in the Daily Times, I have been recommended to offer myself as a candidate. Will you kindly favor me with a testimonial as to my character, ability and conduct while at Boston Normal School? Should you consider that I am fitted for the position, you would confer a great favor on me if you would interest yourself in my behalf. I remain, Reverend Sir, Your most obedient and humble servant, LAURA B. NICHOLS. _2.--Applying for a Position as a Teacher of Music._ Scotland, Conn., January 21st, 1915 Madam, Seeing your advertisement in The Clarion of to-day, I write to offer my services as a teacher of music in your family. I am a graduate of the Peabody Institute, of Baltimore, where I was thoroughly instructed in instrumental and vocal music. I refer by permission to Mrs. A.J. Davis, 1922 Walnut Street; Mrs. Franklin Hill, 2021 Spring Garden Street, and Mrs. William Murray, 1819 Spruce Street, in whose families I have given lessons. Hoping that you may see fit to employ me, I am, Very respectfully yours, NELLIE REYNOLDS. _3.--Applying for a Situation as a Cook._ Charlton Place, September 8th, 1894. Madam: Having seen your advertisement for a cook in to-day's Times, I beg to offer myself for your place. I am a thorough cook. I can make clear soups, entrees, jellies, and all kinds of made dishes. I can bake, and am also used to a dairy. My wages are $4 per week, and I can give good reference from my last place, in which I lived for two years. I am thirty-three years of age. I remain, Madam, Yours very respectfully, MARY MOONEY. _4.--Recommending a School Teacher._ Ottawa, Ill., February 10th, 1894. Col. Geo. H. Haight, President Board of Trustees, etc. Dear Sir: I take pleasure in recommending to your favorable consideration the application of Miss Hannah Alexander for the position of teacher in the public school at Weymouth. Miss Alexander is a graduate of the Davidson Seminary, and for the past year has taught a school in this place. My children have been among her pupils, and their progress has been entirely satisfactory to me. Miss Alexander is a strict disciplinarian, an excellent teacher, and is thoroughly competent to conduct the school for which she applies. Trusting that you may see fit to bestow upon her the appointment she seeks, I am. Yours very respectfully, ALICE MILLER. _5.--A Business Introduction._ J.W. Brown, Earlville, Ill. Chicago, Ill., May 1st, 1915 My Dear Sir: This will introduce to you Mr. William Channing, of this city, who visits Earlville on a matter of business, which he will explain to you in person. You can rely upon his statements, as he is a gentleman of high character, and should you be able to render him any assistance, it would be greatly appreciated by Yours truly, HAIGHT LARABEE. _6.--Introducing One Lady to Another._ Dundee, Tenn., May 5th, 1894. Dear Mary: Allow me to introduce to you my ever dear friend, Miss Nellie Reynolds, the bearer of this letter. You have heard me speak of her so often that you will know at once who she is. As I am sure you will be mutually pleased with each other, I have asked her to inform you of her presence in your city. Any attention you may show her will be highly appreciated by Yours affectionately, LIZZIE EICHER. _7.--To a Lady, Apologizing for a Broken Engagement._ Albany, N.Y., May 10th, 1894. My Dear Miss Lee: Permit me to explain my failure to keep my appointment with you this evening. I was on my way to your house, with the assurance of a pleasant evening, when unfortunately I was very unexpectedly called from home on very important business. I regret my disappointment, but hope that the future may afford us many pleasant meetings. Sincerely your friend, IRVING GOODRICH. _8.--Form of an Excuse for a Pupil._ Thursday Morning, April 4th Mr. Bunnel: You will please excuse William for non-attendance at school yesterday, as I was compelled to keep him at home to attend to a matter of business. MRS. A. SMITH. _9.--Form of Letter Accompanying a Present._ Louisville, July 6, 1895 My Dearest Nelly: Many happy returns of the day. So fearful was I that it would escape your memory, that I thought I would send you this little trinket by way of reminder, I beg you to accept it and wear it for the sake of the giver. With love and best wishes. Believe me ever, your sincere friend, CAROLINE COLLINS. _10.--Returning Thanks for the Present._ Louisville, July 6, 1894. Dear Mrs. Collins: I am very much obliged to you for the handsome bracelet you have sent me. How kind and thoughtful it was of you to remember me on my birthday. I am sure I have every cause to bless the day, and did I forget it, I have many kind friends to remind me of it. Again thanking you for your present, which is far too beautiful for me, and also for your kind wishes. Believe me, your most grateful, BERTHA SMITH. _11.--Congratulating a Friend Upon His Marriage._ Menton, N.Y., May 24th, 1894. My Dear Everett: I have, to-day received the invitation to your wedding, and as I cannot be present at that happy event to offer my congratulations in person, I write. I am heartily glad you are going to be married, and congratulate you upon the wisdom of your choice. You have won a noble as well as a beautiful woman, and one whose love will make you a happy man to your life's end. May God grant that trouble may not come near you but should it be your lot, you will have a wife to whom you can look with confidence for comfort, and whose good sense and devotion to you will be your sure and unfailing support. That you may both be very happy, and that your happiness may increase with your years, is the prayer of Your Friend, FRANK HOWARD. * * * * * LETTER WRITING. Any extravagant flattery should be avoided, both as tending to disgust those to whom it is addressed, as well as to degrade the writers, and to create suspicion as to their sincerity. The sentiments should spring from the tenderness of the heart, and, when faithfully and delicately expressed, will never be read without exciting sympathy or emotion in all hearts not absolutely deadened by insensibility. DECLARATION OF AFFECTION. Dear Nellie: Will you allow me, in a few plain and simple words, respectfully to express the sincere esteem and affection I entertain for you, and to ask whether I may venture to hope that these sentiments are returned? I love you truly and earnestly and knowing you admire frankness and candor in all things, I cannot think that you will take offense at this letter. Perhaps it is self-flattery to suppose I have any place in your regard. Should this be so, the error will carry with it its own punishment, for my happy dream will be over. I will try to think otherwise, however, and shall await your answer with hope. Trusting soon to hear from you, I remain, dear Nellie. Sincerely Yours, J.L. Master To Miss Nellie Reynolds, Hartford, Conn. [Illustration] * * * * * FORMS OF LOVE LETTERS. _12.--An Ardent Declaration._ Naperville, Ill., June 10th, 1915 My Dearest Laura: I can no longer restrain myself from writing to you, dearest and best of girls, what I have often been on the point of saying to you. I love you so much that I cannot find words in which to express my feelings. I have loved you from the very first day we met, and always shall. Do you blame me because I write so freely? I should be unworthy of you if I did not tell you the whole truth. Oh, Laura, can you love me in return? I am sure I shall not be able to bear it if your answer is unfavorable. I will study your every wish if you will give me the right to do so. May I hope? Send just one kind word to your sincere friend. HARRY SMITH. _13.--A Lover's Good-bye Before Starting on a Journey._ Pearl St., New York, March 11th, 1894. My Dearest Nellie: I am off to-morrow, and yet not altogether, for I leave my heart behind in your gentle keeping. You need not place a guard over it, however, for it is as impossible that it should stay away, as for a bit of steel to rush from a magnet. The simile is eminently correct for you, my dear girl, are a magnet, and my heart is as true to you as steel. I shall make my absence as brief as possible. Not a day, not an hour, not a minute, shall I waste either in going or returning. Oh, this business; but I wont complain, for we must have something for our hive besides honey--something that rhymes with it--and that we must have it, I must bestir myself. You will find me a faithful correspondent. Like the spider, I shall drop a line by (almost) every post; and mind, you must give me letter for letter. I can't give you credit. Your returns must be prompt and punctual. Passionately yours, LEWIS SHUMAN. To Miss Nellie Carter, No. -- Fifth Avenue, New York. _14.--From an Absent Lover._ Chicago, Ill., Sept. 10, 1915 My Dearest Kate: This sheet of paper, though I should cover it with loving words, could never tell you truly how I long to see you again. Time does not run on with me now at the same pace as with other people; the hours seem days, the days weeks, while I am absent from you, and I have no faith in the accuracy of clocks and almanacs. Ah! if there were truth in clairvoyance, wouldn't I be with you at this moment! I wonder if you are as impatient to see me as I am to fly to you? Sometimes it seems as if I must leave business and every thing else to the Fates, and take the first train to Dawson. However, the hours do move, though they don't appear to, and in a few more weeks we shall meet again. Let me hear from you as frequently as possible in the meantime. Tell me of your health, your amusements and your affections. Remember that every word you write will be a comfort to me. Unchangeably yours, WILLIAM MILLER. To Miss Kate Martin, Dawson, N.D. _15.--A Declaration of Love at First Sight._ Waterford, Maine, May 8th, 1915 Dear Miss Searles: Although I have been in your society but once the impression you have made upon me is so deep and powerful that I cannot forbear writing to you, in defiance of all rules of etiquette. Affection is sometimes of slow growth but sometimes it springs up in a moment. In half an hour after I was introduced to you my heart was no longer my own, I have not the assurance to suppose that I have been fortunate enough to create any interest in yours; but will you allow me to cultivate your acquaintance in the hope or being able to win your regard in the course of time? Petitioning for a few lines in reply. I remain, dear Miss Searles, Yours devotedly, E.C. NICKS. Miss E. Searles, Waterford, Maine. _16.--Proposing Marriage._ Wednesday, October 20th, 1894 Dearest Etta: The delightful hours I have passed in your society have left an impression on my mind that is altogether indelible, and cannot be effaced even by time itself. The frequent opportunities I have possessed, of observing the thousand acts of amiability and kindness which mark the daily tenor of your life, have ripened my feelings of affectionate regard into a passion at once ardent and sincere until I have at length associated my hopes of future happiness with the idea of you as a life partner, in them. Believe me, dearest Etta, this is no puerile fancy, but the matured results of a long and warmly cherished admiration of your many charms of person and mind. It is love--pure devoted love, and I feel confident that your knowledge of my character will lead you to ascribe my motives to their true source. May I then implore you to consult your own heart, and should this avowal of my fervent and honorable passion for you be crowned with your acceptance and approval, to grant me permission to refer the matter to your parents. Anxiously awaiting your answer, I am, dearest Etta, Your sincere and faithful lover, GEO. COURTRIGHT. To Miss Etta Jay, Malden, Ill. _17.--From a Gentleman to a Widow._ Philadelphia, May 10th, 1915 My Dear Mrs. Freeman: I am sure you are too clear-sighted not to have observed the profound impression which your amiable qualities, intelligence and personal attractions have made upon my heart, and as you nave not repelled my attentions nor manifested displeasure when I ventured to hint at the deep interest I felt in your welfare and happiness, I cannot help hoping that you will receive an explicit expression of my attachments, kindly and favorably. I wish it were in my power to clothe the feelings I entertain for you in such words as should make my pleadings irresistible; but, after all, what could I say, more than you are very dear to me, and that the most earnest desire of my soul is to have the privilege of calling you my wife? Do you, can you love me? You will not, I am certain, keep me in suspense, for you are too good and kind to trifle for a moment with sincerity like mine. Awaiting your answer, I remain with respectful affection, Ever yours, HENRY MURRAY. Mrs. Julia Freeman, Philadelphia. _18.--From a Lady to an Inconstant Lover._ Dear Harry: It is with great reluctance that I enter upon a subject which has given me great pain, and upon which silence has become impossible if I would preserve my self-respects. You cannot but be aware that I have just reason for saying that you have much displeased me. You have apparently forgotten what is due to me, circumstanced as we are, thus far at least. You cannot suppose that I can tamely see you disregard my feelings, by conduct toward other ladies from which I should naturally have the right to expect you to abstain. I am not so vulgar a person as to be jealous. When there is cause to infer changed feelings, or unfaithfulness to promises of constancy, jealousy is not the remedy. What the remedy is I need not say--we both of us have it in our hands. I am sure you will agree with me that we must come to some understanding by which the future shall be governed. Neither you nor I can bear a divided allegiance. Believe me that I write more in sorrow than in anger. You have made me very unhappy, and perhaps thoughtlessly. But it will take much to reassure me of your unaltered regard. Yours truly, EMMA. [Illustration: HEALTHFUL OUTDOOR EXERCISE.] [Illustration: THE HUMAN FACE, LIKE A FLOWER, SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.] * * * * * HINTS AND HELPS ON GOOD BEHAVIOR AT ALL TIMES AND AT ALL PLACES. 1. It takes acquaintance to found a noble esteem, but politeness prepares the way. Indeed, as ontaigne [Transcriber's note: Montaigne?] says, Courtesy begets esteem at sight. Urbanity is half of affability, and affability is a charm worth possessing. 2. A pleasing demeanor is often the scales by which the pagan weighs the Christian. It is not virtue, but virtue inspires it. There are circumstances in which it takes a great and strong soul to pass under the little yoke of courtesy, but it is a passport to a greater soul standard. 3. Matthew Arnold says, "Conduct is three-fourths of character," and Christian benignity draws the line for conduct. A high sense of rectitude, a lowly soul, with a pure and kind heart are elements of nobility which will work out in the life of a human being at home--everywhere. "Private refinement makes public gentility." 4. If you would conciliate the favor of men, rule your resentment. Remember that if you permit revenge or malice to occupy your soul, you are ruined. 5. Cultivate a happy temper; banish the blues; a cheerful saguine spirit begets cheer and hope. 6. Be trustworthy and be trustful. 7. Do not place a light estimate upon the arts of good reading and good expression; they will yield perpetual interest. 8. Study to keep versed in world events as well as in local occurrences, but abhor gossip, and above all scandal. 9. Banish a self-conscience spirit--the source of much awkwardness--with a constant aim to make others happy. Remember that it is incumbent upon gentlemen and ladies alike to be neat in habits. 10. The following is said to be a correct posture for walking: Head erect--not too rigid--chin in, shoulders back. Permit no unnecessary motion about the thighs. Do not lean over to one side in walking, standing or sitting; the practice is not only ungraceful, but it is deforming and therefore unhealthful. 11. Beware of affectation and of Beau Brummel airs. 12. If the hands are allowed to swing in walking, the are should be limited, and the lady will manage them much more gracefully, if they almost touch the clothing. 13. A lady should not stand with her hands behind her. We could almost say, forget the hands except to keep them clean, including the nails, cordial and helpful. One hand may rest easily in the other. Study repose of attitude here as well as in the rest of the body. 14. Gestures are for emphasis in public speaking; do not point elsewhere, as a rule. 15. Greet your acquaintances as you meet them with a slight bow and smile, as you speak. 16. Look the person to whom you speak in the eye. Never under any circumstances wink at another or communicate by furtive looks. 17. Should you chance to be the rejected suitor of a lady, bear in mind your own self-respect, as well as the inexorable laws of society, and bow politely when you meet her. Reflect that you do not stand before all woman-kind as you do at her bar. Do not resent the bitterness of flirtation. No lady or gentleman will flirt. Remember ever that painful prediscovery is better than later disappointment. Let such experience spur you to higher exertion. 18. Discretion should be exercised in introducing persons. Of two gentlemen who are introduced, if one is superior in rank or age, he is the one to whom the introduction should be made. Of two social equals, if one be a stranger in the place his name should be mentioned first. 19. In general the simpler the introduction the better. 20. Before introducing a gentleman to a lady, remember that she is entitled to hold you responsible for the acquaintance. The lady is the one to whom the gentleman is presented, which may be done thus: "Miss A, permit me to introduce to you my friend, Mr. B."; or, "Miss A., allow me to introduce Mr. B." If mutual and near friends of yours, say simply, "Miss A. Mr. B." 21. Receive the introduction with a slight bow and the acknowledgment, "Miss A., I am happy to make your acquaintance"; or, "Mr. B., I am pleased to meet you." There is no reason why such stereotyped expressions should always be used, but something similar is expected. Do not extend the hand usually. 22. A true lady will avoid familiarity in her deportment towards gentlemen. A young lady should not permit her gentlemen friends to address her by her home name, and the reverse is true. Use the title Miss and Mr. respectively. 23. Ladies should be frank and cordial towards their lady friends, but never gushing. 24. Should you meet a friend twice or oftener, at short intervals, it is polite to bow slightly each time after the first. 25. A lady on meeting a gentleman with whom she has slight acquaintance will make a medium bow--neither too decided nor too slight or stiff. 26. For a gentleman to take a young lady's arm, is to intimate that she is feeble, and young ladies resent the mode. 27. If a young lady desires to visit any public place where she expects to meet a gentleman acquaintance, she should have a chaperon to accompany her, a person of mature years When possible, and never a giddy girl. 28. A lady should not ask a gentleman to walk with her. [Illustration] * * * * * A COMPLETE ETIQUETTE IN A FEW PRACTICAL RULES. _1. If you desire to be respected, keep clean. The finest attire and decorations will add nothing to the appearance or beauty of an untidy person._ _2. Clean clothing, clean skin, clean hands, including the nails, and clean, white teeth, are a requisite passport for good society._ _3. A bad breath should be carefully remedied, whether it proceeds from the stomach or from decayed teeth._ _4. To pick the nose, finger about the ears, or scratch the head or any other part of the person, in company, is decidedly vulgar._ _5. When you call at any private residence, do not neglect to clean your shoes thoroughly._ _6. A gentleman should always remove his hat in the presence of ladies, except out of doors, and then he should lift or touch his hat in salutation. On meeting a lady a well-bred gentleman will always lift his hat._ _7. An invitation to a lecture, concert, or other entertainment, may be either verbal or written, but should always be made at least twenty-four hours before the time._ _8. On entering a hall or church the gentleman should precede the lady in walking up the aisle, or walk by her side, if the aisle is broad enough._ _9. A gentleman should always precede a lady upstairs, and follow her downstairs._ _10. Visitors should always observe the customs of the church with reference to standing, sitting, or kneeling during the services._ _11. On leaving a hall or church at the close of entertainment or services, the gentleman should precede the lady._ _12. A gentleman walking with a lady should carry the parcels, and never allow the lady to be burdened with anything of the kind._ _13. A gentleman meeting a lady on the street and wishing to speak to her, should never detain her, but may turn around and walk in the same direction she is going, until the conversation is completed._ _14. If a lady is traveling with a gentleman, simply as a friend, she should place the amount of her expenses in his hands, or insist on paying the bills herself._ _15. Never offer a lady costly gifts unless you are engaged to her, for it looks as if you were trying to purchase her good-will; and when you make a present to a lady use no ceremony whatever._ _16. Never carry on a private conversation in company. If secrecy is necessary, withdraw from the company._ _17. Never sit with your back to another without asking to be excused._ _18. It is as unbecoming for a gentleman to sit with legs crossed as it is for a lady._ _19. Never thrum with your fingers, rub your hands, yawn or sigh aloud in company._ _20. Loud laughter, loud talking, or other boisterous manifestations should be checked in the society of others, especially on the street and in public places._ _21. When you are asked to sing or play in company, do so without being urged, or refuse in a way that shall be final; and when music is being rendered in company, show politeness to the musician by giving attention. It is very impolite to keep up a conversation. If you do not enjoy the music keep silent._ _22. Contentions, contradictions, etc. in society should be carefully avoided._ _23. Pulling out your watch in company, unless asked the time of day, is a mark of the demi-bred. It looks as if you were tired of the company and the time dragged heavily._ _24. You should never decline to be introduced to any one or all of the guests present at a party to which you have been invited._ _25. A gentleman who escorts a lady to a party, or who has a lady placed under his care, is under particular obligations to attend to her wants and see that she has proper attention. He should introduce her to others, and endeavor to make the evening pleasant. He should escort her to the supper table and provide for her wants._ _26. To take small children or dogs with you on a visit of ceremony is altogether vulgar, though in visiting familiar friends, children are not objectionable._ [Illustration: Children should early be taught the lesson of Propriety and Good Manners.] [Illustration: AN EGYPTIAN BRIDE'S WEDDING OUTFIT.] [Illustration] * * * * * ETIQUETTE OF CALLS. In the matter of making calls it is the correct thing: For the caller who arrived first to leave first. To return a first call within a week and in person. To call promptly and in person after a first invitation. For the mother or chaperon to invite a gentleman to call. To call within a week after any entertainment to which one has been invited. You should call upon an acquaintance who has recently returned from a prolonged absence. It as proper to make the first call upon people in a higher social position, if one is asked to do so. It is proper to call, after an engagement has been announced, or a marriage has taken place, in the family. For the older residents in the city or street to call upon the newcomers to their neighborhood is a long recognized custom. It is proper, after a removal from one part of the city to another, to send out cards with one's new address upon them. To ascertain what are the prescribed hours for calling in the place where one is living, or making a visit, and to adhere to those hours is a duty that must not be overlooked. A gentleman should ask for the lady of the house as well as the young ladies, and leave cards for her as well as for the head of the family. [Illustration: _Improve Your Speech by Reading._] * * * * * ETIQUETTE IN YOUR SPEECH. Don't say Miss or Mister without the person's name. Don't say pants for trousers. Don't say gents for gentlemen. Don't say female for woman. Don't say elegant to mean everything that pleases you. Don't say genteel for well-bred. Don't say ain't for isn't. Don't say I done it for I did it. Don't say he is older than me; say older than I. Don't say she does not see any; say she does not see at all. Don't say not as I know; say not that I know. Don't say he calculates to get off; say he expects to get off. Don't say he don't; say he doesn't. Don't say she is some better; say she is somewhat better. Don't say where are you stopping? say where are you staying? Don't say you was; say you were. Don't say I say, says I, but simply say I said. Don't sign your letters yours etc., but yours truly. Don't say lay for lie; lay expresses action; lie expresses rest. Don't say them bonnets; say those bonnets. Don't say party for person. Don't say it looks beautifully, but say it looks beautiful. Don't say feller, winder, to-morrer, for fellow, window, to-morrow. Don't use slangy words; they are vulgar. Don't use profane words; they are sinful and foolish. Don't say it was her, when you mean it was she. Don't say not at once for at once. Don't say he gave me a recommend, but say he gave me a recommendation. Don't say the two first for the first two. Don't say he learnt me French; say he taught me French. Don't say lit the fire; say lighted the fire. Don't say the man which you saw; say the man whom you saw. Don't say who done it; say who did it Don't say if I was rich I would buy a carriage; say if I were rich. Don't say if I am not mistaken you are in the wrong; say if I mistake not. Don't say who may you be; say who are you? Don't say go lay down; say go lie down. Don't say he is taller than me; say taller than I. Don't say I shall call upon him; say I shall call on him. Don't say I bought a new pair of shoes; say I bought a pair of new shoes. Don't say I had rather not; say I would rather not. Don't say two spoonsful; say two spoonfuls. * * * * * ETIQUETTE OF DRESS AND HABITS. Don't let one day pass without a thorough cleansing of your person. Don't sit down to your evening meal before a complete toilet if you have company. Don't cleanse your nails, your nose or your ears in public. Don't use hair dye, hair oil or pomades. Don't wear evening dress in daytime. Don't wear jewelry of a gaudy character; genuine jewelry modestly worn is not out of place. Don't overdress yourself or walk affectedly. Don't wear slippers or dressing-gown or smoking-jacket out of your own house. Don't sink your hands in your trousers' pockets. Don't whistle in public places, nor inside of houses either. Don't use your fingers or fists to beat a tattoo upon floor desk or window panes. Don't examine other people's papers or letters scattered on their desk. Don't bring a smell of spirits or tobacco into the presence of ladies. Never use either in the presence of ladies. Don't drink spirits; millions have tried it to their sorrow. * * * * * ETIQUETTE ON THE STREET. 1. Your conduct on the street should always be modest and dignified. Ladies should carefully avoid all loud and boisterous conversation or laughter and all undue liveliness in public. 2. When walking on the street do not permit yourself to be absent-minded, as to fail to recognize a friend; do not go along reading a book or newspaper. 3. In walking with a lady on the street give her the inner side of the walk, unless the outside if the safer part; in which case she is entitled to it. 4. Your arm should not be given to any lady except your wife or a near relative, or a very old lady, during the day, unless her comfort or safety requires it. At night the arm should always be offered; also in ascending the steps of a public building. 5. In crossing the street a lady should gracefully raise her dress a little above her ankle with one hand. To raise the dress with both hands is vulgar, except in places where the mud is very deep. 6. A gentleman meeting a lady acquaintance on the street should not presume to join her in her walk without first asking her permission. 7. If you have anything to say to a lady whom you may happen to meet in the street, however intimate you may be, do not stop her, but turn round and walk in company with her; you can take leave at the end of the street. 8. A lady should not venture out upon the street alone after dark. By so doing she compromises her dignity, and exposes herself to indignity at the hands of the rougher class. 9. Never offer to shake hands with a lady in the street if you have on dark or soiled gloves, as you may soil hers. 10. A lady does not form acquaintances upon the street, or seek to attract the attention of the other sex or of persons of her own sex. Her conduct is always modest and unassuming. Neither does a lady demand services or favors from a gentleman. She accepts them graciously, always expressing her thanks. A gentleman will not stand on the street corners, or in hotel doorways, or store windows and gaze impertinently at ladies as they pass by. This is the exclusive business of loafers. 11. In walking with a lady who has your arm, should you have to cross the street, do not disengage your arm and go around upon the outside, unless the lady's comfort renders it necessary. In walking with a lady, where it is necessary for you to proceed singly, always go before her. * * * * * ETIQUETTE BETWEEN SEXES. 1. A lady should be a lady, and a gentleman a gentleman under any and all circumstances. 2. FEMALE INDIFFERENCE TO MAN.--There is nothing that affects the nature and pleasure of man so much as a proper and friendly recognition from a lady, and as women are more or less dependent upon man's good-will, either for gain or pleasure, it surely stands to their interest to be reasonably pleasant and courteous in his presence or society. Indifference is always a poor investment, whether in society or business. 3. GALLANTRY AND LADYISM should be a prominent feature in the education of young people. Politeness to ladies cultivates the intellect and refines the soul and he who can be easy and entertaining in the society of ladies has mastered one of the greatest accomplishments. There is nothing taught in school, academy or college, that contributes so much to the happiness of man as a full development of his social and moral qualities. 4. LADYLIKE ETIQUETTE.--No woman can afford to treat men rudely. A lady must have a high intellectual and moral ideal and hold herself above reproach. She must remember that the art of pleasing and entertaining gentlemen is infinitely more ornamental than laces, ribbons or diamonds. Dress and glitter may please man, but it will never benefit him. 5. CULTIVATE DEFICIENCIES.--Men and women poorly sexed treat each other with more or less indifference, whereas a hearty sexuality inspires both to a right estimation of the faculties and qualities of each other. Those who are deficient should seek society and overcome their deficiencies. While some naturally inherit faculties as entertainers others are compelled to acquire them by cultivation. [Illustration: ASKING AN HONEST QUESTION.] 6. LADIES' SOCIETY.--He who seeks ladies' society should seek an education and should have a pure heart and a pure mind. Read good, pure and wholesome literature and study human nature, and you will always be a favorite in the society circle. 7. WOMAN HATERS.--Some men with little refinement and strong sensual feelings virtually insult and thereby disgust and repel every female they meet. They look upon woman with an inherent vulgarity, and doubt the virtue and integrity of all alike. But it is because they are generally insincere and impure themselves, and with such a nature culture and refinement are out of the question, there must be a revolution. 8. MEN HATERS.--Women who look upon all men as odious, corrupt or hateful, are no doubt so themselves, though they may be clad in silk and sparkle with diamonds and be as pretty as a lily; but their hypocrisy will out, and they can never win the heart of a faithful, conscientious and well balanced man. A good woman has broad ideas and great sympathy. She respects all men until they are proven unworthy. 9. FOND OF CHILDREN.--The man who is naturally fond of children will make a good husband and a good father. So it behooves the young man, to notice children and cultivate the art of pleasing them. It will be a source of interest, education and permanent benefit to all. 10. EXCESSIVE LUXURY.--Although the association with ladies is an expensive luxury, yet it is not an expensive education. It elevates, refines, sanctifies and purifies, and improves the whole man. A young man who has a pure and genuine respect for ladies, will not only make a good husband, but a good citizen as well. 11. MASCULINE ATTENTION.--No woman is entitled to any more attention than her loveliness and ladylike conduct will command. Those who are most pleasing will receive the most attention, and those who desire more should aspire to acquire more by cultivating those graces and virtues which ennoble woman, but no lady should lower or distort her own true ideal, or smother and crucify her conscience, in order to please any living man. A good man will admire a good woman, and deceptions cannot long be concealed. Her show of dry goods or glitter of jewels cannot long cover up her imperfections or deceptions. 12. PURITY.--Purity of purpose will solve all social problems. Let all stand on this exalted sexual platform, and teach every man just how to treat the female sex, and every woman how to behave towards the masculine; and it will incomparably adorn the manners of both, make both happy in each other, and mutually develop each other's sexuality and humanity. [Illustration] [Illustration] * * * * * PRACTICAL RULES ON TABLE MANNERS. 1. Help ladies with a due appreciation; do not overload the plate of any person you serve. Never pour gravy on a plate without permission. It spoils the meat for some persons. 2. Never put anything by force upon any one's plate. It is extremely ill-bred, though extremely common, to press one to eat of anything. 3. If at dinner you are requested to help any one to sauce or gravy, do not pour it over the meat or vegetables, but on one side of them. Never load down a person's plate with anything. 4. As soon as you are helped, begin to eat, or at least begin to occupy yourself with what you have before you. Do not wait till your neighbors are served--a custom that was long ago abandoned. 5. Should you, however, find yourself at a table where they have the old-fashioned steel forks, eat with your knife, as the others do, and do not let it be seen that you have any objection to doing so. 6. Bread should be broken. To butter a large piece of bread and then bite it, as children do, is something the knowing never do. 7. In eating game or poultry do not touch the bones with your fingers. To take a bone in the fingers for the purpose of picking it, is looked upon as being very inelegant. 8. Never use your own knife or fork to help another. Use rather the knife or fork of the person you help. 9. Never send your knife or fork, or either of them, on your plate when you send for second supply. 10. Never turn your elbows out when you use your knife and fork. Keep them close to your sides. 11. Whenever you use your fingers to convey anything to your mouth or to remove anything from the mouth, let it be the fingers of the left hand. 12. Tea, coffee, chocolate and the like are drank from the cup and never from the saucer. 13. In masticating your food, keep your mouth shut; otherwise you will make a noise that will be very offensive to those around you. 14. Don't attempt to talk with a full mouth. One thing at a time is as much as any man can do well. 15. Should you find a worm or insect in your food, say nothing about it. 16. If a dish is distasteful to you, decline it, and without comment. 17. Never put bones or bits of fruit on the table cloth. Put them on the side of your plate. 18. Do not hesitate to take the last piece on the dish, simply because it is the last. To do so is to directly express the fear that you would exhaust the supply. 19. If you would be what you would like to be--abroad, take care that you _are_ what you would like to be--at home. 20. Avoid picking your teeth at the table if possible; but if you must, do it, it you can, where you are not observed. 21. If an accident of any kind soever should occur during dinner, the cause being who or what it may, you should not seem to note it. 22. Should you be so unfortunate as to overturn or to break anything, you should make no apology. You might let your regret appear in your face, but it would not be proper to put it in words. [Illustration: A PARLOR RECITATION.] * * * * * SOCIAL DUTIES. Man In Society is like a flower, Blown in its native bed. 'Tis there alone His faculties expanded in full bloom Shine out, there only reach their proper use. --COWPER. The primal duties shine aloft like stars; The charities that soothe, and heal, and bless, Are scatter'd at the feet of man like flowers. --WORDSWORTH. 1. MEMBERSHIP IN SOCIETY.--Many fail to get hold of the idea that they are members of society. They seem to suppose that the social machinery of the world is self-operating. They cast their first ballot with an emotion of pride perhaps, but are sure to pay their first tax with a groan. They see political organizations in active existence; the parish, and the church, and other important bodies that embrace in some form of society all men, are successfully operated; and yet these young men have no part or lot in the matter. They do not think of giving a day's time to society. 2. BEGIN EARLY.--One of the first things a young man should do is to see that he is acting his part in society. The earlier this is begun the better. I think that the opponents of secret societies in colleges have failed to estimate the benefit which it must be to every member to be obliged to contribute to the support of his particular organization, and to assume personal care and responsibility as a member. If these societies have a tendency to teach the lessons of which I speak, they are a blessed thing. 3. DO YOUR PART.--Do your part, and be a man among men. Assume your portion of social responsibility, and see that you discharge it well. If you do not do this, then you are mean, and society has the right to despise you just as much as it chooses to do so. You are, to use a word more emphatic than agreeable, a sneak, and have not a claim upon your neighbors for a single polite word. 4. A WHINING COMPLAINER.--Society, as it is called, is far more apt to pay its dues to the individual than the individual to society. Have you, young man, who are at home whining over the fact that you cannot get into society, done anything to give you a claim to social recognition? Are you able to make any return for social recognition and social privileges? Do you know anything? What kind of coin do you propose to pay in the discharge of the obligation which comes upon you with social recognition? In other words, as a return for what you wish to have society do for you, what can you do for society? This is a very important question--more important to you than to society. The question is, whether you will be a member of society by right, or by courtesy. If you have so mean a spirit as to be content to be a beneficiary of society--to receive favors and to confer none--you have no business in the society to which you aspire. You are an exacting, conceited fellow. 5. WHAT ARE YOU GOOD FOR?--Are you a good beau, and are you willing to make yourself useful in waiting on the ladies on all occasions? Have you a good set of teeth, which you are willing to show whenever the wit of the company gets off a good thing? Are you a true, straightforward, manly fellow, with whose healthful and uncorrupted nature it is good for society to come in contact? In short, do you possess anything of any social value? If you do, and are willing to impart it, society will yield itself to your touch. If you have nothing, then society, as such, owes you nothing. Christian philanthropy may put its arm around you, as a lonely young man, about to spoil for want of something, but it is very sad and humiliating for a young man to be brought to that. There are people who devote themselves to nursing young men, and doing them good. If they invite you to tea, go by all means, and try your hand. If in the course of the evening, you can prove to them that your society is desirable, you have won a point. Don't be patronized. 6. THE MORBID CONDITION.--Young men, you are apt to get into a morbid state of mind, which declines them to social intercourse. They become devoted to business with such exclusiveness, that all social intercourse is irksome. They go out to tea as if they were going to jail, and drag themselves to a party as to an execution. This disposition is thoroughly morbid, and to be overcome by going where you are invited, always, and with a sacrifice of feeling. 7. THE COMMON BLUNDER.--Don't shrink from contact with anything but bad morals. Men who affect your unhealthy minds with antipathy, will prove themselves very frequently to be your best friends and most delightful companions. Because a man seems uncongenial to you, who are squeamish and foolish, you have no right to shun him. We become charitable by knowing men. We learn to love those whom we have despised by rubbing against them. Do you not remember some instance of meeting a man or woman whom you had never previously known or cared to know--an individual, perhaps, against whom you have entertained the strongest prejudices--but to whom you became bound by a lifelong friendship through the influence of a three days' intercourse? Yet, if you had not thus met, you would have carried through life the idea that it would be impossible for you to give your fellowship to such an individual. 8. THE FOOLISHNESS OF MAN.--God has introduced into human character infinite variety, and for you to say that you do not love and will not associate with a man because he is unlike you, is not only foolish but wrong. You are to remember that in the precise manner and decree in which a man differs from you, do you differ from him; and that from his standpoint you are naturally as repulsive to him, as he, from your standpoint, is to you. So, leave all this talk of congeniality to silly girls and transcendental dreamers. 9. DO BUSINESS IN YOUR WAY AND BE HONEST.--Do your business in your own way, and concede to every man the privilege which you claim for yourself. The more you mix with men, the less you will be disposed to quarrel, and the more charitable and liberal will you become. The fact that you do not understand a man, is quite as likely to be your fault as his. There are a good many chances in favor of the conclusion that, if you fail to like an individual whose acquaintance you make it is through your own ignorance and illiberality. So I say, meet every man honestly; seek to know him; and you will find that in those points in which he differs from you rests his power to instruct you, enlarge you, and do you good. Keep your heart open for everybody, and be sure that you shall have your reward. You shall find a jewel under the most uncouth exterior; and associated with homeliest manners and oddest ways and ugliest faces, you will find rare virtues, fragrant little humanities, and inspiring heroisms. 10. WITHOUT SOCIETY, WITHOUT INFLUENCE.--Again: you can have no influence unless you are social. An unsocial man is as devoid of influence as an ice-peak is of verdure. It is through social contact and absolute social value alone that you can accomplish any great social good. It is through the invisible lines which you are able to attach to the minds with which you are brought into association alone that you can tow society, with its deeply freighted interests, to the great haven of your hope. 11. THE REVENGE OF SOCIETY.--The revenge which society takes upon the man who isolates himself, is as terrible as it is inevitable. The pride which sits alone will have the privilege of sitting alone in its sublime disgust till it drops into the grave. The world sweeps by the man, carelessly, remorselessly, contemptuously. He has no hold upon society, because he is no part of it. 12. THE CONCLUSION OF THE WHOLE MATTER.--You cannot move men until you are one of them. They will not follow you until they have heard your voice, shaken your hand, and fully learned your principles and your sympathies. It makes no difference how much you know, or how much you are capable of doing. You may pile accomplishment upon acquisition mountain high; but if you fail to be a social man, demonstrating to society that your lot is with the rest, a little child with a song in its mouth, and a kiss for all and a pair of innocent hands to lay upon the knees, shall lead more hearts and change the direction of more lives than you. [Illustration: GATHERING ORANGES IN THE SUNNY SOUTH.] * * * * * POLITENESS. 1. BEAUTIFUL BEHAVIOR.--Politeness has been described as the art of showing, by external signs, the internal regard we have for others. But one may be perfectly polite to another without necessarily paying a special regard for him. Good manners are neither more nor less than beautiful behavior. It has been well said that "a beautiful form is better than a beautiful face, and a beautiful behavior is better than a beautiful form; it gives a higher pleasure than statues or pictures--it is the finest of the fine arts." 2. TRUE POLITENESS.--The truest politeness comes of sincerity. It must be the outcome of the heart, or it will make no lasting impression; for no amount of polish can dispense with truthfulness. The natural character must be allowed to appear, freed of its angularities and asperities. Though politeness, in its best form, should resemble water--"best when clearest, most simple, and without taste"--yet genius in a man will always cover many defects of manner, and much will be excused to the strong and the original. Without genuineness and individuality, human life would lose much of its interest and variety, as well as its manliness and robustness of character. 3. PERSONALITY OF OTHERS.--True politeness especially exhibits itself in regard for the personality of others. A man will respect the individuality of another if he wishes to be respected himself. He will have due regard for his views and opinions, even though they differ from his own. The well-mannered man pays a compliment to another, and sometimes even secures his respect by patiently listening to him. He is simply tolerant and forbearant, and refrains from judging harshly; and harsh judgments of others will almost invariably provoke harsh judgments of ourselves. 4. THE IMPOLITE.--The impolite, impulsive man will, however, sometimes rather lose his friend than his joke. He may surely be pronounced a very foolish person who secures another's hatred at the price of a moment's gratification. It was a saying of Burnel, the engineer--himself one of the kindest-natured of men--that "spite and ill-nature are among the most expensive luxuries in life." Dr. Johnson once said: "Sir, a man has no more right to say a rude thing to another than to knock him down." 5. FEELINGS OF OTHERS.--Want of respect for the feelings of others usually originates in selfishness, and issues in hardness and repulsiveness of manner. It may not proceed from malignity so much, as from want of sympathy, and want of delicacy--a want of that perception of, and attention to, those little and apparently trifling things, by which pleasure is given or pain occasioned to others. Indeed, it may be said that in self-sacrifice in the ordinary intercourse of life, mainly consists the difference between being well and ill bred. Without some degree of self-restraint in society a man may be found almost insufferable. No one has pleasure in holding intercourse with such a person, and he is a constant source of annoyance to those about him. 6. DISREGARD OF OTHERS.--Men may show their disregard to others in various impolite ways, as, for instance, by neglect of propriety in dress, by the absence of cleanliness, or by indulging in repulsive habits. The slovenly, dirty person, by rendering himself physically disagreeable, sets the tastes and feelings of others at defiance, and is rude and uncivil, only under another form. 7. THE BEST SCHOOL OF POLITENESS.--The first and best school of politeness, as of character, is always the home, where woman is the teacher. The manners of society at large are but the reflex of the manners of our collective homes, neither better nor worse. Yet, with all the disadvantages of ungenial homes, men may practice self-culture of manner as of intellect, and learn by good examples to cultivate a graceful and agreeable behavior towards others. Most men are like so many gems in the rough, which need polishing by contact with other and better natures, to bring out their full beauty and lustre. Some have but one side polished, sufficient only to show the delicate graining of the interior; but to bring out the full qualities of the gem, needs the discipline of experience, and contact with the best examples of character in the intercourse of daily life. 8. CAPTIOUSNESS OF MANNER.--While captiousness of manner, and the habit of disputing and contradicting every thing said, is chilling and repulsive, the opposite habit of assenting to, and sympathizing with, every statement made, or emotion expressed, is almost equally disagreeable. It is unmanly, and is felt to be dishonest. "It may seem difficult," says Richard Sharp, "to steer always between bluntness and plain dealing, between merited praises and lavishing indiscriminate flattery; but it is very easy--good humor, kindheartedness, and perfect simplicity, being all that are requisite to do what is right in the right way. At the same time many are impolite, not because they mean to be so, but because they are awkward, and perhaps know no better." 9. SHY PEOPLE.--Again many persons are thought to be stiff, reserved, and proud, when they are only shy. Shyness is characteristic of most people of the Teutonic race. From all that can be learned of Shakespeare, it is to be inferred that he was an exceedingly shy man. The manner in which his plays were sent into the world--for it is not known that he edited or authorized the publication of a single one of them,--and the dates at which they respectively appeared, are mere matters of conjecture. 10. SELF-FORGETFULNESS.--True politeness is best evinced by self-forgetfulness, or self-denial in the interest of others. Mr. Garfield, our martyred president, was a gentleman of royal type. His friend, Col. Rockwell, says of him: "In, the midst of his suffering he never forgets others. For instance, to-day he said to me, 'Rockwell, there is a poor soldier's widow who came to me before this thing occurred, and I promised her, she should be provided for. I want you to see that the matter is attended to at once.' He is the most docile patient I ever saw." 11. ITS BRIGHT SIDE.--We have thus far spoken of shyness as a defect. But there is another way of looking at it; for even shyness has its bright side, and contains an element of good. Shy men and shy races are ungraceful and undemonstrative, because, as regards society at large, they are comparatively unsociable. They do not possess those elegancies of manner acquired by free intercourse, which distinguish the social races, because their tendency is to shun society rather than to seek it. They are shy in the presence of strangers, and shy even in their own families. They hide their affections under a robe of reserve, and when they do give way to their feelings, it is only in some very hidden inner chamber. And yet, the feelings are there, and not the less healthy and genuine, though they are not made the subject of exhibition to others. 12. WORTHY OF CULTIVATION.--While, therefore, grace of manner, politeness of behavior, elegance of demeanor, and all the arts that contribute to make life pleasant and beautiful, are worthy of cultivation, it must not be at the expense of the more solid and enduring qualities of honesty, sincerity, and truthfulness. The fountain of beauty must be in the heart more than in the eye, and if it does not tend to produce beautiful life and noble practice, it will prove of comparatively little avail. Politeness of manner is not worth much, unless it is accompanied by polite actions. * * * * * INFLUENCE OF GOOD CHARACTER. "Unless above himself he can Erect himself, how poor a thing is man! --DANIEL. "Character is moral order seen through the medium of an individual nature--Men of character are the conscience of the society to which they belong." --EMERSON. The purest treasure mortal times afford, Is--spotless reputation; that away, Men are but gilded loam, or painted clay, A jewel in a ten-times-barr'd-up chest Is--a bold Spirit in a loyal breast. --SHAKESPEARE. 1. REPUTATION.--The two most precious things this side the grave are our reputation and our life. But it is to be lamented that the most contemptible whisper may deprive us of the one, and the weakest weapon of the other. A wise man, therefore, will be more anxious to deserve a fair name than to possess it, and this will teach him so to live, as not to be afraid to die. 2. CHARACTER.--Character is one of the greatest motive powers in the world. In its noblest embodiments, it exemplifies human nature in its highest forms, for it exhibits man at his best. 3. THE HEART THAT RULES IN LIFE.--Although genius always commands admiration, character most secures respect. The former is more the product of brain power, the latter of heart power; and in the long run it is the heart that rules in life. Men of genius stand to society in the relation of its intellect as men of character of its conscience: and while the former are admired, the latter are followed. 4. THE HIGHEST IDEAL OF LIFE AND CHARACTER.--Common-place though it may appear, this doing of one's duty embodies the highest ideal of life and character. There may be nothing heroic about it; but the common lot of men is not heroic. And though the abiding sense of duty upholds man in his highest attitudes, it also equally sustains him in the transaction of the ordinary affairs of every-day existence. Man's life is "centered in the sphere of common duties." The most influential of all the virtues are those which are the most in request for daily use. They wear the best, and last the longest. 5. WEALTH.--Wealth in the hands of men of weak purpose, or deficient self-control, or of ill regulated passions is only a temptation and a snare--the source, it may be, of infinite mischief to themselves, and often to others. On the contrary, a condition of comparative poverty is compatible with character in its highest form. A man may possess only his industry, his frugality, his integrity, and yet stand high in the rank of true manhood. The advice which Burns' father gave him was the best: "He bade me act a manly part, though I had ne'er a farthing, For without an honest, manly heart no man was worth regarding." 6. CHARACTER IS PROPERTY.--It is the noblest of possessions. It is an estate in the general good-will and respect of men; they who invest in it--though they may not become rich in this world's goods--will find their reward in esteem and reputation fairly and honorably won. And it is right that in life good qualities should tell--that industry, virtue, and goodness should rank the highest--and that the really best men should be foremost. 7. SIMPLE HONESTY OF PURPOSE.--This in a man goes a long way in life, if founded on a just estimate of himself and a steady obedience to the rule he knows and feels to be right. It holds a man straight, gives him strength and sustenance, and forms a mainspring of vigorous action. No man is bound to be rich or great--no, nor to be wise--but every man is bound to be honest and virtuous. [Illustration] [Illustration: HOME AMUSEMENTS.] * * * * * FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 1. GENTLENESS MUST CHARACTERIZE EVERY ACT OF AUTHORITY.--The storm of excitement that may make the child start, bears no relation to actual obedience. The inner firmness, that sees and feels a moral conviction and expects obedience, is only disguised and defeated by bluster. The more calm and direct it is, the greater certainty it has of dominion. 2. FOR THE GOVERNMENT OF SMALL CHILDREN.--For the government of small children speak only in the authority of love, yet authority, loving and to be obeyed. The most important lesson to impart is obedience to authority as authority. The question of salvation with most children will be settled as soon as they learn to obey parental authority. It establishes a habit and order of mind that is ready to accept divine authority. This precludes skepticism and disobedience, and induces that childlike trust and spirit set forth as a necessary state of salvation. Children that are never made to obey are left to drift into the sea of passion where the pressure for surrender only tends to drive them at greater speed from the haven of safety. 3. HABITS OF SELF-DENIAL.--Form in the child habits of self-denial. Pampering never matures good character. 4. EMPHASIZE INTEGRITY.--Keep the moral tissues tough in integrity; then it will hold a hook of obligations when once set in a sure place. There is nothing more vital. Shape all your experiments to preserve the integrity. Do not so reward it that it becomes mercenary. Turning State's evidence is a dangerous experiment in morals. Prevent deceit from succeeding. 5. GUARD MODESTY.--To be brazen is to imperil some of the best elements of character. Modesty may be strengthened into a becoming confidence, but brazen facedness can seldom be toned down into decency. It requires the miracle of grace. 6. PROTECT PURITY.--Teach your children to loathe impurity. Study the character of their playmates. Watch their books. Keep them from corruption at all cost. The groups of youth in the school and in society, and in business places, seed with improprieties of word and thought. Never relax your vigilance along this exposed border. [Illustration: BOTH PUZZLED.] 7. THREATEN THE LEAST POSSIBLE.--In family government threaten the least possible. Some parents rattle off their commands with penalties so profusely that there is a steady roar of hostilities about the child's head. These threats are forgotten by the parent and unheeded by the child. All government is at an end. 8. DO NOT ENFORCE TOO MANY COMMANDS.--Leave a few things within the range of the child's knowledge that are not forbidden. Keep your word good, but do not have too much of it out to be redeemed. 9. PUNISH AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.--Sometimes punishment is necessary, but the less it is resorted to the better. 10. NEVER PUNISH IN A PASSION.--Wrath only becomes cruelty. There is no moral power in it. When you seem to be angry you can do no good. 11. BRUTISH VIOLENCE ONLY MULTIPLIES OFFENDERS.--Striking and beating the body seldom reaches the soul. Fear and hatred beget rebellion. 12. PUNISH PRIVATELY.--Avoid punishments that break down self-respect. Striking the body produces shame and indignation. It is enough for the other children to know that discipline is being administered. 13. NEVER STOP SHORT OF SUCCESS.--When the child is not conquered the punishment has been worse than wasted. Reach the point where neither wrath nor sullenness remain. By firm persistency and persuasion require an open look of recognition and peace. It is only evil to stir up the devil unless he is cast out. Ordinarily one complete victory will last a child for a lifetime. But if the child relapses, repeat the dose with proper accompaniments. 14. DO NOT REQUIRE CHILDREN TO COMPLAIN OF THEMSELVES FOR PARDON.--It begets either sycophants or liars. It is the part of the government to detect offences. It reverses the order of matters to shirk this duty. 15. GRADE AUTHORITY UP TO LIBERTY.--The growing child must have experiments of freedom. Lead him gently into the family. Counsel with him. Let him plan as he can. By and by he has the confidence of courage without the danger of exposures. 16. RESPECT.--Parents must respect each other. Undermining either undermines both. Always govern in the spirit of love. [Illustration] [Illustration] * * * * * CONVERSATION. Some men are very entertaining for a first interview, but after that they are exhausted, and run out; on a second meeting we shall find them very flat and monotonous; like hand-organs, we have heard all their tunes.--COULTON. He who sedulously attends, pointedly asks, calmly speaks, coolly answers, and ceases when he has no more to say, is in possession of some of the best requisites of man.--LAVATER. Beauty is never so lovely as when adorned with the smile, and conversation never sits easier upon us than when we know and then discharge ourselves in a symphony of Laughter, which may not improperly be called the Chorus of Conversation.--STEELE. The first ingredient in Conversation is Truth, the next Good Sense, the third Good Humor, and the fourth Wit.--SIR WILLIAM TEMPLE. HOME LESSONS IN CONVERSATION. Say nothing unpleasant when it can be avoided. Avoid satire and sarcasm. Never repeat a word that was not intended for repetition. Cultivate the supreme wisdom, which consists less in saying what ought to be said than in not saying what ought not to be said. Often cultivate "flashes of silence." It is the larger half of the conversation to listen well. Listen to others patiently, especially the poor. Sharp sayings are an evidence of low breeding. Shun faultfindings and faultfinders. Never utter an uncomplimentary word against anyone. Compliments delicately hinted and sincerely intended are a grace in conversation. Commendation of gifts and cleverness properly put are in good taste, but praise of beauty is offensive. Repeating kind expressions is proper. Compliments given in a joke may be gratefully received in earnest. The manner and tone are important parts of a compliment. Avoid egotism. Don't talk of yourself, or of your friends or your deeds. Give no sign that you appreciate your own merits. Do not become a distributer of the small talk of a community. The smiles of your auditors do not mean respect. Avoid giving the impression of one filled with "suppressed egotism." Never mention your own peculiarities; for culture destroys vanity. Avoid exaggeration. Do not be too positive. Do not talk of display oratory. Do not try to lead in conversation looking around to enforce silence. Lay aside affected, silly etiquette for the natural dictates of the heart. Direct the conversation where others can join with you and impart to you useful information. Avoid oddity. Eccentricity is shallow vanity. Be modest. Be what you wish to seem. Avoid repeating a brilliant or clever saying. [Illustration: THINKING ONLY OF DRESS.] If you find bashfulness or embarrassment coming upon you, do or say something at once. The commonest matter gently stated is better than an embarrassing silence. Sometimes changing your position, or looking into a book for a moment may relieve your embarrassment, and dispel any settling stiffness. Avoid telling many stories, or repeating a story more than once in the same company. Never treat any one as if you simply wanted him to tell stories. People laugh and despise such a one. Never tell a coarse story. No wit or preface can make it excusable. Tell a story, if at all, only as an illustration, and not for itself. Tell it accurately. Be careful in asking questions for the purpose of starting conversation or drawing out a person, not to be rude or intrusive. Never take liberties by staring, or by any rudeness. Never infringe upon any established regulations among strangers. Do not always prove yourself to be the one in the right. The right will appear. You need only give it a chance. Avoid argument in conversation. It is discourteous to your host. Cultivate paradoxes in conversation with your peers. They add interest to common-place matters. To strike the harmless faith of ordinary people in any public idol is waste, but such a movement with those able to reply is better. Never discourse upon your ailments. Never use words of the meaning or pronunciation of which you are uncertain. Avoid discussing your own or other people's domestic concerns. Never prompt a slow speaker, as if you had all the ability. In conversing with a foreigner who may be learning our language, it is excusable to help him in some delicate way. Never give advice unasked. Do not manifest impatience. Do not interrupt another when speaking. Do not find fault, though you may gently criticise. Do not appear to notice inaccuracies of speech in others. Do not always commence a conversation by allusion to the weather. Do not, when narrating an incident, continually say, "you see," "you know." Do not allow yourself to lose temper or speak excitedly. Do not introduce professional or other topics that the company generally cannot take an interest in. Do not talk very loud. A firm, clear, distinct, yet mild, gentle, and musical voice has great power. Do not be absent-minded, requiring the speaker to repeat what has been said that you may understand. Do not try to force yourself into the confidence of others. Do not use profanity, vulgar terms, words of double meaning, or language that will bring the blush to anyone. Do not allow yourself to speak ill of the absent one if it can be avoided. The day may come when some friend will be needed to defend you in your absence. Do not speak with contempt and ridicule of a locality which you may be visiting. Find something to truthfully praise and commend; thus make yourself agreeable. Do not make a pretense of gentility, nor parade the fact that you are a descendant of any notable family. You must pass for just what you are, and must stand on your own merit. Do not contradict. In making a correction say, "I beg your pardon, but I had the impression that it was so and so." Be careful in contradicting, as you may be wrong yourself. Do not be unduly familiar; you will merit contempt if you are. Neither should you be dogmatic in your assertions, arrogating to yourself such consequences in your opinions. Do not be too lavish in your praise of various members of your own family when speaking to strangers; the person to whom you are speaking may know some faults that you do not. Do not feel it incumbent upon yourself to carry your point in conversation. Should the person with whom you are conversing feel the same, your talk may lead into violent argument. Do not try to pry into the private affairs of others by asking what their profits are, what things cost, whether Melissa ever had a beau, and why Amarette never got married? All such questions are extremely impertinent and are likely to meet with rebuke. Do not whisper in company; do not engage in private conversation; do not speak a foreign language which the general company present may not understand, unless it is understood that the foreigner is unable to speak your own language. [Illustration: WIDOWER JONES AND WIDOW SMITH.] * * * * * THE TOILET. OR The Care of the Person. IMPORTANT RULES. 1. GOOD APPEARANCE.--The first care of all persons should be for their personal appearance. Those who are slovenly or careless in their habits are unfit for refined society, and cannot possibly make a good appearance in it. A well-bred person will always cultivate habits of the most scrupulous neatness. A gentleman or lady is always well dressed. The garment may be plain or of coarse material, or even worn "thin and shiny," but if it is carefully brushed and neat, it can be worn with dignity. 2. PERSONAL CLEANLINESS.--Personal appearance depends greatly on the careful toilet and scrupulous attention to dress. The first point which marks the gentleman or lady in appearance is rigid cleanliness. This remark supplies to the body and everything which covers it. A clean skin--only to be secured by frequent baths--is indispensable. 3. THE TEETH.--The teeth should receive the utmost attention. Many a young man has been disgusted with a lady by seeing her unclean and discolored teeth. It takes but a few moments, and if necessary secure some simple tooth powder or rub the teeth thoroughly every day with a linen handkerchief, and it will give the teeth and mouth a beautiful and clean appearance. 4. THE HAIR AND BEARD.--The hair should be thoroughly brushed and well kept, and the beard of men properly trimmed. Men should not let their hair grow long and shaggy. 5. UNDERCLOTHING.--The matter of cleanliness extends to all articles of clothing, underwear as well as the outer clothing. Cleanliness is a mark of true utility. The clothes need not necessarily be of a rich and expensive quality, but they can all be kept clean. Some persons have an odor about them that is very offensive, simply on account of their underclothing being worn too long without washing. This odor of course cannot be detected by the person who wears the soiled garments, but other persons easily detect it and are offended by it. 6. THE BATH.--No person should think for a moment that they can be popular in society without regular bathing. A bath should be taken at least once a week, and if the feet perspire they should be washed several times a week, as the case may require. It is not unfrequent that young men are seen with dirty ears and neck. This is unpardonable and boorish, and shows gross neglect. Occasionally a young lady will be called upon unexpectedly when her neck and smiling face are not emblems of cleanliness. Every lady owes it to herself to be fascinating; every gentleman is bound, for his own sake, to be presentable; but beyond this there is the obligation to society, to one's friends, and to those with whom we may be brought in contact. 7. SOILED GARMENTS.--A young man's garments may not be expensive, yet there is no excuse for wearing a soiled collar and a soiled shirt, or carrying a soiled handkerchief. No one should appear as though he had slept in a stable, shaggy hair, soiled clothing or garments indifferently put on and carelessly buttoned. A young man's vest should always be kept buttoned in the presence of ladies. 8. THE BREATH.--Care should be taken to remedy an offensive breath without delay. Nothing renders one so unpleasant to one's acquaintance, or is such a source of misery to one's self. The evil may be from some derangement of the stomach or some defective condition of the teeth, or catarrhal affection of the throat and nose. See remedies in other portions of the book. * * * * * A YOUNG MAN'S PERSONAL APPEARANCE. Dress changes the manners.--VOLTAIRE. Whose garments wither, shall receive faded smiles.--SHERIDAN KNOWLES. Men of sense follow fashion so far that they are neither conspicuous for their excess nor peculiar by their opposition to it.--ANONYMOUS. 1. A well-dressed man does not require so much an extensive as a varied wardrobe. He does not need a different suit for every season and every occasion, but if he is careful to select clothes that are simple and not striking or conspicuous, he may use the garment over and over again without their being noticed, provided they are suitable to the season and the occasion. 2. A clean shirt, collar and cuffs always make a young man look neat and tidy, even if his clothes are not of the latest pattern and are somewhat threadbare. 3. Propriety is outraged when a man of sixty dresses like a youth or sixteen. It is bad manners for a gentleman to use perfumes to a noticeable extent. Avoid affecting singularity in dress. Expensive clothes are no sign of a gentleman. 4. When dressed for company, strive to appear easy and natural. Nothing is more distressing to a sensitive person, or more ridiculous to one gifted with refinement, than to see a lady laboring under the consciousness of a fine gown or a gentleman who is stiff, awkward and ungainly in a brand-new coat. 5. Avoid what is called the "ruffianly style of dress" or the slouchy appearance of a half-unbottoned vest, and suspenderless pantaloons. That sort of affectation is, if possible, even more disgusting than the painfully elaborate frippery of the dandy or dude. Keep your clothes well brushed and keep them cleaned. Slight spots can be removed with a little sponge and soap and water. 6. A gentleman should never wear a high hat unless he has on a frock coat or a dress suit. 7. A man's jewelry should be good and simple. Brass or false jewelry, like other forms of falsehood, is vulgar. Wearing many cheap decorations is a serious fault. [Illustration: THE DUDE OF THE 17TH CENTURY.] 8. If a man wears a ring it should be on the third finger of the left hand. This is the only piece of jewelry a man is allowed to wear that does not serve a purpose. 9. Wearing imitations of diamonds is always in very bad taste. 10. Every man looks better in a full beard if he keeps it well trimmed. If a man shaves he should shave at least every other day, unless he is in the country. 11. The finger-nails should be kept cut, and the teeth should be cleaned every morning, and kept clear from tarter. A man who does not keep his teeth clean does not look like a gentleman when he shows them. [Illustration] * * * * * DRESS. We sacrifice to dress, till household joys And comforts cease. Dress drains our cellar dry, And keeps our larder lean. Puts out our fires, And introduces hunger, frost and woe, Where peace and hospitality might reign. --COWPER 1. GOD IS A LOVER OF DRESS.--We cannot but feel that God is a lover of dress. He has put on robes of beauty and glory upon all his works. Every flower is dressed in richness; every field blushes beneath a mantle of beauty; every star is veiled in brightness; every bird is clothed in the habiliments of the most exquisite taste. The cattle upon the thousand hills are dressed by the hand divine. Who, studying God in his works, can doubt, that he will smile upon the evidence of correct taste manifested by his children in clothing the forms he has made them? 2. LOVE OF DRESS.--To love dress is not to be a slave of fashion; to love dress only is the test of such homage. To transact the business of charity in a silken dress, and to go in a carriage to the work, injures neither the work nor the worker. The slave of fashion is one who assumes the livery of a princess, and then omits the errand of the good human soul; dresses in elegance, and goes upon no good errand, and thinks and does nothing of value to mankind. 3. BEAUTY IN DRESS.--Beauty in dress is a good thing, rail at it who may. But it is a lower beauty, for which a higher beauty should not be sacrificed. They love dresses too much who give it their first thought, their best time, or all their money; who for it neglect the culture of their mind or heart, or the claims of others on their service; who care more for their dress than their disposition; who are troubled more by an unfashionable bonnet than a neglected duty. 4. SIMPLICITY OF DRESS.--Female lovliness never appears to so good advantage as when set off by simplicity of dress. No artist ever decks his angels with towering feathers and gaudy jewelry; and our dear human angels--if they would make good their title to that name--should carefully avoid ornaments, which properly belong to Indian squaws and African princesses. These tinselries may serve to give effect on the stage, or upon the ball room floor, but in daily life there is no substitute for the charm of simplicity. A vulgar taste is not to be disguised by gold or diamonds. The absence of a true taste and refinement of delicacy cannot be compensated for by the possession of the most princely fortune. Mind measures gold, but gold cannot measure mind. Through dress the mind may be read, as through the delicate tissue the lettered page. A modest woman will dress modestly; a really refined and intelligent woman will bear the marks of careful selection and faultless taste. 5. PEOPLE OF SENSE.--A coat that has the mark of use upon it, is a recommendation to the people of sense, and a hat with too much nap, and too high lustre, a derogatory circumstance. The best coats in our streets are worn on the backs of penniless fops, broken down merchants, clerks with pitiful salaries, and men that do not pay up. The heaviest gold chains dangle from the fobs of gamblers and gentlemen of very limited means; costly ornaments on ladies, indicate to the eyes that are well opened, the fact of a silly lover or husband cramped for funds. 6. PLAIN AND NEAT.--When a pretty woman goes by in plain and neat apparel, it is the presumption that she has fair expectations, and a husband that can show a balance in his favor. For women are like books,--too much gilding makes men suspicious, that the binding is the most important part. The body is the shell of the soul, and the dress is the husk of the body; but the husk generally tells what the kernel is. As a fashionably dressed young lady passed some gentlemen, one of them raised his hat, whereupon another, struck by the fine appearance of the lady, made some inquiries concerning her, and was answered thus: "She makes a pretty ornament in her father's house, but otherwise is of no use." 7. THE RICHEST DRESS.--The richest dress is always worn on the soul. The adornments that will not perish, and that all men most admire, shine from the heart through this life. God has made it our highest, holiest duty, to dress the souls he has given us. It is wicked to waste it in frivolity. It is a beautiful, undying, precious thing. If every young woman would think of her soul when she looks in the glass, would hear the cry of her naked mind when she dallies away her precious hours at her toilet, would listen to the sad moaning of her hollow heart, as it wails through her idle, useless life, something would be done for the elevation of womanhood. 8. DRESSING UP.--Compare a well-dressed body with a well-dressed mind. Compare a taste for dress with a taste for knowledge, culture, virtue, and piety. Dress up an ignorant young woman in the "height of fashion"; put on plumes and flowers, diamonds and gewgaws; paint her face, girt up her waist, and I ask you, if this side of a painted and feathered savage you can find anything more unpleasant to behold. And yet such young women we meet by the hundred every day on the street and in all our public places. It is awful to think of. 9. DRESS AFFECTS OUR MANNERS.--A man who is badly dressed, feels chilly, sweaty, and prickly. He stammers, and does not always tell the truth. He means to, perhaps, but he can't. He is half distracted about his pantaloons, which are much to short, and are constantly hitching up; or his frayed jacket and crumpled linen harrow his soul, and quite unman him. He treads on the train of a lady's dress, and says, "Thank you", sits down on his hat, and wishes the "desert were his dwelling place." [Illustration] * * * * * BEAUTY. "She walks in beauty, like the night Of cloudless climes and starry skies: And all that's best of dark and bright Meet her in aspect and in her eyes; Thus mellowed to that tender light Which heaven to gaudy day denies." --BYRON. 1. THE HIGHEST STYLE OF BEAUTY.--The highest style of beauty to be found in nature pertains to the human form, as animated and lighted up by the intelligence within. It is the expression of the soul that constitutes this superior beauty. It is that which looks out of the eye, which sits in calm majesty on the brow, lurks on the lip, smiles on the cheek, is set forth in the chiselled lines and features of the countenance, in the general contour of figure and form, in the movement, and gesture, and tone; it is this looking out of the invisible spirit that dwells within, this manifestation of the higher nature, that we admire and love; this constitutes to us the beauty of our species. 2. BEAUTY WHICH PERISHES NOT.--There is a beauty which perishes not. It is such as the angels wear. It forms the washed white robes of the saints. It wreathes the countenance of every doer of good. It adorns every honest face. It shines in the virtuous life. It molds the hands of charity. It sweetens the voice of sympathy. It sparkles on the brow of wisdom. It flashes in the eye of love. It breathes in the spirit of piety. It is the beauty of the heaven of heavens. It is that which may grow by the hand of culture in every human soul. It is the flower of the spirit which blossoms on the tree of life. Every soul may plant and nurture it in its own garden, in its own Eden. 3. WE MAY ALL BE BEAUTIFUL.--This is the capacity of beauty that God has given to the human soul, and this the beauty placed within the reach of all. We may all be beautiful. Though our forms may be uncomely and our features not the prettiest, our spirits may be beautiful. And this inward beauty always shines through. A beautiful heart will flash out in the eye. A lovely soul will glow in the face. A sweet spirit will tune the voice, wreathe the countenance in charms. Oh, there is a power in interior beauty that melts the hardest heart! 4. WOMAN THE MOST PERFECT TYPE OF BEAUTY.--Woman, by common consent, we regard as the most perfect type of beauty on earth. To her we ascribe the highest charms belonging to this wonderful element so profusely mingled in all God's works. Her form is molded and finished in exquisite delicacy of perfection. The earth gives us no form more perfect, no features more symmetrical, no style more chaste, no movements more graceful, no finish more complete; so that our artists ever have and ever will regard the woman-form of humanity as the most perfect earthly type of beauty. This form is most perfect and symmetrical in the youth of womanhood; so that the youthful woman is earth's queen of beauty. This is true, not only by the common consent of mankind, but also by the strictest rules of scientific criticism. 5. FADELESS BEAUTY.--There cannot be a picture without its bright spots; and the steady contemplation of what is bright in others, has a reflex influence upon the beholder. It reproduces what it reflects. Nay, it seems to leave an impress even upon the countenance. The feature, from having a dark, sinister aspect, becomes open, serene, and sunny. A countenance so impressed, has neither the vacant stare of the idiot, nor the crafty, penetrating look of the basilisk, but the clear, placid aspect of truth and goodness. The woman who has such a face is beautiful. She has a beauty which changes not with the features, which fades not with years. It is beauty of expression. It is the only kind of beauty which can be relied upon for a permanent influence with the other sex. The violet will soon cease to smile. Flowers must fade. The love that has nothing but beauty to sustain it, soon withers away. [Illustration: HAND IN HAND.] 6. A PRETTY WOMAN PLEASES THE EYE, a good woman, the heart. The one is a jewel, the other a treasure. Invincible fidelity, good humor, and complacency of temper, outlive all the charms of a fine face, and make the decay of it invisible. That is true beauty which has not only a substance, but a spirit; a beauty that we must intimately know to justly appreciate. 7. THE WOMAN YOU LOVE BEST.--Beauty, dear reader, is probably the woman you love best, but we trust it is the beauty of soul and character, which sits in calm majesty on the brow, lurks on the lip, and will outlive what is called a fine face. 8. THE WEARING OF ORNAMENTS.--Beauty needs not the foreign aid of ornament, but is when unadorned adorned the most, is a trite observation; but with a little qualification it is worthy of general acceptance. Aside from the dress itself, ornaments should be very sparingly used--at any rate, the danger lies in over-loading oneself, and not in using too few. A young girl, and especially one of a light and airy style of beauty, should never wear gems. A simple flower in her hair or on her bosom is all that good taste will permit. When jewels or other ornaments are worn, they should be placed where you desire the eye of the spectator to rest, leaving the parts to which you do not want attention called as plain and negative as possible. There is no surer sign of vulgarity than a profusion of heavy jewelry carried about upon the person. [Illustration] [Illustration] * * * * * SENSIBLE HELPS TO BEAUTY. 1. FOR SCRAWNY NECK.--Take off your tight collars, feather boas and such heating things. Wash neck and chest with hot water, then rub in sweet oil all that you can work in. Apply this every night before you retire and leave the skin damp with it while you sleep. 2. FOR RED HANDS.--Keep your feet warm by soaking them often in hot water, and keep your hands out of the water as much as possible. Rub your hands with the skin of a lemon and it will whiten them. If your skin will bear glycerine after you have washed, pour into the palm a little glycerine and lemon juice mixed, and rub over the hands and wipe off. 3. NECK AND FACE.--Do not bathe the neck and face just before or after being out of doors. It tends to wrinkle the skin. 4. SCOWLS.--Never allow yourself to scowl, even if the sun be in your eyes. That scowl will soon leave its trace and no beauty will outlive it. 5. WRINKLED FOREHEAD.--If you wrinkle your forehead when you talk or read, visit an oculist and have your eyes tested, and then wear glasses to fit them. 6. OLD LOOKS.--Sometimes your face looks old because it is tired. Then apply the following wash and it will make you look younger: Put three drops of ammonia, a little borax, a tablespoonful of bay rum, and a few drops of camphor into warm water and apply to your face. Avoid getting it into your eyes. 7. THE BEST COSMETIC.--Squeeze the juice of a lemon into a pint of sweet milk. Wash the face with it every night and in the morning wash off with warm rain water. This will produce a very beautiful effect upon the skin. 8. SPOTS ON THE FACE.--Moles and many other discolorations may be removed from the face by a preparation composed of one part chemically pure carbolic acid and two parts pure glycerine. Touch the spots with a camel's-hair pencil, being careful that the preparation does not come in contact with the adjacent skin. Five minutes after touching, bathe with soft water and apply a little vaseline. It may be necessary to repeat the operation, but if persisted in, the blemishes will be entirely removed. 9. WRINKLES.--This prescription is said to cure wrinkles: Take one ounce of white wax and melt it to a gentle heat. Add two ounces of the juice of lily bulbs, two ounces of honey, two drams of rose water, and a drop or two of ottar of roses. Apply twice a day, rubbing the wrinkles the wrong way. Always use tepid water for washing the face. 10. THE HAIR.--The hair must be kept free from dust or it will fall out. One of the best things for cleaning it, is a raw egg rubbed into the roots and then washed out in several waters. The egg furnishes material for the hair to grow on, while keeping the scalp perfectly clean. Apply once a month. 11. LOSS OF HAIR.--When through sickness or headache the hair falls out, the following tonic may be applied with good effect: Use one ounce of glycerine, one ounce of bay rum, one pint of strong sage tea, and apply every other night rubbing well into the scalp. * * * * * HOW TO KEEP THE BLOOM AND GRACE OF YOUTH. THE SECRET OF ITS PRESERVATION. [Illustration: MRS. WM. McKINLEY.] 1. The question most often asked by women is regarding the art of retaining, with advancing years, the bloom and grace of youth. This secret is not learned through the analysis of chemical compounds, but by a thorough study of nature's laws peculiar to their sex. It is useless for women with wrinkled faces, dimmed eyes and blemished skins to seek for external applications of beautifying balms and lotions to bring the glow of life and health into the face, and yet there are truths, simple yet wonderful, whereby the bloom of early life can be restored and retained, as should be the heritage of all God's children, sending the light of beauty into every woman's face. The secret: 2. Do not bathe in hard water; soften it with a few drops of ammonia, or a little borax. 3. Do not bathe the face while it is very warm, and never use very cold water. 4. Do not attempt to remove dust with cold water; give your face a hot bath, using plenty of good soap, then give it a thorough rinsing with warm water. 5. Do not rub your face with a coarse towel. 6. Do not believe you can remove wrinkles by filling in the crevices with powder. Give your face a Russian bath every night; that is, bathe it with water so hot that you wonder how you can bear it, and then, a minute after, with moderately cold water, that will make your face glow with warmth; dry it with a soft towel. [Illustration: MALE. FEMALE. Showing the Difference in Form and Proportion.] * * * * * FORM AND DEFORMITY. 1. PHYSICAL DEFORMITIES.--Masquerading is a modern accomplishment. Girls wear tight shoes, burdensome skirts, corsets, etc., all of which prove so fatal to their health. At the age of seventeen or eighteen, our "young ladies" are sorry specimens of feminality; and palpitators, cosmetics and all the modern paraphernalia are required to make them appear fresh and blooming. Man is equally at fault. A devotee to all the absurd devices of fashion, he practically asserts that "dress makes the man." But physical deformities are of far less importance than moral imperfections. 2. DEVELOPMENT OF THE INDIVIDUAL.--It is not possible for human beings to attain their full stature of humanity, except by loving long and perfectly. Behold that venerable man! he is mature in judgment, perfect in every action and expression, and saintly in goodness. You almost worship as you behold. What rendered him thus perfect? What rounded off his natural asperities, and moulded up his virtues? Love mainly. It permeated every pore, and seasoned every fibre of his being, as could nothing else. Mark that matronly woman. In the bosom of her family she is more than a queen and goddess combined. All her looks and actions express the outflowing of some or all of the human virtues. To know her is to love her. She became thus perfect, not in a day or year, but by a long series of appropriate means. Then by what? Chiefly in and by love, which is specially adapted thus to develop this maturity. 3. PHYSICAL STATURE.--Men and women generally increase in stature until the twenty-fifth year, and it is safe to assume, that perfection of function is not established until maturity of bodily development is completed. The physical contour of these representations plainly exhibits the difference in structure, and also implies difference of function. Solidity and strength are represented by the organization of the male, grace and beauty by that of the female. His broad shoulders represent physical power and the right of dominion, while her bosom is the symbol of love and nutrition. * * * * * HOW TO DETERMINE A PERFECT HUMAN FIGURE. The proportions of the perfect human figure are strictly mathematical. The whole figure is six times the length of the foot. Whether the form be slender or plump, this rule holds good. Any deviation from it is a departure from the highest beauty of proportion. The Greeks made all their statues according to this rule. The face, from the highest point of the forehead, where the hair begins, to the end of the chin, is one-tenth of the whole stature. The hand, from the wrist to the end of the middle finger, is the same. The chest is a fourth, and from the nipples to the top of the head is the same. From the top of the chest to the highest point of the forehead is a seventh. If the length of the face, from the roots of the hair to the chin, be divided into three equal parts, the first division determines the point where the eyebrows meet, and the second the place of the nostrils. The navel is the central point of the human body, and if a man should lie on his back with his arms and legs extended, the periphery of the circle which might be described around him, with the navel for its center, would touch the extremities of his hands and feet. The height from the feet to the top of the head is the same as the distance from the extremity of one hand to the extremity of the other when the arms are extended. [Illustration: Lady's Dress in the days of Greece.] The Venus de Medici is considered the most perfect model of the female forms, and has been the admiration of the world for ages. Alexander Walker, after minutely describing this celebrated statue, says: "All these admirable characteristics of the female form, the mere existence of which in woman must, one is tempted to imagine, be even to herself, a source of ineffable pleasure, these constitute a being worthy, as the personification of beauty, of occupying the temples of Greece; present an object finer, alas, than Nature even seems capable of producing; and offer to all nations and ages a theme of admiration and delight." Well might Thomson say: So stands the statue that enchants the world, So, bending, tries to vail the matchless boast-- The mingled beauties of exulting Greece. We beg our readers to observe the form of the waist (evidently innocent of corsets and tight dresses) of this model woman, and also that of the Greek Slave in the accompanying outlines. These forms are such as unperverted nature and the highest art alike require. To compress the waist, and thereby change its form, pushing the ribs inward, displacing the vital organs, and preventing the due expansion of the lungs, is as destructive to beauty as it is to health. * * * * * THE HISTORY, MYSTERY, BENEFITS AND INJURIES OF THE CORSET. [Illustration: The Corset in the 18th Century.] 1. The origin of the corset is lost in remote antiquity. The figures of the early Egyptian women show clearly an artificial shape of the waist produced by some style of corset. A similar style of dress must also have prevailed among the ancient Jewish maidens; for Isaiah, in calling upon the women to put away their personal adornments, says: "Instead of a girdle there shall be a rent, and instead of a stomacher (corset) a girdle of sackcloth." 2. Homer also tells us of the cestus or girdle of Venus, which was borrowed by the haughty Juno with a view to increasing her personal attractions, that Jupiter might be a more tractable and orderly husband. 3. Coming down to the later times, we find the corset was used in France and England as early as the 12th century. 4. The most extensive and extreme use of the corset occurred in the 16th century, during the reign of Catherine de Medici of France and Queen Elizabeth of England. With Catherine de Medici a thirteen-inch waist measurement was considered the standard of fashion, while a thick waist was an abomination. No lady could consider her figure of proper shape unless she could span her waist with her two hands. To produce this result a strong rigid corset was worn night and day until the waist was laced down to the required size. Then over this corset was placed the steel apparatus shown in the illustration on next page. This corset-cover reached from the hip to the throat, and produced a rigid figure over which the dress would fit with perfect smoothness. [Illustration: Steel Corset worn in Catherine's time.] 5. During the 18th century corsets were largely made from a species of leather known as "Bend," which was not unlike that used for shoe soles, and measured nearly a quarter of an inch in thickness. One of the most popular corsets of the time was the corset and stomacher shown in the accompanying illustration. 6. About the time of the French Revolution a reaction set in against tight lacing, and for a time there was a return to the early classical Greek costume. This style of dress prevailed, with various modifications, until about 1810 when corsets and tight lacing again returned with threefold fury. Buchan, a prominent writer of this period, says that it was by no means uncommon to see "a mother lay her daughter down upon the carpet, and, placing her foot upon her back, break half a dozen laces in tightening her stays." 7. It is reserved to our own time to demonstrate that corsets and tight lacing do not necessarily go hand in hand. Distortion and feebleness are not beauty. A proper proportion should exist between the size of the waist and the breadth of the shoulders and hips, and if the waist is diminished below this proportion, it suggests disproportion and invalidism rather than grace and beauty. 8. The perfect corset is one which possesses just that degree of rigidity which will prevent it from wrinkling, but will at the same time allow freedom in the bending and twisting of the body. Corsets boned with whalebone, horn or steel are necessarily stiff, rigid and uncomfortable. After a few days' wear the bones or steels become bent and set in position, or, as more frequently happens, they break and cause injury or discomfort to the wearer. 9. About seven years ago an article was discovered for the stiffening of corsets, which has revolutionized the corset industry of the world. This article is manufactured from the natural fibers of the Mexican Ixtle plant, and is known as Coraline. It consists of straight, stiff fibers like bristles bound together into a cord by being wound with two strands of thread passing in opposite directions. This produces an elastic fiber intermediate in stiffness between twine and whalebone. It cannot break, but it possesses all the stiffness and flexibility necessary to hold the corset in shape and prevent its wrinkling. We congratulate the ladies of to-day upon the advantages they enjoy over their sisters of two centuries ago, in the forms and the graceful and easy curves of the corsets now made as compared with those of former times. [Illustration] [Illustration: Forms of Corsets in the time of Elizabeth of England.] [Illustration: EGYPTIAN CORSET.] * * * * * TIGHT-LACING. It destroys natural beauty and creates an unpleasant and irritable temper. A tight-laced chest and a good disposition cannot go together. The human form has been molded by nature, the best shape is undoubtedly that which she has given it. To endeavor to render it more elegant by artificial means is to change it; to make it much smaller below and much larger above is to destroy its beauty; to keep it cased up in a kind of domestic cuirass is not only to deform it, but to expose the internal parts to serious injury. Under such compression as is commonly practiced by ladies, the development of the bones, which are still tender, does not take place conformably to the intention of nature, because nutrition is necessarily stopped, and they consequently become twisted and deformed. [Illustration: THE NATURAL WAIST. THE EFFECTS OF LACING.] Those who wear these appliances of tight-lacing often complain that they cannot sit upright without them--are sometimes, indeed, compelled to wear them during all the twenty-four hours; a fact which proves to what extent such articles weaken the muscles of the trunk. The injury does not fall merely on the internal structure of the body, but also on its beauty, and on the temper and feelings with which that beauty is associated. Beauty is in reality but another name for expression of countenance, which is the index of sound health, intelligence, good feelings and peace of mind. All are aware that uneasy feelings, existing habitually in the breast, speedily exhibit their signature on the countenance, and that bitter thoughts or a bad temper spoil the human expression of its comeliness and grace. [Illustration: NATURAL HAIR.] * * * * * THE CARE OF THE HAIR. 1. THE COLOR OF THE HAIR.--The color of the hair corresponds with that of the skin--being dark or black, with a dark complexion, and red or yellow with a fair skin. When a white skin is seen in conjunction with black hair, as among the women of Syria and Barbary, the apparent exception arises from protection from the sun's rays, and opposite colors are often found among people of one prevailing feature. Thus red-haired Jews are not uncommon, though the nation in general have dark complexion and hair. 2. THE IMPERISHABLE NATURE OF HAIR.--The imperishable nature of hair arises from the combination of salt and metals in its composition. In old tombs and on mummies it has been found in a perfect state, after a lapse of over two thousand years. There are many curious accounts proving the indestructibility of the human hair. 3. TUBULAR.--In the human family the hairs are tubular, the tubes being intersected by partitions, resembling in some degree the cellular tissue of plants. Their hollowness prevents incumbrance from weight, while their power of resistance is increased by having their traverse sections rounded in form. 4. CAUTIONS.--It is ascertained that a full head of hair, beard and whiskers, are a prevention against colds and consumptions. Occasionally, however, it is found necessary to remove the hair from the head, in cases of fever or disease, to stay the inflammatory symptoms, and to relieve the brain. The head should invariably be kept cool. Close night-caps are unhealthy, and smoking-caps and coverings for the head within doors are alike detrimental to the free growth of the hair, weakening it, and causing it to fall out. HOW TO BEAUTIFY AND PRESERVE THE HAIR. 1. TO BEAUTIFY THE HAIR.--Keep the head clean, the pores of the skin open, and the whole circulatory system in a healthy condition, and you will have no need of bear's grease (alias hog's lard). Where there is a tendency in the hair to fall off on account of the weakness or sluggishness of the circulation, or an unhealthy state of the skin, cold water and friction with a tolerably stiff brush are probably the best remedial agents. 2. BARBER'S SHAMPOOS.--Are very beneficial if properly prepared. They should not be made too strong. Avoid strong shampoos of any kind. Great caution should be exercised in this matter. 3. CARE OF THE HAIR.--To keep the hair healthy, keep the head clean. Brush the scalp well with a stiff brush, while dry. Then wash with castile soap, and rub into the roots bay rum, brandy or camphor water. This done twice a month will prove beneficial. Brush the scalp thoroughly twice a week. Dampen the hair with soft water at the toilet, and do not use oil. 4. HAIR WASH.--Take one ounce of borax, half an ounce of camphor powder--these ingredients fine--and dissolve them in one quart of boiling water. When cool, the solution will be ready for use. Dampen the hair frequently. This wash is said not only to cleanse and beautify, but to strengthen the hair, preserve the color and prevent baldness. ANOTHER EXCELLENT WASH.--The best wash we know for cleansing and softening the hair is an egg beaten up and rubbed well into the hair, and afterwards washed out with several washes of warm water. 5. THE ONLY SENSIBLE AND SAFE HAIR OIL.--The following is considered a most valuable preparation: Take of extract of yellow Peruvian bark, fifteen grains; extract of rhatany root, eight grains; extract of burdoch root and oil of nutmegs (fixed), of each two drachms; camphor (dissolve with spirits of wine), fifteen grains; beef marrow, two ounces; best olive oil, one ounce; citron juice, half a drachm; aromatic essential oil, as much as sufficient to render it fragrant; mix and make into an ointment. Two drachms of bergamot, and a few drops of attar of roses would suffice. 6. HAIR WASH.--A good hair wash is soap and water, and the oftener it is applied the freer the surface of the head will be from scurf. The hair-brush should also be kept in requisition morning and evening. 7. TO REMOVE SUPERFLUOUS HAIR.--With those who dislike the use of arsenic, the following is used for removing superfluous hair from the skin: Lime, one ounce; carbonate of potash, two ounces; charcoal powder, one drachm. For use, make it into a paste with a little warm water, and apply it to the part, previously shaved close. As soon as it has become thoroughly dry, it may be washed off with a little warm water. 8. COLORING FOR EYELASHES AND EYEBROWS.--In eyelashes the chief element of beauty consists in their being long and glossy; the eyebrows should be finely arched and clearly divided from each other. The most innocent darkener of the brow is the expressed juice of the elderberry, or a burnt clove. [Illustration: JAPANESE MOUSINE MAKING HER TOILET.] 9. CRIMPING HAIR.--To make the hair stay in crimps, take five cents worth of gum arabic and add to it just enough boiling water to dissolve it. When dissolved, add enough alcohol to make it rather thin. Let this stand all night and then bottle it to prevent the alcohol from evaporating. This put on the hair at night, after it is done up in papers or pins, will make it stay in crimp the hottest day, and is perfectly harmless. 10. TO CURL THE HAIR.--There is no preparation that will make naturally straight hair assume a permanent curl. The following will keep the hair in curl for a short time: Take borax, two ounces; gum arabic, one drachm; and hot water, not boiling, one quart; stir, and, as soon as the ingredients are dissolved, add three tablespoonfuls of strong spirits of camphor. On retiring to rest, wet the hair with the above liquid, and roll in twists of paper as usual. Do not disturb the hair until morning, when untwist and form into ringlets. 11. FOR FALLING OR LOOSENING OF THE HAIR.--Take: Alcohol, a half pint. Salt, as much as will dissolve. Glycerine, a tablespoonful. Flour of sulphur, teaspoonful. Mix. Rub on the scalp every morning. 12. TO DARKEN THE HAIR WITHOUT BAD EFFECTS.--Take: Blue vitriol (powdered), one drachm. Alcohol, one ounce. Essence of roses, ten drops. Rain-water, a half-pint. Shake together until they are thoroughly dissolved. 13. GRAY HAIR.--There are no known means by which the hair can be prevented from turning gray, and none which can restore it to its original hue, except through the process of dyeing. The numerous "hair color restorers" which are advertised are chemical preparations which act in the manner of a dye or as a paint, and are nearly always dependent for their power on the presence of lead. This mineral, applied to the skin, for a long time, will lead to the most disastrous maladies--lead-palsy, lead colic, and other symptoms of poisoning. It should, therefore, never be used for this purpose. [Illustration] [Illustration] * * * * * HOW TO CURE PIMPLES OR OTHER FACIAL ERUPTIONS. 1. It requires self-denial to get rid of pimples, for persons troubled with them will persist in eating fat meats and other articles of food calculated to produce them. Avoid the use of rich gravies, or pastry, or anything of the kind in excess. Take all the out-door exercise you can and never indulge in a late supper. Retire at a reasonable hour, and rise early in the morning. Sulphur to purify the blood may be taken three times a week--a thimbleful in a glass of milk before breakfast. It takes some time for the sulphur to do its work, therefore persevere in its use till the humors, or pimples, or blotches, disappear. Avoid getting wet while taking the sulphur. 2. TRY THIS RECIPE: Wash the face twice a day in warm water, and rub dry with a coarse towel. Then with a soft towel rub in a lotion made of two ounces of white brandy, one ounce of cologne, and one-half ounce of liquor potasse. Persons subject to skin eruptions should avoid very salty or fat food. A dose of Epsom salts occasionally might prove beneficial. 3. Wash the face in a dilution of carbolic acid, allowing one teaspoonful to a pint of water. This is an excellent and purifying lotion, and may be used on the most delicate skins. Be careful about letting this wash get into the eyes. 4. Oil of sweet almonds, one ounce; fluid potash, one drachm. Shake well together, and then add rose water, one ounce; pure water, six ounces. Mix. Rub the pimples or blotches for some minutes with a rough towel, and then dab them with the lotion. 5. Dissolve one ounce of borax, and sponge the face with it every night. When there are insects, rub on flower of sulphur, dry after washing, rub well and wipe dry; use plenty of castile soap. 6. Dilute corrosive sublimate with oil of almonds. A few days' application will remove them. * * * * * BLACK-HEADS AND FLESH WORMS. [Illustration: A REGULAR FLESH WORM GREATLY MAGNIFIED.] This is a minute little creature, scientifically called _Demodex folliculorum_, hardly visible to the naked eye, with comparatively large fore body, a more slender hind body and eight little stumpy processes that do duty as legs. No specialized head is visible, although of course there is a mouth orifice. These creatures live on the sweat glands or pores of the human face, and owing to the appearance that they give to the infested pores, they are usually known as "black-heads." It is not at all uncommon to see an otherwise pretty face disfigured by these ugly creatures, although the insects themselves are nearly transparent white. The black appearance is really due the accumulation of dirt which gets under the edges of the skin of the enlarged sweat glands and cannot be removed in the ordinary way by washing, because the abnormal, hardened secretion of the gland itself becomes stained. These insects are so lowly organized that it is almost impossible to satisfactory deal with them and they sometimes cause the continual festering of the skin which they inhabit. REMEDY.--Press them out with a hollow key or with the thumb and fingers, and apply a mixture of sulphur and cream every evening. Wash every morning with the best toilet soap, or wash the face with hot water with a soft flannel at bedtime. [Illustration: A HEALTHY COMPLEXION.] * * * * * LOVE. But there's nothing half so sweet in life As love's young dream.--MOORE. All love is sweet, Given or returned. Common as light is love, And its familiar voice wearies not ever.--SHELLEY. Doubt thou the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love.--SHAKESPEARE. Let those love now who never loved before, Let those that always loved now love the more. 1. LOVE BLENDS YOUNG HEARTS.--Love blends young hearts in blissful unity, and, for the time, so ignores past ties and affections, as to make willing separation of the son from his father's house, and the daughter from all the sweet endearments of her childhood's home, to go out together and rear for themselves an altar, around which shall cluster all the cares and delights, the anxieties and sympathies, of the family relationship; this love, if pure, unselfish, and discreet, constitutes the chief usefulness and happiness of human life. 2. WITHOUT LOVE.--Without love there would be no organized households, and, consequently, none of that earnest endeavor for competence and respectability, which is the mainspring to human effort; none of those sweet, softening, restraining and elevating influences of domestic life, which can alone fill the earth with the glory of the Lord and make glad the city of Zion. This love is indeed heaven upon earth; but above would not be heaven without it; where there is not love, there is fear; but, "love casteth out fear." And yet we naturally do offend what we most love. 3. LOVE IS THE SUN OF LIFE.--Most beautiful in morning and evening, but warmest and steadiest at noon. It is the sun of the soul. Life without love is worse than death; a world without a sun. The love which does not lead to labor will soon die out, and the thankfulness which does not embody itself in sacrifices is already changing to gratitude. Love is not ripened in one day, nor in many, nor even in a human lifetime. It is the oneness of soul with soul in appreciation and perfect trust. To be blessed it must rest in that faith in the Divine which underlies every other motion. To be true, it must be eternal as God himself. 4. LOVE IS DEPENDENT.--Remember that love is dependent upon forms; courtesy of etiquette guards and protects courtesy of heart. How many hearts have been lost irrevocably, and how many averted eyes and cold looks have been gained from what seemed, perhaps, but a trifling negligence of forms. [Illustration: AGE COUNSELING YOUTH.] 5. RADICAL DIFFERENCES.--Men and women should not be judged by the same rules. There are many radical differences in their affectional natures. Man is the creature of interest and ambition. His nature leads him forth into the struggle and bustle of the world. Love is but the embellishment of his early life, or a song piped in the intervals of the acts. He seeks for fame, for fortune, for space in the world's thoughts, and dominion over his fellow-men. But a woman's whole life is a history of the affections. The heart is her world; it is there her ambition strives for empire; it is there her ambition seeks for hidden treasures. She sends forth her sympathies on adventure; she embarks her whole soul in the traffic of affection; and if shipwrecked her case is hopeless, for it is bankruptcy of the heart. 6. WOMAN'S LOVE.--Woman's love is stronger than death; it rises superior to adversity, and towers in sublime beauty above the niggardly selfishness of the world. Misfortune cannot suppress it; enmity cannot alienate it; temptation cannot enslave it. It is the guardian angel of the nursery and the sick bed; it gives an affectionate concord to the partnership of life and interest, circumstances cannot modify it; it ever remains the same to sweeten existence, to purify the cup of life, on the rugged pathway to the grave, and melt to moral pliability the brittle nature of man. It is the ministering spirit of home, hovering in soothing caresses over the cradle, and the death-bed of the household, and filling up the urn of all its sacred memories. 7. A LADY'S COMPLEXION.--He who loves a lady's complexion, form and features, loves not her true self, but her soul's old clothes. The love that has nothing but beauty to sustain it, soon withers and dies. The love that is fed with presents always requires feeding. Love, and love only, is the loan for love. Love is of the nature of a burning glass, which, kept still in one place, fireth; changed often, it doth nothing. The purest joy we can experience in one we love, is to see that person a source of happiness to others. When you are with the person loved, you have no sense of being bored. This humble and trivial circumstance is the great test--the only sure and abiding test of love. 8. TWO SOULS COME TOGETHER.--When two souls come together, each seeking to magnify the other, each in subordinate sense worshiping the other, each help the other; the two flying together so that each wing-beat of the one helps each wing-beat of the other--when two souls come together thus, they are lovers. They who unitedly move themselves away from grossness and from earth, toward the throne of crystaline and the pavement golden, are, indeed, true lovers. [Illustration: LOVE MAKING IN THE EARLY COLONIAL DAYS.] [Illustration: CUPID'S CAPTURED VICTIM.] * * * * * THE POWER AND PECULIARITIES OF LOVE. LOVE IS A TONIC AND A REMEDY FOR DISEASE, MAKES PEOPLE LOOK YOUNGER, CREATES INDUSTRY, ETC. "All thoughts, all passions, all desires. Whatever stirs this mortal frame, Are ministers of Love, And feed his sacred flame." 1. It is a physiological fact long demonstrated that persons possessing a loving disposition borrow less of the cares of life, and also live much longer than persons with a strong, narrow and selfish nature. Persons who love scenery, love domestic animals, show great attachment for all friends; love their home dearly and find interest and enchantment in almost everything have qualities of mind and heart which indicate good health and a happy disposition. 2. Persons who love music and are constantly humming or whistling a tune, are persons that need not be feared, they are kind-hearted and with few exceptions possess a loving disposition. Very few good musicians become criminals. 3. Parents that cultivate a love among their children will find that the same feeling will soon be manifested in their children's disposition. Sunshine in the hearts of the parents will blossom in the lives of the children. The parent who continually cherishes a feeling of dislike and rebellion in his soul, cultivating moral hatred against his fellow-man, will soon find the same things manifested by his son. As the son resembles his father in looks so he will to a certain extent resemble him in character. Love in the heart of the parent will beget kindness and affection in the heart of a child. Continuous scolding and fretting in the home will soon make love a stranger. 4. If you desire to cultivate love, create harmony in all your feelings and faculties. Remember that all that is pure, holy and virtuous in love flows from the deepest fountain of the human soul. Poison the fountain and you change virtue to vice, and happiness to misery. 5. Love strengthens health, and disappointment cultivates disease. A person in love will invariably enjoy the best of health. Ninety-nine per cent. of our strong constitutioned men, now in physical ruin, have wrecked themselves on the breakers of an unnatural love. Nothing but right love and a right marriage will restore them to health. 6. All men feel much better for going a courting, providing they court purely. Nothing tears the life out of man more than lust, vulgar thoughts and immoral conduct. The libertine or harlot has changed love, God's purest gift to man, into lust. They cannot acquire love in its purity again, the sacred flame has vanished forever. Love is pure, and cannot be found in the heart of a seducer. 7. A woman is never so bright and full of health as when deeply in love. Many sickly and frail women are snatched from the clutches of some deadly disease and restored to health by falling in love. 8. It is a long established fact that married persons are healthier than unmarried persons; thus it proves that health and happiness belong to the home. Health depends upon mind. Love places the mind into a delightful state and quickens every human function, makes the blood circulate and weaves threads of joy into cables of domestic love. 9. An old but true proverb: "A true man loving one woman will speak well of all women. A true woman loving one man will speak well of all men. A good wife praises all men, but praises her husband most. A good man praises all women, but praises his wife most." 10. Persons deeply in love become peculiarly pleasant, winning and tender. It is said that a musician can never excel or an artist do his best until he has been deeply in love. A good orator, a great statesman or great men in general are greater and better for having once been thoroughly in love. A man who truly loves his wife and home is always a safe man to trust. 11. Love makes people look younger in years. People in unhappy homes look older and more worn and fatigued. A woman at thirty, well courted and well married, looks five or ten years younger than a woman of the same age unhappily married. Old maids and bachelors always look older than they are. A flirting widow always looks younger than an old maid of like age. 12. Love renders women industrious and frugal, and a loving husband spends lavishly on a loved wife and children, though miserly towards others. 13. Love cultivates self-respect and produces beauty. Beauty in walk and beauty in looks; a girl in love is at her best; it brings out the finest traits of her character, she walks more erect and is more generous and forgiving; her voice is sweeter and she makes happy all about her. She works better, sings better and is better. 14. Now in conclusion, a love marriage is the best life insurance policy; it pays dividends every day, while every other insurance policy merely promises to pay after death. Remember that statistics demonstrate that married people outlive old maids and old bachelors by a goodly number of years and enjoy healthier and happier lives. [Illustration: THE TURKISH WAY OF MAKING LOVE] [Illustration: PREPARING TO ENTERTAIN HER LOVER.] [Illustration: CONFIDENCE.] * * * * * AMATIVENESS OR CONNUBIAL LOVE. 1. MULTIPLYING THE RACE.--Some means for multiplying our race is necessary to prevent its extinction by death. Propagation and death appertain to man's earthly existence. If the Deity had seen fit to bring every member of the human family into being by a direct act of creative power, without the agency of parents, the present wise and benevolent arrangements of husbands and wives, parents and children, friends and neighbors, would have been superseded, and all opportunities for exercising parental and connubial love, in which so much enjoyment is taken, cut off. But the domestic feelings and relations, as now arranged, must strike every philosophical observer as inimitably beautiful and perfect--as the offspring of infinite Wisdom and Goodness combined. 2. AMATIVENESS AND ITS COMBINATIONS constitute their origin, counterpart, and main medium of manifestation. Its primary function is connubial love. From it, mainly, spring those feelings which exist between the sexes as such and result in marriage and offspring. Combined with the higher sentiments, it gives rise to all those reciprocal kind feelings and nameless courtesies which each sex manifests towards the other; refining and elevating both, promoting gentility and politeness, and greatly increasing social and general happiness. 3. RENDERS MEN MORE POLITE TO WOMEN.--So far from being in the least gross or indelicate, its proper exercise is pure, chaste, virtuous, and even an ingredient in good manners. It is this which renders men always more polite towards women than to one another, and more refined in their society, and which makes women more kind, grateful, genteel and tender towards men than women. It makes mothers love their sons more than their daughters, and fathers more attached to their daughters. Man's endearing recollections of his mother or wife form his most powerful incentives to virtue, study, and good deeds, as well as restraints upon his vicious inclinations; and, in proportion as a young man is dutiful and affectionate to his mother, will he be fond of his wife; for, this faculty is the parent of both. 4. ALL SHOULD CULTIVATE THE FACULTY OF AMATIVENESS OR CONNUBIAL LOVE.--Study the personal charms and mental accomplishments of the other sex by ardent admirers of beautiful forms, and study graceful movements and elegant manners, and remember, much depends upon the tones and accents of the voice. Never be gruff if you desire to be winning. Seek and enjoy and reciprocate fond looks and feelings. Before you can create favorable impressions you must first be honest and sincere and natural, and your conquest will be sure and certain. * * * * * LOVE AND COMMON-SENSE. 1. Do not love her because she goes to the altar with her head full of book learning, her hands of no earthly use, save for the piano and brush; because she has no conception of the duties and responsibilities of a wife; because she hates housework, hates its everlasting routine and ever recurring duties; because she hates children and will adopt every means to evade motherhood; because she loves her ease, loves to have her will supreme, loves, oh how well, to be free to go and come, to let the days slip idly by, to be absolved from all responsibility, to live without labor, without care? Will you love her selfish, shirking, calculating nature after twenty years of close companionship? 2. Do you love him because he is a man, and therefore, no matter how weak mentally, morally or physically he may be, he has vested in him the power to save you from the ignominy of an old maid's existence? Because you would rather be Mrs. Nobody, than make the effort to be Miss Somebody? because you have a great empty place in your head and heart that nothing but a man can fill? because you feel you cannot live without him? God grant the time may never come when you cannot live with him. 3. Do you love her because she is a thoroughly womanly woman; for her tender sympathetic nature; for the jewels of her life, which are absolute purity of mind and heart; for the sweet sincerity of her disposition; for her loving, charitable thought; for her strength of character? because she is pitiful to the sinful, tender to the sorrowful, capable, self-reliant, modest, true-hearted? in brief, because she is the embodiment of all womanly virtues? 4. Do you love him because he is a manly man; because the living and operating principle of his life is a tender reverence for all women; because his love is the overflow of the best part of his nature; because he has never soiled his soul with an unholy act or his lips with an oath; because mentally he is a man among men; because physically he stands head and shoulders above the masses; because morally he is far beyond suspicion, in his thought, word or deed? because his earnest manly consecrated life is a mighty power on God's side? 5. But there always has been and always will be unhappy marriages until men learn what husbandhood means; how to care for that tenderly matured, delicately constituted being, that he takes into his care and keeping. That if her wonderful adjusted organism is overtaxed and overburdened, her happiness, which is largely dependent upon her health, is destroyed. 6. Until men give the women they marry the undivided love of their heart; until constancy is the key-note of a life which speaks eloquently of clean thoughts and clean hearts. 7. Until men and women recognize that self-control in a man, and modesty in a woman, will bring a mutual respect that years of wedded life will only strengthen. Until they recognize that love is the purest and holiest of all things known to humanity, will marriage continue to bring unhappiness and discontent, instead of that comfort and restful peace which all loyal souls have a right to expect and enjoy. 8. Be sensible and marry a sensible, honest and industrious companion, and happiness through life will be your reward. [Illustration: A CALLER.] [Illustration] * * * * * WHAT WOMEN LOVE IN MEN. 1. Women naturally love courage, force and firmness in men. The ideal man in a woman's eye must be heroic and brave. Woman naturally despises a coward, and she has little or no respect for a bashful man. 2. Woman naturally loves her lord and master. Women who desperately object to be overruled, nevertheless admire men who overrule them, and few women would have any respect for a man whom they could completely rule and control. 3. Man is naturally the protector of woman; as the male wild animal of the forest protects the female, so it is natural for man to protect his wife and children, and therefore woman admires those qualities in a man which make him a protector. 4. LARGE MEN.--Women naturally love men of strength, size and fine physique, a tall, large and strong man rather than a short, small and weak man. A woman always pities a weakly man, but rarely ever has any love for him. 5. SMALL AND WEAKLY MEN.--All men would be of good size in frame and flesh, were it not for the infirmities visited upon them by the indiscretion of parents and ancestors of generations before. 6. YOUTHFUL SEXUAL EXCITEMENT.--There are many children born healthy and vigorous who destroy the full vigor of their generative organs in youth by self-abuse, and if they survive and marry, their children will have small bones, small frames and sickly constitutions. It is therefore not strange that instinct should lead women to admire men not touched with these symptoms of physical debility. 7. GENEROSITY.--Woman generally loves a generous man. Religion absorbs a great amount of money in temples, churches, ministerial salaries, etc., and ambition and appetite absorb countless millions, yet woman receives more gifts from man than all these combined: she loves a generous giver. _Generosity and Gallantry_ are the jewels which she most admires. A woman receiving presents from a man implies that she will pay him back in love, and the woman who accepts a man's presents, and does not respect him, commits a wrong which is rarely ever forgiven. 8. INTELLIGENCE.--Above all other qualities in man, woman admires his intelligence. Intelligence is man's woman captivating card. This character in woman is illustrated by an English army officer, as told by O.S. Fowler, betrothed in marriage to a beautiful, loving heiress, summoned to India, who wrote back to her: "I have lost an eye, a leg, an arm, and been so badly marred and begrimmed besides, that you never could love this poor, maimed soldier. Yet, I love you too well to make your life wretched by requiring you to keep your marriage-vow with me, from which I hereby release you. Find among English peers one physically more perfect, whom you can love better." She answered, as all genuine women must answer: "Your noble mind, your splendid talents, your martial prowess which maimed you, are what I love. As long as you retain sufficient body to contain the casket of your soul, which alone is what I admire, I love you all the same, and long to make you mine forever." 9. SOFT MEN.--All women despise soft and silly men more than all other defects in their character. Woman never can love a man whose conversation is flat and insipid. Every man seeking woman's appreciation or love should always endeavor to show his intelligence and manifest an interest in books and daily papers. He should read books and inform himself so that he can talk intelligently upon the various topics of the day. Even an ignorant woman always loves superior intelligence. 10. SEXUAL VIGOR.--Women love sexual vigor in men. This is human nature. Weakly and delicate fathers have weak and puny children, though the mother may be strong and robust. A weak mother often bears strong children, if the father is physically and sexually vigorous. Consumption is often inherited from fathers, because they furnish the body, yet more women die with it because of female obstructions. Hence women love passion in men, because it endows their offspring with strong functional vigor. 11. PASSIONATE MEN--The less passion any woman possesses, the more she prizes a strong passionate man. This is a natural consequence, for if she married one equally passionless, their children would be poorly endowed or they would have none; she therefore admires him who makes up the deficiency. Hence very amorous men prefer quiet, modest and reserved women. 12. HOMELY MEN are admired by women if they are large, strong and vigorous and possess a good degree of intelligence. Looks are trifles compared with the other qualities which man may possess. 13. YOUNG MAN, If you desire to win the love and admiration of young ladies, first, be intelligent; read books and papers; remember what you read, so you can talk about it. Second, be generous and do not show a stingy and penurious disposition when in the company of ladies. Third, be sensible, original, and have opinions of your own and do not agree with everything that someone else says, or agree with everything that a lady may say. Ladies naturally admire genteel and intelligent discussions and conversations when there is someone to talk with who has an opinion of his own. Woman despises a man who has no opinion of his own; she hates a trifling disposition and admires leadership, original ideas, and looks up to man as a leader. Women despise all men whom they can manage, overrule, cow-down and subdue. 14. BE SELF-SUPPORTING.--The young man who gives evidence of thrift is always in demand. Be enthusiastic and drive with success all that you undertake. A young man, sober, honest and industrious, holding a responsible position or having a business of his own, is a prize that some bright and beautiful young lady would like to draw. Woman admires a certainty. 15. UNIFORMED MEN.--It is a well known fact that women love uniformed men. The soldier figures as a hero in about every tale of fiction and it is said by good authority that a man in uniform has three more chances to marry than the man without uniform. The correct reason is, the soldier's profession is bravery, and he is dressed and trained for that purpose, and it is that which makes him admired by ladies rather than the uniform which he wears. His profession is also that of a protector. [Illustration] * * * * * WHAT MEN LOVE IN WOMEN. 1. FEMALE BEAUTY.--Men love beautiful women, for woman's beauty is the highest type of all beauty. A handsome woman needs no diamonds, no silks or satins; her brilliant face outshines diamonds and her form is beautiful in calico. 2. FALSE BEAUTIFIERS.--Man's love of female beauty surpasses all other love, and whatever artificial means are used to beautify, to a certain extent are falsehoods which lead to distrust or dislike. Artificial beauty is always an imitation, and never can come into competition with the genuine. No art can successfully imitate nature. 3. TRUE KIND OF BEAUTY.--Facial beauty is only skin deep. A beautiful form, a graceful figure, graceful movements and a kind heart are the strongest charms in the perfection of female beauty. A brilliant face always outshines what may be called a pretty face, for intelligence is that queenly grace which crowns woman's influence over men. Good looks and good and pure conduct awaken a man's love for women. A girl must therefore be charming as well as beautiful, for a charming girl will never become a charmless wife. 4. A GOOD FEMALE BODY.--No weakly, poor-bodied woman can draw a man's love like a strong, well developed body. A round, plump figure with an overflow of animal life is the woman most commonly sought, for nature in man craves for the strong qualities in women, as the health and life of offspring depend upon the physical qualities of wife and mother. A good body and vigorous health, therefore, become indispensable to female beauty. 5. BROAD HIPS.--A woman with a large pelvis gives her a superior and significant appearance, while a narrow pelvis always indicate weak sexuality. The other portions of the body however must be in harmony with the size and breadth of the hips. 6. FULL BUSTS.--In the female beauty of physical development there is nothing that can equal full breasts. It is an indication of good health and good maternal qualities. As a face looks bad without a nose, so the female breast, when narrow and flat, produces a bad effect. The female breasts are the means on which a new-born child depends for its life and growth, hence it is an essential human instinct for men to admire those physical proportions in women which indicate perfect motherhood. Cotton and all other false forms simply show the value of natural ones. All false forms are easily detected, because large natural ones will generally quiver and move at every step, while the artificial ones will manifest no expression of life. As woman looks so much better with artificial paddings and puffings than she does without, therefore modern society should waive all objections to their use. A full breast has been man's admiration through all climes and ages, and whether this breast-loving instinct is right or wrong, sensible or sensual, it is a fact well known to all, that it is a great disappointment to a husband and father to see his child brought up on a bottle. Men love full breasts, because it promotes maternity. If, however, the breasts are abnormally large, it indicates maternal deficiency the same as any disproportion or extreme. 7. SMALL FEET.--Small feet and small ankles are very attractive, because they are in harmony with a perfect female form, and men admire perfection. Small feet and ankles indicate modesty and reserve, while large feet and ankles indicate coarseness, physical power, authority, predominance. Feet and ankles however must be in harmony with the body, as small feet and small ankles on a large woman would be out of proportion and consequently not beautiful. 8. BEAUTIFUL ARMS.--As the arm is always in proportion with the other portions of the body, consequently a well-shaped arm, small hands and small wrists, with full muscular development, is a charm and beauty not inferior to the face itself, and those who have well-shaped arms may be proud of them, because they generally keep company with a fine bust and a fine figure. 9. INTELLIGENCE.--A mother must naturally possess intelligence, in order to rear her children intelligently, consequently it is natural for man to chiefly admire mental qualities in women, for utility and practicability depend upon intelligence. Therefore a man generally loves those charms in women which prepare her for the duties of companionship. If a woman desires to be loved, she must cultivate her intellectual gifts, be interesting and entertaining in society, and practical and helpful in the home, for these are some of the qualifications which make up the highest type of beauty. 10. PIETY AND RELIGION IN WOMEN.--Men who love home and the companionship of their wives, love truth, honor and honesty. It is this higher moral development that naturally leads them to admire women of moral and religious natures. It is therefore not strange that immoral men love moral and church-loving wives. Man naturally admires the qualities which tend to the correct government of the home. Men want good and pure children, and it is natural to select women who insure domestic contentment and happiness. A bad man, of course, does not deserve a good wife, yet he will do his utmost to get one. 11. FALSE APPEARANCE.--Men love reserved, coy and discreet women much more than blunt, shrewd and boisterous. Falsehood, false hair, false curls, false forms, false bosoms, false colors, false cheeks, and all that is false, men naturally dislike, for in themselves they are a poor foundation on which to form family ties, consequently duplicity and hypocrisy in women is very much disliked by men, but a frank, honest, conscientious soul is always lovable and lovely and will not become an old maid, except as a matter of choice and not of necessity. [Illustration] [Illustration] * * * * * HISTORY OF MARRIAGE. 1. "It is not good for man to be alone," was the Divine judgment, and so God created for him an helpmate; therefore sex is as Divine as the soul. 2. POLYGAMY.--Polygamy has existed in all ages. It is and always has been the result of moral degradation and wantonness. 3. THE GARDEN OF EDEN.--The Garden of Eden was no harem. Primeval nature knew no community of love; there was only the union of two souls, and the twain were made one flesh. If God had intended man to be a polygamist he would have created for him two or more wives; but he only created one wife for the first man. He also directed Noah to take into the ark two of each sort--a male and female--another evidence that God believed in pairs only. 4. ABRAHAM no doubt was a polygamist, and the general history of patriarchal life shows that the plurality of wives and concubinage were national customs, and not the institutions authorized by God. 5. EGYPTIAN HISTORY.--Egyptian history, in the first ostensible form we have, shows that concubinage and polygamy were in common practice. 6. SOLOMON.--It is not strange that Solomon, with his thousand wives, exclaimed: "All is vanity and vexation of spirit." Polygamy is not the natural state of man. 7. CONCUBINAGE AND POLYGAMY continued till the fifth century, when the degraded condition of woman became to some extent matters of some concern and recognition. Before this woman was regarded simply as an instrument of procreation, or a mistress of the household, to gratify the passions of man. 8. THE CHINESE marriage system was, and is, practically polygamous, for from their earliest traditions we learn, although a man could have but one wife, he was permitted to have as many concubines as he desired. 9. MOHAMMEDANISM.--Of the 150,000,000 Mohammedans all are polygamists. Their religion appeals to the luxury of animal propensities, and the voluptuous character of the Orientals has penetrated western Europe and Africa. 10. MORMONISM.--The Mormon Church, founded by Joseph Smith, practiced polygamy until the beginning of 1893, when the church formally declared and resigned polygamy as a part or present doctrine of their religious institution. Yet all Mormons are polygamists at heart. It is a part of their religion; national law alone restrains them. 11. FREE LOVERS.--There is located at Lenox, Madison County, New York, an organization popularly known as Free Lovers. The members advocate a system of complex marriage, a sort of promiscuity, with a freedom of love for any and all. Man offers woman support and love; woman enjoying freedom, self-respect, health, personal and mental competency, gives herself to man in the boundless sincerity of an unselfish union. In their system, love is made synonymous with sexuality, and there is no doubt, but what woman is only a plaything to gratify animal caprice. 12. MONOGAMY (SINGLE WIFE), is a law of nature evident from the fact that it fulfills the three essential conditions of man, viz.: the development of the individual, the welfare of society and reproduction. In no nation with a system of polygamy do we find a code of political and moral rights, and the condition of woman is that of a slave. In polygamous countries nothing is added to the education and civilization. The natural tendency is sensualism, and sensualism tends to mental starvation. 18. CHRISTIAN CIVILIZATION has lifted woman from slavery to liberty. Wherever Christian civilization prevails there are legal marriages, pure homes and education. May God bless the purity of the home. * * * * * MARRIAGE. "Thus grief still treads upon the heel of pleasure, Married in haste we may repent at leisure." --SHAKESPEARE The parties are wedded. The priest or clergyman has pronounced as one those hearts that before beat in unison with each other. The assembled guests congratulate the happy pair. The fair bride has left her dear mother bedewed with tears and sobbing just as if her heart would break, and as if the happy bridegroom was leading her away captive against her will. They enter the carriage. It drives off on the wedding tour, and his arms encircles the yielding waist of her now all his own, while her head reclines on the breast of the man of her choice. If she be young and has married an old man, she will be sad. If she has married for a home, or position, or wealth, a pang will shoot across her fair bosom. If she has married without due consideration or on too light an acquaintance, it will be her sorrow before long. But, if loving and beloved, she has united her destiny with a worthy man, she will rejoice, and on her journey feel a glow of satisfaction and delight unfelt before and which will be often renewed, and daily prove as the living waters from some perennial spring. [Illustration] * * * * * THE ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK. 'Tis sweet to hear the watch-dog's honest bark, Bay deep-mouthed welcome as we draw near home 'Tis sweet to know there is an eye will mark Our coming, and look brighter when we come. BYRON, DON JUAN 1. Marriage is the natural state of man and woman. Matrimony greatly contributes to the wealth and health of man. 2. Circumstances may compel a man not to select a companion until late in life. Many may have parents or relatives, dependent brothers and sisters to care for, yet family ties are cultivated; notwithstanding the home is without a wife. 3. In Christian countries the laws of marriage have greatly added to the health of man. Marriage in barbarous countries, where little or no marriage ceremonies are required, benefits man but little. There can be no true domestic blessedness without loyalty and love for the select and married companion. All the licentiousness and lust of a libertine, whether civilized or uncivilized, bring him only unrest and premature decay. 4. A man, however, may be married and not mated, and consequently reap trouble and unhappiness. A young couple should first carefully learn each other by making the courtship a matter of business, and sufficiently long that the disposition and temper of each may be thoroughly exposed and understood. 5. First see that there is love; secondly, that there is adaptation; thirdly, see that there are no physical defects, and if these conditions are properly considered, cupid will go with you. 6. The happiest place on all earth is home. A loving wife and lovely children are jewels without price, as Payne says: "'Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam. Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home." 7. Reciprocated love produces a general exhilaration of the system. The elasticity of the muscles is increased, the circulation is quickened, and every bodily function is stimulated to renewed activity by a happy marriage. 8. The consummation desired by all who experience this affection, is the union of souls in a true marriage. Whatever of beauty or romance there may have been in the lover's dream, is enhanced and spiritualized in the intimate communion of married life. The crown of wifehood and maternity is purer, more divine than that of the maiden. Passion is lost--emotions predominate. 9. TOO EARLY MARRIAGES.--Too early marriage is always bad for the female. If a young girl marries, her system is weakened and a full development of her body is prevented, and the dangers of confinement are considerably increased. 10. Boys who marry young derive but little enjoyment from the connubial state. They are liable to excesses and thereby lose much of the vitality and power of strength and physical endurance. 11. LONG LIFE.--Statistics show that married men live longer than bachelors. Child-bearing for women is conducive to longevity. 12. COMPLEXION.--Marriage purifies the complexion, removes blotches from the skin, invigorates the body, fills up the tones of the voice, gives elasticity and firmness to the step, and brings health and contentment to old age. 13. TEMPTATIONS REMOVED.--Marriage sanctifies a home, while adultery and libertinism produce unrest, distrust and misery. It must be remembered that a married man can practice the most absolute continence and enjoy a far better state of health than the licentious man. The comforts of companionship develop purity and give rest to the soul. 14. TOTAL ABSTENTION.--It is no doubt difficult for some men to fully abstain from sexual intercourse and be entirely chaste in mind. The great majority of men experience frequent strong sexual desire. Abstention is very apt to produce in their minds voluptuous images and untamable desires which require an iron will to banish or control. The hermit in his seclusion, or the monk in his retreat, are often flushed with these passions and trials. It is, however, natural; for remove these passions and man would be no longer a man. It is evident that the natural state of man is that of marriage; and he who avoids that state is not in harmony with the laws of his being. [Illustration: AN ALGERIAN BRIDE.] 15. PROSTITUTION.--Men who inherit strong passions easily argue themselves into the belief either to practice masturbation or visit places of prostitution, on the ground that their health demands it. Though medical investigation has proven it repeatedly to be false, yet many believe it. The consummation of marriage involves the mightiest issues of life and is the most holy and sacred right recognized by man, and it is the Balm of Gilead for many ills. Masturbation or prostitution soon blight the brightest prospects a young man may have. Manhood is morality and purity of purpose, not sensuality. * * * * * DISADVANTAGES OF CELIBACY. 1. To live the life of a bachelor has many advantages and many disadvantages. The man who commits neither fornication, adultery nor secret vice, and is pure in mind, surely has all the moral virtues that make a good man and a good citizen, whether married or unmarried. 2. If a good pure-minded man does not marry, he will suffer no serious loss of vital power; there will be no tendency to spermatorrhoea or congestion, nor will he be afflicted with any one of those ills which certain vicious writers and quacks would lead many people to believe. Celibacy is perfectly consistent with mental vigor and physical strength. Regularity in the habits of life will always have its good effects on the human body. 3. The average life of a married man is much longer than that of a bachelor. There is quite an alarming odds in the United States in favor of a man with a family. It is claimed that the married man lives on an average from five to twenty years longer than a bachelor. The married man lives a more regular life. He has his meals more regularly and is better nursed in sickness, and in every way a happier and more contented man. The happiness of wife and children will always add comfort and length of days to the man who is happily married. 4. It is a fact well answered by statistics that there is more crime committed, more vices practiced, and more immorality among single men than among married men. Let the young man be pure in heart like Bunyan's Pilgrim, and he can pass the deadly dens, the roaring lions, and overcome the ravenous fires of passion, unscathed. The vices of single men support the most flagrant of evils of modern society, hence let every young man beware and keep his body clean and pure. His future happiness largely depends upon his chastity while a single man. [Illustration: "MADE IN U.S.A."] [Illustration: I WILL NEVER MARRY.] * * * * * OLD MAIDS. 1. MODERN ORIGIN.--The prejudice which certainly still exists in the average mind against unmarried women must be of comparatively modern origin. From the earliest ages to ancient Greece, and Rome particularly, the highest honors were paid them. They were the ministers of the old religions, and regarded with superstitious awe. 2. MATRIMONY.--Since the reformation, especially during the last century, and in our own land, matrimony has been so much esteemed, notably by women, that it has come to be regarded as in some sort discreditable for them to remain single. Old maids are mentioned on every hand with mingled pity and disdain, arising no doubt from the belief, conscious or unconscious, that they would not be what they are if they could help it. Few persons have a good word for them as a class. We are constantly hearing of lovely maidens, charming wives, buxom widows, but almost never of attractive old maids. 3. DISCARDING PREJUDICE.--The real old maid is like any other woman. She has faults necessarily, though not those commonly conceived of. She is often plump, pretty, amiable, interesting, intellectual, cultured, warm-hearted, benevolent, and has ardent friends of both sexes. These constantly wonder why she has not married, for they feel that she must have had many opportunities. Some of them may know why; she may have made them her confidantes. She usually has a sentimental, romantic, frequently a sad and pathetic past, of which she does not speak unless in the sacredness of intimacy. 4. NOT QUARRELSOME.--She is not dissatisfied, querulous nor envious. On the contrary, she is, for the most part, singularly content, patient and serene,--more so than many wives who have household duties and domestic cares to tire and trouble them. 5. REMAIN SINGLE FROM NECESSITY.--It is a stupid, as well as a heinous mistake, that women who remain single do so from necessity. Almost any woman can get a husband if she is so minded, as daily observation attests. When we see the multitudes of wives who have no visible signs of matrimonial recommendation, why should we think that old maids have been totally neglected? We may meet those who do not look inviting. But we meet any number of wives who are even less inviting. 6. FIRST OFFER.--The appearance and outgiving of many wives denote that they have accepted the first offer; the appearance and outgiving of many old maids that they have declined repeated offers. It is undeniable, that wives, in the mass, have no more charm than old maids have, in the mass. But, as the majority of women are married, they are no more criticised nor commented on, in the bulk, than the whole sex are. They are spoken of individually as pretty or plain, bright or dull, pleasant or unpleasant; while old maids are judged as a species, and almost always unfavorable. [Illustration: "I HAVE CHANGED MY MIND."] 7. BECOMES A WIFE.--Many an old maid, so-called, unexpectedly to her associates becomes a wife, some man of taste, discernment and sympathy having induced her to change her state. Probably no other man of his kind has proposed before, which accounts for her singleness. After her marriage hundreds of persons who had sneered at her condition find her charming, thus showing the extent of their prejudice against feminine celibacy. Old maids in general, it is fair to presume, do not wait for opportunities, but for proposers of an acceptable sort. They may have, indeed they are likely to have, those, but not to meet these. 8. NO LONGER MARRY FOR SUPPORT.--The time has changed and women have changed with it. They have grown more sensible, more independent in disposition as well as circumstances. They no longer marry for support; they have proved their capacity to support themselves, and self-support has developed them in every way. Assured that they can get on comfortably and contentedly alone they are better adapted by the assurance for consortship. They have rapidly increased from this and cognate causes, and have so improved in person, mind and character that an old maid of to-day is wholly different from an old maid of forty years ago. [Illustration: CONVINCING HIS WIFE.] * * * * * WHEN AND WHOM TO MARRY. 1. EARLY MARRIAGES.--Women too early married always remain small in stature, weak, pale, emaciated, and more or less miserable. We have no natural nor moral right to perpetuate unhealthy constitutions, therefore women should not marry too young and take upon themselves the responsibility, by producing a weak and feeble generation of children. It is better not to consummate a marriage until a full development of body and mind has taken place. A young woman of twenty-one to twenty-five, and a young man of twenty-three to twenty-eight, are considered the right age in order to produce an intelligent and healthy offspring. "First make the tree good, then shall the fruit be good also." 2. If marriage is delayed too long in either sex, say from thirty to forty-five, the offspring will often be puny and more liable to insanity, idiocy, and other maladies. 3. PUBERTY.--This is the period when childhood passes from immaturity of the sexual functions to maturity. Woman attains this state a year or two sooner than man. In the hotter climates the period of puberty is from twelve to fifteen years of age, while in cold climates, such as Russia, the United States, and Canada, puberty is frequently delayed until the seventeenth year. 4. DISEASED PARENTS.--We do the race a serious wrong in multiplying the number of hereditary invalids. Whole families of children have fallen heir to lives of misery and suffering by the indiscretion and poor judgment of parents. No young man in the vigor of health should think for a moment of marrying a girl who has the impress of consumption or other disease already stamped upon her feeble constitution. It only multiplies his own suffering, and brings no material happiness to his invalid wife. On the other hand, no healthy, vigorous young woman ought to unite her destiny with a man, no matter how much she adored him, who is not healthy and able to brave the hardships of life. If a young man or young woman with feeble body cannot find permanent relief either by medicine or change of climate, no thoughts of marriage should be entertained. Courting a patient may be pleasant, but a hard thing in married life to enjoy. The young lady who supposes that any young man wishes to marry her for the sake of nursing her through life makes a very grave mistake. [Illustration: LIFE INSURANCE COMPANIES DEMAND PHYSICAL EXAMINATION. WHY NOT MATRIMONY?] 5. WHOM TO CHOOSE FOR A HUSBAND.--The choice of a husband requires the coolest judgment and the most vigilant sagacity. A true union based on organic law is happiness, but let all remember that oil and water will not mix: the lion will not lie down with the lamb, nor can ill-assorted marriages be productive of aught but discord. "Let the woman take An elder than herself, so wears she to him-- So sways she, rules in her husband's heart." Look carefully at the disposition.--See that your intended Spouse is kind-hearted, generous, and willing to respect the opinions of others, though not in sympathy with them. Don't marry a selfish tyrant who thinks only of himself. 6. BE CAREFUL.--Don't marry an intemperate man with a view of reforming him. Thousands have tried it and failed. Misery, sorrow and a very hell on earth have been the consequences of too many such generous undertakings. 7. THE TRUE AND ONLY TEST which any man should look for in woman is modesty in demeanor before marriage, absence both of assumed ignorance and disagreeable familiarity, and a pure and religious frame of mind. Where these are present, he need not doubt that he has a faithful and a chaste wife. 8. MARRYING FIRST COUSINS is dangerous to offspring. The observation is universal, the children of married first cousins are too often idiots, insane, clump-footed, crippled, blind, or variously diseased. First cousins are always sure to impart all the hereditary disease in both families to their children. If both are healthy there is less danger. 9. DO NOT CHOOSE ONE TOO GOOD, or too far above you, lest the inferior dissatisfying the superior, breed those discords which are worse than the trials of a single life. Don't be too particular; for you might go farther and fare worse. As far as you yourself are faulty, you should put up with faults. Don't cheat a consort by getting one much better than you can give. We are not in heaven yet, and must put up with their imperfections, and instead of grumbling at them, be glad they are no worse; remembering that a faulty one is a great deal better than none, if he loves you. 10. MARRYING FOR MONEY.--Those who seek only the society of those who can boast of wealth will nine times out of ten suffer disappointment. Wealth cannot manufacture true love nor money buy domestic happiness. Marry because you love each other, and God will bless your home. A cottage with a loving wife is worth more than a royal palace with a discontented and unloving queen. 11. DIFFERENCE IN AGE.--It is generally admitted that the husband should be a few years older than the wife. The question seems to be how much difference. Up to twenty-two those who propose marriage should be about the same age; however, other things being equal, a difference of fifteen years after the younger is twenty-five, need not prevent a marriage. A man of forty-five may marry a woman of twenty-five much more safely than one of thirty a girl below nineteen, because her mental sexuality is not as mature as his, and again her natural coyness requires more delicate and affectionate treatment than he is likely to bestow. A girl of twenty or under should seldom if ever marry a man of thirty or over, because the love of an elderly man for a girl is more parental than conjugal; while hers for him is like that of a daughter to a father. He may pet, flatter and indulge her as he would a grown-up daughter, yet all this is not genuine masculine and feminine love, nor can she exert over him the influence every man requires from his wife. 12. THE BEST TIME.--All things considered, we advise the male reader to keep his desires in check till he is at least twenty-five, and the female not to enter the pale of wedlock until she has attained the age of twenty. After those periods, marriage is the proper sphere of action, and one in which nearly every individual is called by nature to play his proper part. 13. SELECT CAREFULLY.--While character, health, accomplishments and social position should be considered, yet one must not overlook mental construction and physical conformation. The rule always to be followed in choosing a life partner is _identity of taste and diversity of temperament_. Another essential is that they be physically adapted to each other. For example: The pelvis--that part of the anatomy containing all the internal organs of gestation--is not only essential to beauty and symmetry, but is a matter of vital importance to her who contemplates matrimony, and its usual consequences. Therefore, the woman with a very narrow and contracted pelvis should never choose a man of giant physical development lest they cannot duly realize the most important of the enjoyments of the marriage state, while the birth of large infants will impose upon her intense labor pains, or even cost her her life. [Illustration: EXPLAINING THE NEED OF A NEW HAT.] * * * * * CHOOSE INTELLECTUALLY--LOVE AFTERWARD. 1. LOVE.--Let it ever be remembered that love is one of the most sacred elements of our nature, and the most dangerous with which to tamper. It is a very beautiful and delicately contrived faculty, producing the most delightful results, but easily thrown out of repair--like a tender plant, the delicate fibers of which incline gradually to entwine themselves around its beloved one, uniting two willing hearts by a thousand endearing ties, and making of "twain one flesh": but they are easily torn asunder, and then adieu to the joys of connubial bliss! 2. COURTING BY THE QUARTER.--This courting by the quarter, "here a little and there a little," is one of the greatest evils of the day. This getting a little in love with Julia, and then a little with Eliza, and a little more with Mary,--this fashionable flirtation and coquetry of both sexes--is ruinous to the domestic affections; besides, effectually preventing the formation of true connubial love. I consider this dissipation of the affections one of the greatest sins against Heaven, ourselves, and the one trifled with, that can be committed. 3. FRITTERING AWAY AFFECTIONS.--Young men commence courting long before they think of marrying, and where they entertain no thoughts of marriage. They fritter away their own affections, and pride themselves on their conquests over the female heart; triumphing in having so nicely fooled them. They pursue this sinful course so far as to drive their pitiable victims, one after another, from respectable society, who, becoming disgraced, retaliate by heaping upon them all the indignities and impositions which the fertile imagination of woman can invent or execute. 4. COURTING WITHOUT INTENDING TO MARRY.--Nearly all this wide-spread crime and suffering connected with public and private licentiousness and prostitution, has its origin in these unmeaning courtships--this premature love--this blighting of the affections, and every young man who courts without intending to marry, is throwing himself or his sweet-heart into _this hell upon earth._ And most of the blame rests on young men, because they take the liberty of paying their addresses to the ladies and discontinuing them, at pleasure, and thereby mainly cause this vice. 5. SETTING THEIR CAPS.--True, young ladies sometimes "set their caps," sometimes court very hard by their bewitching smiles and affectionate manners; by the natural language of love, or that backward reclining and affectionate roll of the head which expresses it; by their soft and persuasive accents; by their low dresses, artificial forms, and many other unnatural and affected ways and means of attracting attention and exciting love; but women never court till they have been in love and experienced its interruption, till their first and most tender fibres of love have been frost-bitten by disappointment. It is surely a sad condition of society. [Illustration: MOTHERHOOD.] 6. TRAMPLING THE AFFECTIONS OF WOMEN.--But man is a self-privileged character. He may not only violate the laws of his own social nature with impunity, but he may even trample upon the affections of woman. He may even carry this sinful indulgence to almost any length, and yet be caressed and smiled tenderly upon by woman; aye, even by virtuous woman. He may call out, only to blast the glowing affections of one young lady after another, and yet his addresses be cordially welcomed by others. Surely a gentleman is at perfect liberty to pay his addresses, not only to a lady, but even to the ladies, although he does not once entertain the thought of marrying his sweet-heart, or, rather his victim. O, man, how depraved! O, woman, how strangely blind to your own rights and interests! 7. AN INFALLIBLE SIGN.--An infallible sign that a young man's intentions are improper, is his trying to excite your passions. If he loves you, he will never appeal to that feeling, because he respects you too much for that. And the woman who allows a man to take advantage of her just to compel him to marry her, is lost and heartless in the last degree, and utterly destitute of moral principle as well as virtue. A woman's riches is her virtue, that gone she has lost all. 8. THE BEGINNING OF LICENTIOUSNESS.--Man it seldom drives from society. Do what he may, woman, aye, virtuous and even pious woman rarely excludes him from her list of visitors. But where is the point of propriety?--immoral transgression should exclude either sex from respectable society. Is it that one false step which now constitutes the boundary between virtue and vice? Or rather, the discovery of that false step? Certainly not! but it is all that leads to, and precedes and induces it. It is this courting without marrying. This is the beginning of licentiousness, as well as its main, procuring cause, and therefore infinitely worse than its consummation merely. 9. SEARING THE SOCIAL AFFECTIONS.--He has seared his social affections so deeply, so thoroughly, so effectually, that when, at last, he wishes to marry, he is incapable of loving. He marries, but is necessarily cold-hearted towards his wife, which of course renders her wretched, if not jealous, and reverses the faculties of both towards each other; making both most miserable for life. This induces contention and mutual recrimination, if not unfaithfulness, and imbitters the marriage relations through life; and well it may. 10. UNHAPPY MARRIAGES.--This very cause, besides inducing most of that unblushing public and private prostitution already alluded to, renders a large proportion of the marriages of the present day unhappy. Good people mourn over the result, but do not once dream of its cause. They even pray for moral reform, yet do the very things that increase the evil. 11. WEEPING OVER HER FALLEN SON.--Do you see yonder godly mother, weeping over her fallen son, and remonstrating with him in tones of a mother's tenderness and importunity? That very mother prevented that very son marrying the girl he dearly loved, because she was poor, and this interruption of his love was the direct and procuring cause of his ruin; for, if she had allowed him to marry this beloved one, he never would have thought of giving his "strength unto strange women." True, the mother ruined her son ignorantly, but none the less effectually. 12. SEDUCTION AND RUIN.--That son next courts another virtuous fair one, engages her affections, and ruins her, or else leaves her broken-hearted, so that she is the more easily ruined by others, and thus prepares the way for her becoming an inmate of a house "whose steps take hold on hell." His heart is now indifferent, he is ready for anything. 13. THE RIGHT PRINCIPLE.--I say then, with emphasis, that no man should ever pay his addresses to any woman, until he has made his selection, not even to aid him in making that choice. He should first make his selection intellectually, and love afterward. He should go about the matter coolly and with judgment, just as he would undertake any other important matter. No man or woman, when blinded by love, is in a fit state to judge advantageously as to what he or she requires, or who is adapted to his or her wants. 14. CHOOSING FIRST AND LOVING AFTERWARDS.--I know, indeed, that this doctrine of choosing first and loving afterward, of excluding love from the councils, and of choosing by and with the consent of the intellect and moral sentiments, is entirely at variance with the feelings of the young and the customs of society; but, for its correctness, I appeal to the common-sense--not to the experience, for so few try this plan. Is not this the only proper method, and the one most likely to result happily? Try it. 15. THE YOUNG WOMAN'S CAUTION.--And, especially, let no young lady ever once think of bestowing her affections till she is certain they will not be broken off--that is, until the match is fully agreed upon, but rather let her keep her heart whole till she bestows it for life. This requisition is as much more important, and its violation as much more disastrous to woman than to man, as her social faculties are stronger than his. 16. A BURNT CHILD DREADS THE FIRE.--As a "burnt child dreads the fire," and the more it is burnt, the greater the dread: so your affections, once interrupted, will recoil from a second love, and distrust all mankind. No! you cannot be too choice of your love--that pivot on which turn your destinies for life and future happiness. [Illustration: AFTER THE ENGAGEMENT.] * * * * * LOVE-SPATS. Could ever hear by tale or history, The course of true love never did run smooth. --SHAKESPEARE. "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."--CONGREVE. "Thunderstorms clear the atmosphere and promote vegetation; then why not Love-spats promote love, as they certainly often do?" "They are almost universal, and in the nature of our differences cannot be helped. The more two love, the more they are aggrieved by each other's faults; of which these spats are but the correction." "Love-spats instead of being universal, they are consequent on imperfect love, and only aggravate, never correct errors. Sexual storms never improve, whereas love obviates faults by praising the opposite virtues. Every view of them, practical and philosophical, condemns them as being to love what poison is to health, both before and after marriage. They are nothing but married discords. Every law of mind and love condemns them. Shun them as you would deadly vipers, and prevent them by forestallment."--O.S. Fowler. 1. THE TRUE FACTS.--Notwithstanding some of the above quotations, to the contrary, trouble and disagreement between lovers embitters both love and life. Contention is always dangerous, and will beget alienation if not final separation. 2. CONFIRMED AFFECTIONS.--Where affections are once thoroughly confirmed, each one should be very careful in taking offense, and avoid all disagreements as far as possible, but if disagreements continually develop with more or less friction and irritation, it is better for the crisis to come and a final separation take place. For peace is better than disunited love. 3. HATE-SPATS.--Hate-spats, though experienced by most lovers, yet, few realize how fatal they are to subsequent affections. Love-spats develop into hate-spats, and their effects upon the affections are blighting and should not under any circumstances be tolerated. Either agree, or agree to disagree. If there cannot be harmony before the ties of marriage are assumed, then there cannot be harmony after. Married life will be continually marred by a series of "hate-spats" that sooner or later will destroy all happiness, unless the couple are reasonably well mated. [Illustration: HOME LOVING HEARTS ARE HAPPIEST.] 4. MORE FATAL THE OFTENER THEY OCCUR.--As O.S. Fowler says: "'The poison of asps is under their lips.' The first spat is like a deep gash cut into a beautiful face, rendering it ghastly, and leaving a fearful scar, which neither time nor cosmetics can ever efface; including that pain so fatal to love, and blotting that sacred love-page with memory's most hideous and imperishable visages. Cannot many now unhappy remember them as the beginning of that alienation which embittered your subsequent affectional cup, spoiled your lives? With what inherent repulsion do you look back upon them? Their memory is horrid, and effect on love most destructive." 5. FATAL CONDITIONS.--What are all lovers' "spats" but disappointment in its very worst form? They necessarily and always produce all its terrible consequences. The finer feelings and sensibilities will soon become destroyed and nothing but hatred will remain. 6. EXTREME SORROW.--After a serious "spat" there generally follows a period of tender sorrow, and a feeling of humiliation and submission. Mutual promises are consequently made that such a condition of things shall never happen again, etc. But be sure and remember, that every subsequent difficulty will require stronger efforts to repair the breach. Let it be understood that these compromises are dangerous, and every new difficulty increases their fatality. Even the strongest will endure but few, nor survive many. 7. DISTRUST AND WANT OF CONFIDENCE.--Most difficulties arise from distrust or lack of confidence or common-sense. When two lovers eye each other like two curs, each watching, lest the other should gain some new advantage, then this shows a lack of common-sense, and the young couple should get sensible or separate. 8. JEALOUSY.--When one of the lovers, once so tender, now all at once so cold and hardened; once so coy and familiar now suddenly so reserved, distant, hard and austere, is always a sure case of jealousy. A jealous person is first talkative, very affectionate, and then all at once changes and becomes cold, reserved and repulsive, apparently without cause. If a person is jealous before marriage, this characteristic will be increased rather than diminished by marriage. 9. CONFESSION.--If you make up by confession, the confessor feels mean and disgraced; or if both confess and forgive, both feel humbled; since forgiveness implies inferiority and pity; from which whatever is manly and womanly shrinks. Still even this is better than continued "spats." 10. PREVENTION.--If you can get along well in your courtship you will invariably make a happy couple if you should unite your destinies in marriage. Learn not to give nor take offence. You must remember that all humanity is imperfect at best. We all have our faults, and must keep them in subordination. Those who truly love each other will have but few difficulties in their courtship or in married life. 11. REMEDIES.--Establishing a perfect love in the beginning constitutes a preventive. Fear that they are not truly loved usually paves the way for "spats." Let all who make any pretension guard against all beginnings of this reversal, and strangle these "hate-spats" the moment they arise. "Let not the sun go down upon thy wrath," not even an hour, but let the next sentence after they begin quench them forever. And let those who cannot court without "spats," stop; for those who spat before marriage must quarrel after. [Illustration: "LET NOT THE SUN GO DOWN UPON THY WRATH".] [Illustration: ALONE AND FORSAKEN.] * * * * * A BROKEN HEART. 1. WOUNDED LOVE.--'Tis true that love wields a magic, sovereign, absolute, and tyrannical power over both the body and the mind when it is given control. It often, in case of dissapointment, works havoc and deals death blows to its victims, and leaves many in that morbid mental condition which no life-tonics simply can restore. Wounded love may be the result of hasty and indiscreet conduct of young people; or the outgrowth of lust, or the result of domestic infidelity and discord. 2. FATAL EFFECTS.--Our cemeteries receive within the cold shadows of the grave thousands and thousands of victims that annually die from the results of "broken hearts." It is no doubt a fact that love troubles cause more disorders of the heart than everything else combined. 3. DISRUPTED LOVE.--It has long been known that dogs, birds, and even horses, when separated from their companions or friends, have pined away and died; so it is not strange that man with his higher intuitive ideas of affection should suffer from love when suddenly disrupted. 4. CRUCIFYING LOVE.--Painful love feelings strike right to the heart, and the breaking up of love that cannot be consummated in marriage is sometimes allowed to crucify the affections. There is no doubt that the suffering from disappointed love is often deeper and more intense than meeting death itself. 5. HEALING.--The paralyzing and agonizing consequences of ruptured love can only be remedied by diversion and society. Bring the mind into a state of patriotic independence with a full determination to blot out the past. Those who cannot bring into subordination the pangs of disappointment in love are not strong characters, and invariably will suffer disappointments in almost every department of life. Disappointment in love means rising above it, and conquering it, or demoralization, mental, physical and sexual. 6. LOVE RUNS MAD.--Love comes unbidden. A blind ungovernable impulse seems to hold sway in the passions of the affections. Love is blind and seems to completely subdue and conquer. It often comes like a clap of thunder from a clear sky, and when it falls it falls flat, leaving only the ruins of a tornado behind. 7. BAD, DISMAL, AND BLUE FEELINGS.--Despondency breathes disease, and those who yield to it can neither work, eat nor sleep; they only suffer. The spell-bound, fascinated, magnetized affections seem to deaden self-control and no doubt many suffering from love-sickness are totally helpless; they are beside themselves, irritational and wild. Men and women of genius, influence and education, all seem to suffer alike, but they do not yield alike to the subduing influence; some pine away and die; others rise above it, and are the stronger and better for having been afflicted. 8. RISE ABOVE IT.--Cheer up! If you cannot think pleasurably over your misfortune, forget it. You must do this or perish. Your power and influence is too much to blight by foolish and melancholic pining. Your own sense, your self-respect, your self-love, your love for others, command you not to spoil yourself by crying over "spilt milk." 9. RETRIEVE YOUR PAST LOSS.--Do sun, moon, and stars indeed rise and set in your loved one? Are there not "as good fish in the sea as ever were caught?" and can you not catch them? Are there not other hearts on earth just as loving and lovely, and in every way as congenial; If circumstances had first turned you upon another, you would have felt about that one as now about this. Love depends far less on the party loved than on the loving one. Or is this the way either to retrieve your past loss, or provide for the future? Is it not both unwise and self-destructive; and in every way calculated to render your case, present and prospective, still more hopeless? 10. FIND SOMETHING TO DO.--Idle hands are Satan's workshop. Employ your mind; find something to do; something in which you can find self-improvement; something that will fit you better to be admired by someone else, read, and improve your mind; get into society, throw your whole soul into some new enterprise, and you will conquer with glory and come out of the fire purified and made more worthy. 11. LOVE AGAIN.--As love was the cause of your suffering, so love again will restore you, and you will love better and more consistently. Do not allow yourself to become soured and detest and shun association. Rebuild your dilapidated sexuality by cultivating a general appreciation of the excellence, especially of the mental and moral qualities of the opposite sex. Conquer your prejudices, and vow not to allow anyone to annoy or disturb your calmness. 12. LOVE FOR THE DEAD.--A most affectionate woman, who continues to love her affianced though long dead, instead of becoming soured or deadened, manifests all the richness and sweetness of the fully-developed woman thoroughly in love, along with a softened, mellow, twilight sadness which touches every heart, yet throws a peculiar lustre and beauty over her manners and entire character. She must mourn, but not forever. It is not her duty to herself or to her Creator. 13. A SURE REMEDY.--Come in contact with the other sex. You are infused with your lover's magnetism, which must remain till displaced by another's. Go to parties and picnics; be free, familiar, offhand, even forward; try your knack at fascinating another, and yield to fascinations yourself. But be honest, command respect, and make yourself attractive and worthy. [Illustration: A SURE REMEDY.] * * * * * FORMER CUSTOMS AND PECULIARITIES AMONG MEN. 1. POLYGAMY.--There is a wide difference as regards the relations of the sexes in different parts of the world. In some parts polygamy has prevailed from time immemorial. Most savage people are polygamists, and the Turks, though slowly departing from the practice, still allow themselves a plurality of wives. 2. RULE REVERSED.--In Thibet the rule is reversed, and the females are provided with two or more husbands. It is said that in many instances a whole family of brothers have but one wife. The custom has at least one advantageous feature, viz.: the possibility of leaving an unprotected widow and a number of fatherless children is entirely obviated. 3. THE MORGANATIC MARRIAGE is a modification of polygamy. It sometimes occurs among the royalty of Europe, and is regarded as perfectly legitimate, but the morganatic wife is of lower rank than her royal husband, and her children do not inherit his rank or fortune. The Queen only is the consort of the sovereign, and entitled to share his rank. 4. DIFFERENT MANNERS OF OBTAINING WIVES.--Among the uncivilized almost any envied possession is taken by brute force or superior strength. The same is true in obtaining a wife. The strong take precedence of the weak. It is said that among the North American Indians it was the custom for men to wrestle for the choice of women. A weak man could seldom retain a wife that a strong man coveted. The law of contest was not confined to individuals alone. Women were frequently the cause of whole tribes arraying themselves against each other in battle. The effort to excel in physical power was a great incentive to bodily development, and since the best of the men were preferred by the most superior women, the custom was a good one in this, that the race was improved. 5. THE ABORIGINAL AUSTRALIAN employed low cunning and heartless cruelty in obtaining his wife. Laying in ambush, with club in hand, he would watch for the coveted woman, and, unawares, spring upon her. If simply disabled he carried her off as his possession, but if the blow had been hard enough to kill, he abandoned her to watch for another victim. There is here no effort to attract or please, no contest of strength; his courtship, if courtship it can be called, would compare very unfavorably with any among the brute creation. 6. THE KALMUCK TARTAR races for his bride on horseback, she having a certain start previously agreed upon. The nuptial knot consists in catching her, but we are told that the result of the race all depends upon whether the girl wants to be caught or not. 7. HAWAIIAN ISLANDERS.--Marriage among the early natives of these islands was merely a matter of mutual inclination. There was no ceremony at all, the men and women united and separated as they felt disposed. 8. THE FEUDAL LORD, in various parts of Europe, when any of his dependents or followers married, exercised the right of assuming the bridegroom's proper place in the marriage couch for the first night. Seldom was there any escape from this abominable practice. Sometimes the husband, if wealthy, succeeded in buying off the petty sovereign from exercising his privilege. 9. THE SPARTANS had the custom of encouraging intercourse between their best men and women for the sake of a superior progeny, without any reference to a marriage ceremony. Records show that the ancient Roman husband has been known to invite a friend, in whom he may have admired some physical or mental trait, to share the favors of his wife; that the peculiar qualities that he admired might be repeated in the offspring. [Illustration] [Illustration: PROPOSING.] [Illustration] Hasty marriage seldom proveth well.--_Shakespeare, Henry VI._ The reason why so few marriages are happy is, because young ladies spend their time in making nets, not in making cages.--_Swift, Thoughts on Various Subjects._ * * * * * SENSIBLE HINTS IN CHOOSING A PARTNER. 1. There are many fatal errors and many love-making failures in courtship. Natural laws govern all nature and reduce all they govern to eternal right; therefore love naturally, not artificially. Don't love a somebody or a nobody simply because they have money. 2. COURT SCIENTIFICALLY.--If you court at all, court scientifically. Bungle whatever else you will, but do no bungle courtship. A failure in this may mean more than a loss of wealth or public honors; it may mean ruin, or a life often worse than death. The world is full of wretched and mismated people. BEGIN RIGHT and all will be right; begin wrong and all will end wrong. When you court, make a business of it and study your interest the same as you would study any other business proposition. 3. DIVORCES.--There is not a divorce on our court records that is not the result of some fundamental error in courtship. The purity or the power of love may be corrupted the same as any other faculty, and when a man makes up his mind to marry and shuts his eyes and grabs in the dark for a companion, he dishonors the woman he captures and commits a crime against God and society. In this enlightened age there should be comparatively few mistakes made in the selection of a suitable partner. Sufficient time should be taken to study each other's character and disposition. Association will soon reveal adaptability. 4. FALSE LOVE.--Many a poor, blind and infatuated novice thinks he is desperately in love, when there is not the least genuine affection in his nature. It is all a momentary passion a sort of puppy love; his vows and pledges are soon violated, and in wedlock he will become indifferent and cold to his wife and children, and he will go through life without ambition, encouragement or success. He will be a failure. True love speaks for itself, and the casual observer can read its proclamations. True love does not speak in a whisper, it always makes itself heard. The follies of flirting develops into many unhappy marriages, and blight many a life. Man happily married has superior advantages both social and financially. 5. FLIRTING JUST FOR FUN.--Who is the flirt, what is his reputation, motive, or character? Every young man and woman must have a reputation; if it is not good it is bad, there is no middle ground. Young people who are running in the streets after dark, boisterous and noisy in their conversation, gossiping and giggling, flirting with first one and then another, will soon settle their matrimonial prospects among good society. Modesty is a priceless jewel. No sensible young man with a future will marry a flirt. 6. THE ARCH-DECEIVER.--They who win the affection simply for their own amusement are committing a great sin for which there is no adequate punishment. How can you shipwreck the innocent life of that confiding maiden, how can you forget her happy looks as she drank in your expressions of love, how can you forget her melting eyes and glowing cheeks, her tender tone reciprocating your pretended love? Remember that God is infinitely just, and "the soul that sinneth shall surely die." You may dash into business, seek pleasure in the club room, and visit gambling hells, but "Thou art the man" will ever stare you in the face. Her pale, sad cheeks, her hollow eyes will never cease to haunt you. Men should promote happiness, and not cause misery. Let the savage Indians torture captives to death by the slow flaming fagot, but let civilized man respect the tenderness and love of confiding women. Torturing the opposite sex is double-distilled barbarity. Young men agonizing young ladies, is the cold-blooded cruelty of devils, not men. 7. THE RULE TO FOLLOW.--Do not continually pay your attentions to the same lady if you have no desire to win her affections. Occasionally escorting her to church, concert, picnic, party, etc., is perfectly proper; but to give her your special attention, and extend invitations to her for all places of amusements where you care to attend, is an implied promise that you prefer her company above all others, and she has a right to believe that your attentions are serious. [Illustration: THE WEDDING RING.] 8. EVERY GIRL SHOULD SEAL HER HEART against all manifested affections, unless they are accompanied by a proposal. Woman's love is her all, and her heart should be as flint until she finds one who is worthy of her confidence. Young woman, never bestow your affections until by some word or deed at least you are fully justified in recognizing sincerity and faith in him who is paying you special attention. Better not be engaged until twenty-two. You are then more competent to judge the honesty and falsity of man. Nature has thrown a wall of maidenly modesty around you. Preserve that and not let your affections be trifled with while too young by any youthful flirt who is in search of hearts to conquer. 9. FEMALE FLIRTATION.--The young man who loves a young woman has paid her the highest compliment in the possession of man. Perpetrate almost any sin, inflict any other torture, but spare him the agony of disappointment. It is a crime that can never be forgiven, and a debt that never can be paid. 10. LOYALTY.--Young persons with serious intentions, or those who are engaged should be thoroughly loyal to each other. If they seek freedom with others the flame of jealousy is likely to be kindled and love is often turned to hatred, and the severest anger of the soul is aroused. Loyalty, faithfulness, confidence, are the three jewels to be cherished in courtship. Don't be a flirt. 11. KISSING, FONDLING, AND CARESSING BETWEEN LOVERS.--This should never be tolerated under any circumstances, unless there is an engagement to justify it, and then only in a sensible and limited way. The girl who allows a young man the privilege of kissing her or putting his arms around her waist before engagement will at once fall in the estimation of the man she has thus gratified and desired to please. Privileges always injure, but never benefit. 12. IMPROPER LIBERTIES DURING COURTSHIP KILL LOVE.--Any improper liberties which are permitted by young ladies, whether engaged or not, will change love into sensuality, and her affections will become obnoxious, if not repellent. Men by nature love virtue, and for a life companion naturally shun an amorous woman. Young folks, as you love moral purity and virtue, never reciprocate love until you have required the right of betrothal. Remember that those who are thoroughly in love will respect the honor and virtue of each other. The purity of woman is doubly attractive, and sensuality in her becomes doubly offensive and repellent. It is contrary to the laws of nature for a man to love a harlot. 13. A SEDUCER.--The punishment of the seducer is best given by O.S. Fowler, in his "Creative Science." The sin and punishment rest on all you who call out only to blight a trusting, innocent, loving virgin's affections, and then discard her. You deserve to be horsewhipped by her father, cowhided by her brothers, branded villain by her mother, cursed by herself, and sent to the whipping-post and dungeon. 14. CAUTION.--A young lady should never encourage the attentions of a young man, who shows no interest in his sisters. If a young man is indifferent to his sisters he will become indifferent to his wife as soon as the honey moon is over. There are few if any exceptions to this rule. The brother who will not be kind and loving in his mother's home will make a very poor husband. 15. THE OLD RULE: "Never marry a man that does not make his mother a Christmas present every Christmas," is a good one. The young lady makes no mistake in uniting her destinies with the man that loves his mother and respects his sisters and brothers. [Illustration] [Illustration: A CHINESE BRIDE AND GROOM.] * * * * * SAFE HINTS. 1. Marry in your own position in life. If there is any difference in social position, it is better that the husband should be the superior. A woman does not like to look down upon her husband, and to be obliged to do so is a poor guarantee for their happiness. 2. It is best to marry persons of your own faith and religious convictions, unless one is willing to adopt those of the other. Difference of faith is apt to divide families, and to produce great trouble in after life. A pious woman should beware of marrying an irreligious man. 3. Don't be afraid of marrying a poor man or woman. Good health, cheerful disposition, stout hearts and industrious hands will bring happiness and comfort. 4. Bright red hair should marry jet black, and jet black auburn or bright red, etc. And the more red-faced and bearded or impulsive a man, the more dark, calm, cool and quiet should his wife be; and vice versa. The florid should not marry the florid, but those who are dark, in proportion as they themselves are light. 5. Red-whiskered men should marry brunettes, but no blondes; the color of the whiskers being more determinate of the temperament than that of the hair. 6. The color of the eyes is still more important. Gray eyes must marry some other color, almost any other except gray; and so of blue, dark, hazel, etc. 7. Those very fleshy should not marry those equally so, but those too spare and slim; and this is doubly true of females. A spare man is much better adapted to a fleshy woman than a round-favored man. Two who are short, thick-set and stocky, should not unite in marriage, but should choose those differently constituted; but on no account one of their own make. And, in general, those predisposed to corpulence are therefore less inclined to marriage. 8. Those with little hair or beard should marry those whose hair is naturally abundant; still those who once had plenty, but who have lost it, may marry those who are either bald or have but little; for in this, as in all other cases, all depends on what one is by nature, little on present states. 9. Those whose motive-temperament decidedly predominates, who are bony, only moderately fleshy, quite prominent-featured, Roman-nosed and muscular, should not marry those similarly formed. 10. Small, nervous men must not marry little, nervous or sanguine women, lest both they and their children have quite too much of the hot-headed and impulsive, and die suddenly. 11. Two very beautiful persons rarely do or should marry; nor two extra homely. The fact is a little singular that very handsome women, who of course can have their pick, rarely marry good-looking men, but generally give preference to those who are homely; because that exquisiteness in which beauty originates naturally blends with that power which accompanies huge noses and disproportionate features. [Illustration: LIGHT. LIFE. HEALTH AND BEAUTY.] 12. Rapid movers, speakers, laughers, etc., should marry those who are calm and deliberate, and impulsives those who are stoical; while those who are medium may marry those who are either or neither, as they prefer. 13. Noses indicate characters by indicating the organisms and temperaments. Accordingly, those noses especially marked either way should marry those having opposite nasal characteristics. Roman noses are adapted to those which turn up, and pug noses to those turning down; while straight noses may marry either. 14. Men who love to command must be especially careful not to marry imperious, women's-rights woman; while those who willingly "obey orders" need just such. Some men require a wife who shall take their part; yet all who do not need strong-willed women, should be careful how they marry them. 15. A sensible woman should not marry an obstinate but injudicious, unintelligent man; because she cannot long endure to see and help him blindly follow his poor, but spurn her good, plans. 16. The reserved or secretive should marry the frank. A cunning man cannot endure the least artifice in a wife. Those who are non-committal must marry those who are demonstrative; else, however much they may love, neither will feel sure as to the other's affections, and each will distrust the other, while their children will be deceitful. 17. A timid woman should never marry a hesitating man, lest, like frightened children, each keep perpetually re-alarming the other by imaginary fears. 18. An industrious, thrifty, hard-working man should marry a woman tolerably saving and industrious. As the "almighty dollar" is now the great motor-wheel of humanity, and that to which most husbands devote their entire lives to delve alone is uphill work. [Illustration] [Illustration: FIRESIDE FANCIES.] * * * * * MARRIAGE SECURITIES. 1. SEEK EACH OTHER'S HAPPINESS.--A selfish marriage that seeks only its own happiness defeats itself. Happiness is a fire that will not burn long on one stick. 2. DO NOT MARRY SUDDENLY.--It can always be done till it is done, if it is a proper thing to do. 3. MARRY IN YOUR OWN GRADE IN SOCIETY.--It is painful to be always apologizing for any one. It is more painful to be apologized for. 4. DO NOT MARRY DOWNWARD.--It is hard enough to advance in the quality of life without being loaded with clay heavier than your own. It will be sufficiently difficult to keep your children up to your best level without having to correct a bias in their blood. 5. DO NOT SELL YOURSELF.--It matters not whether the price be money or position. 6. DO NOT THROW YOURSELF AWAY.--You will not receive too much, even if you are paid full price. 7. SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PARENTS.--Your parents are your best friends. They will make more sacrifice for you than any other mortals. They are elevated above selfishness concerning you. If they differ from you concerning your choice, it is because they must. 8. DO NOT MARRY TO PLEASE ANY THIRD PARTY.--You must do the living and enduring. 9. DO NOT MARRY TO SPITE ANYBODY.--It would add wretchedness to folly. 10. DO NOT MARRY BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE MAY SEEK THE SAME HAND.--One glove may not fit all hands equally well. 11. DO NOT MARRY TO GET RID OF ANYBODY.--The coward who shot himself to escape from being drafted was insane. 12. DO NOT MARRY MERELY FOR THE IMPULSE OF LOVE.--Love is a principle as well as an emotion. So far as it is a sentiment it is a blind guide. It does not wait to test the presence of exalted character in its object before breaking out into a flame. Shavings make a hot fire, but hard coal is better for the Winter. 13. DO NOT MARRY WITHOUT LOVE.--A body without a soul soon becomes offensive. 14. TEST CAREFULLY THE EFFECT OF PROTRACTED ASSOCIATION.--If familiarity breeds contempt before marriage it will afterward. 15. TEST CAREFULLY THE EFFECT OF PROTRACTED SEPARATION.--True love will defy both time and space. 16. CONSIDER CAREFULLY the right of your children under the laws of heredity. It is doubtful whether you have a right to increase the number of invalids and cripples. 17. DO NOT MARRY SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE PROMISED TO DO SO.--If a seam opens between you now it will widen into a gulf. It is less offensive to retract a mistaken promise than to perjure your soul before the altar. Your intended spouse has a right to absolute integrity. [Illustration: GOING TO BE MARRIED.] 18. MARRY CHARACTER.--It is not so much what one has as what one is. 19. DO NOT MARRY THE WRONG OBJECT.--Themistocles said he would rather marry his daughter to a man without money than to money with a man. It is well to have both. It is fatal to have neither. 20. DEMAND A JUST RETURN.--You give virtue and purity, and gentleness and integrity. You have a right to demand the same in return. Duty requires it. 21. REQUIRE BRAINS.--Culture is good, but will not be transmitted. Brain power may be. 22. STUDY PAST RELATIONSHIP.--The good daughter and sister makes a good wife. The good son and brother makes a good husband. 23. NEVER MARRY AS A MISSIONARY DEED.--If one needs saving from bad habits he is not suitable for you. 24. MARRIAGE IS A SURE AND SPECIFIC REMEDY for all the ills known as seminal losses. As right eating cures a sick stomach and right breathing diseased lungs, so the right use of the sexual organs will bring relief and restoration. Many men who have been sufferers from indiscretions of youth, have married, and were soon cured of spermatorrhoea and other complications which accompanied it. 25. A GOOD, LONG COURTSHIP will often cure many difficulties or ills of the sexual organs. O.S. Fowler says: "See each other often spend many pleasant hours together," have many walks and talks, think of each other while absent, write many love letters, be inspired to many love feelings and acts towards each other, and exercise your sexuality in a thousand forms ten thousand times, every one of which tones up and thereby recuperates this very element now dilapidated. When you have courted long enough to marry, you will be sufficiently restored to be reimproved by it. UP AND AT IT.--Dress up, spruce up, and be on the alert. Don't wait too long to get one much more perfect than you are; but settle on some one soon. Remember that your unsexed state renders you over-dainty, and easily disgusted. So contemplate only their lovable qualities. 26. PURITY OF PURPOSE.--Court with a pure and loyal purpose, and when thoroughly convinced that the disposition of other difficulties are in the way of a happy marriage life, then _honorably_ discuss it and honorably treat each other in the settlement. 27. DO NOT TRIFLE with the feelings or affections of each other. It is a sin that will curse you all the days of your life. * * * * * WOMEN WHO MAKE THE BEST WIVES. 1. CONSCIOUS OF THE DUTIES OF HER SEX.--A woman conscious of the duties of her sex, one who unflinchingly discharges the duties allotted to her by nature, would no doubt make a good wife. 2. GOOD WIVES AND MOTHERS.--The good wives and mothers are the women who believe in the sisterhood of women as well as in the brotherhood of men. The highest exponent of this type seeks to make her home something more than an abode where children are fed, clothed and taught the catechism. The State has taken her children into politics by making their education a function of politicians. The good wife and homemaker says to her children, "Where thou goest, I will go." She puts off her own inclinations to ease and selfishness. She studies the men who propose to educate her children; she exhorts mothers to sit beside fathers on the school-board; she will even herself accept such thankless office in the interests of the helpless youth of the schools who need a mother's as well as a father's and a teacher's care in this field of politics. 3. A BUSY WOMAN.--As to whether a busy woman, that is, a woman who labors for mankind in the world outside her home,--whether such an one can also be a good housekeeper, and care for her children, and make a real "Home, Sweet Home!" with all the comforts by way of variation, why! I am ready, as the result of years practical experience as a busy woman, to assert that women of affairs can also be women of true domestic tastes and habits. 4. BRAINY ENOUGH.--What kind of women make the best wives? The woman who is brainy enough to be a companion, wise enough to be a counsellor, skilled enough in the domestic virtues to be a good housekeeper, and loving enough to guide in true paths the children with whom the home may be blessed. 5. FOUND THE RIGHT HUSBAND.--The best wife is the woman who has found the right husband, a husband who understands her. A man will have the best wife when he rates that wife as queen among women. Of all women she should always be to him the dearest. This sort of man will not only praise the dishes made by his wife, but will actually eat them. 6. BANK ACCOUNT.--He will allow his life-companion a bank account, and will exact no itemized bill at the end of the month. Above all, he will pay the Easter bonnet bill without a word, never bring a friend to dinner without first telephoning home,--short, he will comprehend that the woman who makes the best wife is the woman whom, by his indulgence of her ways and whims, he makes the best wife. So after all, good husbands have the most to do with making good wives. [Illustration: PUNISHMENT OF WIFE BEATERS IN NEW ENGLAND IN THE EARLY DAYS.] 7. BEST HOME MAKER.--A woman to be the best home maker needs to be devoid of intensive "nerves." She must be neat and systematic, but not too neat, lest she destroy the comfort she endeavors to create. She must be distinctly amiable, while firm. She should have no "career," or desire for a career, if she would fill to perfection the home sphere. She must be affectionate, sympathetic and patient, and fully appreciative of the worth and dignity of her sphere. 8. KNOW NOTHING WHATSOEVER ABOUT COOKING OR SEWING OR HOUSEKEEPING.--I am inclined to make my answer to this question somewhat concise, after the manner of a text without the sermon. Like this: To be the "best wife" depends upon three things: first, an abiding faith with God; second, duty lovingly discharged as daughter, wife and mother; third, self-improvement, mentally, physically, spiritually. With this as a text and as a glittering generality, let me touch upon one or two practical essentials. In the course of every week it is my privilege to meet hundreds of young women,--prospective wives. I am astonished to find that many of these know nothing whatsoever about cooking or sewing or housekeeping. Now, if a woman cannot broil a beefsteak, nor boil the coffee when it is necessary, if she cannot mend the linen, nor patch a coat, if she cannot make a bed, order the dinner, create a lamp-shade, ventilate the house, nor do anything practical in the way of making home actually a home, how can she expect to make even a good wife, not to speak of a better or best wife? I need not continue this sermon. Wise girls will understand. 9. THE BEST KEEPER OF HOME.--As to who is the best keeper of this transition home, memory pictures to me a woman grown white under the old slavery, still bound by it, in that little-out-of-the-way Kansas town, but never so bound that she could not put aside household tasks, at any time, for social intercourse, for religious conversation, for correspondence, for reading, and, above all, for making everyone who came near her feel that her home was the expression of herself, a place for rest, study, and the cultivation of affection. She did not exist for her walls, her carpets, her furniture; they existed for her and all who came to her She considered herself the equal of all; and everyone else thought her the superior of all. * * * * * ADAPTATION, CONJUGAL AFFECTION, AND FATAL ERRORS. ADVICE TO THE MARRIED AND UNMARRIED. 1. MARRYING FOR WEALTH.--Those who marry for wealth often get what they marry and nothing else; for rich girls besides being generally destitute of both industry and economy, are generally extravagant in their expenditures, and require servants enough to dissipate a fortune. They generally have insatiable wants, yet feel that they deserve to be indulged in everything, because they placed their husbands under obligation to them by bringing them a dowry. And then the mere idea of living on the money of a wife, and of being supported by her, is enough to tantalize any man of an independent spirit. 2. SELF-SUPPORT.--What spirited husband would not prefer to support both himself and wife, rather than submit to this perpetual bondage of obligation. To live upon a father, or take a patrimony from him, is quite bad enough; but to run in debt to a wife, and owe her a living, is a little too aggravating for endurance, especially if there be not perfect cordiality between the two, which cannot be the case in money matches. Better live wifeless, or anything else, rather than marry for money. 3. MONEY-SEEKERS.--Shame on sordid wife-seekers, or, rather, money-seekers; for it is not a wife that they seek, but only filthy lucre! They violate all their other faculties simply to gratify miserly desire. Verily such "have their reward"! 4. THE PENITENT HOUR.--And to you, young ladies, let me say with great emphasis, that those who court and marry you because you are rich, will make you rue the day of your pecuniary espousals. They care not for you, but only your money, and when they get that, will be liable to neglect or abuse you, and probably squander it, leaving you destitute and abandoning you to your fate. 6. INDUSTRY THE SIGN OF NOBILITY.--Marry a working, industrious young lady, whose constitution is strong, flesh solid, and health unimpaired by confinement, bad habits, or late hours. Give me a plain, home-spun farmer's daughter, and you may have all the rich and fashionable belles of our cities and villages. 6. WASP WAISTS.--Marrying small waists is attended with consequences scarcely less disastrous than marrying rich and fashionable girls. An amply developed chest is a sure indication of a naturally vigorous constitution and a strong hold on life; while small waists indicate small and feeble vital organs, a delicate constitution, sickly offspring, and a short life. Beware of them, therefore, unless you wish your heart broken by the early death of your wife and children. [Illustration: UNTIL DEATH US DO PART.] 7. MARRYING TALKERS.--In marrying a wit or a talker merely, though the brilliant scintillations of the former, or the garrulity of the latter, may amuse or delight you for the time being, yet you will derive no permanent satisfaction from these qualities, for there will be no common bond of kindred feeling to assimilate your souls and hold each spell-bound at the shrine of the other's intellectual or moral excellence. 8. THE SECOND WIFE.--Many men, especially in choosing a second wife, are governed by her own qualifications as a housekeeper mainly, and marry industry and economy. Though these traits of character are excellent, yet a good housekeeper may be far from being a good wife. A good housekeeper, but a poor wife, may indeed prepare you a good dinner, and keep her house and children neat and tidy, yet this is but a part of the office of a wife; who, besides all her household duties, has those of a far higher order to perform. She should soothe you with her sympathies, divert your troubled mind, and make the whole family happy by the gentleness of her manners, and the native goodness of her heart. A husband should also likewise do his part. 9. DO NOT MARRY A MAN WITH A LOW, FLAT HEAD; for, however fascinating, genteel, polite, tender, plausible or winning he may be, you will repent the day of your espousal. 10. HEALTHY WIRES AND MOTHERS.--Let girls romp, and let them range hill and dale in search of flowers, berries, or any other object of amusement or attraction; let them bathe often, skip the rope, and take a smart ride on horseback; often interspersing these amusements with a turn of sweeping or washing, in order thereby to develop their vital organs, and thus lay a substantial physical foundation for becoming good wives and mothers. The wildest romps usually make the best wives, while quiet, still, demure, sedate and sedentary girls are not worth having. 11. SMALL STATURE.--In passing, I will just remark, that good size is important in wives and mothers. A small stature is objectionable in a woman, because little women usually have too much activity for their strength, and, consequently, feeble constitutions; hence they die young, and besides, being nervous, suffer extremely as mothers. 12. HARD TIMES AND MATRIMONY.--Many persons, particularly young men, refuse to marry, especially "these hard time," because they cannot support a wife in the style they wish. To this I reply, that a good wife will care less for the style in which she is supported, than for you. She will cheerfully conform to your necessities, and be happy with you in a log-cabin. She will even help you support yourself. To support a good wife, even if she have children, is really less expensive than to board alone, besides being one of the surest means of acquiring property. 13. MARRYING FOR A HOME.--Do not, however, marry for a home merely, unless you wish to become even more destitute with one than without one; for, it is on the same footing with "marrying for money." Marry a man for his merit; and you take no chances. 14. MARRY TO PLEASE NO ONE BUT YOURSELF.--Marriage is a matter exclusively your own; because you alone must abide its consequences. No person, not even a parent, has the least right to interfere or dictate in this matter. I never knew a marriage, made to please another, to turn out any otherwise than most unhappily. 15. DO NOT MARRY TO PLEASE YOUR PARENTS. Parents can not love for their children any more than they can eat or sleep, or breathe, or die and go to heaven for them. They may give wholesome advice merely, but should leave the entire decision to the unbiased judgment of the parties themselves, who mainly are to experience the consequences of their choice. Besides, such is human nature, that to oppose lovers, or to speak against the person beloved, only increases their desire and determination to marry. 16. RUN-AWAY MATCHES.--Many a run-away match would never have taken place but for opposition or interference. Parents are mostly to be blamed for these elopements. Their children marry partly out of sprite and to be contrary. Their very natures tell them that this interference is unjust--as it really is--and this excites combativeness, firmness, and self-esteem, in combination with the social faculties, to powerful and even blind resistance--which turmoil of the faculties hastens the match. Let the affections of a daughter be once slightly enlisted in your favor, and then let the "old folks" start an opposition, and you may feel sure of your prize. If she did not love you before, she will now, that you are persecuted. 17. DISINHERITANCE.--Never disinherit, or threaten to disinherit, a child for marrying against your will. If you wish a daughter not to marry a certain man, oppose her, and she will be sure to marry him; so also in reference to a son. 18. PROPER TRAINING.--The secret is, however, all in a nutshell. Let the father properly train his daughter, and she will bring her first love-letter to him, and give him an opportunity to cherish a suitable affection, and to nip an improper one in the germ, before it has time to do any harm. 19. THE FATAL MISTAKES OF PARENTS.--_There is, however one way of effectually preventing an improper match, and that is, not to allow your children to associate with any whom you are unwilling they should marry. How cruel as well at unjust to allow a daughter to associate with a young man till the affections of both are riveted, and then forbid her marrying him. Forbid all association, or consent cheerfully to the marriage._ 20. AN INTEMPERATE LOVER.--Do not flatter yourselves young women, that you can wean even an occasional wine drinker from his cups by love and persuasion. Ardent spirit at first, kindles up the fires of love into the fierce flames of burning licentiousness, which burn out every element of love and destroy every vestige of pure affection. It over-excites the passions, and thereby finally destroys it,--producing at first, unbridled libertinism, and then an utter barrenness of love; besides reversing the other faculties of the drinker against his own consort, and those of the wife against her drinking husband. * * * * * FIRST LOVE, DESERTION AND DIVORCE. 1. FIRST LOVE.--This is the most important direction of all. The first love experiences a tenderness, a purity and unreservedness, an exquisiteness, a devotedness, and a poetry belonging to no subsequent attachment. "Love, like life, has no second spring." Though a second attachment may be accompanied by high moral feeling, and to a devotedness to the object loved; yet, let love be checked or blighted in its first pure emotion, and the beauty of its spring is irrecoverably withered and lost. This does not mean the simple love of children in the first attachment they call love, but rather the mature intelligent love of those of suitable age. [Illustration: MUSICAL CULTURE LESSON.] 2. FREE FROM TEMPTATIONS.--As long as his heart is bound up in its first bundle of love and devotedness--as long as his affections remain reciprocated and uninterrupted--so long temptations cannot take effect. This heart is callous to the charms of others, and the very idea of bestowing his affections upon another is abhorrent. Much more so is animal indulgence, which is morally impossible. 3. SECOND LOVE NOT CONSTANT.--But let this first love be broken off, and the flood-gates of passion are raised. Temptations now flow in upon him. He casts a lustful eye upon every passing female, and indulges unchaste imaginations and feelings. Although his conscientiousness or intellect may prevent actual indulgence, yet temptations now take effect, and render him liable to err; whereas before they had no power to awaken improper thoughts or feelings. Thus many young men find their ruin. 4. LEGAL MARRIAGE.--What would any woman give for merely a nominal or legal husband, just to live with and provide for her, but who entertained not one spark of love for her, or whose affections were bestowed upon another? How absurd, how preposterous the doctrine that the obligations of marriage derive their sacredness from legal enactments and injunctions! How it literally profanes this holy of holies, and drags down this heaven-born institution from its original, divine elevation, to the level of a merely human device. Who will dare to advocate the human institution of marriage without the warm heart of a devoted and loving companion! 5. LEGISLATION.--But no human legislation can so guard this institution but that it may be broken in spirit, though, perhaps, acceded to in form; for, it is the heart which this institution requires. There must be true and devoted affection, or marriage is a farce and a failure. 6. THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY AND THE LAW GOVERNING MARRIAGE are for the protection of the individual, yet a man and woman may be married by law and yet unmarried in spirit. The law may tie together, and no marriage be consummated. Marriage therefore is Divine, and "whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder." A right marriage means a right state of the heart. A careful study of this work will be a great help to both the unmarried and the married. 7. DESERTION AND DIVORCE.--For a young man to court a young woman, and excite her love till her affections are riveted, and then (from sinister motives, such as, to marry one richer, or more handsome), to leave her, and try elsewhere, is the very same crime as to divorce her from all that she holds dear on earth--to root up and pull out her imbedded affections, and to tear her from her rightful husband. First love is always constant. The second love brings uncertainty--too often desertions before marriage and divorces after marriage. 8. THE COQUET.--The young woman to play the coquet, and sport with the sincere affections of an honest and devoted young man, is one of the highest crimes that human nature can commit. Better murder him in body too, as she does in soul and morals, and it is the result of previous disappointment, never the outcome of a sincere first love. 9. ONE MARRIAGE. One evidence that second marriages are contrary to the laws of our social nature, is the fact that almost all step-parents and step-children disagree. Now, what law has been broken, to induce this penalty? The law of marriage; and this is one of the ways in which the breach punishes itself. It is much more in accordance with our natural feelings, especially those of mothers, that children should be brought up by their own parent. 10. SECOND MARRIAGE.--Another proof of this point is, that second marriage is more a matter of business. "I'll give you a home, if you'll take care of my children." "It's a bargain," is the way most second matches are made. There is little of the poetry of first-love, and little of the coyness and shrinking diffidence which characterize the first attachment. Still these remarks apply almost equally to a second attachment, as to second marriage. 11. THE CONCLUSION OF THE WHOLE MATTER.--Let this portion be read and pondered, and also the one entitled, "Marry your First Love if possible," which assigns the cause, and points out the only remedy, of licentiousness. As long as the main cause of this vice exists, and is aggravated by purse-proud, high-born, aristocratic parents and friends, and even by the virtuous and religious, just so long, and exactly in the same ratio will this blighting Sirocco blast the fairest flowers of female innocence and lovliness, and blight our noblest specimens of manliness. No sin of our land is greater. [Illustration] [Illustration: A CLASSIC FRIEZE.] [Illustration: HOW MANY YOUNG GIRLS ARE RUINED.] * * * * * FLIRTING AND ITS DANGERS. 1. NO EXCUSE.--In this country there is no excuse for the young man who seeks the society of the loose and the dissolute. There is at all times and everywhere open to him a society of persons of the opposite sex of his own age and of pure thoughts and lives, whose conversation will refine him and drive from his bosom ignoble and impure thoughts. 2. THE DANGERS.--The young man who may take pleasure in the fact that he is the hero of half a dozen or more engagements and love episodes, little realizes that such constant excitement often causes not only dangerously frequent and long-continued nocturnal emissions, but most painful affections of the testicles. Those who show too great familiarity with the other sex, who entertain lascivious thoughts, continually exciting the sexual desires, always suffer a weakening of power and sometimes the actual diseases of degeneration, chronic inflammation of the gland, spermatorrhoea, impotence, and the like.--Young man, beware; your punishment for trifling with the affections of others may cost you a life of affliction. 3. REMEDY.--Do not violate the social laws. Do not trifle with the affections of your nature. Do not give others countless anguish, and also do not run the chances of injuring yourself and others for life. The society of refined and pure women is one of the strongest safeguards a young man can have, and he who seeks it will not only find satisfaction, but happiness. Simple friendship and kind affections for each other will ennoble and benefit. 4. THE TIME FOR MARRIAGE.--When a young man's means permit him to marry, he should then look intelligently for her with whom he expects to pass the remainder of his life in perfect loyalty, and in sincerity and singleness of heart. Seek her to whom he is ready to swear to be ever true. 5. BREACH OF CONFIDENCE.--Nothing is more certain, says Dr. Naphey, to undermine domestic felicity, and sap the foundation of marital happiness, than marital infidelity. The risks of disease which a married man runs in impure intercourse are far more serious, because they not only involve himself, but his wife and his children. He should know that there is nothing which a woman will not forgive sooner than such a breach of confidence. He is exposed to the plots and is pretty certain sooner or later to fall into the snares of those atrocious parties who subsist on black-mail. And should he escape these complications, he still must lose self-respect, and carry about with him the burden of a guilty conscience and a broken vow. 6. SOCIETY RULES AND CUSTOMS.--A young man can enjoy the society of ladies without being a "flirt." He can escort ladies to parties, public places of interest, social gatherings, etc., without showing special devotion to any one special young lady. When he finds the choice of his heart, then he will be justified to manifest it, and publicly proclaim it by paying her the compliment, exclusive attention. To keep a lady's company six months is a public announcement of an engagement. * * * * * A WORD TO MAIDENS. 1. NO YOUNG LADY who is not willing to assume the responsibility of a true wife, and be crowned with the sacred diadem of motherhood, should ever think of getting married. We have too many young ladies to-day who despise maternity, who openly vow that they will never be burdened with children, and yet enter matrimony at the first opportunity. What is the result? Let echo answer, What? Unless a young lady believes that motherhood is noble, is honorable, is divine, and she is willing to carry out that sacred function of her nature, she had a thousand times better refuse every proposal, and enter some honorable occupation and wisely die an old maid by choice. 2. ON THE OTHER HAND, YOUNG LADY, never enter into the physical relations of marriage with a man until you have conversed with him freely and fully on these relations. Learn distinctly his views and feelings and expectations in regard to that purest and most ennobling of all the functions of your nature, and the most sacred of all intimacies of conjugal love. Your self-respect, your beauty, your glory, your heaven, as a wife, will be more directly involved in his feelings and views and practices, in regard to that relation, than in all other things. As you would not become a weak, miserable, imbecile, unlovable and degraded wife and mother, in the very prime of your life, come to a perfect understanding with your chosen one, ere you commit your person to his keeping in the sacred intimacies of home. Beware of that man who, under pretence of delicacy, modesty, and propriety, shuns conversation with you on this relation, and on the hallowed function of maternity. 3. TALK WITH YOUR INTENDED frankly and openly. Remember, concealment and mystery in him, towards you, on all other subjects pertaining to conjugal union might be overlooked, but if he conceals his views here, rest assured it bodes no good to your purity and happiness as a wife and mother. You can have no more certain assurance that you are to be victimized, your soul and body offered up, _slain_ on the altar of his sensualism, than his unwillingness to converse with you on subjects so vital to your happiness. Unless he is willing to hold his manhood in abeyance to the calls of your nature and to your conditions, and consecrate its passions and its powers to the elevation and happiness of his wife and children, your maiden soul had better return to God unadorned with the diadem of conjugal and maternal love than that you should become the wife of such man and the mother of his children. [Illustration: ROMAN LOVE MAKING.] [Illustration: UNIFORMED MEN ARE ALWAYS POPULAR.] * * * * * POPPING THE QUESTION. 1. MAKING THE DECLARATION.--There are few emergencies in business and few events in life that bring to man the trying ordeal of "proposing to a lady." We should be glad to help the bashful lover in his hours of perplexity, embarrassment and hesitation, but unfortunately we cannot pop the question for him, nor give him a formula by which he may do it. Different circumstances and different surroundings compel every lover to be original in his form or mode of proposing. 2. BASHFULNESS.--If a young man is very bashful, he should write his sentiments in a clear, frank manner on a neat white sheet of note paper, enclose it in a plain white envelope and find some way to convey it to the lady's hand. 3. THE ANSWER.--If the beloved one's heart is touched and she is in sympathy with the lover, the answer should be frankly and unequivocally given. If the negative answer is necessary, it should be done in the kindest and most sympathetic language, yet definite, positive and to the point, and the gentleman should at once withdraw his suit and continue friendly but not familiar. 4. SAYING "NO" FOR "YES."-If girls are foolish enough to say "No" when they mean "Yes," they must suffer the consequences which often follow. A man of intelligence and self-respect will not ask a lady twice. It is begging for recognition and lowers his dignity, should he do so. A lady is supposed to know her heart sufficiently to consider the question to her satisfaction before giving an answer. 5. CONFUSION OF WORDS AND MISUNDERSTANDING.--Sometimes a man's happiness, has depended on his manner of popping the question. Many a time the girl has said "No" because the question was so worded that the affirmative did not come from the mouth naturally; and two lives that gravitated toward each other with all their inward force have been thrown suddenly apart, because the electric keys were not carefully touched. 6. SCRIPTURAL DECLARATION.--The church is not the proper place to conduct a courtship, yet the following is suggestive and ingenious. A young gentleman, familiar with the Scriptures, happening to sit in a pew adjoining a young lady for whom he conceived a violent attachment, made his proposal in this way. He politely handed his neighbor a Bible open, with a pin stuck in the following text: Second Epistle of John, verse 5: "And I beseech thee, lady, not as though I wrote a new commandment unto thee, but that we had from the beginning, that we love one another." She returned it, pointing to the second chapter of Ruth, verse 10: "Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him. Why have I found grace in thine eyes that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger?" [Illustration: SEALING THE ENGAGEMENT. From the Most Celebrated Painting in the German Department at the World's Fair.] He returned the book, pointing to the 13th verse of the Third Epistle of John: "Having many things to write unto you, I would not write to you with paper and ink, but trust to come unto you and speak face to face, that your joy may be full." From the above interview a marriage took place the ensuing month in the same church. 7. HOW JENNY WAS WON. On a sunny Summer morning, Early as the dew was dry, Up the hill I went a berrying; Need I tell you--tell you why? Farmer Davis had a daughter. And it happened that I knew, On each sunny morning, Jenny Up the hill went berrying too. Lonely work is picking berries, So I joined her on the hill: "Jenny, dear," said I, "your basket's Quite too large for one to fill." So we stayed--we two--to fill it, Jenny talking--I was still.-- Leading where the hill was steepest, Picking berries up the hill. "This is up-hill work," said Jenny; "So is life," said I; "shall we Climb it each alone, or, Jenny, Will you come and climb with me?" Redder than the blushing berries Jenny's cheek a moment grew, While without delay she answered, "I will come and climb with you." [Illustration: A PERUVIAN BEAUTY.] 8. A ROMANTIC WAY FOR PROPOSING.--In Peru they have a romantic way of popping the question. The suitor appears on the appointed evening, with a gaily dressed troubadour under the balcony of his beloved. The singer steps before her flower-bedecked window, and sings her beauties in the name of her lover. He compares her size to that of a pear tree, her lips to two blushing rose-buds, and her womanly form to that of a dove. With assumed harshness the lady asks her lover: Who are you, and what do you want? He answers with ardent confidence: "Thy love I do adore. The stars live in the harmony of love, and why should not we, too, love each other?" Then the proud beauty gives herself away: she takes her flower-wreath from her hair and throws it down to her lover, promising to be his forever. [Illustration: THE BRIDE.] * * * * * THE WEDDING. 1. THE PROPER TIME.--Much has been printed in various volumes regarding the time of the year, the influence of the seasons, etc., as determining the proper time to set for the wedding day. Circumstances must govern these things. To be sure, it is best to avoid extremes of heat and cold. Very hot weather is debilitating, and below zero is uncomfortable. 2. THE LADY SHOULD SELECT THE DAY.--There is one element in the time that is of great importance, physically, especially to the lady. It is the day of the month, and it is hoped that every lady who contemplates marriage is informed upon the great facts of ovulation. By reading page 244 she will understand that it is to her advantage to select a wedding day about fifteen or eighteen days after the close of menstruation in the month chosen, since it is not best that the first child should be conceived during the excitement or irritation of first attempts at congress; besides modest brides naturally do not wish to become large with child before the season of congratulation and visiting on their return from the "wedding tour" is over. Again, it is asserted by many of the best writers on this subject, that the mental condition of either parent at the time of intercourse will be stamped upon the embryo hence it is not only best, but wise, that the first-born should not be conceived until several months after marriage, when the husband and wife have nicely settled in their new home, and become calm in their experience of each other's society. 3. THE "BRIDAL TOUR" is considered by many newly married couples as a necessary introduction to a life of connubial joy. There is, in our opinion, nothing in the custom to recommend it. After the excitement and overwork before and accompanying a wedding, the period immediately following should be one of _rest_. Again, the money expended on the ceremony and a tour of the principal cities, etc., might, in most cases, be applied to a multitude of after-life comforts of far more lasting value and importance. To be sure, it is not pleasant for the bride, should she remain at home, to pass through the ordeal of criticism and vulgar comments of acquaintances and friends, and hence, to escape this, the young couple feel like getting away for a time. Undoubtedly the best plan for the great majority, after this most eventful ceremony, is to enter their future home at once, and there to remain in comparative privacy until the novelty of the situation is worn off. 4. IF THE CONVENTIONAL TOUR is taken, the husband should remember that his bride cannot stand the same amount of tramping around and sight-seeing that he can. The female organs of generation are so easily affected by excessive exercise of the limbs which support them, that at this critical period it would be a foolish and cosily experience to drag a lady hurriedly around the country on an extensive and protracted round of sight-seeing or visiting. Unless good common-sense is displayed in the manner of spending the "honey-moon," it will prove very untrue to its name. In many cases it lays the foundation for the wife's first and life-long "backache." [Illustration: THE GYPSY BRIDE.] * * * * * ADVICE TO NEWLY MARRIED COUPLES. 1. "BE YE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY" is a Bible commandment which the children of men habitually obey. However they may disagree on other subjects, all are in accord on this; the barbarous, the civilized, the high, the low, the fierce, the gentle--all unite in the desire which finds its accomplishment in the reproduction of their kind. Who shall quarrel with the Divinely implanted instinct, or declare it to be vulgar or unmentionable? It is during the period of the honeymoon that the intensity of this desire, coupled with the greatest curiosity, is at its height, and the unbridled license often given the passions at this time is attended with the most dangerous consequences. 2. CONSUMMATION OF MARRIAGE.--The first time that the husband and wife cohabit together after the ceremony has been performed is called the consummation of marriage. Many grave errors have been committed by people in this, when one or both of the contracting parties were not physically or sexually in a condition to carry out the marriage relation. A marriage, however, is complete without this in the eyes of the law, as it is a maxim taken from the Roman civil statutes that consent, not cohabitation, is the binding element in the ceremony. Yet, in most States of the U.S., and in some other countries, marriage is legally declared void and of no effect where it is not possible to consummate the marriage relation. A divorce may be obtained provided the injured party begins the suit. 3. TEST OF VIRGINITY.--The consummation of marriage with a virgin is not necessarily attended with a flow of blood, and the absence of this sign is not the slightest presumption against her former chastity. The true test of virginity is modesty void of any disagreeable familiarity. A sincere Christian faith is one of the best recommendations. 4. LET EVERY MAN REMEMBER that the legal right of marriage does not carry with it the moral right to injure for life the loving companion he has chosen. Ignorance may be the cause, but every man before he marries should know something of the physiology and the laws of health, and we here give some information which is of very great importance to every newly-married man. 5. SENSUALITY.--Lust crucifies love. The young sensual husband is generally at fault. Passion sways and the duty to bride and wife is not thought of, and so a modest young wife is often actually forced and assaulted by the unsympathetic haste of her husband. An amorous man in that way soon destroys his own love, and thus is laid the foundation for many difficulties that soon develop trouble and disturb the happiness of both. 6. ABUSE AFTER MARRIAGE.--Usually marriage is consummated within a day or two after the ceremony, but this is gross injustice to the bride. In most cases she is nervous, timid, and exhausted by the duties of preparation for the wedding, and in no way in a condition, either in body or mind, for the vital change which the married relation bring upon her. Many a young husband often lays the foundation of many diseases of the womb and of the nervous system in gratifying his unchecked passions without a proper regard for his wife's exhausted condition. 7. THE FIRST CONJUGAL APPROACHES are usually painful to the new wife, and no enjoyment to her follows. Great caution and kindness should be exercised. A young couple rushing together in their animal passion soon produce a nervous and irritating condition which ere long brings apathy, indifference, if not dislike. True love and a high regard for each other will temper passion into moderation. 8. WERE THE ABOVE INJUNCTIONS HEEDED fully and literally it would be folly to say more, but this would be omitting all account of the bridegroom's new position, the power of his passion, and the timidity of the fair creature who is wondering what fate has in store for her trembling modesty. To be sure, there are some women who are possessed of more forward natures and stronger desires than others. In such cases there may be less trouble. 9. A COMMON ERROR.--The young husband may have read in some treatise on physiology that the hymen in a virgin is the great obstacle to be overcome. He is apt to conclude that this is all, that some force will be needed to break it down, and that therefore an amount of urgency even to the degree of inflicting considerable pain is justifiable. This is usually wrong. It rarely constitutes any obstruction and, even when its rupturing may be necessary, it alone seldom causes suffering. There are sometimes certain deformities of the vagina, but no woman should knowingly seek matrimonial relations when thus afflicted. We quote from Dr. C.A. Huff the following: 10. "WHAT IS IT, THEN, THAT USUALLY CAUSES distress to many women, whether a bride or a long-time wife?" The answer is, Simply those conditions of the organs in which they are not properly prepared, by anticipation and desire, to receive a foreign body. The modest one craves only refined and platonic love at first, and if husbands, new and old, would only realize this plain truth, wife-torturing would cease and the happiness of each one of all human pairs vastly increase. 11. THE CONDITIONS OF THE FEMALE organs depend upon the state of the mind just as much as in the case of the husband. The male, however, being more sensual, is more quickly roused. She is far less often or early ready. In its unexcited state the vagina is lax, its walls are closed together, and their surfaces covered by but little lubricating secretion. The chaster one of the pair has no desire that this sacred vestibule to the great arcana of procreation shall be immediately and roughly invaded. This, then, is the time for all approaches by the husband to be of the most delicate, considerate, and refined description possible. The quietest and softest demeanor, with gentle and re-assuring words, are all that should be attempted at first. The wedding day has probably been one of fatigue, and it is foolish to go farther. 12. FOR MORE THAN ONE NIGHT it will be wise, indeed, if the wife's confidence shall be as much wooed and won by patient, delicate, and prolonged courting, as before the marriage engagement. How long should this period of waiting be can only be decided by the circumstances of any case. The bride will ultimately deny no favor which is sought with full deference to her modesty, and in connection with which bestiality is not exhibited. Her nature is that of delicacy; her affection is of a refined character; if the love and conduct offered to her are a careful effort to adapt roughness and strength to her refinement and weakness, her admiration and responsive love will be excited to the utmost. 13. WHEN THAT MOMENT ARRIVES when the bride finds she can repose perfect confidence in the kindness of her husband, that his love is not purely animal, and that no violence will be attempted, the power of her affection for him will surely assert itself; the mind will act on those organs which nature has endowed to fulfil the law of her being, the walls of the vagina will expand, and the glands at the entrance will be fully lubricated by a secretion of mucous which renders congress a matter of comparative ease. 14. WHEN THIS RESPONSIVE ENLARGEMENT and lubrication are fully realized, it is made plain why the haste and force so common to first and subsequent coition, is, as it has been justly called, nothing but "legalized rape." Young husband, Prove your manhood, not by yielding to unbridled lust and cruelty, but by the exhibition of true power in _self-control_ and patience with the helpless being confided to your care. Prolong the delightful season of courting into and _through_ wedded life and rich shall be your reward. 15. A WANT OF DESIRE may often prevail, and may be caused by loss of sleep, study, constant thought, mental disturbance, anxiety, self-abuse, excessive use of tobacco or alcoholic drink, etc. Overwork may cause debility; a man may not have an erection for months, yet it may not be a sign of debility, sexual lethargy or impotence. Get the mind and the physical constitution in proper condition, and most all these difficulties will disappear. Good athletic exercise by walking, riding, or playing croquet, or any other amusement, will greatly improve the condition. A good rest, however, will be necessary to fully restore the mind and the body, then the natural condition of the sexual organs will be resumed. 16. HAVING TWINS.--Having twins is undoubtedly hereditary and descends from generation to generation, and persons who have twins are generally those who have great sexual vigor. It is generally the result of a second cohabitation immediately following the first, but some parents have twins who cohabit but once during several days. 17. PROPER INTERCOURSE.--The right relation of a newly-married couple will rather increase than diminish love. To thus offer up the maiden on the altar of love and affection only swells her flood of joy and bliss; whereas, on the other hand, sensuality humbles, debases, pollutes, and never elevates. Young husbands should wait for an _invitation to the banquet_ and they will be amply paid by the very pleasure sought. Invitation or permission delights, and possession by force degrades. The right-minded bridegroom will postpone the exercise of his nuptial rights for a few days, and allow his young wife to become rested from the preparation and fatigue of the wedding, and become accustomed to the changes in her new relations of life. 18. RIGHTLY BEGINNING SEXUAL LIFE.--Intercourse promotes all the functions of the body and mind, but rampant just and sexual abuses soon destroy the natural pleasures of intercourse, and unhappiness will be the result. Remember that _intercourse_ should not become the polluted purpose of marriage. To be sure, rational enjoyment benefits and stimulates love, but the pleasure of each other's society, standing together on all questions of mutual benefit, working hand in hand and shoulder to shoulder in the battle of life, raising a family of beautiful children, sharing each other's joys and sorrows, are the things that bring to every couple the best, purest, and noblest enjoyment that God has bestowed upon man. [Illustration: A TURKISH HAREM.] * * * * * SEXUAL PROPRIETIES AND IMPROPRIETIES. 1. To have offspring is not to be regarded as a luxury, but as a great primary necessity of health and happiness, of which every fully-developed man and woman should have a fair share, while it cannot be denied that the ignorance of the necessity of sexual intercourse to the health and virtue of both man and woman is the most fundamental error in medical and moral philosophy. 2. In a state of pure nature, where man would have his sexual instincts under full and natural restraint, there would be little, if any, licentiousness, and children would be the result of natural desire, and not the accidents of lust. 3. This is an age of sensuality; unnatural passions cultivated and indulged. Young people in the course of their engagement often sow the seed of serious excesses. This habit of embracing, sitting on the lover's lap, leaning on his breast, long and uninterrupted periods of secluded companionship, have become so common that it is amazing how a young lady can safely arrive at the wedding day. While this conduct may safely terminate with the wedding day, yet it cultivates the tendency which often results in excessive indulgencies after the honey-moon is over. 4. SEPARATE BEDS.--Many writers have vigorously championed as a reform the practice of separate beds for husband and wife. While we would not recommend such separation, it is no doubt very much better for both husband and wife, in case the wife is pregnant. Where people are reasonably temperate, no such ordinary precautions as separate sleeping places may be necessary. But in case of pregnancy it will add rest to the mother and add vigor to the unborn child. Sleeping together, however, is natural and cultivates true affection, and it is physiologically true that in very cold weather life is prolonged by husband and wife sleeping together. 5. THE AUTHORITY OF THE WIFE.--Let the wife judge whether she desires a separate couch or not. She has the superior right to control her own person. In such diseases as consumption, or other severe or lingering diseases, separate beds should always be insisted upon. 6. THE TIME FOR INDULGENCE.--The health of the generative functions depends upon exercise, just the same as any other vital organ. Intercourse should be absolutely avoided just before or after meals, or just after mental excitement or physical exercise. No wife should indulge her husband when he is under the influence of alcoholic stimulants, for idiocy and other serious maladies are liable to be visited upon the offspring. 7. RESTRAINT DURING PREGNANCY.--There is no question but what moderate indulgence during the first few months of pregnancy does not result in serious harm; but people who excessively satisfy their ill-governed passions are liable to pay a serious penalty. 8. MISCARRIAGE.--If a woman is liable to abortion or miscarriage, absolute abstinence is the only remedy. No sexual indulgence during pregnancy can be safely tolerated. 9. It is better for people not to marry until they are of proper age. It is a physiological fact that men seldom reach the full maturity or their virile power before the age of twenty-five, and the female rarely attains the full vigor of her sexual powers before the age of twenty. 10. ILLICIT PLEASURES.--The indulgence of illicit pleasures, says Dr. S. Pancoast, sooner or later is sure to entail the most loathsome diseases on their votaries. Among these diseases are Gonorrhoea, Syphilis, Spermatorrhoea (waste of semen by daily and nightly involuntary emissions), Satyriasis (a species of sexual madness, or a sexual diabolism, causing men to commit rape and other beastly acts and outrages, not only on women and children, but men and animals, as sodomy, pederasty, etc.), Nymphomania (causing women to assail every man they meet, and supplicate and excite him to gratify their lustful passions, or who resort to means of sexual pollutions, which is impossible to describe without shuddering), together with spinal diseases and many disorders of the most distressing and disgusting character filling the bones with rottenness, and eating away the flesh by gangrenous ulcers, until the patient dies, a horrible mass of putridity and corruption. 11. SENSUALITY.--Sensuality is not love, but an unbridled desire which kills the soul. Sensuality will drive away the roses in the cheeks of womanhood, undermine health and produce a brazen countenance that can be read by all men. The harlot may commit her sins in the dark, but her countenance reveals her character and her immorality is an open secret. 12. SEXUAL TEMPERANCE.--All excesses and absurdities of every kind should be carefully avoided. Many of the female disorders which often revenge themselves in the cessation of all sexual pleasure are largely due to the excessive practice of sexual indulgence. 13. FREQUENCY.--Some writers claim that intercourse should never occur except for the purpose of childbearing but such restraint is not natural and consequently not conducive to health. There are many conditions in which the health of the mother and offspring must be respected. It is now held that it is nearer a crime than a virtue to prostitute woman to the degradation of breeding animals by compelling her to bring into life more offspring than can be born healthy, or be properly cared for and educated. 14. In this work we shall attempt to specify no rule, but simply give advice as to the health and happiness of both man and wife. A man should not gratify his own desires at the expense of his wife's health, comfort or inclination. Many men no doubt harass their wives and force many burdens upon their slender constitutions. But it is a great sin and no true husband will demand unreasonable recognition. The wife when physically able, however, should bear with her husband. Man is naturally sensitive on this subject, and it takes but little to alienate his affections and bring discover into the family. 15. The best writers lay down the rule for the government of the marriage-bed, that sexual indulgence should only occur about once in a week or ten days, and this of course applies only to those who enjoy a fair degree of health. But it is a hygienic and physiological fact that those who indulge only once a month receive a far greater degree of the intensity of enjoyment than those who indulge their passions more frequently. Much pleasure is lost by excesses where much might be gained by temperance giving rest to the organs for the accumulation of nervous force. [Illustration] * * * * * HOW TO PERPETUATE THE HONEY-MOON. 1. CONTINUE YOUR COURTSHIP.--Like causes produce like effects. 2. NEGLECT OF YOUR COMPANION.--Do not assume a right to neglect your companion more after marriage than you did before. 3. SECRETS.--Have no secrets that you keep from your companion. A third party is always disturbing. 4. AVOID THE APPEARANCE OF EVIL.--In matrimonial matters it is often that the mere appearance contains all the evil. Love, as soon as it rises above calculation and becomes love, is exacting. It gives all, and demands all. 5. ONCE MARRIED, NEVER OPEN YOUR MIND TO ANY CHANGE. If you keep the door of your purpose closed, evil or even desirable changes cannot make headway without help. 6. KEEP STEP IN MENTAL DEVELOPMENT.--A tree that grows for forty years may take all the sunlight from a tree that stops growing at twenty. 7. KEEP A LIVELY INTEREST IN THE BUSINESS OF THE HOME.--Two that do not pull together are weaker than either alone. 8. GAUGE YOUR EXPENSES BY YOUR REVENUES.--Love must eat. The sheriff often levies on Cupid long before he takes away the old furniture. 9. START FROM WHERE YOUR PARENTS STARTED RATHER THAN FROM WHERE THEY NOW ARE.--Hollow and showy boarding often furnishes the too strong temptation, while the quietness of a humble home would cement the hearts beyond risk. 10. AVOID DEBT.--Spend your own money, but earn it first, then it will not be necessary to blame any one for spending other people's. 11. DO NOT BOTH GET ANGRY AT THE SAME TIME.--Remember, it takes two to quarrel. 12. DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF EVER TO COME TO AN OPEN RUPTURE.--Things unsaid need less repentance. 13. STUDY TO CONFORM YOUR TASTES AND HABITS TO THE TASTES AND HABITS OF YOUR COMPANION.--If two walk together, they must agree. * * * * * HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE. 1. REVERENCE YOUR HUSBAND.--He sustains by God's order a position of dignity as head of a family, head of the woman. Any breaking down of this order indicates a mistake in the union, or a digression from duty. 2. LOVE HIM.--A wife loves as naturally as the sun shines. Love is your best weapon. You conquered him with that in the first place. You can reconquer by the same means. 3. DO NOT CONCEAL YOUR LOVE FROM HIM.--If he is crowded with care, and too busy to seem to heed your love, you need to give all the greater attention to securing his knowledge of your love. If you intermit he will settle down into a hard, cold life with increased rapidity. Your example will keep the light on his conviction. The more he neglects the fire on the hearth, the more carefully must you feed and guard it. It must not be allowed to go out. Once out you must sit ever in darkness and in the cold. 4. CULTIVATE THE MODESTY AND DELICACY OF YOUR YOUTH.--The relations and familiarity of wedded life may seem to tone down the sensitive and retiring instincts of girlhood, but nothing can compensate for the loss of these. However, much men may admire the public performance of gifted women, they do not desire that boldness and dash in a wife. The holy blush of a maiden's modesty is more powerful in hallowing and governing a home than the heaviest armament that ever a warrior bore. 5. CULTIVATE PERSONAL ATTRACTIVENESS.--This means the storing of your mind with a knowledge of passing events, and with a good idea of the world's general advance. If you read nothing, and make no effort to make yourself attractive, you will soon sink down into a dull hack of stupidity. If your husband never hears from you any words of wisdom, or of common information, he will soon hear nothing from you. Dress and gossips soon wear out. If your memory is weak, so that it hardly seems worth while to read, that is additional reason for reading. [Illustration: TALKING BEFORE MARRIAGE.] 6. CULTIVATE PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS.--When you were encouraging the attentions of him whom you now call husband, you did not neglect any item of dress or appearance that could help you. Your hair was always in perfect training. You never greeted him with a ragged or untidy dress or soiled hands. It is true that your "market is made," but you cannot afford to have it "broken." Cleanliness and good taste will attract now as they did formerly. Keep yourself at your best. Make the most of physical endowments. Neatness and order break the power of poverty. 7. STUDY YOUR HUSBAND'S CHARACTER.--He has his peculiarities. He has no right to many of them, and you need to know them; thus you can avoid many hours of friction. The good pilot steers around the sunken rocks that lie in the channel. The engineer may remove them, not the pilot. You are more pilot than engineer. Consult his tastes. It is more important to your home, that you should please him than anybody else. 8. PRACTICE ECONOMY.--Many families are cast out of peace into grumbling and discord by being compelled to fight against poverty. When there are no great distresses to be endured or accounted for, complaint and fault-finding are not so often evoked. Keep your husband free from the annoyance of disappointed creditors, and he will be more apt to keep free from annoying you. To toil hard for bread, to fight the wolf from the door, to resist impatient creditors, to struggle against complaining pride at home, is too much to ask of one man. A crust that is your own is a feast, while a feast that is purloined from unwilling creditors if a famine. * * * * * HOW TO BE A GOOD HUSBAND. 1. SHOW YOUR LOVE.--All life manifests itself. As certainly as a live tree will put forth leaves in the spring, so certainly will a living love show itself. Many a noble man toils early and late to earn bread and position for his wife. He hesitates at no weariness for her sake. He justly thinks that such industry and providence give a better expression of his love than he could by caressing her and letting the grocery bills go unpaid. He fills the cellar and pantry. He drives and pushes his business. He never dreams that he is actually starving his wife to death. He may soon have a woman left to superintend his home, but his wife is dying. She must be kept alive by the same process that called her into being. Recall and repeat the little attentions and delicate compliments that once made you so agreeable, and that fanned her love into a consuming flame. It is not beneath the dignity of the skillful physician to study all the little symptoms, and order all the little round of attentions that check the waste of strength and brace the staggering constitution. It is good work for a husband to cherish his wife. [Illustration: TALKING AFTER MARRIAGE.] 2. CONSULT WITH YOUR WIFE.--She is apt to be as right as you are, and frequently able to add much to your stock of wisdom. In any event she appreciates your attentions. 3. STUDY TO KEEP HER YOUNG.--It can be done. It is not work, but worry, that wears. Keep a brave, true heart between her and all harm. 4. HELP TO BEAR HER BURDENS.--Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of love. Love seeks opportunities to do for the loved object. She has the constant care of your children. She is ordained by the Lord to stand guard over them. Not a disease can appear in the community without her taking the alarm. Not a disease can come over the threshold without her instantly springing into the mortal combat. If there is a deficiency anywhere it comes out of her pleasure. Her burdens are everywhere. Look for them, that you may lighten them. 5. MAKE YOURSELF HELPFUL BY THOUGHTFULNESS.--Remember to bring into the house your best smile and sunshine. It is good for you, and it cheers up the home. There is hardly a nook in the house that has not been carefully hunted through to drive out everything that might annoy you. The dinner which suits, or ought to suit you, has not come on the table of itself. It represents much thoughtfulness and work. You can do no more manly thing than find some way of expressing, in word or look, your appreciation of it. 6. EXPRESS YOUR WILL, NOT BY COMMANDS, BUT BY SUGGESTIONS.--It is God's order that you should be the head of the family. You are clothed with authority. But this does not authorize you to be stern and harsh, as an officer in the army. Your authority is the dignity of love. When it is not clothed in love it ceases to have the substance of authority. A simple suggestion that may embody a wish, an opinion or an argument, becomes one who reigns over such a kingdom as yours. 7. SEEK TO REFINE YOUR NATURE.--It is no slander to say that many men have wives much more refined than themselves. This is natural in the inequalities of life. Other qualities may compensate for any defect here. But you need have no defect in refinement. Preserve the gentleness and refinement of your wife as a rich legacy for your children, and in so doing you will lift yourself to higher levels. 8. BE A GENTLEMAN AS WELL AS A HUSBAND.--The signs and bronze and callouses of toil are no indications that you are not a gentleman. The soul of gentlemanliness is a kindly feeling toward others, that prompts one to secure their comfort. That is why the thoughtful peasant lover is always so gentlemanly, and in his love much above himself. 9. STAY AT HOME.--Habitual absence during the evenings is sure to bring sorrow. If your duty or business calls you you have the promise that you will be kept in all your ways. But if you go out to mingle with other society, and leave your wife at home alone, or with the children and servants, know that there is no good in store for you. She has claims upon you that you can not afford to allow to go to protest. Reverse the case. You sit down alone after having waited all day for your wife's return, and think of her as reveling in gay society, and see if you can keep out all the doubts as to what takes her away. If your home is not as attractive as you want it, you are a principal partner. Set yourself about the work of making it attractive. 10. TAKE YOUR WIFE WITH YOU INTO SOCIETY.--Seclusion begets morbidness. She needs some of the life that comes from contact with society. She must see how other people appear and act. It often requires an exertion for her to go out of her home, but it is good for her and for you. She will bring back more sunshine. It is wise to rest sometimes. When the Arab stops for his dinner he unpacks his camel. Treat your wife with as much consideration. [Illustration] [Illustration: TIRED OF LIFE.] * * * * * CAUSE OF FAMILY TROUBLES. 1. MUCH BETTER TO BE ALONE.--He who made man said it is not good for him to be alone; but it is much better to be alone, than it is to be in some kinds of company. Many couples who felt unhappy when they were apart, have been utterly miserable when together; and scores who have been ready to go through fire and water to get married, have been willing to run the risk of fire and brimstone to get divorced. It is by no means certain that because persons are wretched before marriage they will be happy after it. The wretchedness of many homes, and the prevalence of immorality and divorce is a sad commentary on the evils which result from unwise marriages. 2. UNAVOIDABLE EVILS.--There are plenty of unavoidable evils in this world, and it is mournful to think of the multitudes who are preparing themselves for needless disappointments, and who yet have no fear, and are unwilling to be instructed, cautioned or warned. To them the experience of mature life is of little account compared with the wisdom of ardent and enthusiastic youth. 3. MATRIMONIAL INFELICITY.--One great cause of matrimonial infelicity is the hasty marriages of persons who have no adequate knowledge of each other's characters. Two strangers become acquainted, and are attracted to each other, and without taking half the trouble to investigate or inquire that a prudent man would take before buying a saddle horse, they are married. In a few weeks or months it is perhaps found that one of the parties was married already, or possibly that the man is drunken or vicious, or the woman anything but what she should be. Then begins the bitter part of the experience: shame, disgrace, scandal, separation, sin and divorce, all come as the natural results of a rash and foolish marriage. A little time spent in honest, candid, and careful preliminary inquiry and investigations would have saved the trouble. 4. THE CLIMAX.--It has been said that a man is never utterly ruined until he has married a bad woman. So the climax of woman's miseries and sorrows may be said to come only when she is bound with that bond which should be her chiefest blessing and her highest joy, but which may prove her deepest sorrow and her bitterest curse. 5. THE FOLLY OF FOLLIES.--There are some lessons which people are very slow to learn, and yet which are based upon the simple principles of common-sense. A young lady casts her eye upon a young man. She says, "I mean to have that man." She plies her arts, engages his affections, marries him, and secures for herself a life of sorrow and disappointment, ending perhaps in a broken up home or an early grave. Any prudent, intelligent person of mature age, might have warned or cautioned her; but she sought no advice, and accepted no admonition. A young man may pursue a similar course with equally disastrous results. 6. HAP-HAZARD.--Many marriages are undoubtedly arranged by what may be termed the accident of locality. Persons live near each other, become acquainted, and engage themselves to those whom they never would have selected as their companions in life if they had wider opportunities of acquaintance. Within the borders of their limited circle they make a selection which may be wise or may be unwise. They have no means of judging, they allow no one else to judge for them. The results are sometimes happy and sometimes unhappy in the extreme. It is well to act cautiously in doing what can be done but once. It is not a pleasant experience for a person to find out a mistake when it is too late to rectify it. 7. WE ALL CHANGE.--When two persons of opposite sex are often thrown together they are very naturally attracted to each other, and are liable to imbibe the opinion that they are better fitted for life-long companionship than any other two persons in the world. This may be the case, or it may not be. There are a thousand chances against such a conclusion to one in favor of it. But even if at the present moment these two persons were fitted to be associated, no one can tell whether the case will be the same five or ten years hence. Men change; women change; they are not the same they were ten years ago; they are not the same they will be ten years hence. 8. THE SAFE RULE.--Do not be in a hurry; take your time and consider well before you allow your devotion to rule you. Study first your character, then study the character of her whom you desire to marry. Love works mysteriously, and if it will bear careful and cool investigation, it will no doubt thrive under adversity. When people marry they unite their destinies for the better or the worse. Marriage is a contract for life and will never bear a hasty conclusion. _Never be in a hurry_! * * * * * JEALOUSY--ITS CAUSE AND CURE. Trifles, light as air Are to the jealous confirmations strong, As proofs of holy writ.--SHAKESPEARE. Nor Jealousy Was understood, the injur'd lover's hell.--MILTON O, beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock The meat it feeds on.--SHAKESPEARE. 1. DEFINITION.--Jealousy is an accidental passion, for which the faculty indeed is unborn. In its nobler form and in its nobler motives it arises from love, and in its lower form it arises from the deepest and darkest Pit of Satan. 2. HOW DEVELOPED.--Jealousy arises either from weakness, which from a sense of its own want of lovable qualities is not convinced of being sure of its cause, or from distrust, which thinks the beloved person capable of infidelity. Sometimes all these motives may act together. 3. NOBLEST JEALOUSY.--The noblest jealousy, if the term noble is appropriate, is a sort of ambition or pride of the loving person who feels it is an insult that another one should assume it as possible to supplant his love, or it is the highest degree of devotion which sees a declaration of its object in the foreign invasion, as it were, of his own altar. Jealousy is always a sign that a little more wisdom might adorn the individual without harm. 4. THE LOWEST JEALOUSY.--The lowest species of jealousy is a sort of avarice of envy which, without being capable of love, at least wishes to possess the object of its jealousy alone by the one party assuming a sort of property right over the other. This jealousy, which might be called the Satanic, is generally to be found with old withered "husbands," whom the devil has prompted to marry young women and who forthwith dream night and day of cuck-old's horns. These Argus-eyed keepers are no longer capable of any feeling that could be called love, they are rather as a rule heartless house-tyrants, and are in constant dread that some one may admire or appreciate his unfortunate slave. 5. WANT OF LORE.--The general conclusion will be that jealousy is more the result of wrong conditions which cause uncongenial unions, and which through moral corruption artificially create distrust than a necessary accompaniment of love. [Illustration: SEEKING THE LIFE OF A RIVAL.] 6. RESULT OF POOR OPINION.--Jealousy is a passion with which those are most afflicted who are the least worthy of love. An innocent maiden who enters marriage will not dream of getting jealous; but all her innocence cannot secure her against the jealousy of her husband if he has been a libertine. Those are wont to be the most jealous who have the consciousness that they themselves are most deserving of jealousy. Most men in consequence of their present education and corruption have so poor an opinion not only of the male, but even of the female sex, that they believe every woman at every moment capable of what they themselves have looked for among all and have found among the most unfortunate, the prostitutes. No libertine can believe in the purity of woman; it is contrary to nature. A libertine therefore cannot believe in the loyalty of a faithful wife. 7. WHEN JUSTIFIABLE.--There may be occasions where jealousy is justifiable. If a woman's confidence has been shaken in her husband, or a husband's confidence has been shaken in his wife by certain signs or conduct, which have no other meaning but that of infidelity, then there is just cause for jealousy. There must, however, be certain proof as evidence of the wife's or husband's immoral conduct. Imaginations or any foolish absurdities should have no consideration whatever, and let everyone have confidence until his or her faith has been shaken by the revelation of absolute facts. 8. CAUTION AND ADVICE.--No couple should allow their associations to develop into an engagement and marriage if either one has any inclination to jealousy. It shows invariably a want of sufficient confidence, and that want of confidence, instead of being diminished after marriage, is liable to increase, until by the aid of the imagination and wrong interpretation the home is made a hell and divorce a necessity. Let it be remembered, there can be no true love without perfect and absolute confidence, jealousy is always the sign of weakness or madness. Avoid a jealous disposition, for it is an open acknowledgment of a lack of faith. [Illustration] * * * * * THE IMPROVEMENT OF OFFSPRING. Why Bring Into the World Idiots, Fools, Criminals and Lunatics? 1. THE RIGHT WAY.--When mankind will properly love AND marry and then rightly generate, carry, nurse and educate their children, will they in deed and in truth carry out the holy and happy purpose of their Creator. See those miserable and depraved scape-goats of humanity, the demented simpletons, the half-crazy, unbalanced multitudes which infest our earth, and fill our prisons with criminals and our poor-houses with paupers. Oh! the boundless capabilities and perfections of our God-like nature and, alas! its deformities! All is the result of the ignorance or indifference of parents. As long as children are the accidents of lust instead of the premeditated objects of love, so long will the offspring deteriorate and the world be cursed with deformities, monstrosities, unhumanities and cranks. 2. EACH AFTER ITS KIND.--"Like parents like children." "In their own image beget" they them. In what other can they? "How can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit?" How can animal propensities in parents generate other than depraved children, or moral purity beget beings other than as holy by nature as those at whose hands they received existence and constitution? 3. AS ARE THE PARENTS, physically, mentally and morally when they stamp their own image and likeness upon progeny, so will be the constitution of that progeny. 4. "JUST AS THE TWIG IS BENT THE TREE'S INCLINED."--Yet the bramble cannot be bent to bear delicious peaches, nor the sycamore to bear grain. Education is something, _but parentage_ is _everything_; because it "_dyes in the wool_" and thereby exerts an influence on character almost infinitely more powerful than all other conditions put together. 5. HEALTHY AND BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN.--Thoughtless mortal! Before you allow the first goings forth of love, learn what the parental conditions in you mean, and you will confer a great boon upon the prospective bone of your bone, and flesh of your flesh! If it is in your power to be the parent of beautiful, healthy, moral and talented children instead of diseased and depraved, is it not your imperious duty then, to impart to them that physical power, moral perfection, and intellectual capability, which shall ennoble their lives and make them good people and good citizens? 6. PAUSE AND TREMBLE.--Prospective parents! Will you trifle with the dearest interests of your children? Will you in matters thus momentous, head-long rush "Where angels dare not tread," Seeking only mere animal indulgence?--Well might cherubim shrink from assuming responsibilities thus momentous Yet, how many parents tread this holy ground completely unprepared, and almost as thoughtlessly and Ignorantly as brutes--entailing even loathsome diseases and sensual propensities upon the fruit of their own bodies. Whereas they are bound, by obligations the most imperious to bestow on them a good physical organization, along with a pure, moral, and strong intellectual constitution, or else not to become parents! Especially since it is easier to generate human angels than devils incarnate. 7. HEREDITARY DESCENT.--This great law of things, "Hereditary Descent," fully proves and illustrates in any required number and variety or cases, showing that progeny inherits the constitutional natures and characters, mental and physical, of parents, including pre-dispositions to consumption, insanity, all sorts of disease, etc., as well as longevity, strength, stature, looks, disposition, talents,--all that is constitutional. From what other source do or can they come? Indeed, who can doubt a truth as palpable as that children inherit some, and if some, therefore all, the physical and mental nature and constitutor of parents, thus becoming almost their fac-similes? 8. ILLUSTRATIONS.--A whaleman was severely hurt by a harpooned and desperate whale turning upon the small boat, and, by his monstrous jaws, smashing it to pieces, one of which, striking him in his right side, crippled him for life. When sufficiently recovered, he married, according to previous engagement, and his daughter, born in due time, and closely resembling him in looks, constitution and character, has a weak and sore place corresponding in location with that of the injury of her father. Tubercles have been found in the lungs of infants at birth, born of consumptive parents,--a proof, clear and demonstrative, that children inherit the several states of parental physiology existing at the time they received their physiological constitution. The same is true of the transmission of those diseases consequent on the violation of the law of chastity, and the same conclusion established thereby. 9. PARENT'S PARTICIPATION.--Each parent furnishing at indispensable portion of the materials of life, and somehow or other, contributes parentally to the formation of the constitutional character of their joint product, appears far more reasonable, than to ascribe, as many do, the whole to either some to paternity, others to maternity. Still this decision go which way it may, does not affect the great fact that children inherit both the physiology and the mentality existing in parents at the time they received being and constitution. 10. ILLEGITIMATES OR BASTARDS also furnish strong proof of the correctness of this our leading doctrine. They are generally lively, sprightly, witty, frolicksome, knowing, quiet of perception, apt to learn, full of passion, quick-tempered, impulsive throughout, hasty, indiscreet, given to excesses, yet abound in good feeling, and are well calculated to enjoy life, though in general sadly deficient in some essential moral elements. 11. CHARACTER OF ILLEGITIMATES.--Wherein, then, consists this difference? First, in "novelty lending an enchantment" rarely experienced in sated wedlock, as well as in, power of passion sufficient to break through all restraint, external and internal; and hence their high wrought organization. They are usually wary and on the alert, and their parents drank "stolen waters." They are commonly wanting in moral balance, or else delinquent in some important moral aspect; nor would they have ever been born unless this had been the case, for the time being at least with their parents. Behold in these, and many other respects easily cited, how striking the coincidence between their characters on the one hand, and, on the other, those parental conditions necessarily attendant on their origin. 12. CHILDREN'S CONDITION depends upon parents' condition at the time of the sexual embrace. Let parents recall, as nearly as may be their circumstances and states of body and mind at this period, and place them by the side of the physical and mental constitutions of their children, and then say whether this law is not a great practical truth, and if so, its importance is as the happiness and misery it is capable of affecting! The application of this mighty engine of good or evil to mankind, to the promotion of human advancement, is the great question which should profoundly interest all parents. 13. THE VITAL PERIOD.--The physical condition of parents at the vital period of transmission of life should be a perfect condition of health in both body and mind, and a vigorous condition of all the animal organs and functions. 14. MUSCULAR PREPARATION.--Especially should parents cultivate their muscular system preparatory to the perfection of this function, and of their children; because, to impart strength and stamina to offspring they must of necessity both possess a good muscular organization, and also bring it into vigorous requisition at this period. For this reason, if for no other, let those of sedentary habits cultivate muscular energy preparatory to this time of need. 15. THE SEED.--So exceedingly delicate are the seeds of life, that, unless planted in a place of perfect security, they must all be destroyed and our race itself extinguished. And what place is as secure as that chosen, where they can be reached only with the utmost difficulty, and than only as the peril of even life itself? Imperfect seed sown in poor ground means a sickly harvest. 16. HEALTHY PEOPLE--MOST CHILDREN.--The most healthy classes have the most numerous families; but that, as luxury enervates society, it diminishes the population, by enfeebling parents, nature preferring none rather than those too weakly to live and be happy, and thereby rendering that union unfruitful which is too feeble to produce offspring sufficiently strong to enjoy life. Debility and disease often cause barrenness. Nature seems to rebel against sickly offspring. 17. WHY CHILDREN DIE.--Inquire whether one or both the parents of those numerous children that die around us, have not weak lungs, or a debilitated stomach, or a diseased liver, or feeble muscles, or else use them but little, or disordered nerves, or some other debility or form of disease. The prevalence of summer complaints, colic, cholera infantum, and other affections of these vital organs of children is truly alarming, sweeping them into their graves by the million. Shall other animals rear nearly all their young, and shall man, constitutionally by far the strongest of them all, lose half or more of his? is this the order of nature? No, but their death-worm is born in and with them, and by parental agency. 18. GRAVE-YARD STATISTICS.--Take grave-yard statistics in August, and then say, whether most of the deaths of children are not caused by indigestion, or feebleness of the bowels, liver, etc., or complaints growing out of them? Rather, take family statistics from broken-hearted parents! And yet, in general, those very parents who thus suffer more than words can tell, were the first and main transgressors, because they entailed those dyspeptic, heart, and other kindred affections so common among American parents upon their own children, and thereby almost as bad as killed them by inches; thus depriving them of the joys of life, and themselves of their greatest earthly treasure! 19. ALL CHILDREN MAY DIE.--Children may indeed die whose parents are healthy, but they almost must whose parents are essentially ailing in one or more of their vital organs; because, since they inherit this organ debilitated or diseased, any additional cause of sickness attacks this part first, and when it gives out, all go by the board together. 20. PARENTS MUST LEARN AND OBEY.--How infinitely more virtuous and happy would your children be if you should be healthy in body, and happy in mind, so as to beget in them a constitutionally healthy and vigorous physiology, along with a serene and happy frame of mind! Words are utterly powerless in answer, and so is everything but a lifetime of consequent happiness or misery! Learn and obey, then, the laws of life and health, that you may both reap the rich reward yourself, and also shower down upon your children after you, blessings many and most exalted. Avoid excesses of all kinds, be temperate, take good care of the body and avoid exposures and disease, and your children will be models of health and beauty. 21. THE RIGHT CONDITION.--The great practical inference is, that those parents who desire intellectual and moral children, must love each other; because, this love, besides perpetually calling forth and cultivating their higher faculties, awakens them to the highest pitch of exalted action in that climax, concentration, and consummation of love which propagates their existing qualities, the mental endowment of offspring being proportionate to the purity and intensity of parental love. 22. THE EFFECTS.--The children of affectionate parents receive existence and constitution when love has rendered the mentality of their parents both more elevated and more active than it is by nature, of course the children of loving parents are both more intellectual and moral by nature than their parents. Now, if these children and their companions also love one another, this same law which renders the second generation better than the first, will of course render the third still better than the second, and thus of all succeeding generations. 23. ANIMAL IMPULSE.--You may preach and pray till doomsday--may send out missionaries, may circulate tracts and Bibles, and multiply revivals and all the means of grace, with little avail; because, as long as mankind go on, as now, to propagate by animal impulse, so long must their offspring be animal, sensual, devilish! But only induce parents cordially to love each other, and you thereby render their children constitutionally talented and virtuous. Oh! parents, by as much as you prefer the luxuries of concord to the torments of discord, and children that are sweet dispositioned and highly intellectual to those that are rough wrathful, and depraved, be entreated to "_love one another_." [Illustration: JUST HOME FROM SCHOOL.] * * * * * TOO MANY CHILDREN. 1. LESSENING PAUPERISM.--Many of the agencies for lessening pauperism are afraid of tracing back its growth to the frequency of births under wretched conditions. One begins to question whether after all sweet charity or dignified philanthropy has not acted with an unwise reticence. Among the problems which defy practical handling this is the most complicated. The pauperism which arises from marriage is the result of the worst elements of character legalized. In America, where the boundaries of wedlock are practically boundless, it is not desirable, even were it possible, that the state should regulate marriage much further than it now does; therefore must the sociologist turn for aid to society in his struggle with pauperism. 2. RIGHT PHYSICAL AND SPIRITUAL CONDITIONS OF BIRTH.--Society should insist upon the right spiritual and physical conditions for birth. It should be considered more than "a pity" when another child is born into a home too poor to receive it. The underlying selfishness of such an event should be recognized, for it brings motherhood under wrong conditions of health and money. Instead of each birth being the result of mature consideration and hallowed loves children are too often born as animals are born. To be sure the child has a father whom he can call by name. Better that there had never been a child. 3. WRONG RESULTS.--No one hesitates to declare that if is want of self-respect and morality which brings wrong results outside of marriage, but it is also the want of them which begets evil inside the marriage relation. Though there is nothing more difficult than to find the equilibrium between self-respect and self-sacrifice, yet on success in finding it depends individual and national preservation. The fact of being wife and mother or husband and father should imply dignity and joyousness, no matter how humble the home. 4. DIFFERENCE OF OPINION AMONGST PHYSICIANS.--In regard to teaching, the difficulties are great. As soon as one advances beyond the simplest subjects of hygiene, one is met with the difference of opinions among physicians. When each one has a different way of making a mustard plaster, no wonder that each has his own notions about everything else. One doctor recommends frequent births, another advises against them. 5. DIFFERENT NATURES.--If physiological facts are taught to a large class, there are sure to be some in it whose impressionable natures are excited by too much plain speaking, while there are others who need the most open teaching in order to gain any benefit. Talks to a few persons generally are wiser than popular lectures. Especially are talks needed by mothers and unmothered girls who come from everywhere to the city. 6. BOYS AND YOUNG MEN.--It is not women alone who require the shelter of organizations and instruction, but boys and young men. There is no double standard of morality, though the methods of advocating it depend upon the sex which is to be instructed. Men are more concerned with the practical basis of morality than with its sentiment, and with the pecuniary aspects of domestic life than with its physical and mental suffering. We all may need medicine for moral ills, yet the very intangibleness of purity makes us slow to formulate rules for its growth. Under the guidance of the wise in spirit and knowledge, much can be done to create a higher standard of marriage and to proportion the number of births according to the health and income of parents. 7. FOR THE SAKE OF THE STATE.--If the home exists primarily for the sake of the individual, it exists secondarily for the sake of the state. Therefore, any home into which are continually born the inefficient children of inefficient parents, not only is a discomfort in itself, but it also furnishes members for the armies of the unemployed, which are tinkering and hindering legislation and demanding by the brute force of numbers that the state shall support them. 8. OPINIONS FROM HIGH AUTHORITIES.--In the statements and arguments made in the above we have not relied upon our own opinions and convictions, but have consulted the best authorities, and we hereby quote some of the highest authorities upon this subject. 9. REV. LEONARD DAWSON.--"How rapidly conjugal prudence might lift a nation out of pauperism was seen in France.--Let them therefore hold the maxim that the production of offspring with forethought and providence is rational nature. It was immoral to bring children into the world whom they could not reasonably hope to feed, clothe and educate." 10. MRS. FAWCETT.--"Nothing will permanently offset pauperism while the present reckless increase of population continues." 11. DR. GEORGE NAPHEYS.--"Having too many children unquestionably has its disastrous effects on both mother and children as known to every intelligent physician. Two-thirds of all cases of womb disease, says Dr. Tilt, are traceable to child-bearing in feeble women. There are also women to whom pregnancy is a nine months' torture, and others to whom it is nearly certain to prove fatal. Such a condition cannot be discovered before marriage--The detestable crime of abortion is appallingly rife in our day. It is abroad in our land to an extent which would have shocked the dissolute women of pagan RomeS--This wholesale, fashionable murder, how are we to stop it? Hundreds of vile men and women in our large cities subsist by this slaughter of the innocent." 12. REV. H.R. HAWEIS.--"Until it is thought a disgrace in every rank of society, from top to bottom of social scale, to bring into the world more children than you are able to provide for, the poor man's home, at least, must often be a purgatory--his children dinnerless, his wife a beggar--himself too often drunk--here, then, are the real remedies: first, control the family growth according to the family means of support." 13. MONTAGUE COOKSON.--"The limitation of the number of the family--is as much the duty of married persons as the observance of chastity is the duty of those that are unmarried." 14. JOHN STUART MILL.--"Every one has aright to live. We will suppose this granted. But no one has a right to bring children into life to be supported by other people. Whoever means to stand upon the first of these rights must renounce all pretension to the last. Little improvement can be expected in morality until the production of a large family is regarded in the same light as drunkenness or any other physical excess." 15. DR. T.D. NICHOLLS.--"In the present social state, men and women should refrain from having children unless they see a reasonable prospect of giving them suitable nurture and education." 16. REV. M.J. SAVAGE.--"Some means ought to be provided for checking the birth of sickly children." 17. DR. STOCKHAM.--"Thoughtful minds must acknowledge the great wrong done when children are begotten under adverse conditions. Women must learn the laws of life so as to protect themselves, and not be the means of bringing sin-cursed, diseased children into the world. The remedy is in the prevention of pregnancy, not in producing abortion." * * * * * SMALL FAMILIES AND THE IMPROVEMENT OF THE RACE. 1. MARRIED PEOPLE MUST DECIDE FOR THEMSELVES.--It is the fashion of those who marry nowadays to have few children, often none. Of course this is a matter which married people must decide for themselves. As is stated in an earlier chapter, sometimes this policy is the wisest that can be pursued. 2. Diseased people who are likely to beget only a sickly offspring, may follow this course, and so may thieves, rascals, vagabonds, insane and drunken persons, and all those who are likely to bring into the world beings that ought not to be here. But why so many well-to-do folks should pursue a policy adapted only to paupers and criminals, is not easy to explain. Why marry at all if not to found a family that shall live to bless and make glad the earth after father and mother are gone? It is not wise to rear too many children, nor is it wise to have too few. Properly brought up, they will make home a delight, and parents happy. [Illustration: A WELL NOURISHED CHILD.] 3. POPULATION LIMITED.--Galton, in his great work on hereditary genius, observes that "the time may hereafter arrive in far distant years, when the population of this earth shall be kept as strictly within bounds of number and suitability of race, as the sheep of a well-ordered moor, or the plants in an orchard-house; in the meantime let us do what we can to encourage the multiplication of the races best fitted to invent and conform to a high and generous civilization." 4. SHALL SICKLY PEOPLE RAISE CHILDREN?--The question whether sickly people should marry and propagate their kind, is briefly alluded to in an early chapter of this work. Where father and mother are both consumptive the chances are that the children will inherit physical weakness, which will result in the same disease, unless great pains are taken to give them a good physical education, and even then the probabilities are that they will find life a burden hardly worth living. 5. NO REAL BLESSING.--Where one parent is consumptive and the other vigorous, the chances are just half as great. If there is a scrofulous or consumptive taint in the blood, beware! Sickly children are no comfort to their parents, no real blessing. If such people marry, they had better, in most cases, avoid parentage. 6. WELFARE OF MANKIND.--The advancement of the welfare of mankind is a most intricate problem: all ought to refrain from marriage who cannot avoid abject poverty for their children; for poverty is not only a great evil, but tends to its own increase by leading to recklessness in marriage. On the other hand, as Mr. Galton has remarked, if the prudent avoid marriage, while the reckless marry, the inferior members will tend to supplant the better members of society. 7. PREVENTIVES.--Remember that the thousands of preventives which are advertised in papers, private circulars, etc., are not only inefficient, unreliable and worthless, but positively dangerous, and the annual mortality of females in this country from this cause alone is truly horrifying. Study nature, and nature's laws alone will guide you safely in the path of health and happiness. 8. NATURE'S REMEDY.--Nature in her wise economy has prepared for overproduction, for during the period of pregnancy and nursing, and also most of the last half of each menstrual month, woman is naturally sterile; but this condition may become irregular and uncertain on account of stimulating drinks or immoral excesses. * * * * * THE GENERATIVE ORGANS. [Illustration: THE MALE GENERATIVE ORGANS AND THEIR STRUCTURE AND ADAPTATION.] 1. The reproductive organs in man are the penis and testicles and their appendages. 2. The penis deposits the seminal life germ of the male. It is designed to fulfill the seed planting mission of human life. 3. In the accompanying illustration all the parts are named. 4. URETHRA.--The urethra performs the important mission of emptying the bladder, and is rendered very much larger by the passion, and the semen is propelled along through it by little layers of muscles on each side meeting above and below. It is this canal that is inflamed by the disease known as gonorrhoea. 5. PROSTATE GLAND.--The prostate gland is located just before the bladder. It swells in men who have previously overtaxed it, thus preventing all sexual intercourse, and becomes very troublesome to void urine. This is a very common trouble in old age. 6. THE PENAL GLAND.--The penal gland, located at the end of the penis, becomes unduly enlarged by excessive action and has the consistency of India rubber. It is always enlarged by erection. It is this gland at the end that draws the semen forward. It is one of the most essential and wonderful constructed glands of the human body. 7. FEMALE MAGNETISM.--When the male organ comes in contact with female magnetism, the natural and proper excitement takes place. When excited without this female magnetism it becomes one of the most serious injuries to the human body. The male organ was made for a high and holy purpose, and woe be to him who pollutes his manhood by practicing the secret vice. He pays the penalty in after years either by the entire loss of sexual power, or by the afflictions of various urinary diseases. 8. NATURE PAYS all her debts, and when there is an abuse of organ, penalties must follow. If the hand is thrust into the fire it will be burnt. * * * * * THE FEMALE SEXUAL ORGANS. 1. The generative or reproductive organs of the human female are usually divided into the internal and external. Those regarded as internal are concealed from view and protected within the body. Those that can be readily perceived are termed external. The entrance of the vagina may be stated as the line of demarcation of the two divisions. [Illustration: ANATOMY OR STRUCTURE OF THE FEMALE ORGANS OF GENERATION.] 2. HYMEN OR VAGINAL VALVE.--This is a thin membrane of half moon shape stretched across the opening of the vagina. It usually contains before marriage one or more small openings for the passage of the menses. This membrane has been known to cause much distress in many females at the first menstrual flow. The trouble resulting from the openings in the hymen not being large enough to let the flow through and consequently blocking up the vaginal canal, and filling the entire internal sexual organs with blood; causing paroxysms and hysterics and other alarming symptoms. In such cases the hymen must be ruptured that a proper discharge may take place at once. [Illustration: Impregnated Egg. In the first formation of Embryo.] 3. UNYIELDING HYMEN.--The hymen is usually ruptured by the first sexual intercourse, but sometimes it is so unyielding as to require the aid of a knife before coition can take place. 4. THE PRESENCE OF THE HYMEN was formerly considered a test of virginity, but this theory is no longer held by competent authorities, as disease or accidents or other circumstances may cause its rupture. 5. THE OVARIES.--The ovaries are little glands for the purpose of forming the female ova or egg. They are not fully developed until the period of puberty, and usually are about the size of a large chestnut. The are located in the broad ligaments between the uterus and the Fallopian tubes. During pregnancy the ovaries change position; they are brought farther into the abdominal cavity as the uterus expands. 6. OFFICE OF THE OVARY.--The ovary is to the female what the testicle is to the male. It is the germ vitalizing organ and the most essential part of the generative apparatus. The ovary is not only an organ for the formation of the ova, but is also designed for their separation when they reach maturity. 7. FALLOPION TUBES.--These are the ducts that lead from the ovaries to the uterus. They are entirely detached from the glands or ovaries, and are developed on both sides of the body. 8. OFFICE OF THE FALLOPIAN TUBES.--The Fallopian tubes have a double office: receiving the ova from the ovaries and conducting it into the uterus, as well as receiving the spermatic fluid of the male and conveying it from the uterus in the direction of the ovaries, the tubes being the seat of impregnation. [Illustration: OVUM.] 9. STERILITY IN FEMALES.--Sterility in the female is sometimes caused by a morbid adhesion of the tube to a portion of the ovary. By what power the mouth of the tube is directed toward a particular portion of an ovary, from which the ovum is about to be discharged, remains entirely unknown, as does also the precise nature of the cause which effects this movement. [Illustration: Ripe Ovum from the Ovary.] * * * * * THE MYSTERIES OF THE FORMATION OF LIFE. 1. SCIENTIFIC THEORIES.--Darwin, Huxley, Haeckel, Tyndall, Meyer, and other renowned scientists, have tried to find the _missing link_ between man and animal; they have also exhausted their genius in trying to fathom the mysteries of the beginning of life, or find where the animal and mineral kingdoms unite to form life; but they have added to the vast accumulation of theories only, and the world is but little wiser on this mysterious subject. 2. PHYSIOLOGY.--Physiology has demonstrated what physiological changes take place in the germination and formation of life, and how nature expresses the intentions of reproduction by giving animals distinctive organs with certain secretions for this purpose, etc. All the different stages of development can be easily determined, but how and why life takes place under such special condition and under no other, is an unsolved mystery. 3. OVARIES.--The ovaries are the essential parts of the generative system of the human female in which ova are matured. There are two ovaries, one on each side of the uterus, and connected with it by the Fallopian tubes. They are egg-shaped, about an inch in diameter, and furnish the germs or ovules. These germs or ovules are very small, measuring about 1/120 of an inch in diameter. 4. DEVELOPMENT.--The ovaries develop with the growth of the female, so that finally at the period of puberty they ripen and liberate an ovum or germ vesicle, which is carried into the uterine cavity of the Fallopian tubes. By the aid of the microscope we find that these ova are composed of granular substance, in which is found a miniature yolk surrounded by a transparent membrane called the zona pellucida. This yolk contains a germinal vesicle in which can be discovered a nucleus, called the germinal spot. The process of the growth of the ovaries is very gradual, and their function of ripening and discharging one ovum monthly into the Fallopian tubes and uterus, is not completed until between the twelfth and fifteenth years. 5. WHAT SCIENCE KNOWS.--After the sexual embrace we know that the sperm is lifted within the genital passages or portion of the vagina and mouth of the uterus. The time between the deposit of the semen and fecundation varies according to circumstances. If the sperm-cell travels to the ovarium it generally takes from three to five days to make the journey. As Dr. Pierce says: The transportation is aided by the ciliary processes (little hairs) of the mucous surface of the vaginal and uterine walls, as well as by its own vibratile movements. The action of the cilia, under the stimulus of the sperm, seems to be from without, inward. Even if a minute particle of sperm, less than a drop, be left upon the margin of the external genitals of the female, it is sufficient in amount to impregnate, and can be carried, by help of these cilia, to the ovaries. 6. CONCEPTION.--After intercourse at the proper time the liability to conception is very great. If the organs are in a healthy condition, conception must necessarily follow, and no amount of prudence and the most rigid precautions often fail to prevent pregnancy. 7. ONLY ONE ABSOLUTELY SAFE METHOD.--There is only one absolutely safe method to prevent conception, entirely free from danger and injury to health, and one that is in the reach of all; that is to refrain from union altogether. [Illustration: A EUGENIC BABY.] * * * * * CONCEPTION--ITS LIMITATIONS. 1. A COMMON QUESTION.--The question is often asked, "Can Conception be prevented at all times?" Let us say right here that even if such an interference with nature's laws were possible it is inadmissible, and never to be justified except in cases of deformity or disease. 2. FALSE CLAIMS OF IMPOSTERS.--During the past few years a great deal has been written on the subject, claiming that new remedies had been discovered for the prevention of conception, etc., but these are all money making devices to deceive the public, and enrich the pockets of miserable and unprincipled imposters. 3. THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER.--Dr. Pancoast, an eminent authority, says: "The truth is, there is no medicine taken internally capable of preventing conception, and the person who asserts to the contrary, not only speaks falsely, but is both a knave and a fool." 4. FOOLISH DREAD OF CHILDREN.--What is more deplorable and pitiable than an old couple childless? Young people dislike the care and confinement of children and prefer society and social entertainments and thereby do great injustice and injury to their health. Having children under proper circumstances never ruins the health and happiness of any woman. In fact, womanhood is incomplete without them. She may have a dozen or more, and still have better health than before marriage. It is having them too close together, and when she is not in a fit state, that her health gives way. 5. SELF-DENIAL AND FORBEARANCE.--If the husband respects his wife he will come to her relief by exercising self-denial and forbearance, but sometimes before the mother has recovered from the effects of bearing, nursing and rearing one child, ere she has regained proper tone and vigor of body and mind, she is unexpectedly overtaken, surprised by the manifestation of symptoms which again indicate pregnancy. Children thus begotten cannot become hardy and long-lived. But the love that parents may feel for their posterity, by the wishes for their success, by the hopes for their usefulness, by every consideration for their future well-being, let them exercise caution and forbearance until the wife becomes sufficiently healthy and enduring to bequeath her own rugged, vital stamina to the child she bears in love. 6. A WRONG TO THE MOTHER AND CHILD.--Sometimes the mother is diseased; the outlet from the womb, as a result of laceration by a previous child-birth, is frequently enlarged, thus allowing conception to take place very readily, and hence she has children in rapid succession. Besides the wrong to the mother in having children in such rapid succession, it is a great injustice to the babe in the womb and the one at the breast that they should follow each other so quickly that one is conceived while the other is nursing. One takes the vitality of the other; neither has sufficient nourishment, and both are started in life stunted and incomplete. 7. FEEBLE AND DISEASED PARENTS.--If the parties of a marriage are both feeble and so adapted to each other that their children are deformed, insane or idiots, then to beget offspring would be a flagrant wrong; if the mother's health is in such a condition as to forbid the right of laying the burden of motherhood upon her, then medical aid may safely come to her relief. 8. "THE DESIRABILITY AND PRACTICABILITY of limiting offspring," says Dr. Stockham, are the subject of frequent inquiry. Fewer and better children are desired by right-minded parents. Many men and women, wise in other things of the world, permit generation as a chance result of copulation, without thought of physical or mental conditions to be transmitted to the child. Coition, the one important act of all others, carrying with it the most vital results, is usually committed for selfish gratification. Many a drunkard owes his lifelong appetite for alcohol to the fact that the inception of his life could be traced to a night of dissipation on the part of his father. Physical degeneracy and mental derangements are too often caused by the parents producing offspring while laboring under great mental strain or bodily fatigue. Drunkenness and licentiousness are frequently the heritage of posterity. Future generations demand that such results be averted by better prenatal influences. The world is groaning under the curse of chance parenthood. It is due to posterity that procreation be brought under the control of reason and conscience. 9. "IT HAS BEEN FEARED THAT A KNOWLEDGE of means to control offspring would, if generally diffused, be abused by women; that they would to so great an extent escape motherhood as to bring about social disaster. This fear is not well founded. The maternal instinct is inherent and sovereign in woman. Even the prenatal influences of a murderous intent on the part of parents scarcely ever eradicate it. With this natural desire for children, we believe few woman would abuse the knowledge of privilege of controlling offspring. Although women shrink from forced maternity, and from the bearing of children under the great burden of suffering, as well as other adverse conditions, it is rare to find a woman who is not greatly disappointed if she does not, some time in her life, wear the crown of motherhood. "An eminent lady teacher, in talking to her pupils once said, 'The greatest calamity that can befall a woman is never to have a child. The next greatest calamity is to have one only.' From my professional experience I am happy to testify that more women seek to overcome causes of sterility than to obtain knowledge of limiting the size of the family or means to destroy the embryo. Also, if consultation for the latter is sought, it is usually at the instigation of the husband. Believing in the rights of unborn children, and in the maternal instinct, I am consequently convinced that no knowledge should be withheld that will secure proper conditions for the best parenthood." 10. THE CASE OF THE JUKE FAMILY.--We submit the following case of the Juke family, mostly of New York state, as related by Dr. R.L. Dugdale, when a member of the prison Association, and let the reader judge for himself: "It was traced out by painstaking research that from one woman called Margaret, who, like Topsy, merely 'growed' without pedigree as a pauper in a village of the upper Hudson, about eighty-five years ago, there descended 673 children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, of whom 200 were criminals of the dangerous class, 280 adult paupers, and 50 prostitutes, while 300 children of her lineage died prematurely. The last fact proves to what extent in this family nature was kind to the rest of humanity in saving it from a still larger aggregation or undesirable and costly members, for it is estimated that the expense to the State of the descendants of Maggie was over a million dollars, and the State itself did something also towards preventing a greater expense by the restrain exercised upon the criminals, paupers, and idiots of the family during a considerable portion of their lives." 11. MODERATION.--Continence, self-control, a willingness to deny himself--that is what is required from the husband. But a thousand voices reach us from suffering women in all parts of the land that this will not suffice; that men refuse thus to restrain themselves; that it leads to a loss of domestic happiness and to illegal amour, or it is injurious physically and morally; that, in short, such advice is useless because impracticable. 12. NATURE'S METHOD.--To such we reply that nature herself has provided to some extent, against overproduction. It is well known that women, when nursing, rarely become pregnant, and for this reason, if for no other, women should nurse their own children, and continue the period until the child is at least nine months or a year old. However, the nursing, if continued too long, weakens both the mother and the child. 13. ANOTHER PROVISION OF NATURE.--For a certain period between her monthly illness, every woman is sterile. Conception may be avoided by refraining from coition except for this particular number of days, and there will be no evasion of natural intercourse, no resort to disgusting practices, and nothing degrading. * * * * * PRENATAL INFLUENCES. 1. DEFINITION.--By prenatal influences we mean those temporary operations of the mind or physical conditions of the parents previous to birth, which stamp their impress upon the new life. 2. THREE PERIODS.--We may consider this subject as one which naturally divides itself into three periods: the preparation which precedes conception, the mental, moral and physical conditions at the time of conjunction, and the environment and condition of the mother during the period of gestation. 3. PROMINENT AUTHORITIES.--A.E. Newton says: "Numerous facts indicate that offspring may be affected and their tendencies shaped by a great variety of influences, among which moods and influences more or less transient may be included." Dr. Stall says: "Prenatal influences are both subtle and potent, and no amount of wealth or learning or influence can secure exemption from them." Dr. John Cowan says upon this subject: "The fundamental principles of genius in reproduction are that, through the rightly directed wills of the father and mother, preceding and during antenatal life, the child's form or body, character of mind and purity of soul are formed and established. That in its plastic state, during antenatal life, like clay in the hands of the potter, it can be molded into absolutely any form of body and soul the parents may knowingly desire." 4. LIKE PARENTS, LIKE CHILDREN.--It is folly to expect strong and vigorous children from weak and sickly parents, or virtuous offspring from impure ancestry. Dr. James Foster Scott tells us that purity is, in fact, the crown of all real manliness; and the vigorous and robust, who by repression of evil have preserved their sexual potency, make the best husbands and fathers, and they are the direct benefactors for the race by begetting progeny who are not predisposed to sexual vitiation and bodily and mental degeneracy. 5. BLOOD WILL TELL.--Thus we see that prenatal influences greatly modify, if they do not wholly control, inherited tendencies. Is it common sense to suppose that a child, begotten when the parents are exhausted from mental or physical overwork, can be as perfect as when the parents are overflowing with the buoyancy of life and health? The practical farmer would not allow a domestic animal to come into his flock or herd under imperfect physical conditions. He understands that while "blood will tell," the temporary conditions of the animals will also tell in the perfections or imperfections of the offspring. 6. HEALTH A LEGACY.--It is no small legacy to be endowed with perfect health. In begetting children comparatively few people seem to think that any care of concern is necessary to insure against ill-health or poverty of mind. How strange our carelessness and unconcern when these are the groundwork of all comfort and success! How few faces and forms we see which give sign of perfect health. It is just as reasonable to suppose that men and women can squander their fortune and still have it left to bequeath to their children, as that parents can violate organic laws and still retain their own strength and activity. 7. RESPONSIBILITY OF PARENTS.--Selden H. Tascott says: "Ungoverned passions in the parents may unloose the furies of unrestrained madness in the minds of their children. Even untempered religious enthusiasm may beget a fanaticism that can not be restrained within the limits of reason." In view of the preceding statements, what a responsibility rests upon the parents! No step in the process of parentage is unimportant. From the lovers first thought of marriage to the birth of the child, every step of the way should be paved with the snow-white blossoms of pure thought. Kindly words and deeds should bind the prospective parents more closely together. Not mine and thine, but ours, should be the bond of sympathy. Each should be chaste in thought and word and deed as was Sir Galahad, who went in search of the Holy Grail, saying: "My strength is as the strength of ten, Because my heart is pure." [Illustration: DR. HALL'S SYRINGE. No. 1 Gives a Whirling Spray and No. 2 Also Whirling Spray. Price of No. 1 is $1.50 and of No. 2, $3.00. To readers of this book the publishers will send No. 1 for $1.20 and No. 2 for $2.25 postpaid. Dr. Hall's is larger and made of highest grade red rubber and its action is very effective.] * * * * * VAGINAL CLEANLINESS. 1. The above syringes are highly recommended by physicians as vaginal cleansers. They will be found a great relief in health or sickness, and in many cases cure barrenness or other diseases of the womb. 2. CLEANLINESS.--Cleanliness is next to godliness. Without cleanliness the human body is more or less defiled and repulsive. A hint to the wise is sufficient. The vagina should be cleansed with the same faithfulness as any other portion of the body. 3. TEMPERATURE OF THE WATER.--Those not accustomed to use vaginal injections would do well to use water milk-warm at the commencement; after this the temperature may be varied according to circumstances. In case of local inflammation use hot water. The indiscriminate use of cold water injections will be found rather injurious than beneficial, and a woman in feeble health will always find warm water invigorating and preferable. 4. LEUCORRHOEA.--In case of persistent leucorrhoea use the temperature of water from seventy-two to eighty-five degrees Fahrenheit. 5. THE CLEANSER will greatly stimulate the health and spirits of any woman who uses it. Pure water injections have a stimulating effect, and it seems to invigorate the entire body. 6. SALT AND WATER INJECTIONS.--This will cure mild cases of leucorrhoea. Add a teaspoonful of salt to a pint and a half of water at the proper temperature. Injections may be repeated daily if deemed necessary. 7. SOAP AND WATER.--Soap and water is a very simple domestic remedy, and will many times afford relief in many diseases of the womb. It seems it thoroughly cleanses the parts. A little borax or vinegar may be used the same as salt water injections. (See No. 6.) 8. HOLES IN THE TUBES.--Most of the holes in the tubes of syringes are too small. See that they are sufficiently large to produce thorough cleansing. 9. INJECTIONS DURING THE MONTHLY FLOW.--Of course it is not proper to arrest the flow, and the injections will stimulate a healthy action of the organs. The injections may be used daily throughout the monthly flow with much comfort and benefit. If the flow is scanty and painful the injections may be as warm as they can be comfortably borne. If the flowing is immoderate, then cool water may be used. A woman will soon learn her own condition and can act accordingly. 10. BLOOM AND GRACE OF YOUTH.--The regular bathing of the body will greatly improve woman's beauty. Remember that a perfect complexion depends upon the healthy action of all the organs. Vaginal injections are just as important as the bath. A beautiful woman must not only be cleanly, but robust and healthy. There can be no perfect beauty without good health. [Illustration] [Illustration: Trying On a New Dress.] * * * * * IMPOTENCE AND STERILITY. 1. Actual impotence during the period of manhood is a very rare complaint, and nature very unwillingly, and only after the absolute neglect of sanitary laws, gives up the power of reproduction. 2. Not only sensual women, but all without exception, feel deeply hurt, and are repelled by the husband whom they may previously have loved dearly, when, after entering the married state, they find that he is impotent. The more inexperienced and innocent they were at the time of marriage, the longer it often is before they find that something is lacking in the husband; but, once knowing this, the wife infallibly has a feeling of contempt and aversion for him though there are many happy families where this defect exists. It is often very uncertain who is the weak one, and no cause for separation should be sought. 3. Unhappy marriages, barrenness, divorces, and perchance an occasional suicide, may be prevented by the experienced physician, who can generally give correct information, comfort, and consolation, when consulted on these delicate matters. 4. When a single man fears that he is unable to fulfill the duties of marriage, he should not marry until his fear is dispelled. The suspicion of such a fear strongly tends to bring about the very weakness which he dreads. Go to a good physician (not to one of those quacks whose advertisements you see in the papers; they are invariably unreliable), and state the case fully and freely. 5. Diseases, malformation, etc., may cause impotence. In case of malformation there is usually no remedy, but in case of disease it is usually within the reach of a skillful physician. 6. Self-abuse and spermatorrhoea produce usually only temporary impotence and can generally be relieved by carrying out the instructions given elsewhere in this book. 7. Excessive indulgences often enfeeble the powers and often result in impotence. Dissipated single men, professional libertines, and married men who are immoderate, often pay the penalty of their violations of the laws of nature, by losing their vital power. In such cases of excess there may be some temporary relief, but as age advances the effects of such indiscretion will become more and more manifest. 8. The condition of sterility in man may arise either from a condition of the secretion which deprives it of its fecundating powers or it may spring from a malformation which prevents it reaching the point where fecundation takes place. The former condition is most common in old age, and is a sequence of venereal disease, or from a change in the structure or functions of the glands. The latter has its origin in a stricture, or in an injury, or in that condition technically known as hypospadias, or in debility. 9. It can be safely said that neither self-indulgence nor spermatorrhoea often leads to permanent sterility. 10. It is sometimes, however, possible, even where there is sterility in the male, providing the secretion is not entirely devoid of life properties on part of the husband, to have children, but these are exceptions. 11. No man need hesitate about matrimony on account of sterility, unless that condition arises from a permanent and absolute degeneration of his functions. 12. Impotence from mental and moral causes often takes place. Persons of highly nervous organization may suffer incapacity in their sexual organs. The remedy for these difficulties is rest and change of occupation. 13. REMEDIES IN CASE OF IMPOTENCE ON ACCOUNT OF FORMER PRIVATE DISEASES, OR MASTURBATION, OR OTHER CAUSES.--First build up the body by taking some good stimulating tonics. The general health is the most essential feature to be considered, in order to secure restoration of the sexual powers. Constipation must be carefully avoided. If the kidneys do not work in good order, some remedy for their restoration must be taken. Take plenty of out-door excercise avoid horseback riding or heavy exhaustive work. 14. FOOD AND DRINKS WHICH WEAKEN DESIRE.--All kinds of food which cause dyspepsia or bring on constipation, diarrhea, or irritate the bowels, alcoholic beverages, or any indigestible compound, has the tendency to weaken the sexual power. Drunkards and tipplers suffer early loss of vitality. Beer drinking has a tendency to irritate the stomach and to that extent affects the private organs. 15. COFFEE.--Coffee drank excessively causes a debilitating effect upon the sexual organs. The moderate use of coffee can be recommended, yet an excessive habit of drinking very strong coffee will sometimes wholly destroy vitality. 16. TOBACCO.--It is a hygienic and physiological fact that tobacco produces sexual debility and those who suffer any weakness on that source should carefully avoid the weed in all its forms. 17. DRUGS WHICH STIMULATE DESIRE.--There are certain medicines which act locally on the membranes and organs of the male, and the papers are full of advertisements of "Lost Manhood Restored", etc., but in every case they are worthless or dangerous drugs and certain to lead to some painful malady or death. All these patent medicines should be carefully avoided. People who are troubled with any of these ailments should not attempt to doctor themselves by taking drugs, but a competent physician should be consulted. Eating rye, corn, or graham bread, oatmeal, cracked wheat, plenty of fruit, etc. is a splendid medicine. If that is not sufficient, then a physician should be consulted. 18. DRUGS WHICH MODERATE DESIRE.--Among one of the most common domestic remedies is camphor. This has stood the test for ages. Small doses or half a grain in most instances diminishes the sensibility of the organs of sex. In some cases it produces irritation of the bladder. In that case it should be at once discontinued. On the whole a physician had better be consulted. The safest drug among domestic remedies is a strong tea made out of hops. Saltpeter, or nitrate of potash, taken in moderate quantities are very good remedies. [Illustration] 19. STRICTLY SPEAKING there is a distinction made between; _impotence_ and _sterility._ _Impotence_ is a loss of power to engage in the sexual act and is common to men. It may be imperfection in the male organ or a lack of sufficient sexual vigor to produce and maintain erection. _Sterility_ is a total loss of capacity in the reproduction of the species, and is common to women. There are, however, very few causes of barrenness that cannot be removed when the patient is perfectly developed. Sterility, in a female, most frequently depends upon a weakness or irritability either in the ovaries or the womb, and anything having a strengthening effect upon either organ will remove the disability. (See page 249.) 20. "OVER-INDULGENCE in intercourse," says Dr. Hoff, "is sometimes the cause of barrenness; this is usually puzzling to the interested parties, inasmuch as the practices which, in their opinion, should be the source of a numerous progeny, have the very opposite effect. By greatly moderating their ardor, this defect may be remedied." 21. "NAPOLEON AND JOSEPHINE.--A certain adaptation between the male and female has been regarded as necessary to conception, consisting of some mysterious influence which one sex exerts over the other, neither one, however, being essentially impotent or sterile. The man may impregnate one woman and not another, and the woman will conceive by one man and not by another. In the marriage of Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine no children were born, but after he had separated from the Empress and wedded Maria Louisa of Austria, an heir soon came. Yet Josephine had children by Beauharnais, her previous husband. But as all is not known as to the physical condition of Josephine during her second marriage, it cannot be assumed that mere lack of adaptability was the cause of unfruitfulness between them. There may have been some cause that history has not recorded, or unknown to the state of medical science of those days. There are doubtless many cases of apparently causeless unfruitfulness in marriage that even physicians, with a knowledge of all apparent conditions in the parties cannot explain; but when, as elsewhere related in this volume, impregnation by artificial means is successfully practised, it is useless to attribute barrenness to purely psychological and adaptative influences." * * * * * PRODUCING BOYS OR GIRLS AT WILL. 1. CAN THE SEXES BE PRODUCED AT WILL?--This question has been asked in all ages of the world. Many theories have been advanced, but science has at last replied with some authority. The following are the best known authorities which this age of science has produced. 2. THE AGRICULTURAL THEORY.--The agricultural theory as it may be called, because adopted by farmers, is that impregnation occurring within four days of the close of the female monthlies produces a girl, because the ovum is yet immature; but that when it occurs after the fourth day from its close, gives a boy, because this egg is now mature; whereas after about the eighth day this egg dissolves and passes off, so that impregnation is thereby rendered impossible, till just before the mother's next monthly.--_Sexual Science._ 3. QUEEN BEES LAY FEMALE EGGS FIRST, and male after wards. So with hens; the first eggs laid after the tread give females, the last males. Mares shown the stallion late in their periods drop horse colts rather than fillies.--_Napheys._ 4. IF YOU WISH FEMALES, give the male at the first sign of heat; if males, at its end.--_Prof. Thury._ 5. ON TWENTY-TWO SUCCESSIVE OCCASIONS I desired to have heifers, and succeeded in every case. I have made in all twenty-nine experiments, after this method, and succeeded in every one, in producing the sex I desired.--_A Swiss Breeder._ 6. THIS THURY PLAN has been tried on the farms of the Emperor of the French with unvarying success. 7. CONCEPTION IN THE FIRST HALF of the time between the menstrual periods produces females, and males in the latter.--_London Lancet._ 8. INTERCOURSE in from two to six days after cessation of the menses produces girls, in from nine to twelve, boys.--_Medical Reporter._ THE MOST MALE POWER and passion creates boys; female girls. This law probably causes those agricultural facts just cited thus: Conception right after menstruation give girls, because the female is then the most impassioned; later, boys, because her wanting sexual warmth leaves him the most vigorous. Mere sexual excitement, a wild, fierce, furious rush of passion, is not only not sexual vigor, but in its inverse ratio; and a genuine insane fervor caused by weakness; just as a like nervous excitability indicates weak nerves instead of strong. Sexual power is deliberate, not wild; cool, not impetuous; while all false excitement diminishes effectiveness.--_Fowler._ [Illustration: HEALTHY CHILDREN.] * * * * * ABORTION OR MISCARRIAGE. 1. ABORTION OR MISCARRIAGE is the expulsion of the child from the womb previous to six months; after that it is called premature birth. 2. CAUSES.--It may be due to a criminal act of taking medicine for the express purpose of producing miscarriage or it may be caused by certain medicines, severe sickness or nervousness, syphilis, imperfect semen, lack of room in the pelvis and abdomen, lifting, straining, violent cold, sudden mental excitement, excessive sexual intercourse, dancing, tight lacing, the use of strong purgative medicines, bodily fatigue, late suppers, and fashionable amusements. 3. SYMPTOMS.--A falling or weakness and uneasiness in the region of the loins, thighs and womb, pain in the small of the back, vomiting and sickness of the stomach, chilliness with a discharge of blood accompanied with pain in the lower portions of the abdomen. These may take place in a single hour, or it may continue for several days. If before the fourth month, there is not so much danger, but the flow of blood is generally greater. If miscarriage is the result of an accident, it generally takes place without much warning, and the service of a physician should at once be secured. 4. HOME TREATMENT.--A simple application of cold water externally applied will produce relief, or cold cloths of ice, if convenient, applied to the lower portions of the abdomen. Perfect quiet, however, is the most essential thing for the patient. She should lie on her back and take internally a teaspoonful of paregoric every two hours; drink freely of lemonade or other cooling drinks, and for nourishment subsist chiefly on chicken broth, toast, water gruel, fresh fruits, etc. The principal homeopathic remedies for this disease are ergot and cimicifuga, given in drop-doses of the tinctures. 5. INJURIOUS EFFECTS.--Miscarriage is a very serious difficulty, and the health and the constitution may be permanently impaired. Any one prone to miscarriage should adopt every measure possible to strengthen and build up the system; avoid going up stairs or doing much heavy lifting or hard work. 6. PREVENTION.--Practice the laws of sexual abstinence, take frequent sitz-baths, live on oatmeal, graham bread, and other nourishing diet. Avoid highly seasoned food, rich gravies, late suppers and the like. [Illustration] [Illustration: AN INDIAN FAMILY. THE SAVAGE INDIAN TEACHES US LESSONS OF CIVILIZATION.] * * * * * THE MURDER OF THE INNOCENTS. 1. MANY CAUSES.--Many causes have operated to produce a corruption of the public morals so deplorable; prominent among which may be mentioned the facility with which divorces may be obtained in some of the States, the constant promulgation of false ideas of marriage and its duties by means of books, lectures, etc., and the distribution through the mails of impure publications. But an influence not less powerful than any of these is the growing devotion of fashion and luxury of this age, and the idea which practically obtains to so great an extent that pleasure, instead of the health or morals, is the great object of life. 2. A MONSTROUS CRIME.--The abiding interest we feel in the preservation of the morals of our country, constrains us to raise our voice against the daily increasing practice of infanticide, especially before birth. The notoriety that monstrous crime has obtained of late, and the hecatombs of infants that are annually sacrificed to Moloch, to gratify an unlawful passion, are a sufficient justification for our alluding to a painful and delicate subject, which should "not even be named," only to correct and admonish the wrong-doers. 3. LOCALITIES IN WHICH IT IS MOST PREVALENT.--We may observe that the crying sin of infanticide is most prevalent In those localities where the system of moral education has been longest neglected. This inhuman crime might be compared to the murder of the innocents, except that the criminals, in this case, exceed in enormity the cruelty of Herod. 4. SHEDDING INNOCENT BLOOD.--If it is a sin to take away the life even of an enemy; if the crime of shedding innocent blood cries to heaven for vengeance; in what language can we characterize the double guilt of those whose souls are stained with the innocent blood of their own unborn, unregenerated offspring? 5. THE GREATNESS OF THE CRIME.--The murder of an infant before its birth, is, in the sight of God and the law, as great a crime as the killing of a child after birth. 6. LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY.--Every State of the Union has made this offense one of the most serious crimes. The law has no mercy for the offenders that violate the sacred law of human life. It is murder of the most cowardly character and woe to him who brings this curse upon his head, to haunt him all the days of his or her life, and to curse him at the day of his death. 7. THE PRODUCT OF LUST.--Lust pure and simple. The only difference between a marriage of this character and prostitution is, that society, rotten to its heart, pulpits afraid to cry aloud against crime and vice, and the church conformed to the world, have made such a profanation of marriage respectable. To put it in other words, when two people determine to live together as husband and wife, and evade the consequences and responsibilities of marriage, they are simply engaged in prostitution without the infamy which attaches to that vice and crime. 8. OUTRAGEOUS VIOLATION OF ALL LAW.--The violation of all law, both natural and revealed, is the cool and villainous contract by which people entering into the marital relation engage in defiance of the laws of God and the laws of the commonwealth, that they shall be unencumbered with a family of children. "Disguise the matter as you will," says Dr. Pomeroy, "yet the fact remains that the first and specific object of marriage is the rearing of a family." "Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth," is God's first word to Adam after his creation. 9. THE NATIONAL SIN.--The prevention of offspring is preeminently the sin of America. It is fast becoming the national sin of America, and if it is not checked, it will sooner or later be an irremediable calamity. The sin has its roots in a low and perverted idea of marriage, and is fostered by false standards of modesty. 10. THE SIN OF HEROD.--Do these same white-walled sepulchres of hell know that they are committing the damning sin of Herod in the slaughter of the innocents, and are accessories before the fact to the crime of murder? Do women in all circles of society, when practicing these terrible crimes realize the real danger? Do they understand that it is undermining their health, and their constitution, and that their destiny, if persisted in, is a premature grave just as sure as the sun rises in the heavens? Let all beware and let the first and only purpose be, to live a life guiltless before God and man. 11. THE CRIME OF ABORTION.--From the moment of conception a new life commences; a new individual exists; another child is added to the family. The mother who deliberately sets about to destroy this life, either by want of care, or by taking drugs, or using instruments, commits as great a crime, and is just as guilty as if she strangled her new-born infant or as if she snatched from her own breast her six months' darling and dashed out its brains against the wall. Its blood is upon her head, and as sure as there is a God and a judgment, that blood will be required of her. The crime she commits is murder, child murder--the slaughter of a speechless, helpless being, whom it is her duty, beyond all things else, to cherish and preserve. 12. DANGEROUS DISEASES.--We appeal to all such with earnest and with threatening words. If they have no feeling for the fruit of their womb, if maternal sentiment is so callous in their breasts, let them know that such produced abortions are the constant cause of violent and, dangerous womb diseases, and frequently of early death; that they bring on mental weakness, and often insanity; that they are the most certain means to destroy domestic happiness which can be adopted. Better, far better, to bear a child every year for twenty years than to resort to such a wicked and injurious step; better to die, if need be, of the pangs of child-birth, than to live with such a weight of sin on the conscience. * * * * * THE UNWELCOME CHILD.[Footnote: This is the title of a pamphlet written by Henry C. Wright. We have taken some extracts from it.] 1. TOO OFTEN THE HUSBAND thinks only of his personal gratification; he insists upon what he calls his rights(?); forces on his wife an _unwelcome child_, and thereby often alienates her affections, if he does not drive her to abortion. Dr Stockham reports the following case: "A woman once consulted me who was the mother of five children, all born within ten years. These were puny, scrofulous, nervous and irritable. She herself was a fit subject for doctors and drugs. Every organ in her body seemed diseased, and every function perverted. She was dragging out a miserable existence. Like other physicians, I had prescribed in vain for her many maladies. One day she chanced to inquire how she could safely prevent conception. This led me to ask how great was the danger. She said: 'Unless my husband is absent from home, few nights have been exempt since we were married, except it may be three or four immediately after confinement.' "'And yet your husband loves you?' "'O, yes, he is kind and provides for his family. Perhaps I might love him but for this. While now--(will God forgive me?)--_I detest, I loathe him_, and if I knew how to support myself and children, I would leave him.' "'Can you talk with him upon this subject?' "'I think I can.' "'Then there is hope, for many women cannot do that. Tell him I will give you treatment to improve your health and if he will wait until you can respond, _take time for the act, have it entirely mutual from first to last_, the demand will not come so frequent.' "'Do you think so?' "'The experience of many proves the truth of this statement.' "Hopefully she went home, and in six months I had the satisfaction of knowing my patient was restored to health, and a single coition in a month gave the husband more satisfaction than the many had done previously, that the creative power was under control, and that my lady could proudly say 'I love,' where previously she said 'I hate.' "If husbands will listen, a few simple instructions will appeal to their _common sense_, and none can imagine the gain to themselves, to their wives and children, and their children's children. Then it may not be said of the babes that the 'Death borders on their birth, and their cradle stands in the grave.'" 2. WIVES! BE FRANK AND TRUE to your husbands on the subject of maternity, and the relation that leads to it. Interchange thoughts and feelings with them as to what nature allows or demands in regard to these. Can maternity be natural when it is undesigned by the father or undesired by the mother? Can a maternity be natural, healthful, ennobling to the mother, to the child, to the father, and to the home, when no loving, tender, anxious forethought presides over thee relation in which it originated?--when the mother's nature loathed and repelled it, and the father's only thought was his own selfish gratification; the feelings and conditions of the mother, and the health, character and destiny of the child that may result being ignored by him. Wives! let there be a perfect and loving understanding between you and your husbands on these matters, and great will be your reward. 3. A WOMAN WRITES:--"There are few, vary few, wives and mothers who could not reveal a sad, dark picture in their own experience in their relations to their husbands and their children. Maternity, and the relation in which it originates, are thrust upon them by their husbands, often without regard to their spiritual or physical conditions, and often in contempt of their earnest and urgent entreaties. No joy comes to their heart at the conception and birth of their children, except that which arises from the consciousness that they have survived the sufferings wantonly and selfishly inflicted upon them." 4. HUSBAND, WHEN MATERNITY is imposed on your wife without her consent, and contrary to her appeal, how will her mind necessarily be affected towards her child? It was conceived in dread and in bitterness of spirit. Every stage of its foetal development is watched with feeling of settled repugnance. In every step of its ante-natal progress the child meets only with grief and indignation in the mother. She would crush out its life, if she could. She loathed its conception; she loathed it in every stage of its ante-natal development. Instead of fixing her mind on devising ways and means for the healthful and happy organization and development of her child before it is born, and for its post natal comfort and support, her soul may be intent on its destruction, and her thoughts devise plans to kill it. In this, how often is she aided by others! There are those, and they are called men and women, whose profession is to devise ways to kill children before they are born. Those who do this would not hesitate (but for the consequences) to kill them after they are born, for the state of mind that would justify and instigate _ante-natal_ child-murder would justify and instigate _post-natal_ child-murder. Yet, public sentiment consigns the murderer of post-natal children to the dungeon or the gallows, while the murderers of antenatal children are often allowed to pass in society as honest and honorable men and women. 5. THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXTRACT from a letter written by one who has proudly and nobly filled the station of a wife and mother, and whose children and grandchildren surround her and crown her life with tenderest love and respect: "It has often been a matter of wonder to me that men should, so heedlessly, and so injuriously to themselves, their wives and children, and their homes, demand at once, as soon as they get legal possession of their wives, the gratification of a passion, which, when indulged merely for the sake of the gratification of the moment, must end in the destruction of all that is beautiful, noble and divine in man or woman. I have often felt that I would give the world for a friendship with man that should show no impurity in its bearing, and for a conjugal relation that would, at all times, heartily and practically recognize the right of the wife to decide for herself when she should enter into the relation that leads to maternity." 6. TIMELY ADVICE.--Here let me say that on no subject should a man and woman, as they are being attracted into conjugal relations, be more open and truthful with each other than on this. No woman, who would save herself and the man she loves from a desecrated and wretched home, should enter into the physical relations of marriage with a man until she understands what he expects of her as to the function of maternity, and the relation that leads to it. If a woman is made aware that the man who would win her as a wife regards her and the marriage relation only as the means of a legalized gratification of his passions, and she sees fit to live with him as a wife, with such a prospect before her, she must take the consequences of a course so degrading and so shameless. If she sees fit to make an offering of her body and soul on the altar of her husband's sensuality, she must do it; but she has a right to know to what base uses her womanhood is to be put, and it is due to her, as well as to himself, that he should tell beforehand precisely what he wants and expects of her. Too frequently, man shrinks from all allusion, during courtship, to his expectations in regard to future passional relations. He fears to speak of them, lest he should shock and repel the woman he would win as a wife. Being conscious, it may be, of an intention to use power he may acquire over her person for his own gratification, he shuns all interchange of views with her, lest she should divine the hidden sensualism of his soul, and his intention to victimize her person to it the moment he shall get the license. A woman had better die at once than enter into or continue in marriage with a man whose highest conception of the relation is, that it is a means of licensed animal indulgence. In such a relation, body and soul are sacrificed. 7. ONE DISTINCTIVE CHARACTERISTIC of a true and noble husband is a feeling of manly pride in the physical elements of his manhood. His physical manhood, as well as his soul, is dear to the heart of his wife, because through this he can give the fullest expression of his manly power. How can you, my friend, secure for your person the loving care and respect of your wife? There is but one way: so manifest yourself to her, in the hours of your most endearing intimacies, that all your manly power shall be associated only with all that is generous, just and noble in you, and with purity, freedom and happiness in her. Make her feel that all which constitutes you a man, and qualifies you to be her husband and the father of her children, belongs to her, and is sacredly consecrated to the perfection and happiness of her nature. Do this, and the happiness of your home is made complete Your _body_ will be lovingly and reverently cared for, because the wife of your bosom feels that it is the sacred symbol through which a noble, manly love is ever speaking to her, to cheer and sustain her. 8. WOMAN IS EVER PROUD, and justly so, of the manly passion of her husband, when she knows it is controlled by a love for her, whose manifestations have regard only to her elevation and happiness. The power which, when bent only on selfish indulgence, becomes a source of more shame, degradation, disease and wretchedness, to women and to children than all other things put together, does but ennoble her, add grace and glory to her being, and concentrate and vitalize the love that encircles her as a wife when it is controlled by wisdom and consecrated to her highest growth and happiness, and that of her children. It lends enchantment to her person, and gives a fascination to her smiles, her words and her caresses, which ever breathe of purity and of heaven, and make her all lovely as a wife and mother to her husband and the father of her child. _Manly passion is to the conjugal love of the wife like the sun to the rose-bud, that opens its petals, and causes them to give out their sweetest fragrance and to display their most delicate tints; or like the frost, which chills and kills it ere it blossoms in its richness and beauty._ 9. A DIADEM OF BEAUTY.--Maternity, when it exists at the call of the wife, and is gratefully received, but binds her heart more tenderly and devotedly to her husband. As the father of her child, he stands before her invested with new beauty and dignity. In receiving from him the germ of a new life, she receives that which she feels is to add new beauty and glory to her as a woman--a new grace and attraction to her as a wife. She loves and honors him, because he has crowned her with the glory of a mother. Maternity, to her, instead of being repulsive, is a diadem of beauty, a crown of rejoicing; and deep, tender, and self-forgetting are her love and reverence for him who has placed it on her brow. How noble, how august, how beautiful is maternity when thus bestowed and received! 10. CONCLUSION.--Would you, then, secure the love and trust of your wife, and become an object of her ever-growing tenderness and reverence? Assure her, by all your manifestations, and your perfect respect for the functions of her nature, that your passion shall be in subjection of her wishes. It is not enough that you have secured in her heart respect for your spiritual and intellectual manhood. To maintain your self-respect in your relations with her, to perfect your growth and happiness as a husband, you must cause your _physical_ nature to be tenderly cherished and reverenced by her in all the sacred intimacies of home. No matter how much she reverences your intellectual or your social power, if by reason of your uncalled-for passional manifestations you have made your physical manhood disagreeable, how can you, in her presence, preserve a sense of manly pride and dignity as a husband? [Illustration] * * * * * HEALTH AND DISEASE. Heredity and the Transmission of Diseases. 1. BAD HABITS.--It is known that the girl who marries the man with bad habits, is, in a measure, responsible for the evil tendencies which these habits have created in the children; and young people are constantly warned of the danger in marrying when they know they come from families troubled with chronic diseases or insanity. To be sure the warnings have had little effect thus far in preventing such marriages, and it is doubtful whether they will, unless the prophecy of an extremist writing for one of our periodicals comes to pass--that the time is not far distant when such marriages will be a crime punishable by law. 2. TENDENCY IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.--That there is a tendency in the right direction must be admitted, and is perhaps most clearly shown in some of the articles on prison reform. Many of them strongly urge the necessity of preventive work as the truest economy, and some go so far as to say that if the present human knowledge of the laws of heredity were acted upon for a generation, reformatory measures would be rendered unnecessary. 3. SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES.--The mother who has ruined her health by late hours, highly-spiced food, and general carelessness in regard to hygienic laws, and the father who is the slave of questionable habits, will be very sure to have children either mentally or morally inferior to what they might otherwise have had a right to expect. But the prenatal influences may be such that evils arising from such may be modified to a great degree. 4. FORMATION OF CHARACTER.--I believe that pre-natal influences may do as much in the formation of character as all the education that can come after, and that the mother may, in a measure, "will" what that influence shall be, and that, as knowledge on the subject increases, it will be more and more under their control. In that, as in everything else, things that would be possible with one mother would not be with another, and measures that would be successful with one would produce opposite results from the other. 5. INHERITING DISEASE. Consumption--that dread foe of modern life--is the most frequently encountered of all affections as the result of inherited predispositions. Indeed, some of the most eminent physicians have believed it is never produced in any other way. Heart disease, disease of the throat, excessive obesity, affections of the skin, asthma, disorders of the brain and nervous system, gout, rheumatism and cancer, are all hereditary. A tendency to bleed frequently, profusely and uncontrollably, from trifling wounds, is often met with as a family affection. 6. MENTAL DERANGEMENTS.--Almost all forms of mental derangements are hereditary--one of the parents or near relation being afflicted. Physical or bodily weakness is often hereditary, such as scrofula, gout, rheumatism, rickets, consumption, apoplexy, hernia, urinary calculi, hemorrhoids or piles, cataract, etc. In fact, all physical weakness, if ingrafted in either parent, is transmitted from parents to offspring, and is often more strongly marked in the latter than in the former. 7. MARKS AND DEFORMITIES.--Marks and deformities are all transmissible from parents to offspring, equally with diseases and peculiar proclivities. Among such blemishes may be mentioned moles, hair-lips, deficient or supernumerary fingers, toes, and other characteristics. It is also asserted that dogs and cats that have accidentally lost their tails, bring forth young similarly deformed. Blumenbach tells of a man who had lost his little finger, having children with the same deformity. 8. CAUTION.--Taking facts like these into consideration, how very important is it for persons, before selecting partners for life, to deliberately weigh every element and circumstances of this nature, if they would insure a felicitous union, and not entail upon their posterity disease, misery and despair. Alas! in too many instances matrimony is made a matter of money, while all earthly joys are sacrificed upon the accursed altars of lust and mammon. [Illustration: Outdoor Sports Good Training For Morals As Well As Health.] * * * * * PREPARATION FOR MATERNITY. 1. WOMAN BEFORE MARRIAGE.--It is not too much to say that the life of women before marriage ought to be adjusted with more reference to their duties as mothers than to any other one earthly object. It is the continuance of the race which is the chief purpose of marriage. The passion of amativeness is probably, on the whole, the most powerful of all human impulses. Its purpose, however, is rather to subserve the object of continuing the species, than merely its own gratification. 2. EXERCISE.--Girls should be brought up to live much in the open air, always with abundant clothing against wet and cold. They should be encouraged to take much active exercise; as much, if they; want to, as boys. It is as good for little girls to run and jump, to ramble in the woods, to go boating, to ride and drive, to play and "have fun" generally, as for little boys. 3. PRESERVE THE SIGHT.--Children should be carefully prevented from using their eyes to read or write, or in any equivalent exertion, either before breakfast, by dim daylight, or by artificial light. Even school studies should be such that they can be dealt with by daylight. Lessons that cannot be learned without lamp-light study are almost certainly excessive. This precaution should ordinarily be maintained until the age of puberty is reached. 4. BATHING.--Bathing should be enforced according to constitutions, not by an invariable rule, except the invariable rule of keeping clean. Not necessarily every day, nor necessarily in cold water; though those conditions are doubtless often right in case of abundant physical health and strength. 5. WRONG HABITS.--The habit of daily natural evacuations should be solicitously formed and maintained. Words or figures could never express the discomforts and wretchedness which wrong habits in this particular have locked down upon innumerable women for years and even for life. 6. DRESS.--Dress should be warm, loose, comely, and modest rather than showy; but it should be good enough to Satisfy a child's desires after a good appearance, if they are reasonable. Children, indeed, should have all their reasonable desires granted as far as possible; for nothing makes them reasonable so rapidly and so surely as to treat them reasonably. 7. TIGHT LACING.--Great harm is often done to maidens for want of knowledge in them, or wisdom and care in their parents. The extremes of fashions are very prone to violate not only taste, but physiology. Such cases are tight lacing, low necked dresses, thin shoes, heavy skirts. And yet, if the ladies only knew, the most attractive costumes are not the extremes of fashion, but those which conform to fashion enough to avoid oddity, which preserve decorum and healthfulness, whether or no; and here is the great secret of successful dress--vary fashion so as to suit the style of the individual. 8. COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.--Last of all, parental care in the use of whatever influence can be exerted in the matter of courtship and marriage. Maidens, as well as youths, must, after all, choose for themselves. It is their own lives which they take in their hands as they enter the marriage state, and not their parents; and as the consequences affect them primarily it is the plainest justice that with the responsibility should be joined the right of choice. The parental influence, then, must be indirect and advisory. Indirect, through the whole bringing up of their daughter; for if they have trained her aright, she will be incapable of enduring a fool, still more a knave. 9. A YOUNG WOMAN AND A YOUNG MAN HAD BETTER NOT BE ALONE TOGETHER VERY MUCH UNTIL THEY ARE MARRIED.--This will be found to prevent a good many troubles. It is not meant to imply that either sex, or any member of it, is worse than another, or bad at all, or anything but human. It is simply the prescription of a safe general rule. It is no more an imputation than the rule that people had better not be left without oversight in presence of large sums of other folks' money. The close personal proximity of the sexes is greatly undesirable before marriage. Kisses and caresses are most properly the monopoly of wives. Such indulgences have a direct and powerful physiological effect. Nay, they often lead to the most fatal results. 10. IGNORANCE BEFORE MARRIAGE.--At some time before marriage those who are to enter into it ought to be made acquainted with some of the plainest common-sense limitations which should govern their new relations to each other. Ignorance in such matters has caused an infinite amount of disgust, pain and unhappiness. It is not necessary to specify particulars here; see other portions of this work. [Illustration: A HEALTHY MOTHER.] * * * * * IMPREGNATION. 1. CONCEPTION OR IMPREGNATION.--Conception or impregnation takes place by the union of the male sperm and female sperm. Whether this is accomplished in the ovaries, the oviducts or the uterus, is still a question of discussion and investigation by physiologists. 2. PASSING OFF THE OVUM.--"With many women," says Dr. Stockham in her Tokology, "the ovum passes off within twenty-four or forty-eight hours after menstruation begins. Some, by careful observation, are able to know with certainty when this takes place. It is often accompanied with malaise, nervousness, headache or actual uterine pain. A minute substance like the white of an egg, with a fleck of blood in it, can frequently be seen upon the clothing. Ladies who have noticed this phenomenon testify to its recurring very regularly upon the same day after menstruation. Some delicate women have observed it as late as the fourteenth day." 3. CALCULATIONS.--Conception is more liable to take place either immediately before or immediately after the period, and, on that account it is usual when calculating the date at which to expect labor, to count from the day of disappearance of the last period. The easiest way to make a calculation is to count back three months from the date of the last period and add seven days; thus we might say that the date was the 18th of July; counting back brings us to the 18th of April, and adding the seven days will bring us to the 25th day of April, the expected time. 4. EVIDENCE OF CONCEPTION.--Very many medical authorities, distinguished in this line, have stated their belief that women never pass more than two or three days at the most beyond the forty weeks conceded to pregnancy--that is two hundred and eighty days or ten lunar months, or nine calendar months and a week. About two hundred and eighty days will represent the average duration of pregnancy, counting from the last day of the last period. Now it must be borne in mind, that there are many disturbing elements which might cause the young married woman to miss a time. During the first month of pregnancy there is no sign by which the condition may be positively known. The missing of a period, especially in a person who has, been regular for some time, may lead one to suspect it; but there are many attendant causes in married life, the little annoyances of household duties, embarrassments, and the enforced gayety which naturally surrounds the bride, and these should all be taken into consideration in the discussion as to whether or not she is pregnant. But then, again, there are some rare cases who have menstruated throughout their pregnancy, and also cases where menstruation was never established and pregnancy occurred. Nevertheless, the non-appearance of the period, with other signs, may be taken as presumptive evidence. 5. "ARTIFICIAL IMPREGNATION".--It may not be generally known that union is not essential to impregnation; it is possible for conception to occur without congress. All that is necessary is that seminal animalcules enter the womb and unite there with the egg or ovum. It is not essential that the semen be introduced through the medium of the male organ, as it has been demonstrated repeatedly that by means of a syringe and freshly obtained and healthy semen, impregnation can be made to follow by its careful introduction. There are physicians in France who make a specialty of "Artificial Impregnation," as it is called, and produce children to otherwise childless couples, being successful in many instances in supplying them as they are desired. * * * * * SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF PREGNANCY. 1. THE FIRST SIGN.--The first sign that leads a lady to suspect that she is pregnant is her ceasing-to-be-unwell. This, provided she has just before been in good health, is a strong symptom of pregnancy; but still there must be others to corroborate it. 2. ABNORMAL CONDITION.--Occasionally, women menstruate during the entire time of gestation. This, without doubt, is an abnormal condition, and should be remedied, as disastrous consequences may result. Also, women have been known to bear children who have never menstruated. The cases are rare of pregnancy taking place where menstruation has never occurred, yet it frequently happens that women never menstruate from one pregnancy to another. In these cases this symptom is ruled out for diagnotic purposes. 3. MAY PROCEED FROM OTHER CAUSES.--But a ceasing-to-be-unwell may proceed from other causes than that of pregnancy such as disease or disorder of the womb or of other organs of the body--especially of the lungs--it is not by itself alone entirely to be depended upon; although, as a single sign, it is, especially if the patient be healthy, one of the most reliable of all the other signs of pregnancy. [Illustration: EMBRYO OF TWENTY DAYS, LAID OPEN: _b_, the Back; _a a a_ Covering, and pinned to Back.] 4. MORNING SICKNESS.--If this does not arise from a disordered stomach, it is a trustworthy sign of pregnancy. A lady who has once had morning-sickness can always for the future distinguish it from each and from every other sickness; it is a peculiar sickness, which no other sickness can simulate. Moreover, it is emphatically a morning-sickness--the patient being, as a rule, for the rest of the day entirely free from sickness or from the feeling of sickness. 5. A THIRD SYMPTOM.--A third symptom is shooting, throbbing and lancinating pains in, and enlargement of the breasts, with soreness of the nipples, occurring about the second month. In some instances, after the first few months, a small quantity of watery fluid or a little milk, may be squeezed out or them. This latter symptom, in a first pregnancy, is valuable, and can generally be relied on as fairly conclusive of pregnancy. Milk in the breast, however small it may be in quantity, especially in a first pregnancy, is a reliable sign, indeed, we might say, a certain sign, of pregnancy. 6. A DARK BROWN AREOLA OR MARK around the nipple is one of the distinguishing signs of pregnancy--more especially of a first pregnancy. Women who have had large families, seldom, even when they are not pregnant, lose this mark entirely; but when they are pregnant it is more intensely dark--the darkest brown--especially if they be brunettes. 7. QUICKENING.--Quickening is one of the most important signs of pregnancy, and one of the most valuable, as at the moment it occurs, as a rule, the motion of the child is first felt, whilst, at the same time, there is a sudden increase in the size of the abdomen. Quickening is a proof that nearly half the time of pregnancy has passed. If there be liability to miscarry, quickening makes matters more safe, as there is less likelihood of a miscarriage after than before it. A lady at this time frequently feels faint or actually faints away; she is often giddy, or sick, or nervous, and in some instances even hysterically; although, in rare cases, some women do not even know the precise time when they quicken. 8. INCREASED SIZE AND HARDNESS OF THE ABDOMEN.--This is very characteristic of pregnancy. When a lady is not pregnant the abdomen is soft and flaccid; when she is pregnant, and after she has quickened, the abdomen; over the region of the womb, is hard and resisting. [Illustration: EMBRYO AT THIRTY DAYS _a_, the Head; _b_, the Eyes; _d_ the Neck; _e_, the Chest; _f_, the Abdomen.] 9. EXCITABILITY OF MIND.--Excitability of mind is very common in pregnancy, more especially if the patient be delicate; indeed, excitability is a sign of debility, and requires plenty of good nourishment, but few stimulants. 10. ERUPTIONS ON THE SKIN.--Principally on the face, neck, or throat, are tell-tales of pregnancy, and to an experienced matron, publish the fact that an acquaintance thus marked is pregnant. 11. THE FOETAL HEART.--In the fifth month there is a sign which, if detected, furnishes indubitable evidence of conception, and that is the sound of the child's heart. If the ear be placed on the abdomen, over the womb, the beating of the foetal heart can sometimes be heard quite plainly, and by the use of an instrument called the stethoscope, the sounds can be still more plainly heard. This is a very valuable sign, inasmuch as the presence of the child is not only ascertained, but also its position, and whether there are twins or more. [Illustration: Baby Elizabeth, Brought Into the World by the "Twilight Sleep" Method. It Robs Child Bearing of Most of Its Terrors.] * * * * * DISEASES OF PREGNANCY. 1. COSTIVE STATE OF THE BOWELS.--A costive state of the bowels is common in pregnancy; a mild laxative is therefore occasionally necessary. The mildest must be selected, as a strong purgative is highly improper, and even dangerous. Calomel and all other preparations of mercury are to be especially avoided, as a mercurial medicine is apt to weaken the system, and sometimes even to produce a miscarriage. Let me again urge the importance of a lady, during the whole period of pregnancy, being particular as to the state of her bowels, as costiveness is a fruitful cause of painful, tedious and hard labors. 2. LAXATIVES.--The best laxatives are caster oil, salad oil, compound rhubarb pills, honey, stewed prunes, stewed rhubarb, Muscatel raisins, figs, grapes, roasted apples, baked pears, stewed Normandy pippins, coffee, brown-bread and treacle. Scotch oatmeal made with new milk or water, or with equal parts of milk and water. 3. PILLS.--When the motions are hard, and when the bowels are easily acted upon, two, or three, or four pills made of Castile soap will frequently answer the purpose; and if they will, are far better than any other ordinary laxative. The following is a good form. Take of: Castile Soap, five scruples; Oil of Caraway, six drops; To make twenty-four pills. Two, or three, or four to be taken at bedtime, occasionally. 4. HONEY.--A teaspoonful of honey, either eaten at breakfast or dissolved in a cup of tea, will frequently, comfortably and effectually, open the bowels, and will supersede the necessity of taking laxative medicine. 5. NATURE'S MEDICINES.--Now, Nature's medicines--exercise in the open air, occupation, and household duties--on the contrary, not only at the time open the bowels, but keep up a proper action for the future; her--their inestimable superiority. 6. WARM WATER INJECTIONS.--An excellent remedy for costiveness of pregnancy is an enema, either of warm water, or of Castile soap and water, which the patient, by means of a self-injecting enema-apparatus, may administer to herself. The quantity of warm water to be used, is from half a pint to a pint; the proper heat is the temperature of new milk; the time for administering it is early in the morning, twice or three times a week. 7. MUSCULAR PAINS OF THE ABDOMEN.--The best remedy is an abdominal belt constructed for pregnancy, and adjusted with proper straps and buckles to accomodate the gradually increasing size of the womb. This plan often affords great comfort and relief; indeed, such a belt is indispensably necessary. 8. DIARRHEA.--Although the bowels in pregnancy are generally costive, they are sometimes in an opposite state, and are relaxed. Now, this relaxation is frequently owing to there having been prolonged constipation, and Nature is trying to relieve herself by purging. Do not check it, but allow it to have its course, and take a little rhubarb or magnesia. The diet should be simple, plain, and nourishing, and should consist of beef tea, chicken broth, arrow-root, and of well-made and well-boiled oatmeal gruel. Butcher's meat, for a few days, should not be eaten; and stimulants of all kinds must be avoided. 9. FIDGETS.--A pregnant lady sometimes suffers severely from "fidgets"; it generally affects her feet and legs, especially at night, so as to entirely destroy her sleep; she cannot lie still; she every few minutes moves, tosses and tumbles about--first on one side, then on the other. The causes of "fidgets" are a heated state of the blood; an irritable condition of the nervous system, prevailing at that particular time; and want of occupution. The treatment of "fidgets" consists of: sleeping in a well-ventilated apartment, with either window or door open; a thorough ablution of the whole body every morning, and a good washing with tepid water of the face, neck, chest, arms and hands every night; shunning hot and close rooms; taking plenty of out-door exercise; living on a bland, nourishing, put not rich diet; avoiding meat at night, and substituting in lieu thereof, either a cupful of arrow-root made with milk, or of well-boiled oatmeal gruel. 10. EXERCISE.--If a lady, during the night, have the "fidgets," she should get out of bed; take a short walk up and down the room, being well protected by a dressing-gown; empty her bladders turn, her pillow, so as to have the cold side next the head; and then lie down again; and the chances are that she will now fall asleep. If during the day she have the "fidgets," a ride in an open carriage; or a stroll in the garden, or in the fields; or a little housewifery, will do her good, and there is nothing like fresh air, exercise, and occupation to drive away "the fidgets." 11. HEARTBURN.--Heartburn is a common and often a distressing symptom of pregnancy. The acid producing the heartburn is frequently much increased by an overloaded stomach. An abstemious diet ought to be strictly observed. Great attention should be paid to the quality of the food. Greens, pastry, hot buttered toast, melted butter, and everything that is rich and gross, ought to be carefully avoided. Either a teaspoonful of heavy calcined magnesia, or half a teaspoonful of carbonate of soda--the former to be preferred if there be constipation--should occasionally be taken in a wine-glassful of warm water. If these do not relieve--the above directions as to diet having been strictly attended to--the following mixture ought to be tried. Take of: Carbonate of Ammonia, half a drachm; Bicarbonate of Soda, a drachm and a half; Water, eight ounces; To make a mixture: Two tablespoonfuls to be taken twice or three times a day, until relief be obtained. 12. WIND IN THE STOMACH AND BOWELS.--This is a frequent reason why a pregnant lady cannot sleep at night. The two most frequent causes of flatulence are, first, the want of walking exercise during the day, and second, the eating of a hearty meal just before going to bed at night. The remedies are, of course, in each instance, self-evident. 13. SWOLLEN LEGS FROM ENLARGED VEINS (VARICOSE VEINS.)--The veins are frequently much enlarged and distended, causing the legs to be greatly swollen and very painful, preventing the patient from taking proper walking exercise. Swollen legs are owing to the pressure of the womb upon the blood-vessels above. Women who have had large families are more liable than others to varicose veins. If a lady marry late in life, or if she be very heavy in pregnancy carrying the child low down she is more likely to have distention of the veins. The best plan will be for her to wear during the day an elastic stocking, which ought to be made on purpose for her, in order that it may properly fit the leg and foot. 14. STRETCHING OF THE SKIN OF THE ABDOMEN. This is frequently, in a first pregnancy, distressing, from the soreness it causes. The best remedy is to rub the abdomen, every night and morning, with warm camphorated oil, and to wear a belt during the day and a broad flannel bandage at night, both of which should be put on moderately but comfortably tight. The belt must be secured in its situation by means of properly adjusted straps. 15. BEFORE THE APPROACH OF LABOR.--The patient, before the approach of labor, ought to take particular care to have the bowels gently opened, as during that state a costive state greatly increases her sufferings, and lengthens the period of her labor. A gentle action is all that is necessary; a violent one would do more harm than good. 16. SWOLLEN AND PAINFUL BREASTS. The breasts are, at times, during pregnancy, much swollen and very painful; and, now and then, they; cause the patient great uneasiness, as she fancies that she is going to have either some dreadful tumor or a gathering of the bosom. There need, in such a case, be no apprehension. The swelling and the pain are the consequences of the pregnancy, and will in due time subside without any unpleasant result. For treatment she cannot do better than rub them well, every night and morning, with equal parts of Eau de Cologne and olive oil, and wear a piece of new flannel over them; taking care to cover the nipples with soft linen, as the friction of the flannel might irritate them. 17. BOWEL COMPLAINTS. Bowel complaints, during pregnancy, are not unfrequent. A dose either of rhubarb and magnesia, or of castor oil, are the best remedies, and are generally, in the way of medicine, all that is necessary. 18. CRAMPS. Cramps of the legs and of the thighs during the latter period, and especially at night, are apt to attend pregnancy, and are caused by the womb pressing upon the nerves which extend to the lower extremities. Treatment. Tightly tie a handkerchief, folded like a neckerchief, round the limb a little above the part affected, and let it remain on for a few minutes. Friction by means of the hand either with opodeldoc or with laudanum, taking care not to drink the lotion by mistake, will also give relief. 19. THE WHITES. The whites during pregnancy, especially during the latter months, and particularly if the lady have had many children, are frequently troublesome, and are, in a measure, occasioned by the pressure of the womb on the parts below, causing irritation. The best way, therefore, to obviate such pressure is for the patient to lie down a great part of each day either on a bed or a sofa. She ought to retire early to rest: she should sleep on a hair mattress and in a well ventilated apartment, and should not overload her bed with clothes. A thick, heavy quilt at these times, and indeed at all times, is particularly objectionable; the perspiration cannot pass readily through it as through blankets, and thus she is weakened. She ought to live on plain, wholesome, nourishing food; and she must abstain from beer and wine and spirits. The bowels ought to be gently opened by means of a Seidlitz powder, which should occasionally be taken early in the morning. [Illustration: A PRECIOUS FLOWER.] 20. IRRITATION AND ITCHING OF THE EXTERNAL PARTS.--This is a most troublesome affection, and may occur at any time, but more especially during the latter period of the pregnancy. Let her diet be simple and nourishing; let her avoid stimulants of all kinds. Let her take a sitz-bath of warm water, considerably salted. Let her sit in the bath with the body thoroughly covered. 21. HOT AND INFLAMED.--The external parts, and the passage to the womb (vagina), in these cases, are not only irritable and itching, but are sometimes hot and inflamed, and are covered either with small pimples, or with a whitish exudation of the nature of aphtha (thrush), somewhat similar to the thrush on the mouth of an infant; then, the addition of glycerine to the lotion is a great improvement and usually gives much relief. 22. BILIOUSNESS[Footnote: Some of these valuable suggestions are taken from "Parturition Without Pain," by Dr. M.L. Holbrook.] is defined by some one as piggishness. Generally it may be regarded as _overfed_. The elements of the bile are in the blood in excess of the power of the liver to eliminate them. This may be caused either from the superabundance of the materials from which the bile is made or by inaction of the organ itself. Being thus retained the system is _clogged_. It is the result of either too much food in quantity or too rich in quality. Especially is it caused by the excessive use of _fats and sweets_. The simplest remedy is the best. A plain, light diet with plenty of acid fruits, avoiding fats and sweets, will ameliorate or remove it. Don't force the appetite. Let hunger demand food. In the morning the sensitiveness of the stomach may be relieved by taking before rising a cup of hot water, hot milk, hot lemonade, rice or barley water, selecting according to preference. For this purpose many find coffee made from browned wheat or corn the best drink. Depend for a time upon liquid food that can be taken up by absorbents. The juice of lemons and other acid fruits is usually grateful, and assists in assimilating any excess in nutriment. These may be diluted according to taste. With many, an egg lemonade proves relishing and acceptable. 23. DERANGED APPETITE.--Where the appetite fails, let the patient go without eating for a little while, say for two or three meals. If, however, the strength begins to go, try the offering of some unexpected delicacy; or give small quantities of nourishing food, as directed in case of morning sickness. 24. PILES.--For cases of significance consult a physician. As with constipation, so with piles, its frequent result, fruit diet, exercise, and sitz-bath regimen will do much to prevent the trouble. Frequent local applications of a cold compress, and even of ice, and tepid water injections, are of great service. Walking or standing aggravate this complaint. Lying down alleviates it. Dr. Shaw says, "There is nothing in the world that will produce so great relief in piles as fasting. If the fit is severe, live a whole day, or even two, if necessary, upon pure soft cold water alone. Give then very lightly of vegetable food." 25. TOOTHACHE.--There is a sort of proverb that a woman loses one tooth every time she has a child. Neuralgic toothache during pregnancy is, at any rate, extremely common, and often has to be endured. It is generally thought not best to have teeth extracted during pregnancy, as the shock to the nervous system has sometimes caused miscarriage. To wash out the mouth morning and night with cold or lukewarm water and salt is often of use. If the teeth are decayed, consult a good dentist in the early stages of pregnancy, and have the offending teeth properly dressed. Good dentists, in the present state of the science, extract very few teeth, but save them. 26. SALIVATION.--Excessive secretion of the saliva has usually been reckoned substantially incurable. Fasting, cold water treatment, exercise and fruit diet may be relied on to prevent, cure or alleviate it, where this is possible, as it frequently is. 27. HEADACHE.--This is, perhaps, almost as common in cases of pregnancy as "morning sickness." It may be from determination of blood to the head, from constipation or indigestion, constitutional "sick headache," from neuralgia, from a cold, from rheumatism. Correct living will prevent much headache trouble; and where this does not answer the purpose, rubbing and making magnetic passes over the head by the hand of some healthy magnetic person will often prove of great service. 28. LIVER-SPOTS.--These, on the face, must probably be endured, as no trustworthy way of driving them off is known. 29. JAUNDICE.--See the doctor. 30. PAIN ON THE RIGHT SIDE.--This is liable to occur from about the fifth to the eighth month, and is attributed to the pressure of the enlarging womb upon the liver. Proper living is most likely to alleviate it. Wearing a wet girdle in daytime or a wet compress at night, sitz-baths, and friction with the wet hand may also be tried. If the pain is severe a mustard poultice may be used. Exercise should be carefully moderated if found to increase the pain. If there is fever and inflammation with it, consult a physician. It is usually not dangerous, but uncomfortable only. 31. PALPITATION OF THE HEART.--To be prevented by healthy living and calm, good humor. Lying down will often gradually relieve it, so will a compress wet with water, as hot as can be borne, placed over the heart and renewed as often as it gets cool. 32. FAINTING.--Most likely to be caused by "quickening," or else by tight dress, bad air, over-exertion, or other unhealthy living. It is not often dangerous. Lay the patient in an easy posture, the head rather low than high, and where cool air may blow across the face; loosen the dress if tight; sprinkle cold water on the face and hands. 33. SLEEPLESSNESS.--Most likely to be caused by incorrect living, and to be prevented and cured by the opposite. A glass or two of cold water drank deliberately on going to bed often helps one to go to sleep; so does bathing the face and hands and the feet in cold water. A short nap in the latter part of the forenoon can sometimes be had, and is of use. Such a nap ought not to be too long, or it leaves a heavy feeling; it should be sought with the mind in a calm state, in a well-ventilated though darkened room, and with the clothing removed, as at night. A similar nap in the afternoon is not so good, but is better than nothing. The tepid sitz-bath on going to bed will often produce sleep, and so will gentle percussion given by an attendant with palms of the hand over the back for a few minutes on retiring. To secure sound sleep do not read, write or severely tax the mind in the evening. * * * * * MORNING SICKNESS. 1. A pregnant woman is especially liable to suffer many forms of dyspepsia, nervous troubles, sleeplessness, etc. 2. MORNING SICKNESS is the most common and is the result of an irritation in the womb, caused by some derangement, and it is greatly irritated by the habit of indulging in sexual gratification during pregnancy. If people would imitate the lower animals and reserve the vital forces of the mother for the benefit of her unborn child, it would be a great boon to humanity. Morning sickness may begin the next day after conception, but it usually appears from two to three weeks after the beginning of pregnancy and continues with more or less severity from two to four months. 3. HOME TREATMENT FOR MORNING SICKNESS.--Avoid all highly seasoned and rich food. Also avoid strong tea and coffee. Eat especially light and simple suppers at five o'clock and no later than six. Some simple broths, such as will be found in the cooking department of this book will be very nourishing and soothing. Coffee made from brown wheat or corn is an excellent remedy to use. The juice of lemons reduced with water will sometimes prove very effectual. A good lemonade with an egg well stirred is very nourishing and toning to the stomach. 4. HOT FOMENTATION on the stomach and liver is excellent, and warm and hot water injections are highly beneficial. 5. A little powdered magnesia at bed time, taken in a little milk, will often give almost permanent relief. 6. Avoid corsets or any other pressure upon the stomach. All garments must be worn loosely. In many cases this will entirely prevent all stomach disturbances. * * * * * RELATION OF HUSBAND AND WIFE DURING PREGNANCY. 1. MISCARRIAGE.--If the wife is subject to miscarriage every precaution should be employed to prevent its happening again. Under such exceptional circumstances the husband should sleep apart the first five months of pregnancy; after that length of time, the ordinary relation may be assumed. If miscarriage has taken place, intercourse should be avoided for a month or six weeks at least after the accident. 2. IMPREGNATION.--Impregnation is the only mission of intercourse, and after that has taken place, intercourse can subserve no other purpose than sensual gratification. 3. WOMAN MUST JUDGE.--Every man should recognize the fact that woman is the sole umpire as to when, how frequent, and under what circumstances, connection should take place. Her desires should not be ignored, for her likes and dislikes are--as seen in another part of this book--easily impressed upon the unborn child. If she is strong and healthy there is no reason why passion should not be gratified with moderation and caution during the whole period of pregnancy, but she must be the sole judge and her desires supreme. 4. VOLUNTARY INSTANCES.--No voluntary instances occur through the entire animal kingdom. All females repel with force and fierceness the approaches of the male. The human family is the only exception. A man that loves his wife, however, will respect her under all circumstances and recognize her condition and yield to her wishes. * * * * * A PRIVATE WORD TO THE EXPECTANT MOTHER. Elizabeth Cady Stanton, in a lecture to ladies, thus strongly states her views regarding maternity and painless childbirth: "We must educate our daughters to think that motherhood is grand, and that God never cursed it. And this curse, if it be a curse, may be rolled off, as man has rolled away the curse of labor; as the curse has been rolled from the descendants of Ham. My mission is to preach this new gospel. If you suffer, it is not because you are cursed of God, but because you violate His laws. What an incubus it would take from woman could she be educated to know that the pains of maternity are no curse upon her kind. We know that among the Indians the squaws do not suffer in childbirth. They will step aside from the ranks, even on the march, and return in a short time to them with the new-born child. What an absurdity then, to suppose that only enlightened Christian women are cursed. But one word of fact is worth a volume of philosophy; let me give you some of my own experience. I am the mother of seven children. My girlhood was spent mostly in the open air. I early imbibed the idea that a girl was just as good as a boy, and I carried it out. I would walk five miles before breakfast or ride ten on horseback. After I was married I wore my clothing sensibly. Their weight hung entirely on my shoulders. I never compressed my body out of its natural shape. When my first four children were born, I suffered very little. I then made up my mind that it was totally unnecessary for me to suffer at all; so I dressed lightly, walked every day, lived as much as possible in the open air, ate no condiments or spices, kept quiet, listened to music, looked at pictures, and took proper care of myself. The night before the birth of the child I walked three miles. The child was born without a particle of pain. I bathed it and dressed it, and it weighed ten and one-half pounds. That same day I dined with the family. Everybody said I would surely die, but I never had a relapse or a moment's inconvenience from it. I know this is not being delicate and refined, but if you would be vigorous and healthy, in spite of the diseases of your ancestors, and your own disregard of nature's laws, try it." * * * * * SHALL PREGNANT WOMEN WORK? 1. OVER-WORKED MOTHERS.--Children born of over-worked mothers, are liable to a be dwarfed and puny race. However, their chances are better than those of the children of inactive, dependent, indolent mothers who have neither brain nor muscle to transmit to son or daughter. The truth seems to be that excessive labor, with either body or mind, is alike injurious to both men and women; and herein lies the sting of that old curse. This paragraph suggests all that need be said on the question whether pregnant women should or should not labor. 2. FOOLISHLY IDLE.--At least it is certain that they should not be foolishly idle; and on the other hand, it is equally certain that they should be relieved from painful laborious occupations that exhaust and unfit them for happiness. Pleasant and useful physical and intellectual occupation, however, will not only do no harm, but positive good. 3. THE BEST MAN AND THE BEST WOMAN.--The best man is he who can rear the best child, and the best woman is she who can rear the best child. We very properly extol to the skies Harriet Hosmer, the artist, for cutting in marble the statue of a Zenobia; how much more should we sing praises to the man and the woman who bring into the world a noble boy or girl. The one is a piece of lifeless beauty, the other a piece of life Including all beauty, all possibilities. [Illustration] * * * * * WORDS FOR YOUNG MOTHERS. The act of nursing is sometimes painful to the mother, especially before the habit is fully established. The discomfort is greatly increased if the skin that covers the nipples is tender and delicate. The suction pulls it off leaving them in a state in which the necessary pressure of the child's lips cause intense agony. This can be prevented in a great measure, says Elizabeth Robinson Scovil, in _Ladies' Home Journal_, if not entirely, by bathing the nipples twice a day for six weeks before the confinement with powdered alum dissolved in alcohol; or salt dissolved in brandy. If there is any symptom of the skin cracking when the child begins; to nurse, they should be painted with a mixture of tannin and glycerine. This must be washed off before the baby touches them and renewed when it leaves them. If they are very painful, the doctor will probably order morphia added to the mixture. A rubber nipple shield to be put on at the time of nursing, is a great relief. If the nipples are retracted or drawn inward, they can be drawn out painlessly by filling a pint bottle with boiling water, emptying it and quickly applying the mouth over the nipple. As the air in the bottle cools, it condenses, leaving a vacuum and the nipple is pushed out by the air behind it. When the milk accumulates or "cakes" in the breast in hard patches, they should be rubbed very gently, from the base upwards, with warm camphorated oil. The rubbing should be the lightest, most delicate stroking, avoiding pressure. If lumps appear at the base of the breast and it is red swollen and painful, cloths wrung out of cold water should be applied and the doctor sent for. While the breast is full and hard all over, not much apprehension need be felt. It is when lumps appear that the physician should be notified, that he may, if possible, prevent the formation of abscesses. While a woman is nursing she should eat plenty of nourishing food--milk, oatmeal, cracked wheat, and good juicy, fresh meat, boiled, roasted, or broiled, but not fried. Between each meal, before going to bed, and once during the night, she should take a cup of cocoa, gruel made with milk; good beef tea, mutton broth, or any warm, nutritive drink. Tea and coffee are to be avoided. It is important to keep the digestion in order and the bowels should be carefully regulated as a means to this end. If necessary, any of the laxative mineral waters can be used for this purpose, or a teaspoonful of compound licorice powder taken at night. Powerful cathartic medicines should be avoided because of their effect upon the baby. The child should be weaned at nine months old, unless this time comes in very hot weather, or the infant is so delicate that a change of food would be injurious. If the mother is not strong her nurseling will sometimes thrive better upon artificial food than on its natural nourishment. By gradually lengthening the interval between the nursing and feeding the child, when it is hungry, the weaning can be accomplished without much trouble. A young mother should wear warm underclothing, thick stockings and a flannel jacket over her night dress, unless she is in the habit of wearing an under vest. If the body is not protected by warm clothing there is an undue demand upon the nervous energy to keep up the vital heat, and nerve force is wasted by the attempt to compel the system to do what ought to be done for it by outside means. [Illustration] * * * * * HOW TO HAVE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN. 1. PARENTAL INFLUENCE.--The art of having handsome children has been a question that has interested the people of all ages and of all nationalities. There is no longer a question as to the influence that parents may and do exert upon their offspring, and it is shown in other parts of this book that beauty depends largely on the condition of health at the time of conception. It is therefore of no little moment that parents should guard carefully their own health as well as that of their children, that they may develop a vigorous constitution. There cannot be beauty without good health. 2. MARRYING TOO EARLY.--We know that marriage at too early an age, or too late in life, is apt to produce imperfectly developed children, both mentally and physically. The causes are self-evident: A couple marrying too young, they lack maturity and consequently will impart weakness to their offspring; while on the other hand persons marrying late in life fail to find that normal condition which is conducive to the health and vigor of offspring. 3. CROSSING OF TEMPERAMENTS AND NATIONALITIES.--The Crossing of temperaments and nationalities beautifies offspring. If young persons of different nationalities marry, their children under proper hygienic laws are generally handsome and healthy. For instance, an American and German or an Irish and German uniting in marriage, produces better looking children than those marrying in the same nationality. Persons of different temperaments uniting in marriage, always produces a good effect upon offspring. 4. THE PROPER TIME.--To obtain the best results, conception should take place only when both parties are in the best physical condition. If either parent is in any way indisposed at the time of conception the results will be seen in the health of the child. Many children brought in the world with diseases or other infirmities stamped upon their feeble frames show the indiscretion and ignorance of parents. 5. DURING PREGNANCY.--During pregnancy the mother should take time for self improvement and cultivate an interest for admiring beautiful pictures or engravings which represent cheerful and beautiful figures. Secure a few good books illustrating art, with some fine representations of statues and other attractive pictures. The purchase of several illustrated an journals might answer the purpose. 6. WHAT TO AVOID.--Pregnant mothers should avoid thinking of ugly people, or those marked by any deformity or disease; avoid injury, fright and disease of any kind. Also avoid ungraceful position and awkward attitude, but cultivate grace and beauty in herself. Avoid difficulty with neighbors or other trouble. 7. GOOD CARE.--She should keep herself in good physical condition, and the system well nourished, as a want of food always injures the child. 8. THE IMPROVEMENT OF THE MIND.--The mother should read suitable articles in newspapers or good books, keep her mind occupied. If she cultivates a desire for intellectual improvement, the same desire will be more or less manifested in the growth and development of the child. 9. LIKE PRODUCES LIKE, everywhere and always--in general forms and in particular features--in mental qualities and in bodily conditions--in tendencies of thought and in habits of action. Let this grand truth be deeply impressed upon the hearts of all who desire or expect to become parents. 10. HEREDITY.--Male children generally inherit the peculiar traits and diseases of the mother and female children those of the father. 11. ADVICE.--Therefore it is urged that during the period of utero-gestation, especial pains should be taken to render the life of the female as harmonious as possible, that her surroundings should all be of a nature calculated to inspire the mind with thoughts of physical and mental beauties and perfections, and that she should be guarded against all influences, of whatever character, having a deteriorative tendency. [Illustration] [Illustration: THE BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY.] * * * * * EDUCATION OF THE CHILD IN THE WOMB. "A lady once interviewed a prominent college president and asked him when the education of a child should begin. 'Twenty-five years before it is born,' was the prompt reply." No better answer was ever given to that question Every mother may well consider it. 1. THE UNBORN CHILD AFFECTED BY THE THOUGHTS AND THE SURROUNDINGS OF THE MOTHER.--That the child is affected in the womb of the mother, through the influences apparently connected with objects by which she is surrounded, appears to have been well known in ancient days, as well as at the present time. 2. EVIDENCES.--Many evidences are found in ancient history, especially among the refined nations, showing that certain expedients were resorted to by which their females, during the period of utero-gestation, were surrounded by the superior refinements of the age, with the hope of thus making upon them impressions which should have the effect of communicating certain desired qualities to the offspring. For this reason apartments were adorned with statuary and paintings, and special pains were taken not only to convey favorable impressions, but also to guard against unfavorable ones being made, upon the mind of the pregnant woman. 3. HANKERING AFTER GIN.--A certain mother while pregnant, longed for gin, which could not be gotten; and her child cried incessantly for six weeks till gin was given it, which it eagerly clutched and drank with ravenous greediness, stopped crying, and became healthy. 4. BEGIN TO EDUCATE CHILDREN AT CONCEPTION, and continue during their entire carriage. Yet maternal study, of little account before the sixth, after it, is most promotive of talents; which, next to goodness are the father's joy and the mother's pride. What pains are taken after they are born, to render them prodigies of learning, by the best of schools and teachers from their third year; whereas their mother's study, three months before their birth, would improve their intellects infinitely more. 5. MOTHERS, DOES GOD THUS PUT the endowment of your darlings into your moulding power? Then tremble in view of its necessary responsibilities, and learn how to wield them for their and your temporal and eternal happiness. [Illustration] 6. QUALITIES OF THE MIND.--The Qualities of the mind are perhaps as much liable to hereditary transmission as bodily configuration. Memory, intelligence, judgment, imagination, passions, diseases, and what is usually called genius, are often very markedly traced in the offspring.--I have known mental impressions forcibly impressed upon the offspring at the time of conception, as concomitant of some peculiar eccentricity, idiosyncrasy, morbidness, waywardness, irritability, or proclivity of either one or both parents. 7. THE PLASTIC BRAIN.--The plastic brain of the foetus is prompt to receive all impressions. It retains them, and they become the characteristics of the child and the man. Low spirits, violent passions, irritability, frivolity, in the pregnant woman, leave indelible marks on the unborn child. 8. FORMATION OF CHARACTER.--I believe that pre-natal influences may do as much in the formation of character as all the education that can come after, and that mothers may, in a measure, "will," what that influence shall be, and that, as knowledge on the subject increases, it will be more and more under their control. In that, as in everything else, things that would be possible with one mother would not be with another, and measures that would be successful with one would produce opposite results from the other. 9. A HISTORICAL ILLUSTRATION.--A woman rode side by side with her soldier husband, and witnessed the drilling of troops for battle. The scene inspired her with a deep longing to see a battle and share in the excitements of the conquerors. This was but a few months before her boy was born, and his name was Napoleon. 10. A MUSICIAN.--The following was reported by Dr. F.W. Moffatt, in the mother's own language, "When I was first pregnant, I wished my offspring to be a musician, so, during the period of that pregnancy, settled my whole mind on music, and attended every musical entertainment I possibly could. I had my husband, who has a violin, to play for me by the hour. When the child was born, it was a girl, which grew and prospered, and finally became an expert musician." 11. MURDEROUS INTENT.--The mother of a young man, who was hung not long ago, was heard to say: "I tried to get rid of him before he was born; and, oh, how I wish now that I had succeeded!" She added that it was the only time she had attempted anything of the sort; but, because of home troubles, she became desperate, and resolved that her burdens should not be made any greater. Does it not seem probable that the murderous intent, even though of short duration, was communicated to the mind of the child, and resulted in the crime for which he was hung? 12. THE ASSASSIN OF GARFIELD.--Guiteau's father was a man of integrity and conquerable intellectual ability. His children were born in quick succession, and the mother was obliged to work very hard. Before this child was born, she resorted to every means, though unsuccessful, to produce abortion. The world knows the result. Guiteau's whole life was full of contradictions. There was little self-controlling power in him; no common sense, and not a vestige or remorse or shame. In his wild imagination, he believed himself capable of doing the greatest work and of filling the loftiest station in life. Who will dare question that this mother's effort to destroy him while in embryo was the main cause in bringing him to the level of the brutes? 13. CAUTION.--Any attempt, on the part of the mother, to destroy her child before birth, is liable, if unsuccessful, to produce murderous tendencies. Even harboring murderous thoughts, whether toward her own child or not, might be followed by similar results. "The great King of kings Hath in the table of His law commanded That thou shall do no murder. Wilt thou, then, Spurn at His edict, and fulfill a man's? Take heed, for He holds vengeance in His hand To hurl upon their heads that break his law." --RICHARD III., _Act I._ [Illustration: The Embryo In Sixty Days.] * * * * * HOW TO CALCULATE THE TIME OF EXPECTED LABOR. 1. The table on the opposite page has been very accurately compiled, and will be very helpful to those who desire the exact time. 2. The duration of pregnancy is from 278 to 280 days, or nearly forty weeks. The count should be made from the beginning of the last menstruation, and add eight days on account of the possibility of it occurring within that period. The heavier the child the longer is the duration; the younger the woman the longer time it often requires. The duration is longer in married than in unmarried women; the duration is liable to be longer if the child is a female. 3. MOVEMENT.--The first movement is generally felt on the 135th day after impregnation. 4. GROWTH OF THE EMBRYO.--About the twentieth day the embryo resembles the appearance of an ant or lettuce seed; the 30th day the embryo is as large as a common horse fly; the 40th day the form resembles that of a person; in sixty days the limbs begin to form, and in four months the embryo takes the name of foetus. 5. Children born after seven or eight months can survive and develop to maturity. [Illustration: DURATION OF PREGNANCY.] DIRECTIONS.--Find in the upper horizontal line the date on which the last menstruation ceased; the figure beneath gives the date of expected confinement (280 days). Jan. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Oct. 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 Jan. 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Oct. 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Nov. Feb. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Nov. 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 Feb. 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 Nov. 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Dec. Mar. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Dec. 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 Mar. 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Dec. 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 1 2 3 4 5 Jan. Apr. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Jan. 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 Apr. 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Jan. 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 1 2 3 4 5 Feb. May 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Feb. 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 May 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Feb. 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Mar. June 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Mar. 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 June 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 Mar. 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 1 2 3 4 5 6 Apr. July 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Apr. 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 July 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 Apr. 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 1 2 3 4 5 May Aug. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 May 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 Aug. 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 May 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 June Sep. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 June 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 Sep. 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 June 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 1 2 3 4 5 6 July Oct. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 July 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 Oct. 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 July 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Aug. Nov. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Aug. 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 Nov. 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 Aug. 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 1 2 3 4 5 6 Sep. Dec. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Sep. 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 Dec. 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Sep. 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Oct. [Illustration: If menstruation ceased Oct. 31, the confinement will take place July 18.] * * * * * THE SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF LABOR. 1. Although the majority of patients, a day or two before the labor comes on, are more bright and cheerful, some few are more anxious, fanciful, fidgety and reckless. 2. A few days, sometimes a few hours, before labor commences, the child "falls" as it is called; that is to say, there is a subsidence--a dropping--of the womb lower down the abdomen. This is the reason why she feels lighter and more comfortable, and more inclined to take exercise, and why she can breathe more freely. 3. The only inconvenience of the dropping of the womb is, that the womb presses more on the bladder, and sometimes causes an irritability of that organ, inducing a frequent desire to make water. The wearing the obstetric belt, as so particularly enjoined in previous pages, will greatly mitigate this inconvenience. 4. The subsidence--the dropping--of the womb may then be considered one of the earliest of the precursory symptoms of child-birth, and as the herald of the coming event. 5. She has, at this time, an increased moisture of the vagina--the passage leading to the womb--and of the external parts. She has, at length, slight pains, and then she has a "show," as it is called; which is the coming away of a mucous plug which, during pregnancy, had hermetically sealed up the mouth of the womb. The "show" is generally tinged with a little blood. When a "show" takes place, she may rest assured that labor has actually commenced. One of the early symptoms of labor is a frequent desire to relieve the bladder. 6. She ought not, on any account, unless it be ordered by the medical man, to take any stimulant as a remedy for the shivering. In case of shivering or chills, a cup either of hot lea or of hot gruel will be the best remedy for the shivering; and an extra blanket or two should be thrown over her, and be well tucked around her, in order to thoroughly exclude the air from the body. The extra clothing, as soon as she is warm and perspiring, should be gradually removed, as she ought not to be kept very hot, or it will weaken her, and will thus retard her labor. 7. She must not, on any account, force down--as her female friends or as a "pottering" old nurse may advise--to "grinding pains"; if sue does, it will rather retard than forward her labor. 8. During this stage, she had better walk about or sit down, and not confine herself to bed; indeed, there is no necessity for her, unless she particularly desire it, to remain in her chamber. 9. After an uncertain length of time, the pains alter in character. From being "grinding" they become "bearing down," and more regular and frequent, and the skin becomes both hot and perspiring. These may be considered the true labor-pains. The patient ought to bear in mind then that "true labor-pains" are situated in the back, and loins; they come on at regular intervals, rise gradually up to a certain pitch of intensity, and abate as gradually; it is a dull, heavy, deep sort of pain, producing occasionally a low moan from the patient; not sharp or twinging, which would elicit a very different expression of suffering from her. 10. Labor--and truly it maybe called, "labor." The fiat has gone forth that in "sorrow thou shalt bring forth children." Young, in his "Night Thoughts," beautifully expresses the common lot of women to suffer: "'Tis the common lot; in this shape, or in that, has fate entailed The mother's throes on all of women born, Not more the children than sure heirs of pain." [Illustration] [Illustration: LOVE OF HOME.] * * * * * SPECIAL SAFEGUARDS IN CONFINEMENT. 1. Before the confinement takes place everything should be carefully arranged and prepared. The physician should be spoken to and be given the time as near as can be calculated. The arrangement of the bed, bed clothing, the dress for the mother and the expected babe should be arranged for convenient and immediate use. 2. A bottle of sweet oil, or vaseline, or some pure lard should be in readiness. Arrangements should be made for washing all soiled garments, and nothing by way of soiled rags or clothing should be allowed to accumulate. 3. A rubber blanket, or oil or waterproof cloth should be in readiness to place underneath the bottom sheet to be used during labor. 4. As soon as labor pains have begun a fire should be built and hot water kept ready for immediate use. The room should be kept well ventilated and comfortably warm. 5. No people should be allowed in or about the room except the nurse, the physician, and probably members of the family when called upon to perform some duty. 6. During labor no solid food should be taken; a little milk, broth or soup may be given, provided there is an appetite. Malt or spirituous liquors should be carefully avoided. A little wine, however, may be taken in case of great exhaustion. Lemonade, toast, rice water, and tea may be given when desired. Warm tea is considered an excellent drink for the patient at this time. 7. When the pains become regular and intermit, it is time that the physician is sent for. On the physician's arrival he will always take charge of the case and give necessary instructions. 8. In nearly all cases the head of the child is presented first. The first pains are generally grinding and irregular, and felt mostly in the groins and within, but as labor progresses the pains are felt in the abdomen, and as the head advances there is severe pain in the back and hips and a disposition to bear down, but no pressure should be placed upon the abdomen of the patient; it is often the cause of serious accidents. Nature will take care of itself. 9. Conversation should be of a cheerful character, and all allusions to accidents of other child births should be carefully avoided. 10. ABSENCE OF PHYSICIAN.--In case the child should be born in the absence of the physician, when the head is born receive it in the hand and support it until the shoulders have been expelled, and steady the whole body until the child is born. Support the child with both hands and lay it as far from the mother as possible without stretching the cord. Remove the mucus from the nostrils and mouth, wrap the babe in warm flannel, make the mother comfortable, give her a drink, and allow the child to remain until the pulsations in the cord have entirely ceased. After the pulsations have entirely ceased then sever the cord. Use a dull pair of scissors, cutting it about two inches from the child's navel, and generally no time is necessary, and when the physician comes he will give it prompt attention. 11. If the child does not breathe at its arrival, says Dr. Stockham in her celebrated Tokology, a little slapping on the breast and body will often produce respiration, and if this is not efficient, dash cold water on the face and chest; if this fails then close the nostrils with two fingers, breathe into the mouth and then expel the air from the lungs by gentle pressure upon the chest. Continue this as long as any hope of life remains. 12. AFTER-BIRTH.--Usually contractions occur and the after-birth is readily expelled; if not, clothes wrung out in hot water laid upon the bowels will often cause the contraction of the uterus, and the expulsion of the after-birth. 13. If the cord bleeds severely inject cold water into it. This in many cases removes the after-birth. 14. After the birth of the child give the patient a bath, if the patient is not too exhausted, change the soiled quilts and clothing, fix up everything neat and clean and let the patient rest. 15 Let the patient drink weak tea, gruel, cold or hot water, whichever she chooses. 16. After the birth of the baby, the mother should be kept perfectly quiet for the first 24 hours and not allowed to talk or see anyone except her nearest relations, however well she may seem. She should not get out of bed for ten days or two weeks, nor sit up in bed for nine days. The more care taken of her at this time, the more rapid will be her recovery when she does get about. She should go up and down stairs slowly, carefully, and as seldom as possible for six weeks. She should not stand more than is unavoidable during that time, but sit with her feet up and lie down when she has time to rest. She should not work a sewing machine with a treadle for at least six weeks, and avoid any unusual strain or over-exertion. "An ounce of prevention IS worth a pound of cure," and carefulness will be well repaid by a perfect restoration to health. [Illustration] [Illustration: MY PRICELESS JEWEL. What will be his fate in life?] * * * * * WHERE DID THE BABY COME FROM? Where did you come from, baby dear? Out of the everywhere into here. Where did you get the eyes so blue? Out of the sky, as I came through. Where did you get that little tear? I found it waiting when I got here. What makes your forehead so smooth and high? A soft hand stroked it as I went by. What makes your cheek like a warm, white rose? I saw something better than anyone knows. Whence that three-cornered smile of bliss? Three angels gave me at once a kiss. Where did you get this pretty ear? God spoke, and it came out to hear. Where did you get those arms and hands? Love made itself into hooks and bands. Feet whence did you come, you darling things? From the same box as the cherub's wings. How did they all come just to be you? God thought of me, and so I grew. But how did you come to us, you dear? God thought about you, and so I am here. --GEORGE MACDONALD. * * * * * CHILD BEARING WITHOUT PAIN. HOW TO DRESS, DIET AND EXERCISE IN PREGNANCY. 1. AILMENTS.--Those ailments to which pregnant women are liable are mostly inconveniences rather than diseases, although they may be aggravated to a degree of danger. No patent nostrums or prescriptions are necessary. If there is any serious difficulty the family physician should be consulted. 2. COMFORT.--Wealth and luxuries are not a necessity. Comfort will make the surroundings pleasant. Drudgery, overwork and exposure are the three things that tend to make women miserable while in the state of pregnancy, and invariably produce irritable, fretful and feeble children. Dr. Stockham says in her admirable work "Tokology:" "The woman who indulges in the excessive gayety of fashionable life, as well as the overworked woman, deprives her child of vitality. She attends parties in a dress that is unphysiological in warmth, distribution and adjustment, in rooms badly ventilated; partakes of a supper of indigestible compounds, and remains into the 'wee, sma' hours,' her nervous system taxed to the utmost." 3. EXERCISE.--A goodly amount of moderate exercise is a necessity, and a large amount of work may be accomplished if prudence is properly exercised. It is overwork, and the want of sufficient rest and sleep that produces serious results. 4. DRESSES.--A pregnant woman should make her dresses of light material and avoid surplus trimmings. Do not wear anything that produces any unnecessary weight. Let the clothing be light but sufficient in quantity to produce comfort in all kinds of weather. 5. GARMENTS.--It is well understood that the mother must breathe for two, and in order to dress healthily the garments should be worn loose, so as to give plenty of room for respiration. Tight clothes only cause disease, or produce frailty or malformation in the offspring. 6. SHOES.--Wear a large shoe in pregnancy; the feet may swell and untold discomfort may be the result. Get a good large shoe with a large sole. Give the feet plenty of room. Many women suffer from defects in vision, indigestion, backache, loss of voice, headache, etc., simply as the result of the reflex action of the pressure of tight shoes. 7. LACING.--Many women lace themselves to the first period of their gestation in order to meet their society engagements. All of this is vitally wrong and does great injury to the unborn child as well as to inflict many ills and pains upon the mother. 8. CORSETS.--Corsets should be carefully avoided, for the corset more than any other one thing is responsible for making woman the victim of more woes and diseases than all other causes put together. About one-half the children born in this country die before they are five years of age, and no doubt this terrible mortality is largely due to this instrument of torture known as the _modern corset._ Tight lacing is the cause of infantile mortality. It slowly but surely takes the lives of tens of thousands, and so effectually weakens and diseases, so as to cause the untimely death of millions more. 9. BATHING.--Next to godliness is cleanliness. A pregnant woman should take a sponge or towel-bath two or three times a week. It stimulates and invigorates the entire body. No more than two or three minutes are required. It should be done in a warm room, and the body rubbed thoroughly after each bathing. 10. THE HOT SITZ-BATH.--This bath is one of the most desirable and healthful baths for pregnant women. It will relieve pain or acute inflammation, and will be a general tonic in keeping the system in a good condition. This may be taken in the middle of the forenoon or just before retiring, and if taken just before retiring will produce invigorating sleep, will quiet the nerves, cure headache, weariness, etc. It is a good plan to take this bath every night before retiring in case of any disorders. A woman who keeps this tip during the period of gestation will have a very easy labor and a strong, vigorous babe. 11. HOT FOMENTATIONS.--Applying flannel cloths wrung out of simple or medicated hot water is a great relief for acute suffering, such as neuralgia, rheumatic pain, biliousness, constipation, torpid liver, colic, flatulency, etc. 12. THE HOT WATER-BAG.--The hot water-bag serves the same purpose as hot fomentations, and is much more convenient. No one should go through the period of gestation without a hot water-bag. 13. THE COLD COMPRESS.--This is a very desirable and effectual domestic remedy. Take a towel wrung from cold water and apply it to the affected parts; then cover well with several thicknesses of flannel. This is excellent in cases of sore throat, hoarseness, bronchitis, inflammation of the lungs, croup, etc. It is also excellent for indigestion, constipation or distress of the bowels accompanied by heat. 14. DIET.--The pregnant woman should eat nutritious, but not stimulating or heating food, and eat at the regular time. Avoid drinking much while eating. 15. AVOID salt, pepper and sweets as much as possible. 16. EAT all kinds of grains, vegetables and fruits, and avoid salted meat, but eat chicken, steak, fish, oysters, etc. 17. THE WOMAN WHO EATS INDISCRIMINATELY anything and everything the same as any other person, will have a very painful labor and suffer many ills that could easily be avoided by more attention being paid to the diet. With a little study and observation a woman will soon learn what to eat and what to avoid. [Illustration: _Nature Versus Corsets Illustrated_ A. The ribs of large curve; the lungs large and roomy; the liver, stomach and bowels in their normal position; all with abundant room. B. The ribs bent almost to angles; the lungs contracted; the liver, stomach and intestines forced down into the pelvis, crowding the womb seriously.] 18. The above cuts are given on page 113; we repeat them here for the benefit of expectant mothers who may be ignorant of the evil effects of the corset. Displacement of the womb, interior irritation and inflammation, miscarriage and sterility, are some of the many injuries of tight lacing. There are many others, in fact their name is legion, and every woman who has habitually worn a corset and continues to wear it during the early period of gestation must suffer severely during childbirth. [Illustration: _"The House We Live In" for nine months: showing the ample room provided by Nature when uncontracted by inherited inferiority of form or artificial dressing._] [Illustration: _A Contracted Pelvis. Deformity and Insufficient Space._] 19. THIS IS WHAT DR. STOCKHAM says: "If women had _common sense_, instead of _fashion sense_, the corset would not exist. There are not words in the English language to express my convictions upon this subject. The corset more than any other one thing is responsible for woman's being the victim of disease and doctors.... "What is the effect upon the child? One-half of the children born in this country die before they are five years of age. Who can tell how much this state of things is due to the enervation of maternal life forces by the one instrument of torture? "I am a temperance woman. No one can realize more than I the devastation and ruin alcohol in its many tempting forms has brought to the human family. Still I solemnly believe that in weakness and deterioration of health, the corset has more to answer for than intoxicating drinks." When asked how far advanced a woman should be in pregnancy before she laid aside her corset, Dr. Stockham said with emphasis: "_The corset should not be worn for two hundred years before pregnancy takes place._ Ladies, it will take that time at least to overcome the ill-effect of tight garments which you think so essential." 20. PAINLESS PREGNANCY AND CHILD-BIRTH.--"Some excellent popular volumes," says Dr. Haff, "have been largely devoted to directions how to secure a comfortable period of pregnancy and painless delivery. After much conning of these worthy efforts to impress a little common sense upon the sisterhood, we are convinced that all may be summed up under the simple heads of: (1) An unconfined and lightly burdened waist; (2) Moderate but persistent outdoor exercise, of which walking is the best form; (3) A plain unstimulating, chiefly fruit and vegetable diet; (4) Little or no intercourse during the time. "These are hygienic rules of benefit under any ordinary conditions; yet they are violated by almost every pregnant lady. If they are followed, biliousness, indigestion, constipation, swollen limbs, morning sickness and nausea--all will absent themselves or be much lessened. In pregnancy more than at any other time, corsets are injurious. The waist and abdomen must be allowed to expand freely with the growth of the child. The great process of _evolution_ must have room." 21. IN ADDITION, we can do no better than quote the following recapitulation by Dr. Stockham in her famous Tokology: "To give a woman the greatest immunity from suffering during pregnancy, prepare her for a safe and comparatively easy delivery, and insure a speedy recovery, all hygienic conditions must be observed. "The dress must give: "1. Freedom of movement; "2. No pressure upon any part of the body; "3. No more weight than is essential for warmth, and both weight and warmth evenly distributed. "These requirements necessitate looseness, lightness and warmth, which can be obtained from the union underclothes, a princess skirt and dress, with a shoe that allows full development and use of the foot. While decoration and elegance are desirable, they should not sacrifice comfort and convenience. 22. "LET THE DIET BE LIGHT, plain and nutritious. Avoid fats and sweets, relying mainly upon fruits and grain that contain little of the mineral salts. By this diet bilious and inflammatory conditions are overcome, the development of bone in the foetus lessened, and muscles necessary in labor nourished and strengthened. 23. "EXERCISE should be sufficient and of such a character as will bring into action gently every muscle of the body; but must particularly develop the muscles of the trunk, abdomen and groin, that are specially called into action in labor. Exercise, taken faithfully and systematically, more than any other means assists assimilative processes and stimulates the organs of excretion to healthy action. 24. "BATHING MUST BE FREQUENT and regular. Unless in special conditions the best results are obtained from tepid or cold bathing, which invigorates the system and overcomes nervousness. The sitz-bath is the best therapeutic and hygienic measure within the reach of the pregnant woman. "Therefore, to establish conditions which will overcome many previous infractions of law, _dress_ naturally and physiologically; _live_ much of the time _out of doors_; have _abundance_ of _fresh air_ in the house; let _exercise_ be _sufficient_ and _systematic_; pursue a _diet of fruit_, rice and vegetables; _regular rest_ must be faithfully taken; _abstain_ from the sexual relation. To those who will commit themselves to this course of life, patiently and persistently carrying it out through the period of gestation, the possibilities of attaining a healthy, natural, painless parturition will be remarkably increased. 25. "IF THE FIRST EXPERIMENT should not result in a painless labor, it without doubt will prove the beginning of sound health. Persisted in through years of married life, the ultimate result will be more and more closely approximated, while there will be less danger of diseases after childbirth and better and more vigorous children will be produced. "Then pregnancy by every true woman will be desired, and instead of being a period of disease, suffering and direful forebodings, will become a period of health, exalted pleasure and holiest anticipations. Motherhood will be deemed the choicest of earth's blessings; women will rejoice in a glad maternity and for any self-denial will be compensated by healthy, happy, buoyant, grateful children." [Illustration] [Illustration: SWAT THE FLIES AND SAVE THE BABIES. LIFE CYCLE OF A FLY EGG STAGE 1 DAY MAGGOT STAGE 5 DAYS PUPA STAGE 5 DAYS 14 DAYS LATER IT BEGINS TO LAY EGGS] [Illustration: JOAN OF ARC.] * * * * * SOLEMN LESSONS FOR PARENTS. 1. EXCESSIVE PLEASURES AND PAINS.--A woman during her time of pregnancy should of all women be most carefully tended, and kept from violent and excessive pleasures and pains; and at that time she should cultivate gentleness, benevolence and kindness. 2. HEREDITARY EFFECTS.--Those who are born to become insane do not necessarily spring from insane parents, or from any ancestry having any apparent taint of lunacy in their blood, but they do receive from their progenitors certain impressions upon their mental and moral, as well as their physical beings, which impressions, like an iron mould, fix and shape their subsequent destinies. Hysteria in the mother may develop insanity in the child, while drunkenness in the father may impel epilepsy, or mania, in the son. Ungoverned passions in the parents may unloose the furies of unrestrained madness in the minds of their children, and the bad treatment of the wife may produce sickly or weak-minded children. 3. The influence of predominant passion may be transmitted from the parent to the child, just as surely a similarity of looks. It has been truly said that "the faculties which predominate in power and activity in the parents, when the organic existence of the child commences, determine its future mental disposition." A bad mental condition of the mother may produce serious defects upon her unborn child. 4. The singular effects produced on the unborn child by the sudden mental emotions of the mother are remarkable examples of a kind of electrotyping on the sensitive surfaces of living forms. It is doubtless true that the mind's action in such cases may increase or diminish the molecular deposits in the several portions of the system. The precise place which each separate particle assumes in the new organic structure may be determined by the influence of thought or feeling. Perfect love and perfect harmony should exist between wife and husband during this vital period. 5. AN ILLUSTRATION.--If a sudden and powerful emotion of a woman's mind exerts such an influence upon her stomach as to excite vomiting, and upon her heart as almost to arrest its motion and induce fainting, can we believe that it will have no effect upon her womb and the fragile being contained within it? Facts and reason then, alike demonstrate the reality of the influence, and much practical advantage would result to both parent and child, were the conditions and extent of its operations better understood. 6. Pregnant women should not be exposed to causes likely to distress or otherwise strongly impress their minds. A consistent life with worthy objects constantly kept in mind should be the aim and purpose of every expectant mother. * * * * * TEN HEALTH RULES FOR BABIES CUT DEATH RATE IN TWO. Ninety-four babies out of every thousand born in New York died last year. Only thirty-eight babies died in Montclair, N.J., out of every thousand born during the same period. Much credit for this low rate of infant mortality in the latter city is given the Montclair Day Nursery which prescribes the following decade of baby health rules: 1. Give a baby pure milk and watch its feeding very closely. 2. Keep everything connected with a baby absolutely clean. Cleanliness in the house accounts for a baby's health. Untidy babies are usually sick babies. 3. Never let a baby get chilled. Keep its hands and feet warm. 4. Regulate a baby's day by the clock. Everything about its wants should be attended to on schedule time. 5. Diminish a baby's food the minute signs of illness appear. Most babies are overfed anyway. 6. Weigh a baby every week until it is a year old. Its weight is an index of its health. 7. Every mother should get daily out-door exercise. It means better health for her babies. 8. Every baby should be "mothered" more and mauled less. Babies thrive on cuddling but they can get along on a lot less kissing. 9. Don't amuse or play with your baby too much. Its regular daily routine is all the stimulation its little brain needs at first. 10. Don't let too many different people take care of the baby. Even members of the same family make a baby nervous if they fuss around him too much. [Illustration] [Illustration: MAN WITH SCALES AND INFANT.] * * * * * THE CARE OF NEW-BORN INFANTS. 1. The first thing to be done ordinarily is to give the little stranger a bath by using soap and warm water. To remove the white material that usually covers the child use olive oil, goose oil or lard, and apply it with a soft piece of worn flannel, and when the child is entirely clean rub all off with a fresh piece of flannel. 2. Many physicians in the United States recommend a thorough oiling of the child with pure lard or olive oil, and then rub dry as above stated. By these means water is avoided, and with it much risk of taking cold. 3. The application of brandy or liquor is entirely unnecessary, and generally does more injury than good. 4. If an infant should breathe feebly, or exhibit other signs of great feebleness, it should not be washed at once, but allowed to remain quiet and undisturbed, warmly wrapped up until the vital actions have acquired a fair degree of activity. 5. DRESSING THE NAVEL.--There is nothing better for dressing the navel than absorbent antiseptic cotton. There needs be no grease or oil upon the cotton. After the separation of the cord the navel should be dressed with a little cosmoline, still using the absorbent cotton. The navel string usually separates in a week's time; it may be delayed for twice this length of time, this will make no material difference, and the rule is to allow it to drop off of its own accord. 6. THE CLOTHING OF THE INFANT.--The clothing of the infant should be light, soft and perfectly loose. A soft flannel band is necessary only until the navel is healed. Afterwards discard bands entirely if you wish your babe to be happy and well. Make the dresses "Mother Hubbard" Put on first a soft woolen shirt, then prepare the flannel skirts to hang from the neck like a slip. Make one kind with sleeves and one just like it without sleeves, then white muslin skirts (if they are desired), all the same way. Then baby is ready for any weather. In intense heat simply put on the one flannel slip with sleeves, leaving off the shirt. In Spring and Fall the shirt and skirt with no sleeves. In Cold weather shirt and both skirts. These garments can be all put on at once, thus making the process of dressing very quick and easy. These are the most approved modern styles for dressing infants, and with long cashmere stockings pinned to the diapers the little feet are free to kick with no old-fashioned pinning blanket to torture the naturally active, healthy child, and retard its development. If tight bands are an injury to grown people, then in the name of pity emancipate the poor little infant from their torture! 7. THE DIAPER.--Diapers should be of soft linen, and great care should be exercised not to pin them too tightly. Never dry them, but always wash them thoroughly before being used again. 8. The band need not be worn after the navel has healed so that it requires no dressing, as it serves no purpose save to keep in place the dressing of the navel. The child's body should be kept thoroughly warm around the chest, bowels and feet. Give the heart and lungs plenty of room to heave. 9. The proper time for shortening the clothes is about three months in Summer and six months in Winter. 10. INFANT BATHING.--The first week of a child's life it should not be entirely stripped and washed. It is too exhausting. After a child is over a week old it should be bathed every day; after a child is three weeks old it may be put in the water and supported with one hand while it is being washed with the other. Never, however, allow it to remain too long in the water. From ten to twenty minutes is the limit. Use Pears' soap or castile soap, and with a sponge wipe quickly, or use a soft towel. [Illustration] * * * * * NURSING. 1. The new-born infant requires only the mother's milk. The true mother will nurse her child if it is a possibility. The infant will thrive better and have many more chances for life. 2. The mother's milk is the natural food, and nothing can fully take its place. It needs no feeding for the first few days as it was commonly deemed necessary a few years ago. The secretions in the mother's breast are sufficient. 3. Artificial Food. Tokology says: "The best artificial food is cream reduced and sweetened with sugar of mill. Analysis shows that human milk contains more cream and sugar and less casein than the milk of animals." 4. Milk should form the basis of all preparations of food. If the milk is too strong, indigestion will follow, and the child will lose instead of gaining strength. WEANING.--The weaning of the child depends much upon the strength and condition of the mother. If it does not occur in hot weather, from nine to twelve months is as long as any child should be nursed. FOOD IN WEANING.--Infants cry a great deal during weaning, but a few days of patient perseverance will overcome all difficulties. Give the child purely a milk diet, Graham bread, milk crackers and milk, or a little milk thickened with boiled rice, a little jelly, apple sauce, etc., may be safely used. Cracked wheat, oatmeal, wheat germ, or anything of that kind thoroughly cooked and served with a little cream and sugar, is an excellent food. MILK DRAWN FROM THE BREASTS.--If the mother suffers considerably from the milk gathering in the breast after weaning the child, withdraw it by taking a bottle that holds about a pint or a quart, putting a piece of cloth wrung out in warm water around the bottle, then fill it with boiling water, pour the water out and apply the bottle to the breast, and the bottle cooling will form a vacuum and will withdraw the milk into the bottle. This is one of the best methods now in use. RETURN OF THE MENSES.--If the menses return while the mother is nursing, the child should at once be weaned, for the mother's milk no longer contains sufficient nourishment. In case the mother should become pregnant while the child is nursing it should at once be weaned, or serious results will follow to the health of the child. A mother's milk is no longer sufficiently rich to nourish the child or keep it in good health. CARE OF THE BOTTLE.--If the child is fed on the bottle great care should be taken in keeping it absolutely clean. Never use white rubber nipples. A plain form of bottle with a black rubber nipple is preferable. CHILDREN should not be permitted to come to the table until two years of age. CHAFING.--One of the best remedies is powdered lycopodium; apply it every time the babe is cleaned; but first wash with pure castile soap; Pears' soap is also good. A preparation of oxide of zinc is also highly recommended. Chafing sometimes results from an acid condition of the stomach; in that case give a few doses of castoria. COLIC.--If an infant is seriously troubled with colic, there is nothing better than camomile or catnip tea. Procure the leaves and make tea and give it as warm as the babe can bear. * * * * * FEEDING INFANTS. 1. The best food for infants is mother's milk; next best is cow's milk. Cow's milk contains about three times as much curd and one-half as much sugar, and it should be reduced with two parts of water. 2. In feeding cow's milk there is too little cream and too little sugar, and there is no doubt no better preparation than Mellin's food to mix it with (according to directions). 3. Children being fed on food lacking fat generally have their teeth come late; their muscles will be flabby and bones soft. Children will be too fat when their food contains too much sugar. Sugar always makes their flesh soft and flabby. 4. During the first two months the baby should be fed every two hours during the day, and two or three times during the night, but no more. Ten or eleven feedings for twenty-four hours are all a child will bear and remain healthy. At three months the child may be fed every three hours instead of every two. 5. Children can be taught regular habits by being fed and put to sleep at the same time every day and evening. Nervous diseases are caused by irregular hours of sleep and diet, and the use of soothing medicines. 6. A child five or six months old should not be fed during the night from nine in the evening until six or seven in the morning, as overfeeding causes most of the wakefulness and nervousness of children during the night. 7. If a child vomits soon after taking the bottle, and there is an appearance of undigested food in the stool, it is a sign of overfeeding. If a large part of the bottle has been vomited, avoid the next bottle at regular time and pass over one bottle. If the child is nursing the same principles apply. 8. If a child empties its bottle and sucks vigorously its fingers after the bottle is emptied, it is very evident that the child is not fed enough, and should have its food gradually increased. 9. Give the baby a little cold water several times a day. * * * * * INFANTILE CONVULSIONS. DEFINITION.--An infantile convulsion corresponds to a chill in an adult, and is the most common brain affection among children. CAUSES.--Anything that irritates the nervous system may cause convulsions in the child, as teething, indigestible food, worms, dropsy of the brain, hereditary constitution, or they may be the accompanying symptom in nearly all the acute diseases of children, or when the eruption is suppressed in eruptive diseases. SYMPTOMS.--In case of convulsions of a child parents usually become frightened, and very rarely do the things that should be done in order to afford relief. The child, previous to the fit, is usually irritable, and the twitching of the muscles of the face may be noticed, or it may come on suddenly without warning. The child becomes insensible, clenches its hands tightly, lips turn blue, and the eyes become fixed, usually frothing from the mouth with head turned back. The convulsion generally lasts two or three minutes; sometimes, however, as long as ten or fifteen minutes, but rarely. REMEDY.--Give the child a warm bath and rub gently. Clothes wrung out of cold water and applied to the lower and back part of the head and plenty of fresh air will usually relieve the convulsion. Be sure and loosen the clothing around the child's neck. After the convulsion is over, give the child a few doses of potassic bromide, and an injection of castor oil if the abdomen is swollen. Potassic bromide should be kept in the house, to use in case of necessity. [Illustration] [Illustration: POOR CHILDREN FROM TENEMENT.] * * * * * PAINS AND ILLS IN NURSING. 1. SORE NIPPLES.--If a lady, during the latter few months of her pregnancy, where to adopt "means to harden the nipples," sore nipples during the period of suckling would not be so prevalent as they are. 2. CAUSE.--A sore nipple is frequently produced by the injudicious custom of allowing the child to have the nipple almost constantly in his mouth. Another frequent cause of a sore nipple is from the babe having the canker. Another cause of a sore nipple is from the mother, after the babe has been sucking, putting up the nipple wet. She, therefore, ought always to dry the nipple, not by rubbing, but by dabbing it with a soft cambric or lawn handkerchief, or with a piece of soft linen rag one or the other of which ought always to be at hand every time directly after the child has done sucking, and just before applying any of the following powders or lotions to the nipple. 3. REMEDIES.--One of the best remedies for a sore nipple is the following powder: Take of Borax, one drachm; Powdered Starch, seven drachms. Mix. A pinch of the powder to be frequently applied to the nipple. If the above does not cure, try Glycerine by applying it each time after nursing. 4. GATHERED BREAST.--A healthy woman with a well-developed breast and a good nipple, scarcely, if ever, has a gathered bosom; it is the delicate, the ill-developed breasted and worse-developed nippled lady who usually suffers from this painful complaint. And why? The evil can generally be traced to girlhood. If she be brought up luxuriously, her health and her breasts are sure to be weakened, and thus to suffer, more especially if the development of the bosoms and nipples has been arrested and interfered with by tight stays and corsets. Why, the nipple is by them drawn in, and retained on the level with the breast countersunk as though it were of no consequence to her future well-being, as though it were a thing of nought. 5. TIGHT LACERS.--Tight lacers will have to pay the penalties of which they little dream. Oh, the monstrous folly of such proceedings! When will mothers awake from their lethargy? It is high time that they did so! From the mother having "no nipple," the effects of tight lacing, many a home has been made childless, the babe not being able to procure its proper nourishment, and dying in consequence! It is a frightful state of things! But fashion, unfortunately, blinds the eyes and deafens the ears of its votaries! 6. BAD BREAST.--A gathered bosom, or "bad breast," as it is sometimes called, is more likely to occur after a first confinement and during the first month. Great care, therefore, ought to be taken to avoid such a misfortune. A gathered breast is frequently owing to the carelessness of a mother in not covering her bosoms during the time she is suckling. Too much attention cannot be paid to keeping the breasts comfortably warm. This, during the act of nursing, should be done by throwing either a shawl or a square of flannel over the neck, shoulders, and bosoms. 7. ANOTHER CAUSE.--Another cause of gathered breasts arises from a mother sitting up in bed to suckle her babe. He ought to be accustomed to take the bosom while she is lying down; if this habit is not at first instituted, it will be difficult to adopt it afterwards. Good habits may be taught a child from earliest babyhood. 8. FAINTNESS.--When a nursing mother feels faint, she ought immediately to lie down and take a little nourishment; a cup of tea with the yolk of an egg beaten up in it, or a cup of warm milk, or some beef-tea, any of which will answer the purpose extremely well. Brandy, or any other spirit we would not recommend, as it would only cause, as soon as the immediate effects of the stimulant had gone off, a greater depression to ensue; not only so, but the frequent taking of brandy might become a habit a necessity which would be a calamity deeply to be deplored! 9. STRONG PURGATIVES.--Strong purgatives during this period are highly improper, as they are apt to give pain to the infant, as well as to injure the mother. If it be absolutely necessary to give physic, the mildest, such as a dose of castor oil, should be chosen. 10. HABITUALLY COSTIVE.--When a lady who is nursing is habitually costive, she ought to eat brown instead of white bread. This will, in the majority of cases, enable her to do without an aperient. The brown bread may be made with flour finely ground all one way; or by mixing one part of bran and three parts of fine wheaten flour together, and then making it in the usual way into bread. Treacle instead of butter, on the brown bread increases its efficacy as an aperient; and raw should be substituted for lump sugar in her tea. 11. TO PREVENT CONSTIPATION.--Stewed prunes, or stewed French plums, or stewed Normandy pippins, are excellent remedies to prevent constipation. The patient ought to eat, every morning, a dozen or fifteen of them. The best way to stew either prunes or French plums, is the following: Put a pound of either prunes or French plums, and two tablespoonfuls of raw sugar, into a brown jar; cover them with water; put them into a slow oven, and stew them for three or four hours. Both stewed rhubarb and stewed pears often act as mild and gentle aperients. Muscatel raisins, eaten at dessert, will oftentimes without medicine relieve the bowels. 12. COLD WATER--A tumblerful of cold water, taken early every morning, sometimes effectually relieves the bowels; indeed, few people know the value of cold water as an aperient it is one of the best we possess, and, unlike drug aperients, can never by any possibility do any harm. An injection of warm water is one of the best ways to relieve the bowels. 13. WELL-COOKED VEGETABLES.--Although a nursing mother ought, more especially if she be costive, to take a variety of well-cooked vegetables, such as potatoes, asparagus, cauliflower, French beans, spinach, stewed celery and turnips; she should avoid eating greens, cabbages, and pickles, as they would be likely to affect the babe, and might cause him to suffer from gripings, from pain, and "looseness" of the bowels. 14. SUPERSEDE THE NECESSITY OF TAKING PHYSIC.--Let me again--for it cannot be too urgently insisted upon--strongly advise a nursing mother to use every means in the way of diet, etc., to supersede the necessity of taking physic (opening medicine), as the repetition of aperients injures, and that severely, both herself and child. Moreover, the more opening medicine she swallows, the more she requires; so that if she once gets into the habit of regularly taking physic, the bowels will not act without them. What a miserable existence to be always swallowing physic! [Illustration: HEALTHY YOUTH AND RIPE OLD AGE.] * * * * * HOME LESSONS IN NURSING SICK CHILDREN. 1. MISMANAGEMENT.--Every doctor knows that a large share of the ills to which infancy is subject are directly traceable to mismanagement. Troubles of the digestive system are, for the most part due to errors, either in the selection of the food or in the preparation of it. 2. RESPIRATORY DISEASES.--Respiratory diseases or the diseases of the throat and lungs have their origin, as a rule, in want of care and judgment in matters of clothing, bathing and exposure to cold and drafts. A child should always be dressed to suit the existing temperature of the weather. 3. NERVOUS DISEASES.--Nervous diseases are often aggravated if not caused by over-stimulation of the brain, by irregular hours of sleep, or by the use of "soothing" medicines, or eating indigestible food. 4. SKIN AFFECTIONS.--Skin affections are generally due to want of proper care of the skin, to improper clothing or feeding, or to indiscriminate association with nurses and Children, who are the carriers of contagious diseases. 5. PERMANENT INJURY.--Permanent injury is often caused by lifting the child by one hand, allowing it to fall, permitting it to play with sharp instruments, etc. 6. RULES AND PRINCIPLES.--Every mother should understand the rules and principles of home nursing. Children are very tender plants and the want of proper knowledge is often very disastrous if not fatal. Study carefully and follow the principles and rules which are laid down in the different parts of this work on nursing and cooking for the sick. 7. WHAT A MOTHER SHOULD KNOW: I. INFANT FEEDING.--The care of milk, milk sterilization, care of bottles, preparation of commonly employed infant foods, the general principles of infant feeding, with rules as to quality and frequency. II. BATHING.--The daily bath; the use of hot, cold and mustard baths. III. HYGIENE OF THE SKIN. Care of the mouth, eyes and ears. Ventilation, temperature, cleanliness, care of napkins, etc. IV. TRAINING OF CHILDREN in proper bodily habits. Simple means of treatment in sickness, etc. 8. THE CRY OF THE SICK CHILD.--The cry of the child is a language by which the character of its suffering to some extent may be ascertained. The manner in which the cry is uttered, or the pitch and tone is generally a symptom of a certain kind of disease. 9. STOMACHACHE.--The cry of the child in suffering with pain of the stomach is loud, excitable and spasmodic. The legs are drawn up and as the pain ceases, they are relaxed and the child sobs itself to sleep, and rests until awakened again by pain. 10. LUNG TROUBLE.--When a child is suffering with an affection of the lungs or throat, it never cries loudly or continuously. A distress in breathing causes a sort of subdued cry and low moaning. If there is a slight cough it is generally a sign that there is some complication with the lungs. 11. DISEASE OF THE BRAIN.--In disease of the brain the cry is always sharp, short and piercing. Drowsiness generally follows each spasm of pain. 12. FEVERS.--Children rarely cry when suffering with fever unless they are disturbed. They should be handled very gently and spoken to in a very quiet and tender tone of voice. 13. THE CHAMBER OF THE SICK ROOM.--The room of the sick child should be kept scrupulously clean. No noise should disturb the quiet and rest of the child. If the weather is mild, plenty of fresh air should be admitted; the temperature should be kept at about 70 degrees. A thermometer should be kept in the room, and the air should be changed several times during the day. This may be done with safety to the child by covering it up with woolen blankets to protect it from draft, while the windows and doors are opened. Fresh air often does more to restore the sick child than the doctor's medicine. Take the best room in the house. If necessary take the parlor, always make the room pleasant for the sick. 14. VISITORS.--Carefully avoid the conversation of visitors or the loud and boisterous playing of children in the house. If there is much noise about the house that cannot be avoided, it is a good plan to put cotton in the ears of the patient. 15. LIGHT IN THE ROOM.--Light has a tendency to produce nervous irritability, consequently it is best to exclude as much daylight as possible and keep the room in a sort of twilight until the child begins to improve. Be careful to avoid any odor coming from a burning lamp in the night. When the child begins to recover, give it plenty of sunlight. After the child begins to get better let in all the sunlight the windows will admit. Take a south room for the sick bed. 16. SICKNESS IN SUMMER.--If the weather is very hot it is a good plan to dampen the floors with cold water, or set several dishes of water in the room, but be careful to keep the patient out of the draft, and avoid any sudden change of temperature. 17. BATHING.--Bathe every sick child in warm water once a day unless prohibited by the doctor. If the child has a spasm or any attack of a serious nervous character in absence of the doctor, place him in a hot bath at once. Hot water is one of the finest agencies for the cure of nervous diseases. [Illustration] 18. SCARLET FEVER AND MEASLES.--Bathe the child in warm water to bring out the rash, and put in about a dessertspoonsful of mustard into each bath. 19. DRINKS.--If a child is suffering with fevers, let it have all the water it wants. Toast-water will be found nourishing. When the stomach of the child is in an irritable condition, nourishments containing milk or any other fluid should be given very sparingly. Barley-water and rice-water are very soothing to an irritable stomach. 20. FOOD.--Mellin's Food and milk is very nourishing if the child will take it. Oatmeal gruel, white of eggs, etc. are excellent and nourishing articles. See "How to cook for the Sick." 21. EATING FRUIT.--Let children who are recovering from sickness eat moderately of good fresh fruit. Never let a child, whether well or sick, eat the skins of any kind of fruit. The outer covering of fruit was not made to eat, and often has poisonous matter very injurious to health upon its surface. Contagious and infectious diseases are often communicated in that way. 22. SUDDEN STARTINGS with the thumbs drawn into the palms, portend trouble with the brain, and often end in convulsions, which are far more serious in infants than in children. Convulsions in children often result from a suppression of urine. If you have occasion to believe that such is the case, get the patient to sweating as soon as possible. Give it a hot bath, after which cover it up in bed and put bags of hot salt over the lower part of the abdomen. 23. SYMPTOMS OF INDIGESTION.--If the baby shows symptoms of indigestion, do not begin giving it medicine. It is wiser to decrease the quantity and quality of the food and let the little one omit one meal entirely, that his stomach may rest. Avoid all starchy foods, as the organs of digestion are not sufficiently developed to receive them. A TABLE FOR FEEDING A BABY ON MODIFIED MILK. 2d week: Top Milk 1-1/2 oz. Milk Sugar 4 teaspoons Barley Gruel 10 oz. Cream 2-3/4 oz. Lime Water 2 oz. 1-1/2 oz. at feeding 10 times a day 3d week: Top Milk 6 oz. Milk Sugar 5-1/2 teaspoons Barley Gruel 18 oz. Lime Water 4 oz. 2 oz. at feeding 10 times a day 4th to 8th week: Top Milk 9 oz. Milk Sugar 8 teaspoons Barley Gruel to make a quart Lime Water 4 oz. 3 oz. at feeding 8 times a day 9th to 12th week: Top Milk 11 oz. Milk Sugar 7-1/2 teaspoons Barley Gruel to make a quart Lime Water 4 oz. 3 oz. at feeding 8 times a day 4th month: Top Milk 13 oz. Milk Sugar 7 teaspoons Barley Gruel to make a quart Lime Water 4 oz. 3 to 4 oz. at feeding 7 times a day 5th to 7th month: Top Milk 15 oz. Milk Sugar 6-1/2 teaspoons Barley Gruel to make a quart Lime Water 4 oz. 4 to 5 oz. at feeding 6 times a day 7th to 9th month: Top Milk 17 oz. Milk Sugar 6 teaspoons Barley Gruel to make a quart Lime Water 4 oz. 6 to 7 oz. at feeding 6 times a day Top Milk--Let your quart of milk stand until the cream has risen, then pour off number of ounces required. Sugar of Milk may be purchased at your local druggist's. Gruel is prepared by cooking one level tablespoon of any good barley flour in a pint of water with a pinch of salt. When partly cooled add to the milk. NURSING. Period: 1st and 2d day Nursing in 24 hours: 4 Interval by day: 6 hrs. Night nursings 10 p.m. to 6 a.m.: 1 Period: 3 days to 4 weeks Nursing in 24 hours: 10 Interval by day: 2 hrs. Night nursings 10 p.m. to 6 a.m.: 1 Period: 4 weeks to 2 mo. Nursing in 24 hours: 8 Interval by day: 2-1/2 hrs. Night nursings 10 p.m. to 6 a.m.: 1 Period: 2 to 5 mo. Nursing in 24 hours: 7 Interval by day: 3 hrs. Night nursings 10 p.m. to 6 a.m.: 1 Period: 5 to 12 mo. Nursing in 24 hours: 6 Interval by day: 3 hrs. Night nursings 10 p.m. to 6 a.m.: 0 SCHEDULE FOR FEEDING HEALTHY INFANTS DURING FIRST YEAR Age: 2d to 7th day Interval between meals by day: 2 hours Night feedings 10 p.m. to 7 a.m.: 1 No. of feedings in 24 hours: 10 Quantity for one feeding: 1 to 1-1/2 ounces Quantity in 24 hours: 10 to 15 ounces Age: 2d and 3d week Interval between meals by day: 2 hours Night feedings 10 p.m. to 7 a.m.: 1 No. of feedings in 24 hours: 10 Quantity for one feeding: 1-1/2 to 3 ounces Quantity in 24 hours: 15 to 30 ounces Age: 4th and 5th weeks Interval between meals by day: 2-1/2 hours Night feedings 10 p.m. to 7 a.m.: 1 No. of feedings in 24 hours: 8 Quantity for one feeding: 2-1/2 to 4 ounces Quantity in 24 hours: 20 to 32 ounces Age: 6th to 9th week Interval between meals by day: 2-1/2 hours Night feedings 10 p.m. to 7 a.m.: 1 No. of feedings in 24 hours: 8 Quantity for one feeding: 3 to 5 ounces Quantity in 24 hours: 24 to 40 ounces Age: 9th week to 5th mo. Interval between meals by day: 3 hours Night feedings 10 p.m. to 7 a.m.: 1 No. of feedings in 24 hours: 7 Quantity for one feeding: 4 to 6 ounces Quantity in 24 hours: 28 to 42 ounces Age: 5th to 9th month Interval between meals by day: 3 hours Night feedings 10 p.m. to 7 a.m.: 0 No. of feedings in 24 hours: 6 Quantity for one feeding: 5 to 7-1/2 ounces Quantity in 24 hours: 30 to 45 ounces Age: 9th to 12th month Interval between meals by day: 4 hours Night feedings 10 p.m. to 7 a.m.: 0 No. of feedings in 24 hours: 5 Quantity for one feeding: 7 to 9 ounces Quantity in 24 hours: 35 to 45 ounces [Illustration: A delicate child should never be put into the bath, but bathed on the lap and kept warmly covered.] * * * * * HOW TO KEEP A BABY WELL. 1. The mother's milk is the natural food, and nothing can fully take its place. 2. The infant's stomach does not readily accommodate itself to changes in diet; therefore, regularity in quality, quantity and temperature is extremely necessary. 3. Not until a child is a year old should it be allowed any food except that of milk, and possibly a little cracker or bread, thoroughly soaked and softened. 4. Meat should never be given to very young children. The best artificial food is cream, reduced and sweetened with sugar and milk. No rule can be given for its reduction. Observation and experience must teach that, because every child's stomach is governed by a rule of its own. 5. A child can be safely weaned at one year of age, and sometimes less. It depends entirely upon the season, and upon the health of the child. 6. A child should never be weaned during the warm weather, in June, July or August. 7. When a child is weaned it may be given, in connection with the milk diet, some such nourishment as broth, gruel, egg, or some prepared food. 8. A child should never be allowed to come to the table until two years of age. 9. A child should never eat much starchy food until four years old. 10. A child should have all the water it desires to drink, but it is decidedly the best to boil the water first, and allow it to cool. All the impurities and disease germs are thereby destroyed. This one thing alone will add greatly to the health and vigor of the child. 11. Where there is a tendency to bowel disorder, a little gum arabic, rice, or barley may be boiled with the drinking water. 12. If the child uses a bottle it should be kept absolutely clean. It is best to have two or three bottles, so that one will always be perfectly clean and fresh. 13. The nipple should be of black or pure rubber, and not of the white or vulcanized rubber; it should fit over the top of the bottle. No tubes should ever be used; it is impossible to keep them clean. 14. When the rubber becomes coated, a little coarse salt will clean it. 15. Babies should be fed at regular times. They should also be put to sleep at regular hours. Regularity is one of the best safeguards to health. 16. Milk for babies and children should be from healthy cows. Milk from different cows varies, and it is always better for a child to have milk from the same cow. A farrow cow's milk is preferable, especially if the child is not very strong. 17. Many of the prepared foods advertised for children are of little benefit. A few may be good, but what is good for one child may not be for another. So it must be simply a matter of experiment if any of the advertised foods are used. 18. It is a physiological fact that an infant is always healthier and better to sleep alone. It gets better air and is not liable to suffocation. 19. A healthy child should never be fed in less than two hours from the last time they finished before, gradually lengthening the time as it grows older. At 4 months 3-1/2 or 4 hours; at 5 months a healthy child will be better if given nothing in the night except, perhaps, a little water. 20. Give an infant a little water several times a day. 21. A delicate child the first year should be oiled after each bath. The oiling may often take the place of the bath, in case of a cold. 22. In oiling a babe, use pure olive oil, and wipe off thoroughly after each application. For nourishing a weak child use also olive oil. 23. For colds, coughs, croup, etc., use goose oil externally and give a teaspoonful at bed-time. [Illustration: FOUND UPON THE DOORSTEP.] * * * * * HOW TO PRESERVE THE HEALTH AND LIFE OF YOUR INFANT DURING HOT WEATHER. _BATHING._ 1. Bathe infants daily in tepid water and even twice a day in hot weather. If delicate they should be sponged instead of immersing them in water, but cleanliness is absolutely necessary for the health of infants. _CLOTHING._ 2. Put no bands in their clothing, but make all garments to hang loosely from the shoulders, and have all their clothing _scrupulously clean_; even the diaper should not be re-used without rinsing. _SLEEP ALONE._ 3. The child should in all cases sleep by itself on a cot or in a crib and retire at a regular hour. A child _always_ early taught to go to sleep without rocking or nursing is the healthier and happier for it. Begin _at birth_ and this will be easily accomplished. _CORDIALS AND SOOTHING SYRUPS._ 4. Never give cordials, soothing syrups, sleeping drops etc., without the advice of a physician. A child that frets and does not sleep is either hungry or ill. _If ill it needs a physician._ Never give candy or cake to quiet a small child, they are sure to produce disorders of the stomach, diarrhoea or some other trouble. _FRESH AIR._ 5. Children should have plenty of fresh air summer as well as winter. Avoid the severe hot sun and the heated kitchen for infants in summer. Heat is the great destroyer of infants. _CLEAN HOUSES._ 6. Keep your house clean and cool and well aired night and day. Your cellars cleared of all rubbish and white-washed every spring, your drains cleaned with strong solution of copperas or chloride of lime, poured down them once a week. Keep your gutters and yards clean and insist upon your neighbors doing the same. _EVACUATIONS OF A CHILD._ The healthy motion varies from light orange yellow to greenish yellow, in number, two to four times daily. Smell should never be offensive. Slimy mucous-like jelly passages indicate worms. Pale green, offensive, acrid motions indicate disordered stomach. Dark green indicate acid secretions and a more serious trouble. Fetid dark brown stools are present in chronic diarrhoea Putty-like pasty passages are due to aridity curdling the milk or to torpid liver. [Illustration] _BREAST MILK._ 7. Breast milk is the only proper food for infants until after the second summer. If the supply is small keep what you have and feed the child in connection with it, for if the babe is ill this breast milk may be all that will save its life. _STERILIZED MILK._ 8. Milk is the best food. Goat's milk best, cows milk next. If the child thrives on this _nothing else_ should be given during the hot weather, until the front teeth are cut. Get fresh cow's milk twice a day if the child requires food in the night, pour it into a glass fruit jar with one-third pure water for a child under three months old, afterwards the proportion of water may be less and less, also a trifle of sugar may be added. Then place the jar in a kettle or pan of cold water, like the bottom of an oatmeal kettle. Leave the cover of the jar loose. Place it on the stove and let the water come to a boil and boil ten minutes, screw down the cover tight and boil ten minutes more, then remove from the fire, and allow it to cool in the water slowly so as not to break the jar. When partly cool put on the ice or in a cool place, and keep tightly covered except when the milk is poured out for use. The glass jar must be kept perfectly clean and washed and scalded carefully before use. A tablespoonful of lime water to a bottle of milk will aid indigestion. Discard the bottle as soon as possible and use a cup which you know is clean, whereas a bottle must be kept in water constantly when not in use, or the sour milk will make the child sick. Use no tube for it is exceedingly hard to keep it clean, and if pure milk cannot be had, condensed milk is admirable and does not need to be sterilized as the above. _DIET._ 9. Never give babies under two years old such food if grown persons eat. Their chief diet should be milk, wheat bread and milk, oatmeal, possibly a little rare boiled egg, but always and chiefly milk. Germ wheat is also excellent. [Illustration] _EXERCISE._ 10. Children should have exercise in the house as well as outdoors, but should not be jolted and jumped and jarred in rough play, not rudely rocked in the cradle, nor carelessly trundled over bumps in their carriages. They should not be held too much in the arms, but allowed to crawl and kick upon the floor and develop their limbs and muscles. A child should not be lifted by its arms nor dragged along by one hand after it learns to take a few feeble steps, but when they do learn to walk steadily it is the best of all exercise, especially in the open air. Let the children as they grow older romp and play in the open air all they wish, girls as well as boys. Give the girls an even chance for health, while they are young at least, and don't mind about their complexion. [Illustration] * * * * * INFANT TEETHING. 1. REMARKABLE INSTANCES.--There are instances where babies have been born with teeth, and, on the other hand, there are cases of persons who have never had any teeth at all; and others that had double teeth all around in both upper and lower jaws, but these are rare instances, and may be termed as a sort of freaks of nature. 2. INFANT TEETHING.--The first teeth generally make their appearance after the third month, and during the period of teething the child is fretful and restless, causing sometimes constitutional disturbances, such as diarrhoea, indigestion, etc. Usually, however, no serious results follow, and no unnecessary anxiety need be felt, unless the weather is extremely warm, then there is some danger of summer complaint setting in and seriously complicating matters. 3. THE NUMBER OF TEETH.--Teeth are generally cut in pairs and make their appearance first in the front and going backwards until all are complete. It generally takes about two years for a temporary set of children's teeth. A child two or three years old should have twenty teeth. After the age of seven they generally begin to loosen and fall out and permanent teeth take their place. 4. LANCING THE GUMS.--This is very rarely necessary. There are extreme cases when the condition of the mouth and health of the child demand a physician's lance, but this should not he resorted to, unless it is absolutely necessary. When the gums are very much swollen and the tooth is nearly through, the pains may be relieved by the mother taking a thimble and pressing it down upon the tooth, the sharp edges of the tooth will cut through the swollen flesh, and instant relief will follow. A child in a few hours or a day will be perfectly happy after a very severe and trying time of sickness. 5. PERMANENT TEETH.--The teeth are firmly inserted in sockets of the upper and lower jaw. The permanent teeth which follow the temporary teeth, when complete, are sixteen in each jaw, or thirty-two in all. 6. NAMES OF TEETH.--There are four incisors (front teeth), four cuspids (eye teeth), four bicuspids (grinders), and four molars (large grinders), in each jaw. Each tooth is divided into the crown, body, and root. The crown is the grinding surface; the body--the part projecting from the jaw--is the seat of sensation and nutrition; the root is that portion of the tooth which is inserted in the alveolus. The teeth are composed of dentine (ivory) and enamel. The ivory forms the greater portion of the body and root, while the enamel covers the exposed surface. The small white cords communicating with the teeth are the nerves. [Illustration] [Illustration] * * * * * HOME TREATMENT FOR THE DISEASES OF INFANTS AND CHILDREN. 1. Out of every 1000 persons that died during the year of 1912, 175 did not reach one year of age, and 244 died under five years of age. What a fearful responsibility therefore rests upon the parents who permit these hundreds of thousands of children to die annually. This terrible mortality among children is undoubtedly largely the result of ignorance as regarding to the proper care and treatment of sick children. 2. For very small children it is always best to use homoeopathic remedies. _COLIC._ 1. Babies often suffer severely with colic. It is not considered dangerous, but causes considerable suffering. 2. Severe colic is usually the result of derangement of the liver in the mother, or of her insufficient or improper nourishment, and it occurs more frequently when the child is from two to five months old. 3. Let the mother eat chiefly barley, wheat and bread, rolled wheat, graham bread, fish, milk, eggs and fruit. The latter may be freely eaten, avoiding that which is very sour. 4. A rubber bag or bottle filled with hot water put into a crib, will keep the child, once quieted, asleep for hours. If a child is suffering from colic, it should be thoroughly warmed and kept warm. 5. Avoid giving opiates of any kind, such as cordials, Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup, "Mother's Friend," and various other patent medicines. They injure the stomach and health of the child, instead of benefiting it. 6. REMEDIES.--A few tablespoonfuls of hot water will often allay a severe attack of the colic. Catnip tea is also a good remedy. A drop of essence of peppermint in 6 or 7 teaspoonfuls of hot water will give relief. If the stools are green and the child is very restless, give chamomilla. If the child is suffering from constipation, and undigested curds of milk appear in its faeces, and the child starts suddenly in its sleep, give nux vomica. An injection of a few spoonfuls of hot water into the rectum with a little asafoetida is an effective remedy, and will be good for an adult. _CONSTIPATION._ 1. This is a very frequent ailment of infants. The first thing necessary is for the mother to regulate her diet. 2. If the child is nursed regularly and held out at the same time of each day, it will seldom be troubled with this complaint. Give plenty of _water_. Regularity of habit is the remedy. If this method fails, use a soap suppository. Make it by paring a piece of white castile soap round. It should be made about the size of a lead pencil, pointed at the end. 3. Avoid giving a baby drugs. Let the physician administer them if necessary. _DIARRHOEA._ Great care should be exercised by parents in checking the diarrhoea of children. Many times serious diseases are brought on by parents being too hasty in checking this disorder of the bowels. It is an infant's first method of removing obstructions and overcoming derangements of the system. _SUMMER COMPLAINT._ 1. Summer complaint is an irritation and inflammation of the lining membranes of the intestines. This may often be caused by teething, eating indigestible food, etc. 2. If the discharges are only frequent and yellow and not accompanied with pain, there is no cause for anxiety; but if the discharges are green, soon becoming gray, brown and sometimes frothy, having a mixture of phlegm, and sometimes containing food undigested, a physician had better be summoned. 3. For mild attacks the following treatment may be given: 1) Keep the child perfectly quiet and keep the room well aired. 2) Put a drop of tincture of camphor on a teaspoonful of sugar, mix thoroughly; then add 6 teaspoonfuls of hot water and give a teaspoonful of the mixture every ten minutes. This is indicated where the discharges are watery, and where there is vomiting and coldness of the feet and hands. Chamomilla is also an excellent remedy. Ipecac and nux vomica may also be given. In giving homoeopathic remedies, give 5 or 6 pellets every 2 or 3 hours. 3) The diet should be wholesome and nourishing. _FOR TEETHING._ If a child is suffering with swollen gums, is feverish, restless, and starts in its sleep, give nux vomica. WORMS. _PIN WORMS._ Pin worms and round worms are the most common in children. They are generally found in the lower bowels. SYMPTOMS.--Restlessness, itching about the anus in the fore part of the evening, and worms in the faeces. TREATMENT.--Give with a syringe an injection of a tablespoonful of linseed oil. Cleanliness is also very necessary. _ROUND WORMS._ A round worm is from six to sixteen inches in length, resembling the common earth worm. It inhabits generally the small intestines, but it sometimes enters the stomach and is thrown up by vomiting. SYMPTOMS.--Distress, indigestion, swelling of the abdomen, grinding of the teeth, restlessness, and sometimes convulsions. TREATMENT.--One teaspoonful of powdered wormseed mixed with a sufficient quantity of molasses, or spread on bread and butter. Or, one grain of santonine every four hours for two or three days, followed by a brisk cathartic. Wormwood tea is also highly recommended. SWAIM'S VERMIFUGE. 2 ounces wormseed, 1-1/2 ounces valerian, 1-1/2 ounces rhubarb, 1-1/2 ounces pink-root, 1-1/2 ounces white agaric. Boil in sufficient water to yield 3 quarts of decoction, and add to it 30 drops of oil of tansy and 45 drops of oil of cloves, dissolved in a quart of rectified spirits. Dose, 1 teaspoonful at night. _ANOTHER EXCELLENT VERMIFUGE._ Oil of wormseed, 1 ounce, Oil of anise, 1 ounce, Castor oil, 1 ounce, Tinct. of myrrh, 2 drops, Oil of turpentine, 10 drops. Mix thoroughly. Always shake well before using. Give 10 to 15 drops in cold coffee, once or twice a day. [Illustration] HOW TO TREAT CROUP SPASMODIC AND TRUE. _SPASMODIC CROUP._ DEFINITION.--A spasmodic closure of the glottis which interferes with respiration. Comes on suddenly and usually at night, without much warning. It is a purely nervous disease and may be caused by reflex nervous irritation from undigested food in the stomach or bowels, irritation of the gums in dentition, or from brain disorders. SYMPTOMS.--Child awakens suddenly at night with suspended respiration or very difficult breathing. After a few respirations it cries out and then falls asleep quietly, or the attack may last an hour or so, when the face will become pale, veins in the neck become turgid and feet and hands contract spasmodically. In mild cases the attacks will only occur once during the night, but may recur on the following night. HOME TREATMENT.--During the paroxysm dashing cold water in the face is a common remedy. To terminate the spasm and prevent its return give teaspoonful doses of powdered alum. The syrup of squills is an old and tried remedy; give in 15 to 30 drop doses and repeat every 10 minutes till vomiting occurs. Seek out the cause if possible and remove it. It commonly lies in some derangement of the digestive organs. _TRUE CROUP._ DEFINITION.--This disease consists of an inflammation of the mucous membrane of the upper air passages, particularly of the larynx with the formation of a false membrane that obstructs the breathing. The disease is most common in children between the ages of two and seven years, but it may occur at any age. SYMPTOMS.--Usually there are symptoms of a cold for three or four days previous to the attack. Marked hoarseness is observed in the evening with a ringing metallic cough and some difficulty in breathing, which increases and becomes somewhat paroxysmal till the face which was at first flushed becomes pallid and ashy in hue. The efforts at breathing become very great, and unless the child gets speedy relief it will die of suffocation. HOME TREATMENT.--Patient should be kept in a moist warm atmosphere, and cold water applied to the neck early in the attack. As soon as the breathing seems difficult give a half to one teaspoonful of powdered alum in honey to produce vomiting and apply the remedies suggested in the treatment of diphtheria, as the two diseases are thought by many to be identical. When the breathing becomes labored and face becomes pallid, the condition is very serious and a physician should be called without delay. _SCARLET FEVER._ DEFINITION.--An eruptive contagious disease, brought about by direct exposure to those having the disease, or by contact with clothing, dishes, or other articles, used about the sick room. The clothing may be disinfected by heating to a temperature of 230 [degrees] Fahrenheit or by dipping in boiling water before washing. Dogs and cats will also carry the disease and should be kept from the house, and particularly from the sick room. SYMPTOMS.--Chilly sensations or a decided chill, fever, headache, furred tongue, vomiting, sore throat, rapid pulse, hot dry skin and more or less stupor. In from 6 to 18 hours a fine red rash appears about the ears, neck and shoulders, which rapidly spreads to the entire surface of the body. After a few days, a scurf or branny scales will begin to form on the skin. These scales are the principal source of contagion. HOME TREATMENT. 1. Isolate the patient from other members of the family to prevent the spread of the disease. 2. Keep the patient in bed and give a fluid diet of milk gruel, beef tea, etc., with plenty of cold water to drink. 3. Control the fever by sponging the body with tepid water, and relieve the pain in the throat by cold compresses, applied externally. 4. As soon as the skin shows a tendency to become scaly, apply goose grease or clean lard with a little boracic acid powder dusted in it, or better, perhaps, carbolized vaseline to relieve the itching and prevent the scales from being scattered about, and subjecting others to the contagion. REGULAR TREATMENT.--A few drops of aconite every three hours to regulate the pulse, and if the skin be pale and circulation feeble, with tardy eruption, administer one to ten drops of tincture of belladonna, according to the age of the patient. At the end of third week, if eyes look puffy and feet swell, there is danger of Acute Bright's disease, and a physician should be consulted. If the case does not progress well under the home remedies suggested, a physician should be called at once. _WHOOPING COUGH._ DEFINITION.--This is a contagious disease which is known by a peculiar whooping sound in the cough. Considerable mucus is thrown off after each attack of spasmodic coughing. SYMPTOMS.--It usually commences with the symptoms of a common cold in the head, some chilliness, feverishness, restlessness, headache, a feeling of tightness across the chest, violent paroxysms of coughing, sometimes almost threatening suffocation, and accompanied with vomiting. HOME TREATMENT.--Patient should eat plain food and avoid cold drafts and damp air, but keep in the open air as much as possible. A strong tea made of the tops of red clover is highly recommended. A strong tea made of chestnut leaves, sweetened with sugar, is also very good. 1 teaspoonful of powdered alum, 1 teaspoonful of syrup. Mix in a tumbler of water, and give the child one teaspoonful every two or three hours. A kerosene lamp kept burning in the bed chamber at night is said to lessen the cough and shorten the course of the disease. _MUMPS._ DEFINITION.--This is a contagious disease causing the inflammation of the salivary glands, and is generally a disease of childhood and youth. SYMPTOMS.--A slight fever, stiffness of the neck and lower jaw, swelling and soreness of the gland. It usually develops in four or five days and then begins to disappear. HOME TREATMENT.--Apply to the swelling a hot poultice of cornmeal and bread and milk. A hop poultice is also excellent. Take a good dose of physic and rest carefully. A warm general bath, or mustard foot bath, is very good. Avoid exposure or cold drafts. If a bad cold is taken, serious results may follow. _MEASLES._ DEFINITION.--It is an eruptive, contagious disease, preceded by cough and other catarrhal symptoms for about four or five days. The eruption comes rapidly in small red spots, which are slightly raised. SYMPTOMS.--A feeling of weakness, loss of appetite, some fever, cold in the head, frequent sneezing, watery eyes, dry cough and a hot skin. The disease takes effect nine or ten days after exposure. HOME TREATMENT.--Measles is not a dangerous disease in the child, but in an adult it is often very serious. In childhood very little medicine is necessary, but exposure must be carefully avoided, and the patient kept in bed, in a moderately warm room. The diet should be light and nourishing. Keep the room dark. If the eruption does not come out promptly, apply hot baths. COMMON TREATMENT.--Two teaspoonfuls of spirits of nitre, one teaspoonful paregoric, one wineglassful of camphor water. Mix thoroughly, and give a teaspoonful in half a teacupful of water every two hours. To relieve the cough, if troublesome, flax seed tea, or infusion of slippery-elm bark, with a little lemon juice to render more palatable, will be of benefit. _CHICKEN POX._ DEFINITION.--This is a contagious, eruptive disease, which resembles to some extent small-pox. The pointed vesicles or pimples have a depression in the center in chicken-pox, and in small pox they do not. SYMPTOMS.--Nine to seventeen days elapse after the exposure, before symptoms appear. Slight fever, a sense of sickness, the appearance of scattered pimples, some itching and heat. The pimples rapidly change into little blisters, filled with a watery fluid. After five or six days they disappear. HOME TREATMENT.--Milk diet, and avoid all kinds of meat. Keep the bowels open, and avoid all exposure to cold. Large vesicles on the face should be punctured early and irritation by rubbing should be avoided. _HOME TREATMENT OF DIPHTHERIA._ DEFINITION.--Acute, specific, constitutional disease, with local manifestations in the throat, mouth, nose, larynx, wind-pipe, and glands of the neck. The disease is infectious but not very contagious under the proper precautions. It is a disease of childhood, though adults sometimes contract it. Many of the best physicians of the day consider true or membranous croup to be due to this diphtheritic membranous disease thus located in the larynx or trachea. SYMPTOMS.--Symptoms vary according to the severity of the attack. Chills, fever, headache, languor, loss of appetite, stiffness of neck, with tenderness about the angles of the jaw, soreness of the throat, pain in the ear, aching of the limbs, loss of strength, coated tongue, swelling of the neck, and offensive breath; lymphatic glands on side of neck enlarged and tender. The throat is first to be seen red and swollen, then covered with grayish white patches, which spread, and a false membrane is found on the mucous membrane. If the nose is attacked, there will be an offensive discharge, and the child will breathe through the mouth. If the larynx or throat are involved, the voice will become hoarse, and a croupy cough, with difficult breathing, shows that the air passage to the lungs is being obstructed by the false membrane. HOME TREATMENT.--Isolate the patient, to prevent the spread of the disease. Diet should be of the most nutritious character, as milk, eggs, broths, and oysters. Give at intervals of every two or three hours. If patient refuses to swallow, from the pain caused by the effort, a nutrition injection must be resorted to. Inhalations of steam and hot water, and allowing the patient to suck pellets of ice, will give relief. Sponges dipped in hot water, and applied to the angles of the jaw, are beneficial. Inhalations of lime, made by slaking freshly burnt lime in a vessel, and directing the vapor to the child's mouth, by means of a newspaper, or similar contrivance. Flour of sulphur, blown into the back of the mouth and throat by means of a goose quill, has been highly recommended. Frequent gargling of the throat and mouth, with a solution of lactic acid, strong enough to taste sour, will help to keep the parts clean, and correct the foul breath. If there is great prostration, with the nasal passage affected, or hoarseness and difficult breathing, a physician should be called at once. [Illustration] * * * * * DISEASES OF WOMEN. _DISORDERS OF THE MENSES._ 1. SUPPRESSION OF, OR SCANTY MENSES. HOME TREATMENT.--Attention to the diet, and exercise in the open air to promote the general health. Some bitter tonic, taken with fifteen grains of dialyzed iron, well diluted, after meals, if patient is pale and debilitated. A hot foot bath is often all that is necessary. 2. PROFUSE MENSTRUATION. HOME TREATMENT.--Avoid highly seasoned food, and the use of spirituous liquors; also excessive fatigue, either physical or mental. To check the flow, patient should be kept quiet, and allowed to sip cinnamon tea during the period. 3. PAINFUL MENSTRUATION. HOME TREATMENT.--Often brought on by colds. Treat by warm hip baths, hot drinks (avoiding spirituous liquors), and heat applied to the back and extremities. A teaspoonful of the fluid extract of viburnum will sometimes act like a charm. _HOW TO CURE SWELLED AND SORE BREASTS._ Take and boil a quantity of chamomile, and apply the hot fomentations. This dissolves the knot, and reduces the swelling and soreness. _LEUCORRHEA OR WHITES._ HOME TREATMENT.--This disorder, if not arising from some abnormal condition of the pelvic organs, can easily be cured by patient taking the proper amount of exercise and good nutritious food, avoiding tea and coffee. An injection every evening of one teaspoonful of Pond's Extract in a cup of hot water, after first cleansing the vagina well with a quart of warm water, is a simple but effective remedy. _INFLAMMATION OF THE WOMB._ HOME TREATMENT.--When in the acute form this disease is ushered in by a chill, followed by fever, and pain in the region of the womb. Patient should be placed in bed, and a brisk purgative given, hot poultices applied to the abdomen, and the feet and hands kept warm. If the symptoms do not subside, a physician should be consulted. _HYSTERIA._ DEFINITION.--A functional disorder of the nervous system of which it is impossible to speak definitely; characterized by disturbance of the reason, will, imagination, and emotions, with sometimes convulsive attacks that resemble epilepsy. SYMPTOMS.--Fits of laughter, and tears without apparent cause; emotions easily excited; mind often melancholy and depressed; tenderness along the spine; disturbances, of digestion, with hysterical convulsions, and other nervous phenomena. HOME TREATMENT.--Some healthy and pleasant employment should be urged upon women afflicted with this disease. Men are also subject to it, though not so frequently. Avoid excessive fatigue and mental worry; also stimulants and opiates. Plenty of good food and fresh air will do more good than drugs. * * * * * FALLING OF THE WOMB. CAUSES.--The displacement of the womb usually is the result of too much childbearing, miscarriages, abortions, or the taking of strong medicines to bring about menstruation. It may also be the result in getting up too quickly from the childbed. There are, however, other causes, such as a general breaking down of the health. SYMPTOMS.--If the womb has fallen forward it presses against the bladder, causing the patient to urinate frequently. If the womb has fallen back, it presses against the rectum, and constipation is the result with often severe pain at stool. If the womb descends into the vagina there is a feeling of heaviness. All forms of displacement produce pain in the back, with an irregular and scanty menstrual flow and a dull and exhausted feeling. HOME TREATMENT.--Improve the general health. Take some preparation of cod-liver oil, hot injections (of a teaspoonful of powdered alum with a pint of water), a daily sitz-bath, and a regular morning bath thr